It's a girl thing + hormones. Do we have the same daughter?? LOL
I cannot (still) take my 14 (soon to be 15) y/o with me ANYWHERE. Or I get the we have to buy this, you have to buy me that, I want this. If I say "no", I get the same flack.
I don't think she'd demand something for her birthday or Christmas like that. She has never always gotten exactly everything she's wanted and generally her lists consist of all very expensive things (sign of the times)... and we get what we can and the rest is little stuff and she has never complained.
But the everyday stuff drives me crazy.
There are always a million reasons why she should get "x" item... and then if I buy something for myself - I'm evil mom because I didn't get her anything. Well I work, and she doesn't. LOL
I try to encourage her to get some help from her dad and if they tell her can't afford it, she feels bad for them (and then won't ask for ANYTHING)... and I'm mean mom for even suggesting she ask them OR because I won't buy what she wants.
My husband buys the little one a candy on his way home from work every day and then sometimes when we're at the store we'll get her a small toy. Well my older daughter thinks she is spoiled - but doesn't realize that she $5, $10, and $20s me to DEATH. LOL Money for the dance, money for choir, money for skating, money for the movies, etc. She makes out way better than the 6 y/o when it comes to finances. LOL
Blended families are hard... it's often difficult to keep everybody happy. I'm married with a daughter w/ my husband.
My daughter's dad is married (and he's got step kids up the wazoo and actually grand-children that they help care for). So I think she sort of feels in the middle. Her dad and I were never married.
My family tends to dote on her more (because they "think" we dote on the little one more - well she is 6 and the baby of the family with a gap of 8 years to my daughter who is next youngest and then my husbands 3 kids are all adults)... So yeah maybe a little spoiled - daddys girl, only 6 - super princess into all the girley stuff (my 14 y/o was never into that kind of stuff).
I think she feels like she's no longer the baby (get over it you're almost 15) and acts like I owe her something. However there is nothing to feel sorry for her about. Therefore I refuse to give into her petty tantrums. When she has fits in stores, I simply walk out and get in the car and take her home (there is never anything so urgent that I can't just go back later for).
I wouldn't get the iPod... the advice about the element of surprise and just doing it - you will create a monster (I've been there done that).
See if her attitude improves and then perhaps you and her dad can go in one one down the road (my husband goes in on the big gifts with his ex almost every year, because neither family can afford to do it alone) - and then everybody is happy.
My daughter does have a good heart and she has done some work with elderly, etc. and she always feels badly for people who don't have it easy. She is pretty sensitive in that respect.
Hence why I chalk it up to age/hormones more than anything. It is that in between being an adult and still being a kid. They are SO hard to shop for at that age too.
Oh and my 14 y/o LOST MY HUSBANDs IPOD about 2 weeks ago. So blame it on responsibility, etc. as part n' parcel to your decision. That might smooth her over.
I like the idea of some sort of community service where she can really see for herself what other people DO NOT have. I would take her to lunch - and then do some shopping. If she isn't happy with where you go shopping and the things you end up shopping for - leave.