i feel like such a nimrod even having to ask this. there's been no time in my life when i HAVEN'T had a cat or three, so i should have this down by now.
i plead empty-nester-replacing-kids-with-new-kitten syndrome.
we have 2 adult cats. they hate each other's guts, have from the 1st day. we got foo as a tiny kitten. he had a terrible beginning to his little life, but was rescued and fostered with a loving family with several cats, and although he was an over-the-top live wire, he seemed perfectly happy. he lived here as the single ruler of the roost for a few years until ivy came. she was a young adult, adored from the moment of her birth, and raised in a busy environment with tons of kids and animals. i thought she and foo would get along great but it was hate-at-first sight. nothing physical, but loathing and hissing and snarling and flurries of batting at each other. that was the status quo for a couple of years.
about a year ago ivy's full sister luna came to live with us. my dreams of 'sisters reunited' were soon dashed. luna is incredible with humans, and baneful malice to other cats. when she moved in things devolved rapidly into screaming bloody battles. luna recently moved to baltimore with my kids, where she is an adored only queen, and my 2 big cats were giddy with relief at being returned to their state of mere armed vigilance.
but my best friend recently had a litter of polydactyl siamese babies. i've longed for one of these faery kitties for years, and was ecstatic to be offered one. my beautiful marley maia came home this past weekend, tiny and blue-eyed and many-toed. my friend gaby, who is a certifiable cat lady, assured me that my deadly duo would be okay with a baby, as baby animals come built-in with sounds and gestures that usually discourage adults of their own species from shredding them. i know this is true of horse. but i was doubtful because my big cats are so NOT okay with other cats, but we had to try. i've got to have my marley!
it's not going well. i expected some initial hissing and growling, and i got it. foo has settled into speculative watching, but the twitch of his tail does not bode well. ivy is devastated. she is SO angry with me, and hates the baby with a ruby-red passion. if tiny marley even enters the same room as ivy, it's growling and screeching and sounds of immanent armageddon.
we've designated one of my recently vacated bedrooms (sniffle) as 'marley's room' for now. when we're not home, and at night, that's where she stays. but it's no long-term solution.
does anyone have any suggestions? obviously i've tried to reassure my poor ivy that she's still adored, but she won't accept any of my overtures at all. she's feels so betrayed. but i can't have my tiny girl in actual danger of her life either.
and what on earth am i doing wrong that i keep churning out these completely unsocialized cats! prior to foo this never happened. i always had 1, 2 or 3 who got along fine!
oh, it's been a little less than a week thus far.
TIA!
:X khairete
S.
you guys are SO wonderful! i had not heard of the herbal treatment, nor the tv show. i'll check both out.
things seem to be on an upswing, i say with cautious optimism. i found foo and marley both asleep with david last night. he says foo just looked at her but didn't react much either way (foo's not a snuggler, he sleeps at the bottom of the bed, baby was tucked under daddy's chin), and that marley was considering pouncing on foo but he managed to distract her. i spent the evening with ivy, who seems to be calming down a little. she smacked at marley when the kitten toddled up to her yesterday, but she didn't vaporize her.
all may yet work out.
i'll post again in a few weeks with an update.
i SO appreciate the many helpful and supportive comments!
:) khairete
S.
Well, I've got dogs. But I USED to be a cat person. Still I don't have any practical advice.
However, I WILL ask St Francis to throw you a bone (teehehe).
:)
First of all, stop getting cats. Secondly, maybe you can watch that show "My Cat From Hell". Pretty good insight to cat psychology and behavior. Jackson Galaxy is like the Dog Whisperer for cats.
http://jacksongalaxy.com/
Hope this helps.
I don't have any advice, I just loved reading this :)
(I don't love your problem! I love the story and the way you told it.)
Wow, S.,
I'm sorry I don't have any special advice to offer, other than empathy. I'm on the other side of the coin: I would love to have a second cat, but my husband (wisely) has forbidden it, figuring it would just so utterly piss off our Gus Kitty.
I did notice, however, that sounds like your cats get along about as well as teenage girls. Drama drama drama.
Sorry I don't have a great answer for you. Going to Google "polydactyl" now. I love siamese kitties though, but I'm holding out for friendly female tortie the next time around.
Hugs, H.
Love your post!! I have two cats and a big dog (all in-door) that love each other - no blood relations but they are typical brother and sisters with not getting along every once in awhile. Nothing drastic like yours so I usually just stay out of their little tiffs!!
My question - are all your cats fixed? This seems to really help in calming down moods and attitudes, etc.
Other than that, talk to your vet - maybe they could recommend something. Or maybe the library has some books you could look into.
Good luck!!!
I wish I had some great words of wisdom and a good solution to your problem. Unfortunately I do not. Cats don’t usually take to other cats unless they grew up together. I had two cats for nearly 20 years and the first one I got as a kitten and then a year later tried to adopt a cat of the same age. Well that didn’t work and the new cat spent three days living in fear in another room. I then adopted a kitten and although my older cat wasn’t happy she tolerated her.
I would give back the kitten and let your current cats live out their lives with just each other.
Well, sadly, I have no advice for you in the cat department. My orange tabby is the same way as your older two... Hates most other cats with a boiling passion. In fact, when we visit at my mom's house, he VOLUNTARILY hides in the room we sleep in. Even when we put my mom's cat up in her room, he won't come out.
I just wanted to say, though, how cool it is that you have a Hemmingway cat!
I wholeheartedly second the watching of "My Cat from Hell" with Jackson Galaxy. your story sounds just like an episode I saw about two cats that hate each other. go check out his website, he's awesome.
Aw, S., I don't know what to say to help you. I have read here that some people use a spray bottle of water to discipline their cats into submission when they behave badly. Somehow, from your description of your relationship with these kitties, I doubt you are one of the people who do that...
If it were children, you'd know what to do. It would involve love AND discipline. I think that you might consider finding a cat professional to give you advice. Kind of like the Dog Whisperer.
So sorry.
PS - by the way, the baby sounds adorable!
Dawn
S.,
You could try Feliway to help with the aggression. It is a pheromone diffuser. you can even buy the spray bottle kind if they still make it. I always go for the more natural remedies and this is the best I can do. Honestly, it might not work but it is worth a shot. If you spoke to your veterinarian about this they might recommend prozac for your more aggressive one. I had to put my oldest aggressive cat on it and it seemed to make him more bipolar and crazy.
I can imagine this getting ugly when Marley gets older but at the same time I am also imagining your other two backing down to her as she grows. I've been around in vet medicine but unfortunately not with behavior.
I've brought a new kitten (also a polydactyl) into my house hold before with one really aggressive cat and did not have any problems. I was told my cats would except the baby.
That same year my husband moved his adult male cat (neutered) into our home and it was a mess. They would roll around on the floor attached to each other and there was literally hair flying around. I would have to pour a container of water on them. It was sad. we ended up having to give my husbands cat to my mom.
Most of the time cats will cohabitate and just ignore each other. a Hiss here and a hiss there, maybe a swat. I really hope this works out for you and they can just get along.
BTW siamese and polydactly- you have the best of both worlds-LOVE LOVE LOVE!
-from a former/future crazy cat lady
C.
First, quit coddling ivy, cats are not stupid, which you know. When she misbehaves she should get a time out. Put her in a bathroom and shut the door. When she comes out and acts up, immediately put her back in the same spot. She will get it.
I would tell both of them Marley is here to stay. Let foo be, he can express his disdain, just not act on it.
Hope this helps, I know animals aren't human, but they are still living beings. They just need to find a way to coexist...
I love cats, too. I grew up with many different cats. Each cat has it's own unique personality, and they are indeed a very proud animal. My current cat is 15 years old and very much a sulker if she gets her feelings hurt. I had to apologize to her when I brought my son home. Never mind that I am sure she knew something was up before we brought him home. While I was pregnant, she would lay her head on my stomach. She got kicked a few times, too. Anyway, she would throw a big fit whenever I brought my son into the living room the first month after he was born. After I apologized to her for not telling her in advance how loud my son would be when he cried, and how much attention he would need, and I assured her that she still was my special girl, and that I loved her and needed her in my life, she really calmed down.
When I was younger, at one point I had four cats in the house. A 10 year old, a 6 year old, a 3 year old, and a kitten. Each time we added one, it was a big adjustment on the others. There was almost always a few scratch fights too. I would make sure that each cat has it's own special place to sleep, it's own litter box, it's own eating and drinking bowls, and it's own toys. If they decide to share later, that's great but don't push it. You may have to accept that they might need to be separated at night and when you are out of the house. As they get older, they may mellow out more too. Our ten year old was upstairs, the 6 year old was downstairs in her own room, the three year old was left on the front closed in porch, and the kitten got the kitchen. It was like that for awhile until they all sort of blended well and the three year old ended up being the only one separated from the others because she would bite. She had been declawed by a previous owner.
I hope you can find some sort of solution soon. It is never fun when your cat is mad at you.
It sounds like the group isn't very stable to begin with and bringing in more and more cats to the mix is just upping the hateful between them. But now you have them so...
I would give them cats +1 litter boxes. I would also feed them in various places if one cat attacks another at food time. If you can give some of the cats a getaway from others, that may be useful.
I'd also look into feliway in various combinations (the plug in and the spray).
You should make sure that nobody has any undetected illnesses. When cats get sick, sometimes other cats pick on them, taking advantage of the cat's illness. When our smaller cat started picking on our big Maine Coon, I took him to the vet and we found he had bad teeth. That was taken care of and now he boxes her right back.
I also realized I was messing up the hierarchy by feeding whichever cat arrived for meals first. I went back to feeding him first and then her and put her back in her 2nd place and everyone seems to be happier.
When you give the cats attention, have you been giving the newbie much more attention than the others? Is there a cat that is really keen on you that you don't pay as much attention to now? Have you given that other cat more attention? Are there other people that the cats have claimed? Have they moved out? What is the human factor?
And, please, even if the cat is made of gold and has fairy wings, don't bring in another pet of any sort until you sort this out. The ones in your home need you to do this for them.
I think that like with people, some animals like company and some don't. Our big guy missed his buddy so we got one more and they get along well, but not as closely as the cat we lost and the big guy. When we got her, we gave the shelter the rundown of what we wanted - both for us and for him. They matched us with a cat that liked other cats, etc. I am a big fan of such matchmaking. We didn't end up with the first cat we considered, but we did end up with a cat that is social with both cats and humans and can tolerate kids. And for now, that's all the cats we'll have. I'd love the brother cats that are at the vet's right now in foster care, but I think DH's head would explode. One of the benefits of adopting older cats is you know who they are vs kittens being a mystery. Give me a laid back old boy vs a ball of teeth any day. I love kittens....but they are insane. Maybe Ivy and Foo feel the same way.
I'm sorry this is happening. I agree with the other moms, my cat from hell is where I would start looking for advice. Jackson Galaxy knows his stuff. He does take emails from viewers, hopefully he will write you back some tips to try. Good luck, I hope it works out.
Try this out:
Sorry I can't offer much help--always been a dog person until recently. I've only had a cat (lynx-point siamese) for almost a year and he is soooo much fun but he is sooooooo different from a dog!!! He is his own "person" and wants what he wants on his own terms.
I will mention that we used a behaviorist for our dog and it worked within the first few days of applying her techniques. Hopefully you can find someone to give you some tips and tricks. Good luck with the crew!
Cats are like people. Just because they are the same species doesn't mean they all get along and are best friends forever. I had a cat for 21 yrs that hated every other cat in the house. The others just learned to avoid her and it worked out ok. The key is to give each cat what they need. In my case it was vertical cat towers where the mean one could be up off the floor and out of the way.
Make sure you play with your cats to the point of exhaustion so that the kitten is tired out and less likely to get on the others nerves. Leaving the kitten in a separate room is really a good idea because it gives the kitten it's own territory. When you are home take the older cats into the room and let them sniff around.
I've found that for the most part even if they all hate each other cats reach an understanding so that they can all survive. They may never be best friends.but that's ok.
I second all of the other responses to watch "My Cat from Hell." It is on saturdays and I think you can also watch it on the internet. This is all about territories. I used to have 2 cats (sisters that got a long okay) and then thinking that they were such sweet cats, I added a kitten. They were not so happy about it. They hated him for 2 years, until we moved. Then each claimed their new territories and all got a long well. There was the "alpha" cat, who was in charge, and some hits and hisses, but peace. On the show, he has the cats all in their own rooms and then at feeding time you feed them first on either side of the door, and then closer and closer to each other, until they can tolerate each other. One will always be the top cat, but they will get a long. He also talks about the importance of play with them. You aren't doing anything wrong. You just need to understand cats.
