Geez, if our parents and grandparents didn't have something to say about how WE parent our kids, what would they do? LOL! I think they really just need to feel like we still NEED them, so it's their way to have some input, since you sound like you are doing a great job on your own. My 7 yr old daughter and 9 yr old son LOVE to do things around the house to "help" out like carry in groceries, cook dinner with me, dust, vaccuum, sweep, empty the trash in the bathrooms, carry out the trash to the garage, etc. They even like to clean the bathrooms, (which I obviously supervise because of the chemicals involved) Here is the big difference too, my 2 kids, are "special needs kids". My little boy more so than his sister, but still both of them to varying degrees. You have NO IDEA how much doing these things helps to boost their confidence. They feed the dogs and make sure they have water, make their beds, get their own drinks unless it is from a very full milk container or a similar container that may be spilled. (even then, I would rather clean a little spill than destroy their feeling of independance) When I say they can have a snack, I sometimes allow them to get it themselves if it is in a cabinet that they can reach without any problems. On holidays when all of the appetizers and snacks are out, they load up their plates all by themselves. It's part of the fun for them. Why take that away! If we have a dinner with all of the food on the table and we are serving ourselves from there and not the stove, they load their own plates because they actually EAT better of they put the food on their own plates. Silly, but so true. They pick their own outfits for the next day, and take their own showers / wash their own hair. (I check it after to make sure it is all rinsed, but at this point they are real pros) I even let my 7 yr old style her own hair and sometimes she comes up with a few pretty odd styles, but then the next day other girls will wear their hair to school the same way. I certainly do try to pick my battles. With all that I have to do in a long and tedious day, why not let them help out and do the things that they can do and WANT to do? The schools make them 100% responsible for their homework and classwork, as far as writing it down and turning it all in. No reminders anymore. They should be able to do it now by themselves at this point. I have them show the planners to me when they come home from school in case I have any notes, etc., and then they do the homework and it's all up to them. I check to make sure they did it all, but never correct anything. That way the teachers know what they understand and what they don't. So far, my 7 yr old has been on honor roll/ principal's list and my 9 yr old son has gone from all a's and b's with the exception of a D in math to now having all a's and B's.... even in math!! I couldn't be a prouder Mom. i have 2 older daughters who I did this with as well who are 17 and 20 yrs old now, and it worked very well with them too. They are both wonderful and organized young ladies, and they amaze me on a daily basis. This is the way to raise a child in my opinion. I have a Mom who doted on me to a fault, who actually still comes over and will go into my kitchen to make me a sandwich if she thinks I have not eaten lunch yet. (even if I tell her I am not hungry) It's so funny. She does the dishes for me if there are any in my sink, and if I leave any unfolded laundry in a basket laying around, well it is folded in no time flat. Funny thing is I end up refolding it because we fold things differently now, so I just thank her and do it after she leaves. I know that she means well, and has a wonderful and loving heart, so I don't ever want to rock the boat. It's not an insult but her way of staying in my life and showing that she cares. I would much rather just sit and visit with her, but she has a hard time doing that. I believe that she must have done something right in raising me, because I am very happy with the wife and Mom that I am turning into on most days. (some days not so much, but I think we all have those days, right?) Stick to your guns on this one Momma, you are not "ruining" your child or being too strict. As long as you give her age appropriate
"chores" and activities to do, she will only benefit from them, and some day will thank you for preparing her for the world on her own. I highly doubt that she will ever be able to afford a maid and personal assistant when she grows up, so she will need to know how to do this stuff. Why not learn now when the kids still think this is all "fun". When they become teens, it's not as easy to get them to do what you want. Good luck!