Choosing Adoption, Any Recomendations And/or Red Flags???

Lynn's story is very sad, however that unfortunately happens with many biological families as well.

My little brother was also adopted from Korea. He has severe Reactive Attachment Disorder due to the neglect that Korean orphanages gave to infants at the time of his adoption. If caught early, it is something that can be worked out, but when he was a child, this disorder did not have a diagnoses or any positive treatment known, so yes, it has been a struggle, but he is still a wonderful part of our family.

http://attachment.adoption.com/

There are a LOT of red flags in adoption agencies. Educating yourself is the best way to watch out for scams and potential problems. Here is a link to the transcript for a show Montel Williams had on recently about this. It is VERY informative and is a great resource for when you begin your hunt for an agency.

http://www.montelshow.com/show/detail/5076/
http://transcripts.tv/Welcome.aspx

Also, here are other posts on adoption in Mamasource, some share which agencies they used, and I'm sure many would be happy to assist you:

http://mamasource.com/requests/10877046321122902017/12030...

My friend recently adopted a child from Texas' CPS. She filled out a questionaire that asked what age/race/sex she preferred. She just wanted the child to be younger than her oldest child (7)and the rest didn't matter. She recieved a 2 year old hispanic boy, and he is just the sweetest thing ever.

If you are wanting a caucasion infant, it's a lot tougher, because they are in high demand, but if you are willing to take an older child or a child of any ethnicity, than you have an easier time.

Also, laws about adopting from state to state are very different, and each country has a set of laws that can make the process pretty rough. My one friend adopted internationally (can't remember where) and by the time she had her documents completed, the agency/country took so long approving them, that her documents had expired and she had to start the whole process (and paying for it) all over again. Having a great agency can help you cut through these types of problems.

Good luck, it is really worth it in the end! I have one child and am expecting my second, and I still would love to adopt in the future.

C.,

Adoption is just about my favorite thing in the world to talk about. We are adoptive parents of Blake - now almost 4 years old. We are getting ready to do paperwork again for another and we will go through the same agency as before - Christian Homes in Abilene, TX - (christianhomes.com). Our adoption was an unbelievable blessing after having done 3 IVF cycles. I would LOVE to talk to you (or anyone else who reads this) about our experience. You may have to shut me up at some point! Email me if I can give you any other insight. I echo one of the other's suggestions about going to an orientation - they are so enlightening and help you understand the process and also may help you understand how going through an agency can be the most secure way to do it - at least that is how it worked for us - though there are certainly no guarantees about things. Also, sounds like you might live in Fort Worth since your hubby works for Lockheed, so I'd be happy to meet you for lunch or anything I can do to help you out. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, so forgive me if you are not, but I know that God has a great plan for you in mind - just like he had for my husband and me. Honestly, after all the heartache (and major money) we went through with infertility treatments, I am SO THANKFUL that we never got pregnant. Our son was a perfect fit for our family and a blessing from God. After we got him, we realized how God's plan for our life had come together.

OH SORRY! I'm rambling on! Like I said - it is my favorite topic of discussion and sometimes I just can't quit!

Best of luck in whatever direction you go.

J. M.
____@____.com

Megan said a lot of what I would say! The Gladney Center for Adoption has helped permanently place 2 beautiful babies in our life. Our daughter came to us at the age of 9 days, and now she is a very active 2 year old. Our son came into our family when he was 9 weeks old, and is now 6 months.

My husband and I also struggled with infertility for about 5 years before making the same decision to focus our efforts (both financially and emotionally) on adoption. Gladney does a fabulous job of giving support to both the birthmom/dad and the adoptive parents. I loved that they have a wondeful place to allow the birthmoms to come and live. I highly recommend going to orientation to get yourself familiar with any agency (if you choose this route). We were "just going to see" and decided that day that it felt right for us. We heard from a birthmother panel and that tugged at our heartstrings. Did you see the ABC special last Tuesday? If not, look at their website. It interviewed 2 Gladney birthmoms.

My "red flag" comment is more personal. Be prepared for many, many comments from everyone. It is amazing how heartless people can be when it comes to adoption. Just build up your little wall around your family and know that whatever decision you make, you alone are happy and that is all that matters. Well meaning friends and family, along with complete strangers have made many comments that could really hurt if I allowed it. Also, know that with adoption, it is not a done deal until that baby is placed in your arms. We had several close calls, and one birthmom even called us just before and after she delivered. We were allowed to make the decisions with the nurse about shots and circumsicion on this little boy. The birthmom changed her mind and we accepted that because how could I ever take a child that wasn't happily placed into our family.

Learn the lingo. Your family and friends will listen and pick up on the subtle phrases "placed" instead of "gave up", "birthmom" instead of "real mom", and many more. It sounds so PC, but it will make an impact on you. It is like when you first get married and have to start thinking in "we" form instead of always "me or I".

Me, too, rambling. I am such a happy mommy of adopted children. Please don't hesitate to email and ask any other questions. Best wishes to you. It isn't an easy road, that is for sure. However, when that baby is placed in your arms you know that was the plan from the beginning. It will all be worth it!

S.--former teacher, stay-at-home mommy to Emerald and Calvin, my sweet babies brought to me through adoption

Hi C.,

Adoption is one of my favorite things to talk about this past year! My husband and I also had some fertility issues. We decided if we were going to invest that type of money we wanted a sure thing so we started the adoption process. I highly recommend The Gladney Center in Fort Worth. I was referred to them by my OB/GYN and several other people. We've also had friends adopt through Gladney. All of the staff at Gladney are very professional and the caseworkers are so supportive and helpful throughout the entire process. Gladney not only offers support throughout the adoption process but they also offer post adoption services to your family and your child forever which is hard to find in an agency. We adopted our daughter Emme six months ago and we couldn't be happier! Gladney holds orientation either the first or last Friday of every month. I highly recommend them if you and your husband decide to adopt. www.gladney.org

Good Luck!!

M.

Hi C.,

I worked as an adoption caseworker for 10 years and have a 4 year old adopted son. I always advise people to work with a licensed agency because they are required to provide counseling to the birthparents and they will make sure that the birthparents parental rights are terminated properly. I worked with many birthmothers and I can tell you that the ones that really have the best interest of the child as their motivation will be the ones who will place their baby. Birthmothers and their families who start asking for $$ are always a red flag. Licensed agencies can provide birthmothers with food, shelter, and medical care but they have to show what was provided to the judge before the adoption can take place. I have worked with many wonderful birthfamilies and adoptive families and it can be a wonderful experience. I would also recommend that you attend an Adoption Orientation. It is a no obligation question and answer session and Hope Cottage in Dallas used to offer a very good one and I assume they still do. There is so much information out there and so many things to consider but my #1 recommendation is to work with a non-profit licensed agency so that you know you are not getting over charged for the adoption. Good Luck!

i was adopted through Dillion International, & would highly recommend them if you are looking into an international adoption! good luck!

I was adopted as well like Kara, from Korea. I do not know what agency my parents went through, but just a word of advice. Please make sure this is for you and your husband and what you seriously want. Unfortunately, I did not have a terribly great childhood and my relationship with my adoptive parents are severely strained and I am actually thinking of cutting ties with them now.

Hi,
First of all, I'm sorry you have had trouble conceiving naturally; that must be very frustrating. My husband and I are also very interested in adopting two children after we have our second one naturally. I don't have any great advice to give you but there is a website that I am a member of called CafeMom.com There are MANY groups you can join and several of them are about adoption, international adoption, etc. Some groups even get specific to the country from which you are interested in, in the process of, or have adopted from. You can ask questions and many people would be happy to answer you. Hope this helps and good luck!!! I think it's so commendable that you are going to save a baby who would otherwise not have a family!!
L.