Changing Preschools Because My Son Doesn't like It?

"Is there some wonderful place out there where all the kids play great together and he will want to go to school and have fun."?

Only in Fantasyland. I've got my own preschool, I've observed some top-notch programs, and guess what? You can have the best teachers, the most amazing environment--and kids will still be kids. Children will still have conflict with each other. Children play in groups, based more on temperaments than on anything else.

There's a trend these days to overreact when kids say they don't want to go to school. Some people jump to the conclusion that something bad is happening at the school. Typically, if this is the case, we parents have gut feeling about it. It sounds like this is not your situation.

You have the right idea--preschool is primarily for children to learn how to be in the group, to get along in the group, to follow through the day with the group and to learn to trust and depend upon other adults besides their parents. If you as his mother feel fine with the preschool, chances are it IS fine. You are the parent, and chances are that if you switch schools, it will likely be more confusing for him. Why? Because if Mom and Dad don't know what's best for kiddo, then it's up to kiddo to decide and that's just too much responsibility for a little one.

I just sent home a packet to families on preparing for preschool. One thing I remind parents of is that preschool is work for children. It's fun work, but work indeed. They are developing self-control, self-regulation skills, they are developing self-help skills and have to do the work of dressing/washing hands, etc. relatively independently. At home, children are often getting lots of attention, whereas at school, they are given opportunities to amuse themselves, work on the skills they will need for kindergarten, and socialize with other children. This does eventually build the confidence and competency that is an asset in the larger classrooms of public school.

I also ask that parents treat preschool as they would elementary school---occasionally kids will have an off day and we honor that by keeping them home, but if it is routine reluctance (which is what this sounds like) I'd keep up the routine of going to school for now. It's not so common to have found such a place that you have no complaints, so this might be a pretty wonderful option!:)

I don't know if you son is at all the same as my son, but here is my son's story. My son (now 4) started pre-school last year. He loved going there at first because his sister also had attended the previous year and he couldn't wait for his turn. Well, once the excitement wore off and he got into the routine of school, he decided it wasn't worth going and didn't want to go anymore. I mean he would scream and cry getting ready, leaving, getting there and going into school. It was a nightmare.
After repeating this a few times and doing some research, we found out he wanted to control the situation! If he woke up and said he didn't want to go, I'd say fine, go back to sleep. Then he'd say, 'NO WAIT...I think I really do want to go." We realized it wasn't school at all that he didn't want to attend...IT WAS A CONTROL ISSUE!!! My son is very manipulative and he was trying to get his way or no way. Now that we have him figured out, it's easy to combat. Maybe it could be the same with your son? Don't rush into pulling him out until you talk to the teachers and exhaust all other options!

See if you can quietly observe him in the school setting without him seeing you- if you see he isn't happy, switch him to another school. Is this the first time he has mentioned he doesn't like school? Ask his teachers if anything occurred on those days to prompt him to say that- ask them to give you a report of what he is doing, how he behaves and acts at school weekly if you decide to keep him there- But I would first go and see for myself what is going on.

Good luck!

Molly

I am a more fly by the seat of my pants type person and I despise arts and crafts. My daycare children are turning 5 this year. They are reading most small words, writing their names, know their colors and can count high enough. They like coming here and rarely get bored. Sometimes I get more bored than they do because it seems they like to do the same old things and play the same old games again and again.

I try to introduce new concepts, new games, and new field trips from time to time. My 10 year old is a home schooler and I do include them in many of the documentaries she watches. I would think the kids would hate the documentaries but they don't. Kids are very interested in just about everything.

Some things we do work great and others not so much and it does depend on the child. I had a little girl that was infatuated with computers when she first came and she was so excited to work on them. She decided she didn't like one of the programs and another program was too hard. Now all the sudden she cries and even BALLS when we tell her she is going to work on a program. So I've been looking for new games, breaking out old games...all learning and fun. Nothing is making her want to do the comuter. So we are going to start forcing the situation with a monthly sticker chart and rewards at home. Sometimes a child needs to learn that they can't just fuss about something when they are in school. These kids are missing the cut off and have another year with me. I am determined to have them ready for school.

I would say that if your child isn't giving you more actual reasons why he's not happy with the school that you should talk again with his teachers. I can tell you this much. If my mothers came to me and asked me what is wrong, I'd know each of my children well enough to tell them what they don't like and why. Sometimes the problem stems from here and sometimes it stems from home. I've dealt with some rather spoiled children before that were given so much freedom to run the show at home that they don't like having to obey at my house. Also, sometimes there are other things going on at home like broken marriages, changes, new siblings, etc. that can change the way they feel. You do say you are sending him to spend more time with your other child. He may feel like "Hey, what am I, chop liver?"

Is this the first time he's said he doesn't like preschool or has this been the theme for several weeks? I suggest that, just like most of us, he prefers to be at home and in comparison preschool is no fun.

If there is something else going on, then I suggest that you need to find out why he doesn't like preschool so that you can choose a new school that is more apt to provide for the need that isn't being met at this preschool.

I would not be quick to move him. Investigate first. Talk with staff. Visit and observe if you can. Changing schools is rarely an easy thing to do. Both of you will have to get used to the new place and it's people and rules. I suggest that unless you are not pleased with this schools set up and your son is not having difficulties at school then keep him in the same school. The difficulty that he had early on is one he would have no matter where he was. It sounds like the staff handled that well and I would consider that while you're investigating. You just do not know what another school will be like. You are right. You shouldn't keep moving him based on his saying he doesn't like it without having any indication of what he doesn't like. Because you are connected with your son you'll know when school isn't working out.

My grandson has had three different day-care situations, two of which were excellent private pre-schools with lots of planned activities. Does your son's preschool make up a varied schedule, or do the kids just show up, hang around, and play with stuff/each other.

If they don't provide a calendar of activities or a newsletter, or don't send home interesting artsy or educational projects your son has worked on, or if your son never has interesting stories about things he did or learned at school, you might inquire further from his teachers about what a typical day is like, if you haven't done so already.

Different programs, and different personnel, could make a huge difference in your son's experience. Some preschools may not be much more than a place for kids to pass the time while being kept safe. That wouldn't be my ideal. It would at least be worth investigating.

Talk to the teachers at the preschool and see how he acts when he is there. Is it too structured for him? Not structured enought? Are their learning activities play-based as they should be? If these are the issues, maybe he should switch. If it is just that he doesn't want to get up and go then I say send him if you are happy with school.

Don't be afraid to change schools. I wish I would have. There is a reason why he does not like it, and he probably cannot articulate it to you. Don't assume that the problem is your child. Yes, it could be, but it also could be the teachers or another child. Many kids have struggles and need to learn the appropriate way to handle things. How that is handled is key. Is it treated as something he needs help with or is he getting "punished" for his behavior? Don't assume that the school is handling things appropriately (although they certainly might be) - or some teachers may and some teachers might not. I would ask specific questions on how they handle specific issues.