Career and Mom

I went tru the same thing it worked out fine raised 4 children now have 8grandchildren A. no hills

I'm the SAHM to a 2 year old and a 5 year old and I feel the same way every time I leave them. This is called MOTHERHOOD. From now on, I've been told, you can never expect to be completely mentally free. It will lessen somewhat with time, and knowing that he is asleep most, if not all, the time that you are gone, should help some. But don't have high expectations that you will be fine - now you are a mom, and that's the way love goes. Maybe you could work less for a little while? Then, see how you feel and re-evaluate. My cousin says that having her son in day care made her a better mother to him because he was such an intense little kid, she needed some space!
Good luck to us all! No one told me it was going to be like this! LOL!

I have to work too and it's hard but a little better since I leave them home with Daddy too (I have three now) one thing that my husband used to tell me is that they slept most of the time that I was gone, which is true. If you were working during the day you'd miss more time with him, right. And it is much easier (or it was for me) to leave them with Dad then at some stranger's house! That said I still remember a few days crying all the way to work!

Good luck, you're not alone, and some days (even after four years of working with kids) are going to be harder than others!

Hello, I was a stay at home (did daycare) mom until my youngest went to school. I then worked at the local elementary school. I also did daycare before and after school as well as vacations. If I did leave my children for any reason, I always felt guilty. Now I have grandchildren. One of them lived with us for three years. It was the same thing. He is now with his parents and brought us a little dog to raise. Can you believe that when I have to leave her home alone, I almost cry. Now that might not be normal. :-)
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

Yes, this is totally normal. I was put on anxiety meds after my girls were born & I had to double the dosage when I went back to work. It was super hard for me. You may want to talk to your DR about a prescription, if you think it may be that bad. Good luck!!!

A. B,

I was a working mom too, and my now grown children all are greatful I taught them this aspect of life. But when things get too overwhelming they will throw this in your face. I worked three different shifts at different times but still made quality time for my children as well on the days I was not home.

It is good that your husband is home with him at night. If your anxiety is that you are abandoning your son, you are not. You are working for him and his care. Does your husband work? If so that is a good thing, your son is learning that it takes both parents to maintain the financial status for your son. When you are home or have days off, spend or specify that this is his time and no one can change that. This is what I did, over the objections of many of my friends and supervisors. Reserve your free time for your son, this does not include the time he wants to spend with his friends, or while you have house work to do. Get him involved in the company gatherings, my children would enjoy this.

Remember being a working mother is not wrong. You are making sure your son has what he needs and you spend specific time with him when you are off work. Make this quality time, and make it special for him. These things he will remember as he grows and matures.

Good Luck.

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I know exactly how you feel. I'm a working mom and my husband is a stay-at-home-dad. My son is also 12 months old. Even though I know that my son is in good hands at home with my husband, it breaks my heart to be away from him so much. I also feel like I'm abandoning him...and like I'm somehow hurting his feelings by being away...like he'll feel as if I don't care about him...etc etc. I know, logicially, that that's silly - but it's hard to think anything else. It's just programed into us. I was completely miserable for months at work...and still don't like it.

All I can tell you is that, for me, things have gotten better over time. I can see that my son knows me, and loves me, and isn't being hurt by me being away. I'm sure your son isn't either...especially if you're only away from him at night (while, I presume, he's asleep?).

I know it's hard, and I'm so sorry. Give it some time. Know that it's ok and normal to feel this way. You're not alone.

Message me anytime if you want to commiserate one-on-one...sometimes it helps to vent.

Good luck. It will get better.

Totally normal to feel that way. Avoid letting your mind wander into horrible scenarios and the "what if's" Tell yourself over and over again throughout the day that you are making the best choice for your family and the baby is happy and fine. Mothers are programmed to feel this way-it's a survival instinct. Good Luck!

I know just how you feel. I had the same anxieties before my son was even born. I just knew I didn't want to have to leave him with someone else, but I also knew that we needed an income coming from end too. Luckily I have been a successful work from home mom for about 2 years now. I don't know if transitioning to a work from home position is something you would be interested in but I think you should check it out! It has been a blessing for me and my family. Just visit http://www.wahmjobfinder.com/gagreen to get more info.

Like all the other moms who have responded, YES- it will always remain difficult to leave your kids. We are a 2 income family so staying at home is not an option. Leaving your son with daddy is a very good thing! It helps daddy bond with his son and in turn, he can appreciate all that you do for the family.
You are lucky in that you get to work the graveyard shift. The kids are usually sleeping so they won't have time to dwell that you're off to work.
My friend is a nurse who has kids and opts to work the night shift so that she can be there for her kids during the day. This has proved to be a good schedule for her since she can still be involved with her kids' homework as well as volunteer for school.

It has been almost 9 years for me and I miss my kids everyday while I'm at work. Posted pictures of my family around my workspace help me cope throughout the work day. They keep me grounded as to what is really important. Good luck!

I think it is just really hard! I'm not sure what makes it easier cause its not really getting easier. I had to go back to work when my little guy was 3 months and he's in a daycare. They are great and that's comforting to know they really care. So you have a couple of good things going for you and focus on those. Your little one is home with daddy. This is truly huge! Also, he's sleeping most of the time your gone. when do you sleep?
Also, in my case, there isn't an option to stay home (financial) so that does help in some ways, knowing that I have to go to work every day and don't have a choice. You gotta do what you gotta do. Make the most of your time when you're with him. good luck.

I definitely get the guilt feeling every time I think about how much time my kids spend at daycare instead of with me. The way I justify it though is this, I need to work in order to provide the lifestyle we live. Both my husband and I work full time, and I really believe that the time we spend with our kids is "quality" time. You could be with your child 24/7 and never really have quality time with them. I appreciate every day and minute I have with them, so I make sure that on weekends we go to the park, the zoo, something fun and family oriented.

My daughter is 19 months old now and I've been working and going to school fulltime since I got pregnant. After my maternity leave was over I felt horribly guilty about leaving Rowan, who was only four months old. I knew I didn't need to worry because my mother watched (and still watches) her while I was at work, and Daddy took over when he got home before me. I think it's pretty normal, but by now it shouldn't be so bad. Tell yourself that you are doing this to be able to provide for your son and give him things he needs and wants. If it makes it any easier, see if you can try a different shift so you can spend more time with him before or after work.

I work two jobs, and have a 7 year-old son. I could not wait to get back to work after I had him. I had planned to take 12 weeks off, but was begging my supervisor to put me back on the schedule within 5 weeks. I guess this makes me abnormal, but I do spend plenty of time with my son before I go to work (also graveyards). He is asleep much of the time that I am at work. I am there for homework and dinner, and sometimes in time to get him to school in the morning. I don't focus on the time we spend apart, but rather the time we spend together. Good luck with your child, and your choices. Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you, not what feels right for me or the other mommies. :)

Totally normal. For me personally I go through cycles. There are times I crave being with my kids. Others when I crave to be around adults. Not to "get away" from my kids, but just to be an adult. I have finally found balance that I need but I still have days when I just don't want to go to work. Is there any flexibility in your work schedule?? this is what works for me see if you can work on something for you. I work MTWTh. M and Th 3p-9p, T & W 930a-6p. my kids go to a sitter's house on T/W until 330 when my hubby picks them up. All other times they are with me or my husband. I work 1 friday a month to satisfy my company's full time qualification of 30 hours/week average. If I have enough warning of not feeling like I want to work but stay home with my kids I make arrangements. It doesn't always work out. For me personally I have to have it in the middle and I think that is where I am. I would go insane in either extreme. Maybe in the mean time you can do somthing more part time or take a leave of absence to get a feel for the other side. It may be worth it to find the balance you need for YOU and your LO. I wish you the best!

I do the same thing when I leave my little guy working the day shift. I miss his WHOLE day... gone before he wakes up and I make it home just in time to put him to bed. He's 2 now. It is really hard for me!! I know that 'me' time is important. And my job is really important for the benefits. You are being a good mommy, by going to work. As hard as it is!! Believe me, I know!!! I waited 11 years to mommy. It is for the best. You are helping out your family. I know it's hard. But trying to focus on that part while I am at work, one: makes the day go by faster when I just focus on work while I'm there... two: I try to just remind myself that I am doing a good thing for my family.

Hang in there!! You are a good mommy!!

I think it's just one of the ways we get "rewired" when we have kids. The GUILT! Yes, I feel badly about every second I spend away from them. Time at work, if I manage to go to yoga once a week, anything! I try and remind myself there are so many ways I take care of them, that they know I love them and that some of the things I do, like having a good work ethic, attempting the best balance of work of family I can, and execising are showing them good, healthy examples of how to live when they grow up.

Good luck...I know it's hard...no matter how you slice it...I'd rather be with my boys than anywhere else. It's just not so possible!

-M

Cut down on your days if you can