K.R.
My son hid behind and clung to my leg for the first 5 years of his life. He's 13 now and it would be nice if I'd see him once in a while!
We went through the same thing, though. The wailing, the sleeping issues...I don't remember doing anything specific to ease daycare drop off, we just dealt with it and sometimes he had no choice but to wail. I couldn't lose my job because he wouldn't let me go. He doesn't remember any of this now and thinks it's funny he was such a tormented soul LOL
Does she have a security doll or blanket? We used to save my son's favorite toy for bed so he'd be excited to go to bed. It was a Fisher Price flashlight that had 3 light colors. He loved that thing...my husband would flash the green and call it Mr. Pickle and then the red light was Mr. Tomato and the white was Mr. Onion. He would say, "Time to go see Mr Pickles and Onion!" Mr. Pickles and Onion would all take turns saying goodnight to my husband and then "kick him out of the room" so they could talk to my son alone. It seems silly and I'm laughing recalling this but it worked! Maybe you can try and come up with a similar skit using stuffed animals?
Good luck to you, I know it's hard, you probably feel guilty. There's so much guilt in parenthood!