Child Has Sexual Desires

there is homeopathic remedy for this condition. i would not want to name it, since it is easy to get it online, but it should be administered under the supervision of professional homeopath. find one that is CCH, not an MD, ND, OD or chiro. they may know the remedy, selecting correct potency and frequency of taking will need more time and attention regular practitioner usually has for the case.
Good Luck
V.

I'd be very concerned... she has to have picked up on this from some place. You might consider having the girls have their own rooms ... 12 is about the right time to start learning about those things... but not 5. Could something have happened at the school?

Hello C.. I'm not sure what advice I can give you, but I wanted to let you know that I remember doing the same thing (almost) at a very young age. I remember being about three and walking around in my bathing suit because it made me feel 'sexy'. Of course, I didn't know that word back then, but I think that is as close as I can get to how I felt. I'm not saying it's right.... but, I've turned out ok. I think some people are just more sexual than others is all. Of course, I could be wrong. I'm no doctor. I was a wild humping machine as a kid, and eventually grew out of it. I'm not trying to make light of the situation, by any means, but my daughter and I were talking about this subject a few months ago and she admitted that she was the same way when she was younger. Again, I'm not condoning it, just letting you know that she is not alone, and she is not abnormal, in my opinion. I do want to say that the worst thing (in my opinion, again) that you can do is make her feel shameful of it, or her body. She will grow up with serious issues. My friend was raised that way, taught that her body was gross and should never be touched, etc.. etc... (I could go on and on about the ridiculous things she was told) and she had serious issues when she got older and got into relationships. I know at this age, you aren't thinking that far ahead, and don't even want to imagine her in a relationship, let alone a sexual situation, but please, if you have any inclination to punish her for it, please pause first, and think about it. I also think it would be better if she didn't share a room with such an older sibling, if possible. I do not think she needs counseling, though. Just continue to let her know that no one else can touch her there, and that she has to do it in private, at all times, and never at school or someone else's house. Good luck with this :/

This is a developmentally appropriate thing that she is doing. Not all children will masturbate, but she is just exploring her body. The advice to give her is to not do this in public and only in her own bedroom. Leave her alone, she'll be fine.
You never mentioned the 12 year old in your description about yourself.

I'm one who does not allow my children to touch themselves. Curiosity is normal but allowing them to touch themselves because it's 'normal' is something I do not agree with. As soon as my kids started doing this, I consistantly told them that "we do not play with our bottoms and we don't let anybody else touch our bottoms either". I have also removed their hands from the area. So this has not been an issue I've had to worry about as they have gotten older. I say be consistant in letting your daughter know that that is something we don't do. It won't be easy or a short amount of time but it should eventually improve the situation.

Hi C.,
It is natural for kids to develop an interest in their bodies and what feels good to them and it sounds like you have handled that properly. However, I am concerned that she knows to take her clothes off and that she masturbates in her bed. May I suggest that you get her counseling to find out where this came from? It sounds as though she may have been molested and you need to find this out ASAP for her emotional and physical safety. Kids do not naturally obtain this type of knowledge without learning it from someone or watching it.

I am a little confused here. You say that you have two baby boys and your five year old daughter, yet you also say she shares a bedroom with a 12-year-old sister? Whose child is the preteen? Your husband's? How come you didn't include her in your family description?

It's a well known fact that most kids who show precocious sexual behaviors have learned them from someone taking advantage of them sexually. It's one of the markers that are commonly used for further investigation when molestation is suspected. Her behavior could stem from "playing doctor" or having been molested if she didn't see it on TV or observe your husband and you. The things your daughter said to you about playing someone is in bed with her and then masturbating, suggests the disturbing idea that someone has introduced the idea to her.

Masturbating is developmentally normal and innocent, but undressing to get in bed with someone then doing something sexual sounds learned. As a Mom, I would want to make sure that this has not happened and safeguard her in the future.

Hi C.:
As some of your responders have mentioned,it is quite normal for A child to explore their bodies,and to realize they experience A good sensation,in touch. This is natural and part of developement. Children should not be made to feel this is in any way dirty,or odd behavior.It can create sexual hangups for them up the road.Your daughter has been instructed,and come to accept that its natural to lay in bed naked with someone else. Its up to you as her mother,to find out who is molesting your daughter,and put an end to it.If it's another child,I'd provide counseling.If it's an adult remove them permanently. I'd make sure your daughter received some help as well.In response to another mother here on mama source. You never, ever discipline your children ,for expressing their affection towards each other.You literally rob them of the bond they share as siblings. They are innocent children,who know nothing of your fixations or disdains regarding adult sexual behavior.Your actions, will have them believe,that its wrong to feel close,or have human contact with any one.I was raised amongst 6 other siblings. four which were sisters. I can't even imagine what life would have been,had I not been permitted to hug and kiss my siblings.Some of my fondest childhood memories,were those of my oldest sister embracing me,comforting me when I'd come home in tears.When we were teens,we were inseparable,and now as grown women,although separated by miles,we cherish times were able to share together,letters of memories held dear.Don't make the sad mistake of depriving your daughters of A normal,happy relationship,because of your fixations,or hangups. They need each other,to make it through life. They want to show the love they share for each other,and they should be given that freedom. I wish you all the best. J. M

- Just as an aside...I'm also a bit confused about the 12 year old, when you have 3 kids (8mo, 3, 5). A step sister? Half sister? Are there any other siblings that are yours by marriage?

Onto the topic:

If you take the masturbating out of it (which is still totally normal)...the subject of the q seems to be that she's taking her jammies off while she's in bed and pretending that there's someone else in bed with her. Yes?

I would be REALLY surprised if your daughter was actually taking this in a sexual way. Kids just don't take stuff there very often. They try stuff on for size, emulate, copy, pretend...but to actually be wanting sex...she'd most likely have a pituitary problem.

In a NON-sexual way...this could be:

- She wants something to hold and curl up with (I had a "pillow person" that I put a nightshirt over and would pretend that there was someone. I would also lean up against the wall as I slept...because it felt like it was curling up with someone.). It can be HARD to sleep alone. Most kids actually work out ways that it makes it "feel" like they're not all by themselves. Sometimes it's with stuffed friends, or a blankie, or an extra pillow, or pushed against a wall. It's not a sexual thing...it's a comfort thing. Especially if she doesn't have a lovie, or one has been taken away, she might use the only thing she can take into bed with her. Even if she IS allowed to take things into bed with her...I know I used a nightshirt because it "smelled right".

- She's copying her elders. If you ever wake up in the morning naked, or your husband doesn't wear a shirt to bed, or she's come in and you've rather frantically grabbed a nightshirt or robe or pulled the sheet up over yourself or said you can't get out of bed yet because you're not dressed yet, or you just LIKE to sleep in the raw; she may very well be copying you or your husband. You two sleep together (one is assuming), therefore if she's pretending to have someone curled up with her in bed who are her heros to emulate? Mum & dad.

- She's hot, but came up with an excuse that she thought would be acceptable (and rather had it blow up in her face). Lots of kids would rather go to bed naked (or just in undies) than to not have a blanket. Blankets are heavy, and comforting (aha, the word comforter just leaps to mind). I know lots of parents though who would rather pull the blanket/sheet off...than allow their kids to strip and sleep under a blanket.

- She has a bit of a sunburn (pj's are AWFUL on a sunburn), and came up with what she thought might be an acceptable excuse to avoid the "sunscreen" talk, or possibly not be allowed to do "x" the next day. Even if the sunburn is on her shoulders...ever gone to bed half dressed? Or taken off (like a wedding ring, or underwear, or whatever...something you have on all the time)? That wonky feeling can be unsupportable to kids. The all or nothing factor.

_____

In a quasi-sexual/non-sexual fashion:

Kids copy what they see and hear. This isn't news. It's why our non-squeeling toddler starts squeeling after hearing another child at the part do it. It's how ALL of us learn to talk. It's that cute moment when our six year old shows up in a tuxedo shirt and a briefcase (and nothing else), announces that he's off to work, and attempts to kiss us goodbye before walking out the door. It's how they learn sarcasm, the length of time appropriate for a familial kiss (remember baby smoosh kisses that you had to peel your face away from?), to nod when they mean yes, shake their head for no (that's reversed in some cultures...soooooo weird), not to look at other people's papers in school, how to flutter their eyelashes, and about a gazillion other things we take for granted every minute.

"Sleeping in bed naked -or without bottoms- with someone else" WE might take as sexual...but where did she come across it? I can think of a 100+ innocent ways. I know tons of kids who share a bed, and fully half or more pile in naked -or strip everything off over the course of the night- once summer heat hits. If these happen to be any of her friends from school/park/whatever...she might have decided to try it out. There's the story about how my grandfather broke his nose falling on his face because he was hopping around in the dark trying to get his boxers on to "scare off the burgler" that was my aunt sneaking in from a late date. It takes no leap of imagination to realize that if he was trying to put his boxers on, he didn't have them on to begin with! That he went to bed without his boxers (and that he slept with my grandmother) are not the points of the story...but kids pick up and focus on peculiar aspects. Any funny pants free stories in your family? Ours has dozens. Anyhow...literally HUNDREDS of places she could have heard about it. Then there's reading...even "night before xmas" has the narrator and his wife in nightshirts and caps (no mention of bottoms).

- Then of course, there's the fact that even though most 6/7 year olds hear the "snake in the jungle" & "car in the garage" euphemisms at school (although their actual grip or interest in this taboo thing varies, and usually isn't long lived...the opposite sex usually has cooties until puberty). Kids talk about things on the playground. They hide it (bacause they're told not to), but they talk about it. They play "boyfriend, girlfriend" or "husband & wife". It's play is all it is. Interest in copying their elders...the same way they learn about everything else. Do they REALLY want to be going to the office for 8 hours, just because they sit down and play office for 5 minutes? No. Not really. They want to THINK about it, play act it, maybe even go with mummy or daddy to their work (but that has more to do with wanting to be with their parent, than wanting to do their parents job). Kids try everything on for size. Does it mean that THEY actually want to be doing it? Not really. But they play at it, until they get bored of it. When they're told not to they either hide it (because it's just become REALLY interesting), or they feel ashamed...either of what they were doing, or merely of making mum and dad disappointed.

My son for awhile wanted to be a girl so that he could have "a baby in his tummy". Does that mean that he's gay, or a transgender candidate, or wants to be having sex? Nope. Just trying something on for size. He's not a girl, so he pretended to be one for awhile. He's also not a knight, bank robber, super-hero, army officer, or a man-eating-slug...but he's pretended to be each of those as well.

Anyhow...like I said, hundreds of reasons/ways that it's not molestation. COULD it be molestation? Yes. Unlikely. Could it be that one of her friends is being molested? More likely (purely a numbers game), but still unlikely.

I know you have received a lot of feedback about this but I too am wondering who this 12 year old girl, sister is. YOu did not list her in your family so I'm assuming she is not part of your family. Then she shouldn't be sharing a room with a five year old. Also your child should be involved in some sort of physical activity every day that really is exhausting. I have my kids in gymnastics and they workout two or three days a week. On the off days we walk after dinner or go swimming then stretch. Before bed time, they shower or bath, brush teeth and I read them a story. They are both readers but I spend at least 15 to 20 minutes reading to them. By this time they are exhausted and would not be bored or need a release. Occasional masturbation is normal but if your child cannot fall asleep without it I believe that is not within the norm. I have a degree in social work and am a teacher and I have seen this in sexually abused children. Other children occasionally do this but not regularly.

i would talk to your doc about this...my parents have a neighbor whose child did this..and one of my friends said this was a sign that someone has been fooling around w/ the child..could be another child..or an adult but i would look deeper into this.

C.,

Your daughter has either seen or experienced something and you need to get some counseling for her.

Curiousity is one thing but for her to masterbate at 5 yrs old; something is definitely wrong with the picture.

Get her help. sad to say, something is going on and you are not aware of it.

Save you're little girl.

I have 3 daughters and i share your plight. One day my 4 year old and my 3 year old were holding each other kissing. I was totally freaked out by this. I did not know what to do so i told both of them that it was wrong and put them both in the corner. I dont want them to think that this kind of behavior is okay. I am also scared that they will be so curious that it will be easy for predators to prey on them. They also touch themselves in the tub. I figured it was because they wanted to see where there pee comes from. I dont want them to grow up to be ashamed of there bodies, but what can you do in a situation like this. I hope you get the answers you need. I can also learn from any replies you get.

good luck

My opinion, and by my own experiences as a child...she is learning it from somewhere. It could be from other kids or worse, an adult. Growing up, I had "weird" neighborhood kids that would engage in sex acts. Do you allow her to play w/neighborhood kids unsupervised? If so, I wouldn't! Also, you mentioned she sleeps in the same room as her 12 year old sister, but didn't mention this sister in your signature paragraph...? I would watch that closely and make them sleep w/the door open, or seperate them. NEVER make her feel "bad" for what she's doing, it could affect her long term. It sounds like you're at a loss and don't know what to do, which means you NEED to seek help from her Ped. I would have her checked for physical signs of "intrusion" and have the Ped talk to her alone. She might not want to talk about it in front of you.

Good luck!

Hi C., I believe you need to get her to a doctor. This is not normal, I am 50 and have children have done day care and helped my sister-in-law with foster care. The only few young children we have run across that do this that young (and yours thinking someone is in bed with her) have been sexually abused with. If you say she doesn't watch it on tv or see you guys I think she needs to go to a doctor.Before this goes on any longer. Good Luck, JM

Dear C.,
Yes, have your daughter checked by a physician to rule out molestation. If molestation has occurred, take her to a qualified classical homeopath in your area (I know Nevada has several). Homeopathy can reverse the mental/emotional trauma so she doesn't suffer consequences in her adult life.

Best,

S. I., L.Ac.
Lotus Wellspring Healthcare
456 E. Mission Road, Suite 100
San Marcos, CA 92069
###-###-####
____@____.com
www.lotuswellspring.com

If I were you, I would try to find out where she learned that that is what happens when "some one is in bed with her." It's scary to think about it but it is highly possible that someone has been in bed with her and has taught her about that. I can't see any other reason why she would say what she did. Take her to counseling and have a trained professional find out who it was. It is hard to suspect someone in your own home, but that's most often where it happens.

My daughter is 6 1/2 and touches herself in bed all the time. When I check on her before I get to bed, she is sleeping with her hand in her pants. She also sits sometime with her knees bent and feet facing back and rocks, so her bottom area is rubbing on the floor. Since I never recall being likt this, I was worried (but only worried for whether she will be an sexually active teen). I have just told her that she has to do it in the privacy of her own room and she has to wash her hands before an after, to make sure she does not cause infection. I would not worry. I have heard it is normal. Just talk to her about why she would pretend someone was in bed with her and see where you can get. Try not to make an issue with her to scare her before your know it is an issue. And this is the time to talk about how know one is supposed to touch her there so why would she pretend that someone is.

Good luck

Have your daughter evaluated. It is very uncommon for a child to naturally act like this so young. She has learned it somewhere or from someone.

This cannot be normal!! Something is most definitely wrong!!!

Dearest C.,

As a mom i can understand your fears on this. Your right young children are very curious about their bodies. But Keep your eyes open and continue to ask questions. Also, make this subject open to the 12 yr old sharing the room with your five yr old. Keep track of what the 12 year old is watching, listening and conversating about. Look on her my space, facebook, and texting. Her friends and what their into. Have a open door policy at all times. I know she needs her privacy but she is changing at this age too and sharing a room with a five year old. you have to have your eyes wide open. We don't like to think the worse but it's hard not to. I will be praying for you and that you will have peace in your heart in every circumstance. I hope that this is just a little girl exploring her body and it will stop soon. Maybe calling her doctor could give you more insite and talking with your husband to make a plan to diclose this situation. Your the only one that knows how deep this is because you seen her. Have peace.

In my prayers,
Nancy

Not to scare you, but you need to make an appointment with the pediatrician ASAP to have a physical done to see whether she has been sexually abused or molested. This does not sound normal to me. Talk to the pediatrician and let them know that she shares the room with the 12 year old and see what they think. Also, I would not allow her to share a room with the 12 year old or let the 12 year old babysit for you, in the event that one of the 12 year old's friends has behaved inappropriately with either the 12 year old or the 5 year old. Not to judge you, as your description says you are a full time student, but I think you need to spend more 1:1 time with your 12 year old to see what type of influence she is having on the younger children. She could be letting the 5 year old watch inappropriate content on the tv, or making the wrong kinds of friends. You only have one chance to reach some kids when they are teens before it is too late and something bad happens. The 12 year old might not be your child biologically, but if living under your roof and a sister to the five year old, that means she is your stepchild and your responsibility to care for and protect. You just need to start by spending more time with her...monitor who are her friends, computer usage, talk with her about alcohol, substances, and sex/puberty/relationships...do this little by little. It could also be (again, I don't want to scare you) that the 12 year old is being sexually abused or molested and that the five year old has either witnessed it or heard about it from the 12 year old. If the 12 year old was abused in this way, she could act inappropriately with other children. Mention this to the pediatrician. Seek counseling for the children if needed. Whatever the situation is, again, I would do anything I could to give the 12 year old her own room and make it separate from the other children.

Best of luck,
J.

SInce you posted this, you probably have a lot of responses. If you're sure that she hasn't seen any inappropriate material ...maybe her saying that she's pretending someone is in bed with her just is a reflection of knowing mommy and daddy love each other and share their bed together. I know you're worried, but I would really try not to make this a big deal and would watch it.

Hello C.,

Is it possible that your 12 y/o might have some influence in this? Could it be possible for your 5 year old to have seen her 12 y/o sister masturbate? Or maybe your 12 y/o may be telling her to do such things. It is hard to say, and you don't want to point any fingers, but do watch both carefully. It may even be your 5 y/o friends that come over and they could be talking about touching and other things. Kids this age don't really know about these things unless they have seen it or told about it. I would take to your doctor and see what he suggests. They see these things all the time and will have better advice for you. Just be observant. Good luck!

I know you get a lot of advice and it is all good. As a mom, one of my biggest fears is predators. I think the statistics are 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys. That is a LOT!

Couple thoughts:

Talk to your pediarician (pedi) about it and if your pedi is a male, maybe the nurse or get a 2nd opinion from a female pedi. I think a female may be better suited for this. A pedi would have heard it all and should know whether this is 'normal' or cause for alarm.

I agree with others:

Open the door if there are two kids in there.

Your 12-yr old needs her own space, perhaps. There is a huge differential in age there and she's old enough to need her own space. Your problem could be as simple as inappropriate dialogue between the two girls.

I agree with the question asked by many others. Whose child is the 12-yr old? You say she is the 5yr old's sister, but yet, you don't mention her in your family description, as you say are a mother of three.

Now here is another thing. I know it's not always talked about or whatever but your daughter's safety and health are the priority here. If you are concerned that ANYTHING could be happening in your home, get a video camera in her room, but only YOU know about it. If I had a concern like this, I wouldn't even tell my husband. Get one that you can maybe move into different rooms. I think they are called 'nanny cams'.