Cell Phone Boundary with Older Teen

Having a cell phone NOT in a bedroom at night is part of good sleep hygiene and good practice for adults as well so I think you should continue with this practice from that perspective (and hopefully you and your husband follow the same practice - if not, get a regular alarm clock and move your phones to a common charging area outside of your bedroom as well). My oldest son is graduating next week and once he got into the habit of using his phone as an alarm at around age 15, it wasn't worth the fight of making him hand it over anymore so he does have his phone all night but is normally dead asleep by 11 or 12 PM on a school night so it's not an issue.

When my younger sons get phones, I'll use the nightly turn in from the get-go to set the standard for good sleep hygiene. The lure of the glowing screen is just too much for many kids and there are many articles out there that support that it's a good idea for everyone to leave their phone charging in a separate room at night.

I would ask her for what time she thinks is reasonable for a turn in. I think midnight makes sense but she what she says.

I think sleep is important for a growing brain.
And the brain growth is not completed till their early 20's.
I don't care what the distraction is - unless they are pulling an occasional all-nighter for a project or a presentation - there will be NO disturbing/disrupting the sleep.
Sleep is sacred - and more people need to quit shorting themselves on it.
Phones/computers/ipads charge over night in the living room.
We've never had any issues with this with our son.
The kid is brilliant!
Straight A's through the 11th grade, just inducted into National Honor Society and 9 college credits under his belt so far while still in high school.
The sleep must be working!

My daughter is 21, in college and lives in her own condo.
I did not take the phone away when she lived at home and I know she still uses it as her alarm. I use my phone as my alarm as needed.

My daughter (and yours) is old enough to make the decision to disconnect for the evening on her own without rules. Of course there are consequences... up all night on the phone = little to no much needed sleep which makes for a hard day. My daughter values her sleep so it was a non issue here.

Your daughter will be on her own within a year or so if she goes off to college. I would guide her so she can make responsible decisions on her own because you are not going to be around to police her 24/7. She needs to make those decisions on her own, have mutual trust with you and open communication.

I used to have my kids "turn their phones in" at night as well. When son started driving to school, he also started setting his own alarm... on his phone. So he kept his phone to use as an alarm. Daughter (3 years younger) does the same. Sure, I suppose that they might be on their phones at all hours of the night if they chose to be, and their friends might text them at 3:00 a.m. ... but they have the ability to turn the volume off (and still hear the alarm) so that they are not disturbed by these middle of the night texts. That is part of growing up... learning how to manage your time, your sleep, your needs, and your relationships...

My youngest has never had much problem with any of these things. She is a straight A student, who excels in most everything. So, the best way to deal with her is to let her see that something doesn't work for her. Or that it's disruptive to her sleep. Or whatever. She will figure out a remedy, and still be able to use her alarm/phone how it is useful to her. Son had to figure it out also, and good thing... b/c he goes off to college in another 2 months. He'll be making ALL of those decisions for himself. So, better that he learn how and try out various methods while still having the emergency backup alarm (mom)...

If you have younger kids, I see no harm in having different rules for them on this. They don't all get driver's licenses at the same time... this is no different, in my opinion.

I've come to my own conclusion that eventually, all teens becoming young adults need to learn to manage their own sleeping/waking, as well as controlling their own times to "disconnect" They are going to make some mistakes. Better to learn from them earlier, rather than later. Teens/early 20's can be very nocturnal, naturally. I was that way too during those years, I keep reminding myself. My teens decide for themselves when they go to sleep. By the same token, I don't wake them up for school or anything either. And if they oversleep and get tardies at school, they get the consequences for that.

If your DD already sets her phone out on the counter on her own without you having to go get it, remind, or nag her, that is awesome! I wouldn't even mess with your current routine. If she's resisting, I'd ask yourself how much longer you want to hold yourself accountable for monitoring these specific time allowances. What if YOU want to go to bed at 11:00 on a Friday? I think you have to decide what's going to work best for you.

Stick to your guns on no phone in the room after a cerrtain hour. Be sure, to model that you do yourself what you would have HER do, that you and your significant other do not cuddle your phones either - make it a family thing if it isn't one already. All the phones can go together on the same counter.

I like your idea of asking her what she thinks is a reasonable time for the phone to go to bed in summer. Do note that even in summer, she needs adequate rest, so taking 3 a.m. texts shouldn't happen then either.

Too many kids, even responsible older teens, just do not know how to say no to devices including their phones. They can't disconnect, ever. Talk with her about how this is NOT a punishment or a criticism, but, as JB puts it, a matter of creating a habit of good "sleep hygiene."

I get that lots of kids and adults use phones for alarms but if you don't want her doing that, be sure she has a good alarm clock and keep up the phone "bedtimes" with her input.

Has she complained about the guidelines? If she hasn't then I wouldn't change a thing unless its something you want to do. If she has then talk with her about your concerns and see if the two of you can work out some guidelines that fit both your needs. I'd be concerned with texting all night and not getting enough rest. Of course back before cellphones I remember my high schooler being up and sneaking talks on the phone with friends in the middle of the night. We had call waiting so she'd call the pay phone at the park and when her friend called the house number there would be a click so she'd pick up that call. Teens are pretty smart.

I have been thinking a bit this morning on this question...while my coffee kicks in...

Honestly I am not sure...I would ask her what she thinks...

The summer before my senior year I was an up all night sleep all day type of kid. But we didn't dare call our friends after ten pm because if we woke their parents they would get in trouble so would we.

I had a midnight curfew on weeknights and no curfew on weekends Friday/Saturday nights. So I was actually spending time with my friends in person. I had to wake my mom when I got home so she knew I got home.

So I kinda like the idea better that they were home in their own house/bed visiting with friends rather than like us at a park or all night coffee shop.

Maybe set the phone limits just like you would her curfew limits...those are times you can spend with friends and then there are times you are home and unplugged. (or maybe an hour later than her actual curfew so she can visit and rehash the evening with friends before unplugging.)

Having no curfew on weekends that summer and my Senior year (unless I was grounded...which was rare) was very good for me going into college. Plus most of the time my friend's curfews dictated when I had to be home...then again I had friends in college so they had no curfew.

Not sure this helps...but I think it might be what I would do when mine get to be that age.

Of course by then...it will be different electronics to deal with, lol. Good luck!!

I agree with TF. At her age, she needs to learn what works for her and what doesn't. We don't take these things from our kids, but they know they have to function the next day, so they have learned from early on to turn things off and disconnect. It's not hard if you teach them to do it on their own.

I wouldn't change that rule for summer, but I wouldn't have it in the first place...so I'm not sure.

My kids learned quickly that losing sleep due to phone usage is not in their best interests. We don't take their phones away at night unless we see that they can't police themselves (our youngest had issues with this). I can't imagine having a rule like this in place for my senior, he paid for the phone and pays for his plan every month, I don't see any need to police the damn thing unless I see there's a problem, which there never has been. I think you're being over protective.

The phone is such a tiny thing. I'd just let her have it and let her know that in your opinion she should turn it off at night so she can sleep.

Her own natural consequence is that she'll be tired when she stays up all night chatting with friends.

We didn't take phones away, mostly because that was also their alarms. Is it the internet you are worried about or late night phone calls? Usually you can do settings on your plan to turn off data or calling features after a certain time at night.

Maybe instead of taking the phone, you could set some rules up like no calls after midnight and then sit down with her and check at the end of the month to see if she was able to follow through (I can see all use on phones on my bill). That would build some trust and allow you to give her some ability to work towards being able to keep her phone at night.

Good luck!

I wouldn't change a thing, except for if she is not home, like on a date. (I don't know what her curfew is.)

Leave things as they are.