Child Banging Head - Rosharon,TX

If I'm being redundant, I apologize. I didn't take the time to read other's postings. I think it's probably similar to the children who hold their breath when they are mad or in trouble. My mom held her breath as a child and would sometimes pass out. Try ignoring her. She may be doing it because she gets so much attention from you (even negative attention). They seek any sort of attention. Next time, walk away to a place where she thinks you can't see her. If she stops, you know she's just putting on a show.

J.,
Sounds like you have a child very sensitive to the "loud scary Mommy voice". So, unless she is heading into oncoming traffic, I would use distraction and pleasant tones at 15 months.("Let's see if there is a book we would like to read hiding under the sofa"-as you lead her toward the sofa) She can't remember the no's anyway. And try to arrange the environment that she can do everything she sees so that there is less need for no's. Throwing her food on the floor is normal at this age, just put little bits on the tray and when she if finished, she is finished.
Good luck. It can be a trying time.

Hi J.,
I would advise you not to use the loud scary mommy voice for awhile and see if she stops the banging. She may be reacting to your disapproval. She is too young to understand that you are unhappy with the behavior, not with her. Try distracting her away from whatever she is doing that you don't want her to do...with toys or a story or whatever. You can tell her calmly that you don't want her to do whatever it is you are unhappy with, but try not using the scary voice. You would be surprised how little you actually need to speak to her in that way. Little children need to have things repeated to them many, many times before they actually sink in, so you have to be patient. Also, make sure that you are not leaving temptations within her reach (like breakable or dangerous items), this will restrict the number of times she can potentially get into trouble. Sorry if I have repeated what others have said...I didn't read all the responses. Good Luck!

Hi,

My firends daughter did the same thing, they tried everything. Eventually the doctor told her to throw a quart of water on her when she did it again. She did and Rachel never banged her head in frustration again. There was alot of cleanup involved but it was worth it.

Hope this helps

C

Hi J.

My son used to do the same. Everytime when I was telling him no, he was banging his head on walls, floor, whatever he could find available at that moment. He is now 19 months old and he stopped. As far as I could figger it out he was behaving that way because he was trying to make me change my decission... At the begging, when he start doing it I was trying to convience him to stop... it didn't work, I can honestly say he was banging his head harder if I was trying to stop him...so i tried the other approch, which was more painfull (at least for me) and I was prettending nothing happend when he was banging his head... soon after that he stoped banging his head on the wall but he start heating his head on mine everytime I was pulling him away from something he did not suppose to do...it was a liitle harder to ignore the hit but after aboutone or two weeks he stoped doing it .
I cannot say it is the best method, it just happend to work for us.

Hi J.,,,
Try holding her down when she starts banging her head you sit on the floor put your legs crossed over hers and hold her arms open handed an hold and talk to her about what she is doing ,,,and that you are not going to let her up till she calms down tell her you love her ,,be gentle with your touch and voice and hopefully work for you if not talk to her DR
good luck L.

"Consult" your pediatrician at your next visit. (No need to make a special trip) Let the dr reassure you that this is normal behaviour for some children. It will also explain the bruises on the noggin that are sure to follow in case anyone questions it later.
You are doing the right thing by trying to redirect her attention but don't get overly frustrated yourself if this doesn't stop the behaviour. One day (hopefully soon) she'll realize "Hey, THAT HURTS!" and quit on her own. Good luck to you!!

We had a similar issue with my son who is also a very sweet child but when he got frustrated because of his new baby sister getting attention when he felt he needed mommy he would bang his head on the wall. It was horrible. We were told to ignore it (within reason) and simply give him lots of love and attention. If you react too much in a good or bad way she will just do it more. Anyway, it worked for us and it stopped very quickly with us just not paying too much attention to it and diverting his attention to something else. It was not easy but did work.

good luck

Hi J.,

I used to be just like your daughter. I banged my head on the wall, the floor, whatever made the most impact. I just really wated to get my way. I have 2 boys 12 and 10 years old and a 7 month old baby girl. When my 12 year old was 15-18 months old he began exhibiting this same behavior. I thought long and hard about what would have made me behave differently. I came up with encouraging it. Reverse psychology. When my son would throw himself on the ground I would say "What a great spot for a tantrum. But you need to kick harder. You can do better than that. Is that all you've got?" With head banging I might say, "I don't know if I would use that spot. Maybe you should try that over here." You have to take the wind out of their sails. I have even called people over in the store and said "Don't you think he can do better than that?" In the end, he only did the tantrums and head banging for about 2 weeks.

I hope this helps,

L.

Yes, we had some family staying with us for awhile, and the little 13-month-old boy did the same thing. It was just a phase, and he grew out of it. For a little while, he walked around with little bruises on his forehead!! He's now a big boy of eight and hasn't ever done it again.

Jeez-a-loo!!! Here is what I think works...When my daughter went through the hitting thing(which I think can compare to any frustrating behaviour) I would hold her head and look her right in the eye and simply say, "no". And that "No" should be in a calm voice as if to say you dont like it. These little people soooo want to please. I believe in praising my daughter to the point of her wanting to please those around her. It has now at the point that when she does do things that I dont approve of, I dont hit, yell, throw things, etc. My simple disappoinment is all it takes. I started this method a few months ago. I will have to say that she is a well behaved child, and more importantly, I am a stress free Mama. And, as always, my husband is right on board with me....sheesh, if HE doesnt like her attitude, it straightens up REAL quick. We have a very silly, happy home. I firmly believe in cheering your kids on, it what drives them in the right direction.
Good Luck to you,
Margaret :)

Hi J.,

I used to be a head banger myself when I was little and I turned out to be normal. HAHAHA! Don't worry, it's just her way of showing that she's upset that she is not being allowed to do what she wants to do and doesn't like to be told "NO". One day she will bang her head on something other than wall(like on tile floor) and will really hurt, just like I did, and I never did it again! Just pretend to ignore her when she does that and she will see she's not getting the attention she was getting everytime she would act like that. It will be ok.

I wouldn't worry about it. My son used to hit himself in the same type of situation. I just started telling him that he was silly to hit himself, but go ahead. I wouldn't react any other way - no giving special attention to it. Just repeating that he was foolish to do it. He was frustrated, and knew he would get in trouble if he hit me, etc. So, he began hitting himself. Give her other alternatives on what to do when frustrated. Hit a pillow; bang her head on a pillow or mattress, etc. BUT, it won't work well if you try and tell her this as she is frustrated. Talk to her about it when she is calm and "over it". Then, she can understand what you are trying to tell her and will consider it. When she changes behavior, praise her. But, don't react when she hits her head on the wall. She's wanting your reaction.

I read your message and boy did it bring back memories. My daughter also was a head banger. She would sometimes bang her head on the floor and make a very red mark on her forehead. I was at the dr's when she had a fit and banged her head on his floor. We both watched and I asked "what am I supposed to do when this happens?" Dr. Sears looked at me and said exactly what we are doing now, just watching. He said it would not hurt her. Needless to say it was hard to watch but she did quickly outgrow it. She is now a 1st grade teacher! She graduated High school Salutiorian and is a wonderful woman. Please just hang on and love her lots! Deee6

My son did this as well around the same age. Our doctor said it's just their way of showing frustration at this point. They can't really talk fully or always communicate in a clear manner........so hence the head-banging. I would just walk away & ignore it......it stopped very soon w/ no "audience". Don't make a big deal out of it - she really can't hurt herself.....and will stop on her own if she gets too uncomfortable.

My son did this for a while and then outgrew it. It was his way of letting his frustration out. I would encourage them to do something else like hit a pillow or something but I wouldn't be too concerned unless it continues for a long time. Once she is able to let you know what she is feeling those behaviors should stop or sonce she learns of thoer things to do with her frustration it should stop.

Like the other moms said...she is tryin to get you to do what she told you to! SISTER...she will not hurt herself! She will decide the headache is not worth the behavior! Possibly if we bang our heads at our kiddos they will do what we told them to?????
Peace to you

I always found that with my son, it was more effective to give him specific instructions on how to quit doing something. If he was getting into the drawer under the stove, I would say, "Let go of the lid. Pull your hand out. Shut the drawer. Step back." He was follow to the tee. When I said "No," he would just keep at it.

As far as the banging the head, I really don't know. She may be a people pleaser, and her reception of the command is much more stern to her than what your intent is, and it freaks her out. That's the closest I can figure.

Good luck and best wishes!

Sorry to say I do not agree with most of the responses. I have a 10 year old daughter and she banged her head from the time she learned to sit up until she was about 4 1/2 years old. She would do it for what ever reason, not being able to do something on her own would set her off more than anything. The bad thing is that some children just don't know when to stop. Her old doctor said when she was small "to ignore her and she wold learn when it hurt and stop" and said the tiny lump on her head was scar tissue. She didn't stop until she had caused the left side of her forehead to be larger than the other side. She has also been diagnosed as having severe anxiety disorders, ADD, mild OCD and depression. I did ignore things like the doctor said and feel guilty as hell now. The doctor that she goes to presently has set her up an appointment with Texas Children's to have some tests done to determine if the "scar tissue" is on the outside of her scull or putting pressure on her brain....This is just my horror story and may be a 1 in a million chance, but it could happen to your baby girl too. So, don't ignore too much.

J.,

My 2 year old started this over a year ago. He would even bang his head on the brick fireplace. To this day we have bruises on his forehead practically all the time.

I talked with my peditrician about it. My son does it mostly when he gets mad or is frustrated or angry at something. Like telling him 'no' etc. My peditrician said it is an attention getting thing which is common in children, especially those who can't really communicate. I was told to ignore such behavior and it will stop once they really get to know that it hurts. Yes it is still scary and I wonder if he will ever get it. I also worry about the bruises left behind and others wondering how he got them. But, I am a Christian and just leave that up to God.

You might want to talk with your peditrician and let him know what she is doing to. He might have other thoughts for you.

Blessings
Cassie H.
Katy Texas