Hello Friends,
Although me, my husband and everyone in the family are relatively good at English, it is second language for us. We speak our native language at home. I have 3 year old and she has been raised as a bilingual child. She primarily speaks our native language and is very fluent as well as comfortable conversing using our mother tongue. However, we have been teaching her words and short sentences in English right from the beginning in order to get her ready for outer world. She now goes to pre school for last 6 months or so and has improved a lot on English. She understands everything being told to her in English, watches programs on TV and makes/initiates conversations in English at school and at home. She feels very comfortable at school as she can express her self better as compared to her first months. This is all very good part. The challenging part comes when I try to convey to her that once we as a family are together we should be speaking in our native language most of the time. Me and my husband hardly talk in English when we are together. It doesn’t feel natural, if you know what I mean. Our pediatrician (from her own experience) suggested that one of the parents can speak English and the other one can do native language. Well…we tried that too. Both times she avoided talking to me as I didn’t speak any English with her and ran to my husband and started telling him whatever she was trying to tell me.
My daughter these days speaks mostly in English although she knows exactly how to communicate in our language. We don’t like to discourage her when she already has initiated conversation, but at the same time I would like make it clear to her that this way she will loose her grip on our language and eventually, she will stop speaking our language. So far if We start a conversation in our language she replies in the same. But what I have seen in infinite number of immigrant families that kids as they grow older (6-7 years or so) converse only in English even though they understand their mother tongue. This is typical of every child whose parents have migrated to the USA from different parts of the world. Some of my friends have strict rules at home for not speaking any English. My husband is totally against of it. He thinks its very negative thing to do to a young child.
I am not trying to offend any American nor do I discount value of English as it is a must for everyone in this world these days. I am trying to do my best to preserve the value of my mother tongue and pass on to generations. I want my child to feel connected to the rest of the family back in native place, family culture and traditions without compromising on anything that’s essential for her to learn living in the USA.
Sorry for making you all read this looong essay but I’d appreciate your suggestions.
Thanks in advance
I don't have any real advice or suggestions; but I would continue to speak in your native language as often as possible with your child. He/she will have plenty of opportunity to learn and practice English in school and with friends.
I think your pedi gave you some bad advice. You should do what you feel is right for your family and don't let anyone tell you differently.
buena suerte!
A.
We lived abroad for 4 years, and we only spoke English at home with our children. My son refused to speak French, even after 2 years in preschool, so our problem was opposite of yours. You're doing all the right things. Studies I read say that parents should speak only their mother tongue to their children. Otherwise the children lose out on the little endearments and special ways of expressing oneself that you only know in the language you heard as a child. No matter how good your English, and yours is excellent, your child misses out. We had friends in France who were English (dad) and Italian (mom), but chose to use French as their "family" language. They had children with very English names who could speak no English. According to the experts, they should have heard only English from their father and only Italian from their mother (who also spoke perfect English, as well as Italian and French). Don't give up on speaking your language to her, for all of the excellent reasons you give, but do let her respond in English if she wants to. Your husband is right that it is cruel to impose rules like that. But both of you should speak to her in your language. Good luck!
MB,
I feel I can speak to this as our children were born abroad where we lived until the oldest was 8 and we had different experiences. Our oldest refused to speak the native language to us, she said, "you are Mommy, you speak English" even if our guests spoke only the native language and she went to a local school and spoke the native language. The second child refused to speak English as she wanted to be like her friends and was more involved in the local community. The 3rd spoke only the native language and my mother had to teach him English when we would come to visit and then we had to reteach him native language when we went back. That is all background.
I work with an immigrant population here. This is my experience. All kids will learn English. All kids will have their immigrant language erased unless the parents work really, really hard to maintain it and the culture. There is so much to be said for being bilingual. It opens so many doors. My daughter is taking classes to be certified to teach ESL and she learned that every immigrant group has their language erased by the 3rd generation. Your grandchild will not know your language. So, my advice is to maintain your language and culture. I know it is hard. There must be local kids' groups which study art, dance, celebrations etc which help your daughter to identify with her culture. We are a melting pot, but it is good to have a few flavors stand out and I would support it fully. My own background is 4th generation born in the US of 100% Irish forebears and we were still talking about the glories of being Irish when I was a kid. So.....I disagree with your husband and I hope he can see that to erase a learning opportunity for your daughter will do her no favors. If school speaks English and home speaks X, she will not be confused. I would not comment on her speaking English, just respond in your native language so that she hears only that from you.
I think pre-school is a great idea so that she won't need to learn English and the subject matter at the same time in first grade. Many kids go into the straight English program from the pre K and K bilingual programs.
K. C
Hello my name is B. and I am not sure what area you live in, but my son goes to Knowles Elem. and its a bilingual school. My child is not bilingual this is where we we are zoned to go. We are a Spanish and English speaking school. I do not know if Spanish is your native laguage or not. If so your daughter could be in a Spanish speaking class only. It is a wonderful school and would not go anywhere else. She could go all the way to 5th grade in spanish speaking classes only.There are pre-k spanish classes as well. If Spanish is your native language I hope this helps. Knowles is in Cedar Park,Texas.
Hi MB~ don't give up on speaking your native language to your child.
I'm one of those kids ( 43 yr.old mom now ) :)) that totally forgot my native tongue. My mom is Asian and my dad is Caucasian, my mom and grandmother both spoke Vietnamese to me, but I would respond in English. Always. It was never enforced that I spoke in my birth language. So I lost it. I only remember a few words here and there but thats it. I've regretted that, how awesome it would be to speak 2 languages!!!
