Can a Mom Justify Being Self Absorbed?

I take me time. For my birthday, it's usually a weekend. My friend takes a girl's trip every year for her birthday that I attend (I'm going to Punta Cana in 2 more weeks!).

However, I wouldn't be going clubbing for my birthday - to each his own, I guess. As a 30 year old in a club, I feel VERY old. Everyone in there is 18 - 25. And a noticeably pregnant 30 year old woman in a club would look very out of place.

Like Doria Day, I thought this would be a deeper question--lol.
It's fine for moms to put themselves on "the list"!
Pregnant & clubbing? I wouldn't be interested.
Have fun!

I'd be celebrating with the family not girlfriends and going out doing stuff with other guys. I went out with my sister a few times, she's an old stick in the mud, to a dance club where all her ballroom classmates hung out on a particular evening each week.

I felt so out of place dancing with these other men, my hubby can't dance a lick and I have trophy's. I miss dancing so much but this was just weird. Their wives were dancing with other friends and it was all on the up and up but it was so darn weird I left and went home by 11.

What you describe is not self absorption! It's it a healthy way of treating yourself. A self absorbed mom would have to do all of this no matter what else is going on. For example the babysitter doesn't show up and she'd leave the baby alone or stay home and take her anger out on the baby. A self absorbed person mostly thinks only of her self most of the time.

You deserve to feel special and to do something just for yourself once in a while. Just because you are a wife and a mother does not mean that you cease to exist as your own person.
And I went to bars while pregnant - I just didn't drink alcohol. But if a band I liked was playing there, or I was just feeling the urge to put on my boogie shoes, I wasn't going to not do so just because I was pregnant.
You are not too old to go clubbing. I'll be 50 in a few months, and I still like to hit a dance floor any chance I get.

You don't sound self-absorbed at all. One day for yourself? A day at the salon and then clubbing? Sounds like fun! Enjoy!

Celebrating your birthday - or really, doing normal things that remind you that you are a person outside of being a wife and mother - isn't self-absorbed, it's normal and healthy.

Self-absorbed is being a SAHM who hires a nanny so she can spend 4 hours at the gym every morning and then go shopping in the afternoon, every day, like it's normal (I have a friend who was the nanny in a situation like that). Self-absorbed is the dad who goes to work and then when coming home instead of rolling up his sleeves doing housework and spending time with his kids, retreats to a room and plays on the computer or video games until the the kids are in bed.

It's important for us as moms (and dads) to take care of ourselves and nurture our friendships and social lives in a balanced way. Treating yourself to a nice day and night out for your birthday is a great idea - happy early birthday and enjoy your day!

ETA: the comments about secondhand smoke shocked me...smoking in restaurants, clubs, and bars has been banned here for as long as I can remember.

That's not self absorbed at all. If you want to know what self absorbed is, ask me about my mother.

You just want to have fun on your birthday. Go ahead. :)

A mother can justify a few hours to do whatever floats her boat before popping out another ball and chain.
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there's a competition for best answer? You present one kind of question fishing for another kind of answer. You must drive your husband insane with that kind of "read between the lines" communication. No surprise clubbing is what floats your boat. You're a 20-year-old at heart.

You really named your post this? What? What a silly name for what you're planning...

I thought this was going to be a philosophy question.

Happy birthday, coming up. Have a great time doing what you plan on doing. Try not to be around cigarette smoke and make sure that you and your friends take care of each other. (No alcohol for you, and a designated driver for everyone. DON'T BE the designated driver.)

When you get tired, and you will, have a plan to get you home.

I love what Jane said here. It's so true!

I thought the subject matter would be a bit different than the title.

Everyone needs their private me/self time to just chill and recharge.

Take this time and enjoy it before the next baby comes and you can't go out for another six months and "let your hair" down.

I joined a few a quilt groups or talk online with a few people that I hope to meet in the flesh someday. My other hobbies take up a bit of time and gives me the peace and satisfaction that I enjoy so that when I am home I enjoy being home.

Once again, enjoy your time and have hot pink toenails!

the other S.

My best (girl) friend and I go on long weekends every other year or so, usually Vegas or Napa. The first time was when my first born was a little over a year. We went and saw a Cirque show, ate nice food, got tipsy pretty much the whole weekend, and just had fun being silly grownups without kids/hubbies to worry about! My son is 6 now and seems to be surviving, even with evil mommy abandonment for 72 hours every other year :)

For my birthday last year I went with my two best girlfriends and my SIL and we went to a Karaoke club. We got all dressed up, did our hair, had a drink (or 3) and rented a room to sing our little hearts out. IT WAS SO FUN!!!
I usually don't celebrate my birthday, like you I am a wife and mom (3 kids), but it was really a blast.
Have a great time clubbin'!
L.
ADDED - When I was pregnant with my first son I was 26 at the time. I still went clubbing up until 1 week before I gave birth. I was with my best guy friend, who is now my husband, and would dance as long as I could. Here in WA it's illegal to smoke in restaurants and clubs, so I never had to worry about that. I got my dance on! I don't care if people looked at me funny at 40 weeks pregnant. My life, not theirs!

It's not selfish if you aren't out clubbing every night, you don't drink while pregnant, you have a sitter for your kid, etc. You're still a person and not just a mother and wife. A little self care is fine. Especially on your birthday!

Nothing wrong or self absorbed about doing something you enjoy on your birthday but I do find it funny that you think it makes you young and hip.

More than that I think it is funny that you came here with the "I know most moms would feel guilty....but I am not there yet"? Huh? You think because you are so serious about clubbing that makes you young? Too funny. Most moms on here do what makes them happy on their birthday as well. Just isn't the same as you.

You're 33 and you want to go clubbing? Ummm...what?? My birthday was last week and I turned 31. I celebrated with my whole family in the morning and then my family of 5 for dinner. I had no desire to go clubbing...haven't had that since I was maybe early 20s.

And I'd look at you weird if I was in the club and saw a pregnant person come in - it's the wrong environment for you to put yourself in. Sorry, that's my opinion.

People can do whatever they want on their birthdays! Even moms. Have a blast.

Have fun.

I went clubbing a ton before having kids/getting married.
I am tired of it.
OMG but the fun memories & adventures I had!

Going out on your birthday is a great idea.
Going to a club while pregnant? Maybe not so much. If you want to do dancing, at a smoke free place and you're not drinking, I think that's great.
But if you're asking for approval on drinking and grinding in a smokey room while your're pregnant, honestly, I don't think that's a good idea.

Have fun!!! There is nothing wrong with me time. Also, I have no issue with the clubbing. I did that well into my 40's with my best friend. When she would come visit me or I would visit her we would go out Friday night and Saturday night. We had so much fun. We both like to dance and our husbands don't. So we were partying like it was 1999! Also, most clubs have gone "smoke free" so smoke isn't an issue anymore.

My husband and I have the same birthday so sometimes it is difficult to have "me time" on my birthday. However, 4 years ago, hubby turned 50. We celebrated by going to London and Paris. Yay!!! This year, I will be 50, and we are celebrating by going to Rome!!! Double yay!!

In the end, you are a woman who is a mother, daughter and wife. But you are still you. You need time to recharge your battery. I'm a big believer in happy mom happy family. Enjoy!!

I don't make a big deal of my birthday, or go clubbing, but I do take time for myself every once in a while. I do try to get away on a girls weekend once or twice a year like to a beach, a spa, a casino or just shopping. I also take a spa day now and then, going for a massage and spending the whole day. I have been doing these things since my kids were weaned from the breast. I also encourage my husband to take this kind of time for himself, but other than the odd weekend we take as a couple he is content to sit at home alone in front of the computer.

Did someone else call it self-absorbed? I would just consider this taking time for yourself. I think as long as there is balance, it is healthy to take care of yourself, including time without your kids, spending money on yourself ect.
It drives me crazy when moms try to make other moms feel guilty for what they do, ie. individual hobbies, time away.

Go for it, but don't be surprised if you get some dirty looks for being the pregnant chick in the club ;-) Don't worry, you won't be the only pregnant one--just make sure you're the sober one. No need to feel guilty for getting some time to yourself--what you've proposed isn't selfish in any way.

Enjoy your birthday. Going out for one night isn't self-absorbed.

Doing anything, including being in a smoke-filled room, that puts your baby-on-the-way in harm's way, that IS self-absorbed. So don't let your desire to go clubbing rob you of your common sense. But otherwise, it's fine.

For my birthdays, I usually give myself the gift of having someone come in and clean the house. We order Indian takeout, and I have a glass of wine. If that's self-absorbed, then sign me up.

Me too Suzanne. I thought you was going to blast someone for being self-absorbed.

I think you will have such a big grin on your face the next day, that your baby will bask in that glow.

Have fun!

" I know most moms would feel guilty about going out and doing anything big for their birthdays"

I don't. After my youngest was weaned, I would go away for 3 days on my birthday weekend with my sister for a girl's weekend. We haven't done that in a long time because she moved too far away to make it possible.

I like to meet up with friends a few times a year and go out for the night. I don't stay out as late as I used to as a 20-something. I can't! I get sleepy before midnight. Heh. There are a couple of clubs here that we avoid simply because they are filled with children (college students, lol) but there are other places where we're not remotely the oldest people present.

Some of the posters mentioned smoke-filled clubs. Our city (and later the State) has been smoke-free for such a long time that I forget that other places are not. It is absolutely delightful to go anywhere I want and not have to worry about being surrounded in smoke.

I wouldn't feel guilty in the least for going out for a night of fun on my birthday.

I might do a small family celebration, so my husband and kid can celebrate with me... But the night would be mine!

I've never been big on clubbing though... Not sure how much fun it would be while pregnant. I would worry too much about secondhand smoke, and clubbing isn't as much fun without the drinking part. The idea makes me think of that movie, Baby Mama. Lol. But as long as you keep your condition in mind, and act accordingly (common sense things like dancing away from smokers, virgin drinks, DD, etc.) you should have a blast. :) no reason to feel guilty.

geez, i don't see how treating yourself like a queen on your birthday is self-absorbed! i think a degree of self-awareness and recognizing when you need to pamper yourself and cut loose a little is very healthy. women who are in constant outflow-mode and look on any time spent on themselves as 'selfish' often end up as martyrs, and utterly depleted.
i do hope that by 'clubbing' you don't mean 'drinking'. dancing sounds good!
i must say, i don't understand why you use the title 'self absorbed' and then phrase your question as both 'selfish' and hip. it sounds a little defensive, or perhaps you've been taken to task by someone? the SWH also sounds pretty defensive.
don't be defensive.
do have fun!
:) khairete
S.

I think it's a common misconception that once you become a mom it means you get no "me" time. Whatever you want to do for your birthday, you should be able to do it! Dad can watch the kiddos, and go dance the night away! Props to you for feeling like you can dance while pregnant, I just want to lay on the couch. Happy Birthday!

You're pregnant and want to go clubbing? Wow. I never felt like doing much of anything when I was pregnant, let alone be in a loud, smoke infested room crammed full of people and no where to sit down. Yuck.
But hey, that was me.

Your title question "Can a mom justify being self absorbed?" is a little misleading.. I was prepared to respond that I have learned that anyone can learn to justify anything they want to justify, to themselves.
But what you are asking is more is it ok to sometimes put yourself first, and that is sort of a different thing.

I am mid 40s,and my kids are 15 and 12. And I tend to take one day sometime during the summer months and spend the entire day with an old and dear friend just shopping, lunching, sipping wine, and venting about current things or laughing about the past. Catching up. Being worry and obligation free for an entire day.... I usually get home around midnight, and everyone is in bed asleep. :)

I didn't do this when I was younger and the kids were small, though. I probably "could" have.... but I really didn't have the desire to do it then. Now, I feel more relaxed and enjoy the time more.

To each his own.

Is this the point that I should tell you that this past weekend, I shipped my kids off to stay with my parents...for no reason at all...I just didn't feel like dealing with them. Then I went out clubbing and drank like I was 25 until 3:30am both nights.
I spent both Saturday and Sunday sleeping off my hangovers like a college kid.
Do I feel self absorbed about that? Nope. I had a blast!
(I'm 36, btw.)

I also do usually do this at least 1 night a weekend, 2-3 times/month. My hubby takes the kids on Saturday mornings, so Fridays are my night out.
And you know what? I'm a better mom for it.

So go get it, girlie!

It is not self absorbed to have quality time for yourself and go out for your birthday! Don't get sucked into the trap some mom's fall into with being selfless. It's best for the whole family if mom is happy! Everything in moderation though!

By the time I was 33 I was well over and done with any clubbing desires.
I enjoyed a few discos in my college days.
By the time we married my husband and I were relieved not to have to go out like that anymore - we were ready to settle down and were finished with the singles scene (just sick of it - it was such a meat market and back then all those places were thick with cigarette smoke - this was the 80's).
We traveled (went to Disney World for my 30th birthday! - took a few other trips), bought a house, and had our son 9 years after we married.
If you can stick with no alcohol drinks (you can be the designated driver) you and your girlfriend should have some fun.

Happy Birthday!! And how absolutely adorable you'll look rocking the bump at the club!! Enjoy yourself!

It's not being self absorbed; it's taking a little time for yourself to recharge. We tend to throw ourselves into meeting the needs of others so often that we feel guilty when we want time for yourselves. Take the time when you can. You deserve it.

Well I don't condone self asborb behavior. I wouldn't go clubbing I am a mom now.
I think its totally fine for you to have some time with your friends. Have a b day party. I don't consider this self asborbed behavior. It seems like its one time thing. We all need to relax.