My 3 year old has always LOVED her crib- it is the only place she truly loves to sleep and she has always been a pretty good sleeper. We recently switched her crib to the "big girl bed." (Meaning we took off the crib side and put on the toddler bed rail.) Transitions seem difficult for her so we talked about it for a long time and she was excited about the idea of having a bed. We bought her a new toddler "bed set" for her birthday almost a month ago and she couldn't wait to put it on her bed. She's probably been sleeping in a bed for 3 weeks.
For the last 3 weeks, she has been frequently waking up in the middle of the night screaming and telling us about these VIVID nightmares. (She's had a few pee accidents, too, which she has never done before.) She asks to come snuggle with us in our bed, but she's never slept well in our bed so we can usually get her back into her bed for the rest of the night. She tells us she wants her crib back all the time- she's been telling us this since her first nap in her bed. She says that her crib is cozy and warm (secure??)
I guess I'm wondering if these nightmares seem like a "typical" 3 year old behavior, or if it is due to not feeling secure in her bed? Do I let her continue to adjust to the big girl bed or do we switch back to the crib? I feel like a cruel mother thinking that the crib will help her feel secure and get sleep, but we haven't given it back to her yet. She's never really been a "manipulator" and I want to do what is right for her. Thanks in advance for your help- I am really thrown on this one! I imagined we'd fight about getting out of bed 100 times a night, but instead she is waking up with nightmares and very occasionally, pee accidents.
Another bit of info- my husband and I are both teachers and we are all home for the summer. This is definitely different than our typical school-year schedule, but shouldn't be a "stressor."
Honestly, it sounds like she isnt ready to give up the crib. If she really wants to be in it and it makes her feel safe---put her back in the crib. You really have nothing to worry about getting her out of it later. Believe me, she won't be a teen still in a crib! Just let her have it back, no stress and I bet those dreams will disappear. She will let you know when she is ready for the big girl bed. GL
M
IMO toddler beds are the worst option for that age. They are extremely uncomfortable, way too low to the floor and have a whole open side. Total opposite of what they had in their crib. My kids hated theirs. With my younger son I decided to get him a twin and put it against the wall with a net rail on the other side. It was nice and cozy and he did great in it. So my advice is to either rebuild the crib or get a twin.
I say put the crib back together and tell her to let you know when she wants the big girl bed. Your instinct is right on. Meet her emotional needs. Doesn't matter why she's so upset. If she wants the crib back, give it a try.
I would definetly give her the crib back. What does it hurt? She feels better in there. There is no reason to take her out of the crib if she is not ready, and it looks like she is not ready at all.
L.
My son went through a similar phase at around 3. Night terrors the doctor called them. He suggested giving him oatmeal before he went to bed. Worked like a charm. It had to do with some kind of growing spurt thing or something. I can't quite remember. I would just ask the doctor and I'm sure they will say the same thing.
Sounds like she's having a hard time transitioning.
http://smartmomma.com/Toddler/nightmares_night_terrors.htm
We actually had a seminar at the school about night terrors. A child won't remember a night terror from what I've learned. Maybe it's based on individual, but from everywhere I've checked I think a sign of nightmare vs night terror is a night terror they wake up and don't even know anything was wrong so are wondering why you look scared beside them lol.
Does she have a night light? Maybe you could get a small one and it would help her feel better.
Can she have her crib back? Technically, they suggest transitioning when the child is unsafe in it. If she loves it, let her have it as long as she wants :)
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I would ask her if she wants the crib back and if she says yes, just transition back to the crib and see what happens. My 4 year old never really had this problem with the night terrors, but I think they are common.
By the way, my mom says I stayed in my crib till kindergarten. By the way my husband and I both teach--and love our summers with our little boys!
Poor thing =(
Sounds like it is a crib related issue. I would stick with it, though. I think not giving it back to her is in everyone's best interest, even though I am sure it is hard! Like you said, she probably felt secure in her crib, which is understandable. Maybe try having another talk with her. Cribs are for little girls. Remind her that you sleep in a big girl bed and now she has a bed like Mommy!
With my son:
He was in his crib even when he was 3 years old. He LOVED his crib and slept SO well in it. All the time.
Sometime during the year while he was 3, HE told us that HE wanted to be in a regular bed. Then we did put him in a regular bed. And he slept well there too. Because, HE was ready.
At this age as well, a child naturally develops "fears" and night-time 'fears' and night-mares. It is developmental based. It reflects their changing cognition and emerging imaginations. Which cannot be turned-off. They are not a light switch.
Stress, also brings on night-mares.
Or any change in routine etc.
ALSO keep in mind, that night-time dryness is not something that is BIOLOGICALLY attained, until even 7 years old. And this is normal. A 3 year old, does have pee accidents and at night.
They at this age, still wear diapers.
My daughter was already 5 years old, before she was mostly dry at night.
My son is 4 almost 5 years old and he still wears a diaper for naps/nigh time. I simply use waterproof bedpads under my kids when they sleep.
And also... YES, 'stress' does trigger accidents. As well. Beyond the basic biological timeline.
Kids do not get 'confused' about having a diaper for sleep and not for daytime. My kids never did. I simply told them that their body is not ready to be dry at night. But they already know how during the daytime.
No biggie.
My daughter was 7 years old, and still have the occasional pee accident at night too. Normal.
Just use a waterproof bed-pad under the child.
So ALL of these things are tweaking your child. Per sleep and bed and night time.
How come, she can't just sleep in her crib, until she is ready to get out of it? For a child, even 4 months can make a big difference, per maturity.
Both of my kids went thru this at that age. They both slept for 12 hours straight from their first week home from the hospital...in their own crib/beds! I know...I was soooo lucky! But anyway, my kids didn't have the nightmares but would wake up usually early morning (2am or so) and come in our room. I did not let them sleep in our bed but did let them sleep on the floor next to me on my side of the bed. I did not make up a little cozy area for them. They slept with whatever they brought with them, usually a blanket, pillow and/or stuffed animal. I think my daughter did it for a longer time than my son. But both of them just stopped and have always slept good in their own beds from then on. So maybe try that with her. Tell her she can come in if she's scared but she has to sleep next to you on the floor and to not wake you up. Just make sure you check before you get up to go to the bathroom so you don't step on her! That worked for us. The kids felt like they were close by and slept better and we were not disturbed either. I hope you find something that works for you! Good luck!
I would try the bed rails but if she doesn't like that I say give her back her bed.
My son has been given to having nightmares lately (every night). I think it's because of the movie trailers on tv.
I say do bed rails, if not, then back to the crib.
Make sure she has a nightlight (helps w/night terrors if they wake in the dark).
We've instituted hitting his dream catcher.
Plus I go in there if wakes from night terrors.
I think it's all of the above.
Hang in there.
Help your baby and this stage too shall pass. :) Hang in there mama
Ok this is crazy but I used to sleep in a room I was convinced was haunted in some way. When I moved out of the house, my litle cousin moved up there - she never had sleep issues, but after moving to that room, nightmares - all the time.
I am not a crazy nutty person - I don't think that spirits are following me or whatever - haven't had this experience since then... it was just a weird thing in that room. Maybe her bed holds some feeling like that... I am not sure. Maybe you can ask her what will make the bed better - different sheets? Different mattress? Let her tell you...
My son was a little younger but had the exact same situation. We took the side off of his crib when he was about 26 months old and put a toddler rail up. He had horrible nightmares almost every night, more like night terrors, starting that first week. It was awful screaming for an hour each night. We did not go back to the crib but instead moved him to a twin bed after a month since I was pregnant and we needed the crib anyway. That first night he was in the twin bed the night terrors stopped and he's only had 2 or 3 night terrors total in the year he's been in his twin bed. And those only happen when he is extremely tired.
ANY major change in routine (positive, negative, neutral) is a stressor.
Now, I happen to be of the belief that it's good/vital to learn to deal with said changes, but I'm pretty biased. Both because I've been in school since my son was 2mo old (for the past 9 years part time), and because I love travel. If I was never willing to mix up my son's routines I'd never have been able to go to school (with a schedule that changes, often drastically, every 3 months), or send him to preschool, or take him travelling with me. All of which I find to be pretty valuable.
BUT every time things change out, it takes up to a few weeks to settle into a new routine. And there's fallout. When he was a baby, not so much, but he didn't know any better. After his first real 'independence phase' (at around age 3, we skipped the terrible 2s and had the terrible 3s instead) major transitions came along with expected fallout.
6 years later, he deals with change and transition pretty fluidly... but it's a learned behavior for him (no idea about children in general, although I suspect it's a learned behavior rather than an innate one). Thinking out how things are going to change, getting excited for certain aspects of them, being willing to be okay with the unknown, figuring out how to deal with the less than ideal aspects / find workarounds. ((I suspect it's a learned behavior, mainly because of how adults react to change. Just look at all the "OMG, how am I not going to go crazy this summer with the kids home?!?" posts, or how many people feel about moving, or all the HUGE ceremony aspects we place on major changes -weddings, births, funerals-, and tendency to add ceremony to most minor changes -big girl beds, potty training, kindergarten, graduations, boyfriends/girlfriends, etc.). We add ceremony because change is difficult for most people -including moi-. Whether it's a new haircut or new spouse, we seem to 'startle' pretty easily as a species. Shrugs.)) ANYHOW. For kids, it all counts as stressors.
You and hubby are now home full time, which completely changes the routine, and she's just had her bed changed. Either is enough, in my experience, for a bit of fallout.
If your daughter is like my son; she's just had 2
three is exactly the age when nightmares can start. and the same goes hand in hand with the occasional accident. it might have been triggered by the crib transition, but it is totally normal for this age. there is no guarantee that giving her crib back will solve the problem at all. quite honestly, this is part of life - things change. helping her to deal with it and learn that it doesn't have to be the end of the world, to me, is much more beneficial than just giving her what she wants because she doesn't like what she has...if she was 18 months or 2, i would say it may have been too early to switch. but at 3 it's okay to start transitioning on things like this and it's okay for her to be a little bit nervous about it - that's where we come in as moms and help her be ok with it. that's our job. would you take backwards steps in potty training, bottle feeding, etc, just because she wasn't comfortable with it? in the end it's all in where you want to go. if you are okay with taking her backwards and starting over with the whole process, then you might be okay with giving her crib back. if you are interested in helping her grow and learn to deal with a bit of change (which has to start somewhere - will you protect her from the discomfort of change for her entire life, or just when it bothers her?), you will take the time to comfort her and help her adjust, instead of just giving her what she wants because it's what she wants.
