Cild Support-- Is It a Must?

You need to just file for support. My kids dad gave me money for a while and when he was with someone else the money stop so the best thing to do is to file. If you do file it doesn't mean you will get the money but you will still be owed the money and will get it though his taxes or should. That is what I had to do not that I get any money but I will get it some day and my kids are 19 and 16. good luck. Another mom who know how it feels C. H.

Coming from experience, I think you should file for support. It's tough having to do it, but it sounds like it may be the only way to get the money you need. I'm also a single mother, and my ex is supposed to pay me support too. I know how hard it is and with a child support order if he doesn't pay, he can get into trouble that he definitly wouldn't want to deal with if he's getting married and having another baby. It'll give him some incentive to keep paying (based on his income). Feel free to message me privately if you have any questions.

You know, what took you so long?? I think it's bad to be doing it Just because now he has another child on the way. Why don't you sit down and come up with an agreement and have it notarized? If he doesn't hold to it, then, go to the legal system.

I say go ahead and file. You may be entitled to more money than what you are getting and if not, the new wife might not like the fact in time, that he is sending you money. I say do it now then you can deal with him and not both of them. Hopefully your case will be settled before she comes into the picture full time. Good luck

I definitely agree with everyone else, that you should file, for all of the reasons listed.
I just wanted to add that if you're worried about being "mean" or if he gets upset about it, do what I did...I convinced my ex he was better off going through the courts as well, because if it's not through the courts it does not count. And what if 5 years from now I decide to file for all the back support he would owe me?? When I phrased it that way, he was more than happy to go to court and put up no fight.

L.,
In all fairness to your daughter, you SHOULD do this legally. So many things can change between now and your daughters 18th birthday. You should do it through your local county child support office. There should be a court order for it. You need to protect your daughters future for her. Too many things can happen in your ex's life that may make him say he can not pay. The only sure way is too have it court ordered. It's not like you are threatening your ex, this is the right and proper way to get child support. Go to your county child support office and explain the situation to a caseworker who can help you.
Best wishes to you and your daughter.

Yes file. You don't have to tell him if you don't want to. Also check out www.alllaw.com. There is a tool calculator there that you can figure out (estimately) how much you would get if you file if you know roughly around how much he makes a month. I know how it is having your ex getting married. Mine did the same too but I still have the child support coming in. Without that, I know he wouldn't pay. Good luck.
M.

Hi L....

I'm also a single mom and I do understand your dilemma... Believe me, I really do understand! The best advice any of us can give you is for you to go down to the child support office and have them file for a child support order on your behalf. This is FREE for you!

It has been my experience (especially with the job that I have in addition to my own personal experience) that once the HE begins another relationship and has child(ren) with another woman (and especially if and when he gets married/remarried) you will once again be put on the back burner and you'll have to "beg" and "plead" for him to give you money (and you'll most likely get a lot less than he should pay (if he pays at all) and it would be highly unlikely that any amount would be consistent.

It has also been my experience that the courts/judges do frown upon parents that do not pursue child support thru the appropriate legal channels and it could effect any possible future child custody/visitation issues that will probably arise in the future.

So, do the right thing for you and your daughter and act quickly -- as soon as possible! It will be hard at first but in the end (long term)it will pay off.

I wish you the best... the very best for you and Jenna!

http://jfs.ohio.gov/Ocs/programguide2.pdf

Child Support IS A MUST. The courts frown upon moms who don't do it through the system - however, it is not to late. Go file today, keep track of everything, and in the end go back and fight for back pay. Part of your back pay can pay your legal fees. Your child deserves this money for a better life.

Hello L.,

First I want to say that I admire you for trying your best as a single mom. I have the utmost respect for you. When I was a single mom it was so hard!

Child support is definately a must. Your daughter's father may be a very loving father and a wonderful man but it is his responsibility to take care of his children. ALL OF THEM NOT JUST THE ONE THAT IS THE PRODUCT OF HIS CURRENT WIFE! In a perfect world we, as mothers, would not have to beg for financial support for our children but we do not live in a perfect world. It now takes two and sometimes three consistent incomes to raise even one child. I would speak to him about it but I would make it official not merely an agreement between the two of you. It has nothing to do with him or you it is looking out for the daughter that you and he share. It sounds like he does love his daughter but with the new family even fathers with the best hearts and intentions can go astray. Protect you daughter financially and let him know that you are not being selfish, you are just trying to speak on your daughter's behalf.

Cathy
Springfield, Ohio

I feel it's always best to have child support going through CSEA (Child Support Enforcement Agency.) They keep a record of everything and evaluate your incomes every two years or if there is a 10% or greater change in income to make adjustments to payments if requested by either you or your ex. They factor in things like child care, health care, etc. It's a great service and it gives you numerous legal supports should he ever decide not to pay for some reason. (ie changes jobs and doesn't notify, etc) I believe the state minium child support per month is $250, even if the person is unemployed. A notarized letter will show proof of expected support but not enforcement. I switched over to CSEA 4 years ago, after spending 3 years simply waiting for a check if and when it came. I couldn't be happier with CSEA! You receive the child support on the same day/days every month, you can track it all on line and you have a choice of receiving the money in a CSEA Debit Card Account or having it directly deposited into a checking account already used by you. Filing is easy, you simply bring in your daughter's birth certificate, a copy of your last pay stub, any receipts you may have for child care, proof of any health care coverage you provide (insurance premiums only, not deductable payments)and since he's been paying, you'll also want to bring something to show that... or they may hit him with two years of back support with 20% interest for anything there's no proof of. They'll notify him by mail that he needs to bring in his pay stub, copies of child care receipts if appicable, and any proof of health care he may provide. They'll then compute the monthly charge to him and directly withdraw it from his pay before he even receives it. He will no longer be responsible for paying you, his employer will be. If he were to change jobs he would be responsible for making payments until his new employer begins making them, if he is ever, for any reason more than 30 days behind a 20% charge is added and there are legal things like the loss of his license to deal with as well. Filing is basically giving you the assurance that the money will be there and if for some reason the payments don't come, you have the government making it difficult for him until it's paid. I'd tell him in a nonthreatoning way that you will be filing so that he has a heads up for when he gets the notice in the mail. It would happen quickly, you would begin receiving money from CSEA as quickly as two weeks later.

Call me a pessimist, but file anyway. If you want to let him know you can, but file no matter what. Having been a child of divorced parents I heard alot of stuff. For one thing, my father gave my mother a bunch of money as child support before the divorce was final because their divorce dragged on forever. In the eyes of the law, that was just considered a "gift", not child support. My father was really ticked off to find this out, but for the sake of taking care of the kids he continued on. So all that money that your man has been giving to you so far has only been considered a "gift" and there is no document stating that he has to pay you anywhere so the "gifts" can stop at anytime. I got lucky and had a father that wanted to be close with his children at the time and didn't want them to want for anything. Lots of children aren't for whatever reason. If he wants to stop because things get a little tight paying for his new family, he technically can I think. I'm no lawyer, but a stop down at the child support office may not be a bad thing even if it's just to find out what your rights are. Good Luck!

Hi there, you should definately file. It may anger your ex but it is for your daughters protection. If he does by chance make it an huge issue and argue with you about it, you can counter by saying that he can either start paying right now and going forward or you can be nasty and collect from the day your daughter was born. Due to the fact that an arrangement was never made, the CSEA can collect from her day of birth. That is the worse case scenario....if he really is a "nice guy and good father" he wont have any quams with it and will gladly agree to go that route, simply,..because he loves his daughter. Good Luck! By the way, you stated that you found out througha friend that he was getting married,....if he will be bringing someone as important as a step mother into your daughters life, why didnt he tell you?

Yes, L., it is a MUST! It is important for you to protect yourself and your daughter. You can't always worry about hurting his feelings or making him mad, it is you responsibility as a mother to make sure your daughter is well taken care of, and the best way to do that is to make sure her dad helps financially as well as emotionally!!!!

~L.~

It is absolutely a must. Once he is married and has a new baby, you may not believe it now, but things will change. My ex's new wife hated that a check came to me with his name on it, she said it was her and thier kids money and tried to convince him that they could get custody of my son! Of course it backfired and was realized in court that they weren't paying enough! They now have 3 kids and my 10 yr old was put on the "backburner" a few years back, just doesn't receive the attention from that whole side of the family that he used too. I hate when people don't think about the kids and thier feelings. Anyway, all the money he has giving you so far is just considered a gift, Child Support Enforcement will want to go for back support. You may be able to avoid that, if that will ease the tension. Just tell him that with the trouble you have had in the past you would feel more comfort knowing it was definitely gonna be there. Tell him you feel that with his new family growing, that it is best. He'll get over it. Or tell him some Mom you don't know suggested it....hahaha! Tell him it shouldn't matter how he pays if he really wants to help you. And it sounds like he loves his daughter, so like I said, he will get over it. I think it's a power thing. Right now he has power, if he is ordered to pay support he loses that power. Guys hate that. You deserve the comfort of knowing the support is indefinite. Hope this helped.

B. (Proud Mother of 2 boys)

Yes it is.. Him giving you money now will not count if you do take him to court for support. DON'T let him get away without paying.
My grabdaughters father just got a decrease in his support then went and got a higher paying job.
The state of Ohio looks at the older child first. You will get 50-60% of his yearly income.
It will help out alot when she gets older and gets in school.

Please Darling Get a child support order as soon as possible!! It does not matter how much you like or don't like your ex boyfriend he has a daughter that he is responsible for until she is eighteen no matter what!! If you think you will have a hard time getting him to pay just have the Child Suport Enforcement Agency garnish his wages.

I completely understand how you feel about the idea of taking ur ex to get child support. My daughters also see their father every other weekend actually, and love him to pieces. BUT, what I have found is that even tho when we were together and he gave me money every 2 weeks to help out it is vital that u get child support from him. As of right now I have gone downtown and filed for child support, custody and visitation and it's taking a while to hear back from the courts and whomever else; but it'll b well worth it in the end. (plus he doesn't give me anything as of august/sept b/c he lost his job...so this is a must; the chidl support)

I hope I have rambled too much and that u do go get child support from him. I know what it's like to be a single mom and working parttime isn't cutting it... Good Luck!! keep us all informed!

Definetly go through the Child Support Agency. It protects him as well. Any money that he gives you directly is legally considered a gift and not support.

yes it is a must. contact your local child support agency and they will help you with the paperwork and with what you must do. As the judge told my ex--you helped to make this child and now you will help to support this child. He is obligated to his first child before any other children. So yes, file for a support AND visitation order.

Just my 2 cents,

Yes you should establish legal child support and do it now before the baby is born.. BUT, I do not agree with some of the posting as to going and getting back child support from the time your child was born.. regardless if he was giving you regular money or not, what he did give you cannot go towards child support. Also, it was your decision to not establish child support in the beginning, I dont think he should have to pay back support. Sorry that is just how i feel.

FYI- My son's father lives a block away and hasnt seen him since August. he is 10. He has changed jobs several times due to layoffs and my child support is irregualar.. DO NOT ever count on child support..

Good Luck
J.

I'm in the same boat as you except my almost four year olds dad has his second child (now 4 months old) and is getting married in July AND hasn't paid in 13 monhts any amount...my problem is I'm a full time student...I HAVE NO money...My parents and my sons dad's parents pay for just about everything so I can finish school. I do pay for the little "extra" things my son and I get to do and for my phone and car payments...but his dad's parents gave us a place to live and pay for food and my parents do both our health insurance and my car insurance. I'm also in charge of school and my son's day care. He WAS giving me $100 a month until he started dating her...now I'm not getting anything and if I tell any of our parents there's going to be a HUGE fight, which I don't want. I would suggest getting it court ordered as soon as you can...you deserve the money......but this advice is coming from the one who doesn't listen to it herself :(

Hi L. -

Yes, dads are REQUIRED to pay child support. You should file. You and he can agree to an amount less than what the Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) says you are due, but you should get it on file or else you are looking at years of heartache - it's not as though his new wife is very likely to want to give you money. You can tell him you're going to file and then he'll expect it - much better than letting it be a surprise - but he doesn't have to agree. The only thing that he can do is deny he's the father in which case they'll require a paternity test. He has no choice about whether to pay once you file.

My ex-husband and I get along very well and I don't often get much money from him. I did tell him that if he EVER got another woman pregnant, I would be filing in a heartbeat. It is completely irresponsible to continue having children when you can't "afford" the children you already have. Don't feel badly for him, do this because you should for your daughter, for your peace of mind, and because it really is the right thing to do.

Child Support is a must. Your child has a right to be financially supported by both it's parents. Why should you have to beg and pleed for money to help take care of your child. If it is mandated through the courts then they handle it and you don't have to. I know it sounds cold but do you really think you will get support if he has another child? Raising a child is the responsibility of both parents, not just one. I have 2 teen age daughters and have been fighting for support from day one and it has been a nightmare. Take a firm stand now before it gets out of hand, don't fight about it. Let the state take over and deduct it from his paychecks and they you can concentrate on what's best for the child. Trust me if he can weasel out of shelling out his cash he will. Your child's needs come before all else and he needs to understand that and if can't or won't, file for court ordered support. That way you both are protected, you will get regular payments as long as he is working and he will be protected because all of the payments will be documented.

If you two can agree on a set amount then I would do that and get it notorized. If he fails to keep up on what he has signed then I would take him to child support. But just from knowing people that have been through the process, its almost worse sometimes to go through the courts than it is if you two are willing to agree on it and sign and close the deal. It is a tough decision to make but do what you think is best. Don't do it because you are upset or hurt that hes about to get married and have another baby. I would first try to write up an agreement with him. Maybe his soon to be wife can help him out. Afterall, if you marry someone with children, you are agreeing to accept all that comes along with that person. Hope this helps.

File, let him know if you think it will soften the blow but file, even a notorized document won't hold up if he doesn't pay you , at lest child support can go after it if he falls behind. good luck

L.,
I was in almost the same situation. My daughters father never sees her however. I never married him and things just didnt seem right with some of the things he was doing and saying. I filed for child support through the county. If you feel that your daughter isnt getting the support she needs from her father then you should probably file for child support. I know that its a very hard decision to do but for me it made our lives a little easier. (at least when he would pay it.) However, if you do decide to get the support make sure that you get a court order for it. It makes things a lot easier especially if he decides not to pay it. Notarized statements dont really get you much and the courts will take both of your incomes into consideration when ordering the support.

Hope this helps.
Jennie

Hi L.,
I can only say from past experience that if I were you I would file now. It is most important to be able to support your child than to pacify his likes or dislikes.
I had to do the same thing.
Good Luck.
M.

Hello, I have been in your situation my daughter is now 13 and things have gotten easier since i started letting the court handle it. When her father and i first seperated 10 years ago I declined the child support in hopes that he would stick to his word, well low and behold he remarried and then it all changed. Not saying any thing bad about the new wife but she is a woman just like us and we all think alike when it comes to needing things for our children, so i would seek legal help and you can always go for shared parenting wich does not require the payee to pay as much. But if he is only seeing her 2 times a week that means you are takeing care of her the other 22 days and that can get exspencive. So I say do it now and spend your years to come enjoying your life and not stressing over it.

He has a dutey to your child and his new one I would just go file for child support. Then when he ask you acout it just tell him it it his dutey as a father to help with you child as well as the new one he has comeing.
P. S

L.,
I think that's great that your ex is so involved in your daughter's life. He seems to be a really decent guy. Don't let the fact that he is a "good guy" cloud your judgement about what is best for you and your daughter. You really need to protect her (and you) by consulting an attorney and making this arrangement of child support a legal document. A notorized document is not going to help you. You need a regular amount deposited into your child account with each one of his paychecks. This will ensure you have the money to care for her. He is going to be very busy the next couple of months (years!) with his new family and you need to make sure your daughter has his financial support. Good luck - and certainly talk to him about this, but I would consult an attorney first and understand the process and your rights before you approach him of your intentions.

T.

I would file. Give him the heads up, but make it legal. Let him know that you just need to make sure your daughter is protected that things probably won't get ugly but if ever something happened to make your relationship turn bad you want to make sure your child is covered. You are doing it for your child's best interest. Verbal agreements are legal but very tough to prove. It really isn't enforceable until you have a legal document. Good Luck.

file for child support.

For your daughter's protection, you MUST file for child support. He's getting off easy. Once he gets re-married and has other children, suddenly you and your child will be "another life" and will become secondary. I have seen it over and over again...his first obligation is to support his present children--his happiness and comfort should be secondary to that. You need to start the process immediately--your daughter will eventually resent being treated differently--as far as money and time (he'll be spending most of his time with his "new" family). Don't feel like you'll be the bad person--your daughter will not later understand why you didn't stick up for her and demand what is due her. Trust me on this--I've had lots of experience of this through my prior Court job. Do it now--for her and you. You need support...you'll break doing it all alone.

Well, as another single mom I believe this. If you want the joy of fatherhood you need to have the responsiblity. Why should your child suffer and live without things just because you and her father are not together anymore. It's her right to have her father support her. I think there is couple of ways you can go about this. I am not sure about your income or all but if you recieve any benfit from welfare department ( I work there) you can go and apply and tell him otherwise it will cut your benefit which is totally true. I have worked with so many single moms and I have to say I saw father that use to pay child support regularly and after they got married they stoped. I just believe you need to do what's best for your child and getting childsupport is better for her. At least she knows that her father care enough that she doesn't have to do without. You should never have to beg for a father to provide for his daughter.

I think I would file because if you had to hear from a friend he was getting married and having another baby, he didn't tell you, then there is something wrong. It may have just been he felt uncomfortable telling you but that should be a red flag. Also, that way you have a legal document saying he is supposed to pay and usually they will take it directly out of his check so it's guareented.

I know 3 or 4 women who have gone through breakups with their childrens' fathers and they ALL say that a legal child support agreement is a MUST. If you just have a casual arrangement, there is nothing stopping him from just cutting you off when he gets tired of paying or when he decides it's more important to give his money to his new family. All these things could still happen if you had a court order for support, but failing to honor it then make him a criminal and he could get his wages garnished and everything.

Right now, you're just taking a chance that he won't get fed up or pissed off and walk away free and clear. You shouldn't HAVE to pay for everything for your daughter on your own because you didn't mix her in a bowl. He had a part in her being here, too. He has a legal responsibility to support his child and to do so consistently. It's not about being mean to him. You're giving him a great deal by letting him pay whatever whenever. The only person who stands to lose in that arrangement is your daughter. For her protection, I would strongly urge you to file for child support. And if he gets pissed, well, that just tells you something about the kind of man he is. And so should the fact that he did NOT tell you that he's marrying someone who's going to have access to your daughter and be her stepmother OR that he was having another child.

....L

I would talk to him first and see if he has an opinion. If he doesn't want to sign any thing at all and wants you to go on his word, I would file, that would at least give you some assurance that he'll most likely pay because he probably doesn't want the state breathing down his back. I wouldn't worry about being mean. If you've had to bed for it when he was single, what will it be like when he's married with another child? I was a single mom for three years and while the father insisted on filing with the state, I still felt bad sometimes that he had to pay at the first of the month and wanted to try and close my case with the state so that he could pay when he had the money, but then I realized that our son was as much his responsibility. I've learned from experience that marriages can change these kinds of situation, people can get very funny when it comes to money. Another good point with filing with the state is that they will come up with a number that they feel he can pay based on income and number of children, so you might get more than what he claims he can pay. Hope this was helpful, I do know some stuff about all of this, so if you want to talk about it, you can reach me here.

From personal experience, definitely go and file. Do it asap because they are usually swamped, so it can take a couple of months for the meeting. Just call the child support agency and make an appnt. My friend made the mistake of not formally doing it, and her ex got remarried and had another child. Her two sons missed out on a few years of support, even though he made twice what she did. I also recently went through this. Of course my ex was PISSED, but oh well, why should I struggle just to feed OUR daughter (I also work part time and go to college full time) while he makes triple what I do just so he can spend it on all the nice things he wants (his new car, sports equipment, new clothes) while he only got our daughter a measly $25.00 gift for xmas. If it weren't for the support, he would never willingly spend a dime on her (like you, my ex never bought her anything, diapers, food, clothing, nothing). You already know how your ex is, so him having a new baby coming, you will probably get little or nothing from him unless you file. They will take it right from his paychecks every week. If you want the info., let me know.

This is a hard and very touchy subject, no matter what your situation is (good/bad)!!!!
And, yes as everyone else has said you should never have to beg for him to help w/ his child in any way!!!!!
But, I will tell you as far as Child Support goes it is not always an easy task, and you end up doing most of the work yourself anyways!!!!!! You will be responsible for supplying them w/all of his information (name, address, job, etc.)... Should he move, or change jobs they will not try finding any of that for you.... You will have to do it all for yourself!!!

But, I do suggest Child Support, because should he every file a tax return and he owe you the money they will take it!!!!

Here are your first steps.... Don't take it to him, just call your Counties Child Support office and tell them you want to start a case..... They will get you started from there....
They will set up a meeting for both parties(so called hearing, but not really.
They will probably need all of the following (but they will tell you for sure): All Birth Certificates, S.S. Cards, ID's, Proof of Income (even part-time), Daycare expense (if you have), Proof of residence, Insurance information (if you have it), and I'm not sure if they require anything else....
They will request this from both parties.....

This is to determine and set an amount (order), and it can take a while to do so.....
By the way any cash he gives you other than what is ordered, that doesn't come through them is considered a gift (unless you acknowledge in writing to them, and they still may not accept that).... They will usually start the amount of money he owes you as of the date you file, unless you state you want them to go back to birth.....

But, be prepared because he can try to fight it too!!!!!

Also, once you start Child Support it is not easy to drop it!!!

I've been there, sooo I know (and I wasn't the one who started the case, my child's father did)!!!!!!

I hope everything works out for you let me know if I can be of any help to you......

L.- You have to file. You have to take care of yourself and your daughter. It's great that he sees her and is involved in her life so he obviously loves her, so helping you take care of her financially should not be an issue for him. She is his daughter too!!! He needs to help in ALL aspects of raising her. He may be a little upset with you in the beginning, but that will pass with time. Also, when a new woman enters the picture, that will only make things harder to get money from him within it being done legally. DO NOT get an agreement written up outside of the Child Support Agency. He could still not pay and you would have to end up taking him to court to get the money anyway. That would be more problem than it is worth! Good luck!!!

I don't think you should have to beg to get money out of the father of your child, it is his responsibilty to take care of his child. Just like it is your responsibilty to feed and care for your child. Would you neglect that? Why should he-even if it's monetary value? You have every right to file an order with a court-it's not only your right but an obligation to your daughter. By no means should you just right up a document and have it notarized. What if he starts making more money-or there are health issues, or saving for college, you will be stuck with amount you agreed upon on and will have to go to court anyway to request more. Having a child support order will not only guarantee payment(deducted from his paychecks) but if he fails there will be a judgment against him and any property that he owns. Meaning he cannot sell, buy or refinance a house until that judgment is paid.( I know this- I do mortgages). Don't think about how this will make you look, you are doing this for your child and she deserves the best you can give her. Even if it's to help buy groceries or her favorite doll or just taking her to dinner with mom-he should be able to contribute to your daughters happiness and having an order in place will also help you budget too. If you can not afford an attorney, there is low cost or free court advisors that can help you, ususally through the county you reside in.

I wish you luck!

I am in the same boat as you except I have two. I work full time and have my kids every night after work. I feed them buy there clothes, bath them. The only thing he ever did was take them durning the day a couple times a week. He wasn't working. He told me when we split up that he wasn't giving me any money. So I didn't want to fight. I shouldn't have to tell him to help pay for his children. I made my kids and I will take care of them on my own without him. I thought I didn't need his help. I was wrong. I have it hard. Now don't get me wrong my boyfriend tries to help me( I don't take his help because they are not his responsibility even though he loves them like they are his) but I asked my ex for some gas money because I was taking them kids back and forth to sitter and doctors and everywhere. He told me he wasn't doing anything to help me out I can do it on my own. Now come on. If I had filed then I wouldn't be having this issue now. I am going to file because I didn't make the babies on my own I had him and if comes down to it till I get it taken care of I don't think he should get to see the kids(I hate to do that but what is he doing for them nothing why should I have to bring them to him(he has a truck that you can not fit two car seats in) So I say FILE now don't be afraid to hurt his feelings the money is for you child it helps your child and we as mothers should do anything that helps our children. I would tell him. Having a notorized paper doesn't help because there is nothing to back it. If you have court ordered child support and he don't pay then will make his life a living heck till he does pay they can even garnish his wages so he can not control it. Good luck and if you need to talk send me a message I know how you feel.

Absolutely! Child support is a must! And if you're now begging him to give you money, it will only get worse once he's married.

File NOW. I cannot stress that enough. File NOW. You have the law behind you. Don't draw up papers yourself. You could end up doing more harm than good. Contact Children's Services and they will direct you to the people who can help you get this started.

Good luck.

I know child support is a touchy issue. How ever she (daughter) should have extra income to help you. There are things she is going to need or deserve that you want to do for her. May not be able do to money. I'm a single mom of three. Two different dads. Dad pays child support. We sat down and talked about it. Telling them my need for help, to have things to provide for the kids, knowing I don't like to ask for help, they filed to pay child support.

The dad that lives near, spends time with her all the time. Even babysits her time to time. Him and his mom even gives me extra gas money to drive her places. She goes to school in a different area, open enrollment. She does dance in a different area. He always makes sure she have. I still stuggle, but she doesn't.

Both dads know that stress I go though, so do the children. I'm blessed that dads relize this.

Let him know that you enjoy seeing him spending time with her, but you really do need help. You hope and pray that the child support issue doesn't make things uneasy. That you can see how much he loves her and to please help out with money issues. Its good for him and you, most of all for her. Its good for him because he know by state law he is financially holding he end, make sure you have to provide for her. Its good for you because you know how much to count on for income each month. Which allows to do for her. allowance/dance/toys/outings and just a day out. can be scheduled in for her. It should put his mind at ease knowing your looking out for her.

You can also back date child support.

Hello, first I just want to say that I love your name, my husbands name is the same and he finds it embarrasing at times.
I live in a blended family and we do not have an established custody order through the court. So, my advise is much different than what I read that you received. I think you need to pettition the court for a set Custody Order. I threw, basically, a temper tantrum because my husband and I have a four year old daughter and she had never opened Christmas presents on Christmas morning because I refuse to let our children open presents without our oldest two (his from his first marriage) being with us. So, with your ex getting married it makes the holiday time much harder. He wants to see her and her family should want to see her and your family wants to be with her and the larger the family the more complicated it becomes. My advice is to get a court order and have it not only state what the child support will be, but what the cusotdy order will be, who has what Holiday and all that. I think it will save future heartache. Best of luck. Oh, my husband's ex-wife brought the children over late Christmas eve in time for bed so we were able to spend all day Christmas Day with them for the first time in years.

Hi L.,

My prediction, and it is only a prediction, is that if you have had a problem in the past it will only get worse. It is much easier to establish the agreement now than it is to wait until he stops paying completely. Get something legal in place! It is the only way to protect yourself and your daughter. You never know what might happen in the future, how his attitude may change, etc. and you should really do this the right way so there are no questions as things move forward.

You are not being mean, you are protecting yourself and your child.

Call your county's child support and enfocement division and find out what you need to do. Take their advice and do it right. It will save you a lot of headaches and heartaches in the future.