Clingy to Mommy - HELP!!!

Hi L.,
I think it's a phase. Kids go through so many and I remember my daughter acted similarly when she was about that age. She would sit outside my bathroom door. start whining and being clingy the minute I came home from work, no matter that she was fine minutes before. It didn't matter if I had just stepped out for a minute or came from work. I just took a little extra interest in her at times when she didn't expect it and was firm with her when her clingy time was inappropriate. I guess she became more confident that I wasn't going to leave her and eventually stopped. My daughter is now 12 years old and boy, do I miss the clingy days.

Hello. He is going through a stage that is natural. I have three kids and the last one is 4 years old and he still has moments where he clings but it does get better. Try reading books by Louise Bates Ames P.H.D. Gives great insight on this. He'll get over it but be prepared that he is going to fuss. Also just like in anything if he wines and you give in then he'll continue the action. Give him attention when he isn't wining and he'll start to understand. But remember it is a stage the kids go through - I'm a preschool asst. teacher and we still have three year olds that do this - of course most of the time they are testing their parents. Good luck.

It is normal for a toddler to go through a separation anxiety phase and to become clingy for a time. I think it occurs because they become aware that they are separate from Mom/Dad, and it is a source of worries for them. This is a good article about it:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_toddler-milestone-separation-...

So it's OK, it will pass, and it's normal.

Hi L.. My 6 year old has his moments. I would just enjoy it b/c later it might change.
But it is a phase where all children go through.
You could also try getting him into kid social group activities where you can stay on the sideline and that could help.

I went through the same thing you are my youngest went to a babysitter as soon as I healed and went back to work. When she was alittle over a year old the job closed and I stayed home with my kids and drawed unemployment for a year. She became very clingy. I worked part time for a year and then just became a stay at home mom. I just returned to work about 6mos. ago and it was very hard on her. She is 7 years old and she cried and her grades in school started to slide back. She soon got use to it and her grade started coming back up. When you go back to work it will most likely be hard on him. My daughter really had a hard time when she first had to go to school the doctor said she suffered from seperation anxaity. They would have to pull her off me. She would make her self sick at night so she wouldn't have to go to school. The best advice I got was to tell her step by step what was going to happen. Then as hard as it was follow through those steps. You might have to do that. That is what worked for me. I use to drop her off and wait til she wasn't looking and sneak out but that was the worse thing I did. When the doctor told me to say We are going to school I'm going to give you a big hug and kiss and say I love you then I'm leaving and I will be back at Lunch to get you. Then that is what I did and she learned that I would be back. For some reason kids think when your gone your not coming back. I hope this helps.

Your baby is so smart-- he knows you are his, and he is yours, and he knows that you are his favorite person in the entire universe!!

I think your little guy is going through another normal phase of separation anxiety. Those phases comes in spurts in those first years of life, continuing on and manifesting in different ways as they grow and develop. It's not that he is regressing or going backward in any form, he is just at a new level of awareness that you two can be separated, and he feels most comfortable and safest emotionally and physically when he is with you/on you.

All five of my kids went through this in many forms. My youngest is 18 months old right now, and is in the thick of what you describe. He wants Mama nearly 24/7. If I leave the room, he whimpers and scuttles behind me, asking to be picked up. He's afraid I'm walking away and he's not sure if I'm coming back. So, I meet him where he's at-- I turn around and say the words for him that he can't say yet: "Mama's here. Do you want to be held? It's okay, Mama's not leaving you. Everything's okay." I hold him while I do whatever I'm going to do, unless I absolutely can't hold him. After awhile often he wants to get down and go back to his fun, but only if I immediately address his fears and let him know I'm there for him. Sometimes we spend the whole day glued to each other. As much as I am able when he's needing this kind of attention, I give it to him, putting other things on the back burner. The phase will be gone shortly. I've found with my kids that the more and the sooner I fill that emotional need, the sooner it goes away. I think if they sense that we want to hurry up and get through it, it all lasts so much longer.

In the end, filling this need will create a really secure baby/child-- that's the good news. He will be confident in the people he loves, that when he is in need, they are there, not only for physical things, but for the even more emotional needs that he has. He'll go on to be able to generously love others and help them as they need help. In our culture, filling the emotional needs of wee ones hasn't been stressed as important-- filling the physical needs has, and we're all pretty good at that, but the emotional needs are often thought of as not-as-important. I think this is erroneous thinking. If we fill those needs when our kids are small, they will have the tools they need to step ahead and move on to become giving, caring, dependable older kids and adults.

It's hard, isn't it? It drives me bonkers some days when my little guy just wants me to only hold him. It's especially hard when we have a million other things to do. But I have to stop and remind myself of the things I know to be true, and to apply them to his needs. I find ways to just delight in him while we are velcroed together-- he is so beautiful, and playing peek-a-boo with him is so delightful, and this baby time is sooooo fleeting, and tomorrow he will be an 12 year old. So I remind myself to revel in this time with him. When he's 12, he won't want to hang out with his mama anymore, and I'll wonder how it all went so fast.

Think of it as your babymoon-- it will disappear so quickly, and his needs will change.

Hang in there, Mama. You're doing a wonderful job. He's a lucky little boy to have you.

YES, been there done that twice now :) Its totally normal phase they go into and come out of and there is nothing to worry about. Just try to comfort them and stay sane all at once;) Its a normal part of their development. You can check out www.askdrsears.com for more info.

Good luck,S.

I experenience this every summer as I am a teacher as well. I have three wonderful children and I promise, the first few days may be rough getting your son back to daycare, but it will work out, espeically since you said he was fine with your neighbor and husband.

This is entirely typical at this age -- and for some time to come. At 17 months (and again, for some time to come) most kids just do not have the ability yet truly to "play alone" as adults would like, so please don't expect it of him or try to "train" him to do it by pushing him away. By the time he hits the self-asserting "I wanna do it MYSELF" stage in another year or so, you may find you're longing for the brief time that he was wanting mom. It's a very good sign that he is OK with other adults and doesn't melt down with them!When you do come, it's clear you're Number One with him. Cuddle him, do pick him up, and enjoy his company now. It's a little late to find a summer class for both of you, which might have helped him practice being with you while focused on things other than you, so the transition back to day care may be tougher after he's been with you all summer. But maybe next summer line up some simple, parent-participatory classes (not too many, because kids need down time and mom time!)for both of you-- Music Together is excellent, as is Wiggles and Giggles at Fairfax County rec centers....Good luck going back to work and relish your time with him. If he wants another cuddle, just read him another book, which never hurts!