Christening for My Daughter

Don't go with a text. Take the higher ground and send him a pic of her in her beautiful dress:-) Besides, who know what is going on in his life right now, and face it, guys just don't think of cards and stuff like we ladies do.

Dear Barbara,
I suggest that you bring it up to your brother. There is the good chance that his card was lost in the mail. Or it could have slipped his mind; a scenario that happens often with my brother-in-law. Most likely, there is a simple explanation, and without finding out what that is, you will begin to drive a wedge between you and him. As far as how to bring it up, I prefer text, email, or letter. That way, you can express your feelings, reread them later, and send them.
I wish you good luck, W.

Hi Barbara,
Unless you are looking to start a family fight, I wouldn't say anything. What would you say? I surely wouldn't text him if you are writing to say that he has hurt your feelings. If you are not looking for money or a gift, then what purpose to you hope to serve by contacting him? He has apparently chosen not to give a gift or send a card. Confronting him will likely make him defensive, guilty or embarrassed - not good family feelings. He can choose not to give a gift, it's his right to that even if it hurts your feelings or if you would have given a gift if the situation were reversed, and he isn't required to justify his decision.
I am sorry that you are hurt by his lack of card in celebration of this special event.

I would choose diplomacy and tell him that when you were collecting the cards for her scrap book / memory book to see when she got older you realized that you did not see one from him. Then suggest that it must have gotten lost in the mail, and ask if he would mind sending another card for the scrap book / memory book.

Good luck!

I say let it go. My brother-in-law is the same way. I've sent his kids gifts for several events and our son sees a gift from him once a year (if that). But the fact of the matter is that they are not obligated to give gifts. Like it or not, whether your brother forgot or just chose not to give your daughter a card, it's really his decision. I think it would be wrong to ask for it. Just my opinion.

Hi Barbara
Praise the Lord for the Christening!!
Obviously your brother did not realize what a big deal this was for you and your family. I say forget it, just as you would anyone else who isn't acknowledge the day.
God bless you and your family as you grow in Christ forgetting all the slights that happen to you along the way.
K.

That kind of thing annoys me too. Is your brother forgetful? Maybe he forget to pick up a card and gift and planned to give it to you later. Maybe it slipped his mind. I would mention it. Sometimes I have to remind my husband about his mom or dad's b-day! Men can be forgetful.

I got married 4 years ago and I got no card from my sisters or some family members. I think they felt that because they were spending on airline tickets and their outfits that they didn't have to give me a gift. I left it alone and didn't say anything, but later I wished I had opened my mouth about it. I felt like it was insensitive. Plus I'm always so generous with them for their events.

Hi Barbara,

Congratulations on the Christening of your daughter!

I would definitely confront your brother about this issue, but perhaps in a non-confrontational way, such as "When we were going through the gifts and cards from the Christening, we couldn't find yours, and would hate to have lost it if you did in fact put it in the gift pile...". That gives him the opportunity to answer without feeling like he was put on the defensive, and you never know, maybe he simply forgot to hand it to you, and it's still sitting in his suit pocket at home!

Good luck, and God Bless you and your beautiful family!

-Jen

My family is the exact same way...they live across the country so they not only do they never see my son or even make an effort to, they never send gifts, cards, or anything for him for these occasions out of pure laziness. I've definitely talked to them about it, but some things just never change.

Anyway, I agree with the response below, just send them a photo of her on the day of the christening and don't mention a word. Does he have kids yet? This may sound harsh but just don't make any effort to ship cards and gifts for them, if you don't get the same effort in return. I've learned to do that over time and it may sound vain or selfish but hey, if my kid isn't getting acknowledged, why should I go nuts making their kids feel special.

Just my 2 cents.
Good luck and congrats on the new baby! :)
Lynsey

Are you close to your brother? Did he at least come? My own father didn't come to the first two boys' baptisms. The first time he "got the dates mixed up". I didn't even invite him to the third and even though he knew when it was, he didn't ask why he didn't get an invite. Actually, I haven't spoken to him since April of 2008 because of how uncaring he is about my family.

Sadly a couple members of our family are that way, except for my mom and SIL. My husband hasn't talked to his brother in 5 years. He used to call all the time and try to keep the relationship going and decided one day he was tired of being the one constanting working for a relationship. He decided to stop calling because he wanted to see how long it would take his brother to call. Like I said, it's been 5 years.

If you guys are normally close, I'd say let it go. I mean, in your heart, let it go. If you guys aren't close, I'd let it go as well and just accept it as it is how your relationship is. Personally I just wouldn't go out of my way for him anymore.