Coaches

Ok...#1...does your coach have a team mom? If not, why not ask her if you can help in that capacity - you can help with the 'oragnization' piece. It will give you an "in" for sharing your thoughts (since you are viewed as being 'part of the team' - they might be better received). If there is already a team mom, find out if there is any other way you can 'help' (carting the banner around perhaps?). #2...coaching isn't as easy as it looks from the cheap seats. AND since you are talking 4-5 year olds, my guess is your coach doesn't have a lot of experience at it (it is new for her, too). I can only assume we are talking soccer, since that is the sport du jour around town. 'Positions' are a relative term at this age - it's bunch ball no matter where you put them. Reality - many coaches do it to give their kid an advantage (purely altruistic coaches are rare). Better accept this fact right now. If your child isn't getting the required play time, ask your coach to keep an eye on it. If that doesn't improve the situation, speak with a League Official. HOWEVER - you'll get farther by becoming a friend than you will by becoming an adversary. #3...RELAX! This is NOT the end of the world. Don't worry so much. Either pitch in (and help change the situation) or sit back and have fun watching (though I know soccer spectating can be very nerve wracking)! Your daughter will key off of you - if you are sweating the small stuff, so will she. Encourage her to just go out there to have fun, pay attention and do as her coach asks. NOTE: your daughter is likely unaware of the 'equity' thing - that is a grown up notion. If you down play it, so will she. #4...practice snacks IS a little over the top, but if that is how your coach/team mom has things set-up, cooperate. Certainly you can't be bringing them more often than once or twice per season. Budget concious? Go to Dollar Tree or Winco for your purchases and KEEP IT SIMPLE. Don't try to keep up with the Joneses. If others can afford to go all out - great. If you cannot, give out the basics...some orange slices, some cheese and crackers, (you can buy bulk and individually re-package yourself - you don't have to spend big bucks on the pre-packaged stuff) and bottled water.

Bottom-line: your sports days appear to be just beginning. Save some of the stressing for later or for truly more important matters. This is supposed to be a fun and healthy activity, right?

My hats off to anyone who takes on coaching 4 and 5 year olds. Yikes! By herself no less. This is a tough age group and really should have an asstient coach. You don't have to know anything about the game to be a helper, supporter to keep these kids focused and following instruction. Having many years of being involved in team sports I say until your out there helping and making a difference no one has any room to complain. Be a part of making this a great time even for the coach. If it dosn't go well it could be her last year coaching. I am asuming she's a voleenteer after all. Start hanging around at practice and let her know your there to help and then you can slip in little idea's that you think might work. After practice you could mention that you think asigning postions would keep the peace in stead of offering choices. She is probly just learning herself and wants this to be a great experience for everyone. And another thing experience has shown me is that often the coaches kid is the one thats the most diffucult. Not sure why but it is very common to see that. I am sure at the game the last thing she wanted to deal with was a full on tempertantrum from her kid so she tried to keep the peace. If this is her first year coaching I am sure she'll learn some tricks by the end and make some changes as she goes. But until you step up and offer help in managment and support I say you have no right to complain. be a helper. It's a hard ,hard job coaching that age. Yes I think the snack thing can get a little carried away when it's required for practice too. Kids should bring there water and thats enough. Dinner is right after usually. Again if your helping out you could suggest that parents send their child with a drink and snack if they think they need it. It might be to late this season to change it. But keep it in mind for next year. Be a part of the experience or find someone who can. Many hands make light work.

Hi Denise,

I can understand your frustrations, it might e a good thing to volunteer and be a team mom, and by doing that give some suggestions and support to the woman whois coaching the team.... it could be that she is new at this coaching thing and trying to deal wit a child and coaching can be a difficutl task expecialy when they are 4-5 year olds....
I don't know if she has someone there to sit with her child while she is out there coaching? so if her child starts acting up having someone there to attend to her child????

It is also a good thing to remember they are 4-5 year olds not 10.... I think it is good that she is inviting the children into the game as it helps the children whan to partake... but at the same time as you said it DOES cause confilct... I do agree she should place them and my hope would be that you can feel comfortable enought to talk to her about that.
Maybe talk with some of the other parents first and get their input on how they feel about how she is letting them choose instead of placing them in rotation?

The best thing you could do how ever is step up to the plate and be apart of the process, being a team mom, a asst. coach or just apart of the team spirit and partaking in the support of making it run smoother for the coach. sportsmanship isn't about just on the field playing it about the whole process

about the snacks, yes people bring snacks to the practice games for kds.. and snacks are NOT a reward but something to tide kids over...
We are talking 4-5 yar olds running around and snack and a drink are vital. You can get inexpensive snakcs.... a granola bar and a bottle of water, or little bag of teddy grams and a juice bag or ask the coach to work out a way for the parents to bring a snack for their children.

as for approach you might just say "hey I was wondering if I might make some suggestions that may help ......"

"I have noticed there seems to be some disorginaztion, do you think it might work better if....."
or

"I notice you are doing alot of work out there and it seems you could really use some more help I am willing to...."

I think asking question in a positive manner to the other parents and getting their imput will be helpful and then you can find support from the group.

This should be a fun time for your children and you.... this is not the US Olimpics it's children learning to follow and work together as a team....

Loosen up and have some fun!!!

hope this is helpful..

Good luck dear!

I was a soccer coach for my own 4 year daughter and what the coach is doing is not exceptable. All children are equal and the coach's child should be the example of how to be a good sport and well player. If the coach is showing favortism to her own child and not conducting pratices in an even keel, then there are officials to speak to. Also bringing snacks for your own child for practice is correct, not for the team. The snacks are only brought to games, and only once by each family. If the coach wishes to have snacks provided at each pratices then she must provide them herself. She may have played the sport but not know how to teach it. If there is an assistant coach bring it up to him or her and also to the officials. Do not be afraid to stand up for what is neccessary for your child. you have spent money and time, so this coach should respect that and do her best for the whole team. The kids choosing their own spots can get tricky. They are just learning and they need to see which position works best for them. Sicne they are just starting the sport I would not be too worried, unless she allows the same child to take the same position each time and do not routinely rotate. Is there a team mother or parent? It there anything you could do to help her organize the pratices better? Help if you can but do not allow her to be sloppy in her duties to the team and parents.

I haven't heard of bringing snacks for the whole team to practice. You might suggest that parents take care of their kid's snack for practice and take turns for games. I would object to it just because it's another thing to coordinate and remember.

Regarding the practice for 4/5 year olds - It sounds as if she might be having trouble managing her own child AND coaching and the easiest thing to do is to let her child play on - though at practice usually all the kids play at the same time. Good-luck.

Coaches are there to make the decisions so everyone doesn't have to. This coach sounds like she needs some coaching herself. I would just be very honest and keep it non-confrontational. Ask questions instead of accussing. For example, I've noticed that some players get more play time then others, is this common in this sport or is there a specific reason. Then build on it. (I know not a good example, but I hope you catch the meaning) As far as snacks, only at games. Practices, they usually don't need snacks, just water and usually everyone brings their own. If I were you I would defiantely voice my concerns and if she doesn't listen I would just move her to another team, or another sport until that coach is done.

No, it's common just to take turn providing snacks and drinks at the games, not the practices.

Other than that, sorry, but you sound like one of those annoying sports parents who needs to let go and lighten up. As far as I know, she's volunteering to coach, so since you didn't volunteer you have no right to complain. Your kid is only 5, so if she runs around and kicks the ball that's all she needs. Maybe next year you'll get a coach you like better. (Or you can learn how to do it!)