This past weekend we went through hell. My mother went in for a mastectomy, afterwards she started to have some adverse reactions to the pain medications. The night after she was given an Ambien, which sent my mom into a state of waking nightmares. She screamed for two hours. So to "quiet her" they gave her a muscle relaxer. After that she became combative, hitting herself and others, so they gave her TWO more types of anxiety medications. THEN sent her to surgery the next day! By Sat she was catatonic. We were scared witless. At one point she answered my sister with a No, then repeated No, for 10 minutes. The docs were so alarmed they were calling in a neurologist. I wasn't there for any of it as I live half way across the country, by Sat night I was looking into flights. Longest weekend of my life.
Obviously my sister was upset, so what does her husband say? It doesn't do you any good to be upset so why are you? Oh my God! Really? That idiot was had better be glad I wasn't there. They finally took her off the Narcotic pain medication and thankfully she has come back around. This same stupid brother in law, "See I told you there was no reason to be upset." Please. Please someone tell me I can beat him.
Yes. you can.
Hope you mom is doing better. My mom also did a double mastectomy (on the 30) and reconstruction. Hope they both heal wonderfully!
I had a butthole for a brother in law many years back, before he finally asked for a divorce. My sister was so in love with this... thing... that she couldn't leave him herself... though he was verbally abusive. Thankfully she has a wonderful husband now... who does have his own faults (but who doesn't) ... however he is a far cry from her first husband in a good way.
I don't know the guy. But there must be some other problem with him if you want to beat him over that. In my opinion of the situation... in which I was not there so I don't know the whole story... it sounds like he may have been trying to belittle the situation to make his wife worry less. It is a scary thing to see anyone you love in a different state than what you are used to. And some things people say can be taken out of context... as this may have.
However, if he is notorious for saying things like this and actually does not care, you have my permission to knock some sense into him. hehe
First- glad your mom is doing well after her surgery!
My husband is the same way but honestly it's good to have someone who isn't freaking out too. My mother had a biopsy last month b/c her OBGYN was concerned & we were all freaking out that she had cervical cancer. My husband didn't really say much so I got angry at him b/c "What if she had cancer?!" His response? "But what if she doesn't? " She doesn't & I spent two weeks upset over something that ended up being scary but OK.
He isn't overly emotional but I am so it works! No beatings needed (especially if your sister needs to be tempered)!
"Sister, I love you. But I promise you if you don't duct tape your husband's mouth shut or keep him away from me during stressful situations, you will be a widow by winter!" Or something to that effect. It's kind of the reverse of having your husband communicate with your in-laws when there's tension.
Or when you see him, shoot him in the face with a water gun. Harmless, but perhaps cathartic?
I don't think anyone would be mad about it!
Men can be so lame. I don't know what it is, but every time there is a crisis in my family, all the men in my family get stupid. Instead of running to help the situation like the women do, they run the opposite direction. Go figure. I think you should give your BIL a piece of your mind though.
Sure. If that doesn't shut him up, put a paper bag over his head, duct tape him to a flagpole, and throw darts at him. He'll get the "point."
Your BIL, while not the most sensitive guy around, is looking at the situation from a cool, practical positon. Worry does not tend to solve problems, and can cause all sorts of secondary complications, including medical symptoms.
However, worry/anxiety are completely natural and not something we can easily banish when they strike. It does not work to say we shouldn't be upset when we are. It would have been far more helpful for him to just hold his wife tenderly and comfort her. Instead of "No reason to be upset," a much better response would have been, "Oh, sweetheart, you are so upset. Your poor mom! What can I do to help you?"
Think we will be taking up a collection for a one way ticket for you to fly there, and a baseball bat to whap him with! Hope M. is better. He was probably trying to help, but it was pretty insensitive of him in this situation.
just pity your sister who has to live with him. (o:
You poor thing. That sounds like such a stressful situation to be dealing with on top of the fact that your mother had major surgery for what I assume is a breast cancer issue. Yes, that's not stressful enough without having your a-hole BIL say something stupid. Just because HE'S not upset, doesn't mean that other people aren't. Did he think he was being the voice of reason and a calm force? I can't imagine! Hopefully this was a momentary lapse of judgement on his part and not his usual personality. I might be inclined to pull him aside and say something like - "well, a-hole BIL, if it were YOU lying in that bed all messed up I might not worry, but this is our mother and we'll be upset if we want to"
Omg, why isnt this man in a hospital bed himself?? Why didnt your sister beat him herself??
Good lord! What a man thing to say.
I am so sorry that he is so insensitive! I am glad that your mother is doing much better, and that things are settling down. It must be hard for you being so far away but hang in there, and I hope that he keeps his mouth shut from now on!
well, your sister should hold him down while we all kick him in the ribs. i'm definitely not an emotiuonal person. i'm very even tempered for the most part. (i do have my moments) when my grandfather was dying (he was like a father to me) my husband kept saying "it's ok". i knew what he meant, but i was still like, you know what? if i said that to you if your dad was dying we'd be getting divorced right now! :) sometimes we have to take things with a grain of salt. however, if he's like that all the time, ,definitely go with the beating.
Not only can you beat him, I'll hold his arms behind his back while you do it.
I really can't believe he's that thick in the head. Could it be that he was really scared out of his mind and trying to talk like a "man" so no one would know how scared he was?
I know, I know, I'm reaching. But if I thought he really felt this way, I'd want to hit him too.
So glad your mom is better - my own mom had surgery last year, and that was scary enough, without any complications.
Dawn
Well hopefully you married the nicer one of the brothers?
I would have also been upset with the Docs, giving your Mom those medications... and in those combinations.
That is real, questionable. To me.
And then to have had surgery the next day, while on those drugs.
Well, thankfully she has recovered.
So, how did your Husband handle his inane offensive tactless Brother???
Men, can have no tact or sensitivity.
If that were his own Mom, I am sure he'd be singing a different tune.
Just be glad you aren't married to Mr. Insensitive. Some guys can be really clueless on emotional stuff. Some people just handle medical stuff badly. My dad turns green at the sight of blood (to the point my mom wants me to have medical power of attorney for her if it ever becomes an issue).
typical guy = good nuff reason to beat him!
You can beat him - but it wouldn't be worth it....
While he was rude and an idiot - your stressing over it - wasn't going to change the outcome...that's a fact of life. i'm truly sorry that your family is going through this - it's got to be VERY difficult....i can say I've not experienced it - however, when my father was taken away from work in an ambulance because they thought he had had a heart attack - he told me straight up "don't you be worrying over this daughter...God will do what God is gonna do..." so I turned it all over to God right then and there...I thought about it, prayed about it, but I didn't freak out.
Panic won't help anything...it will cause a further ripple effect and things can get out of control quickly...he was keeping his head when you and your sister weren't - was it right of him to say it like that? NO! But seriously - panic and freaking out - weren't going to make it different or change the outcome.
Go ahead and beat him...it won't make you feel any better....sorry!!! I pray your mom has a speedy recover and will be cancer free...let it go - let God! Promise - He WILL take care of you!
Wow... I'm sorry about what your mom has had to endure and I'm sorry you couldn't be with her. I hope you can see her soon and that she continues to recover smoothly.
As for your brother-in-law, he sounds like an apathetic jerk.
Yes you can! My mom has cancer and I wanted to beat my dad the first week he was basically talking her out of being scared for her life instead of comforting her (prbly b/c he didn't want to deal with his own feelings).
Yeah, it's her MOM! Of course, it is going to affect her. I would lol, that is just messed up. Instead of denying her feelings, he should just accept it and reassure her (why are some people just clueless lol)
Sorry, you don't have a good enough reason to beat him. He was being a typical guy - that's all! I'm sure he was trying to help and be supportive, but instead, stuck his foot in his mouth. If you were to read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, you will learn that men try to "fix" the situation, and all us women want from our men is a good, caring, supportive listening ear. Women are not looking for men to fix the problem - just listen. I'm sure your BIL truly tried to say something supportive/helpful, but failed instead. It does NOT make him an insensitive a**hole. Men and women are wired SO DIFFERENTLY, it is crazy that we can live together (a huge advantage for the gay community).
Perhaps your BIL is saying the same thing about you - something like "I cannot believe how sensitive my SIL is! All I did was try to help my wife by telling her it's out of her control and my SIL bites my head off!" Consider it from his point of view. You think he is insensitive, and probably thinks you are too sensitive! Just chalk this up to a male/female/different brain wiring disconnect and get on with your life. Lose your unjustified anger for him and be there for your mother.
