Cafeteria Behavior

Let the school deal with it, it's their job to manage the lunchroom behavior of the students (I know whereof I speak, I did K-2 lunch duty for three years!) Usually taking away some recess time was enough to nip it in the bud, and if that wasn't enough they were sent to eat their lunch in the office, and they HATED that. Parents were very rarely called or notified, unless the behavior was destructive, violent or otherwise dangerous.
Let him suffer the consequences of his behavior, that's the best way for him to learn.

If he's not following the rules at school then it's up to them to deal with his behavior. When my kids were in school punishment was eating lunch with the principal and no recess. Find out what their punishment is and tell them to feel free to punish your son for his actions.

Don't punish him at home for what happens at school. Instead just reinforce that they have rules in place for everyone's safety and he needs to listen to the adults and do as they say.

Talk to him about this. Ask him what the rules are. Remind him what the rules are. Practice a calm and respectful dinner at home. If he is not able to sit with his friends, then ask the staff if he can be placed away from his troublemaker friends (I suspect a group are feeding off each other). If he likes being the clown, tell him time and place. The lunch room is not the time or place to do those things.

What is the protocol at school for this misbehavior? Talk to the teacher. You probably don't have to set up consequences for this, because it's already been done. You just need to back it up.

On the other hand, once the school is dealing with the behavior, you can talk with your boy: "Here's something you can learn right now, Jason - you can love your buddies, but if they're doing something that's wrong, it's better to walk away from them than to get in trouble with them for friendship's sake. Those other boys aren't volunteering to take your punishment, are they? Didn't think so."

He may have to do this lesson again a few times before it sinks in. Seven-year-olds are good at getting into trouble. It's how they learn a little maturity.

Why isn't the school addressing this. It has nothing to do with his stuff at home. If you want to be involved, since they can't manage him at lunch, then go to school every day for a week and see what you can accomplish.

They need to do this. They'll have to deal with him no matter what.

I do cafeteria supervision duty at my kids' school.
And everything the previous responders said: Ditto.

And yes, a kid at 7 years old, knows better.
That does not mean, they will then be a perfect angel in the cafeteria.
And per the school, schools have rules, which also is applied to cafeteria behavior. And the "punishments" for the offenders are typically:
- no recess after lunch
- no recess after lunch nor for any subsequent recess's that day.
- eating with the Principal or getting sent to the Principal
- A note sent home

IN the cafeteria, also keep in mind that many of the Teachers, do NOT sit in the cafeteria and eat their lunch with the kids on the kids' lunch table. It is also their lunch time, it is their work-lunch-break too, and they go back to the classroom to eat lunch. In the Cafeteria, it is the supervising Staff, that is in the cafeteria managing the behaviors and rules, of the SCHOOL, and managing the children.

When kids are disruptive during lunch, it also irks all the other children. And then their own lunch, is disturbed. And/or the other kids will complain... about the other kids who are being disruptive and noisy. And it is not funny. Everyone knows... which particular kids, are a nuisance at lunch time. Because, they are habitual. Even if they know it is wrong.

Each cafeteria/school, may have different ways of handling repeated, disruptive behavior. And each school, may have different protocols.
For where I work, each class has a sheet of paper, and it is marked down daily, how each class was per behavior and if any particular kid was a nuisance and/or disruptive, then on a Teacher's classroom "list", the name of that kid is marked off and why. So then, the Teacher gets the info on her class and its behavior in the cafeteria. And then, the Teacher... after lunch may handle it in her/his own way. Giving that kid a repercussion as well.
While in the cafeteria, for SOME kids who simply are defiant and will not listen nor key down their behavior, we will then, place that child on another unoccupied table, all by him/her self, and have the child eat there. SO that, they do not continue, to hassle other kids or be a disruption to the rest of the class at the table. And then, we tell the Teacher, about it and why that kid was placed separately. And the Teachers are mostly supportive of that. And agree.

Also keep in mind, that in a cafeteria with an entire grade level or more... there can be over 100 kids in the cafeteria at a time.
Then, your son, is not the only one being disruptive, hence, the cafeteria Staff, is ALSO managing... lots of other kids who may also be disruptive. Thus, the Cafeteria Staff, cannot just only sit by your child and manage only your child and be a "Dear Abby" to only your child in the cafeteria. And the timing and pacing in the cafeteria, is quick.

So, your son is causing trouble in the cafeteria.
Now, whether he is starting it or not, is not the problem. The problem is, HE does not stop and HE is "not following the rules." Some kids are instigators, some are just by default next to a kid that causes trouble and then they get in trouble too by association, some kids will just cause trouble or disturbance to ANY KID that is merely sitting next to them and across from them. Some kids, will be bothering like 4 other kids who happen to just be sitting next to the trouble-maker. I have seen it myself. Just ONE kid, bothering everyone on the table.
Then, because the kid is so busy causing trouble or to other kids, then they don't even have time to actually EAT their lunch. Then they grumble about "I didn't have time to eat!" And oh well! they were told to simmer down, they did not, and now lunch time is over and they didn't even eat or hardly. And they don't learn.

Your son's school MUST have procedures and protocols for handling his misbehavior at lunch.
So, let them do that.

When eating in the cafeteria, kids have to learn to be a "team." Because, how they act affects EVERYONE else at that table. And when they make trouble in the cafeteria and to others, it is selfish. Because then others cannot eat their lunch, in peace.
And quite frankly, kids do not like to sit next to the cafeteria troublemakers.
However, some Teachers have assigned seating for their class. Meaning, each kid has to sit in a certain order. Then, some Teachers let their students sit wherever they want, on the table.
But, when there is a nuisance maker, it generally means that they will be causing trouble no matter who they are sitting next to or not.
Maybe your son needs to sit by himself or in the Principal's office.

The Cafeteria, is NOT a playground. It is not recess time. Hence there are cafeteria, RULES.
Also per safety and peace in eating for all other kids, cafeteria rules, must be in place.
There are times, when a kid may be moving around, walking around, horsing around, switching seats etc. Fine, he's a boy. But that is no excuse. There are cafeteria rules. AND if/when, a kid is walking around/horsing around/running around/switching seats and tables/making noise...other kids DO complain. ALSO when a kid is moving around/horsing around/switching seats/switching tables... it is UNSAFE. Because, it can cause, other kids or Adults, to trip and fall... or the lunch plates of other kids, being spilled. THIS has actually happened. Once a kid was wiggling around in his seat, getting up and down, being a nuisance. He was warned already twice. He did not stop. Then... the kid's lunch plate next to him, was splattered to the ground. Because, he did it. He was horsing around all over at the table. That girl, lost her lunch. It fell to the ground. The boy still said "Its not my fault!"
Then, another time, a kid was switching seats and tables against the rules, his feet was also repeatedly dangling off the table seat to the side. He was told to sit nicely at the table and put his feet properly in front of him under the table etc. He did not listen.
Then, one of the adults, tripped over his foot. And got hurt! Because, he had his feet sticking out from the table into the aisle. Even if he was told to STOP it.
You see, being boisterous like that/switching tables/switching seats/being loud and making trouble... ALSO affects all others in the cafeteria AND their safety. AND it is Hazardous... behavior.

Some kids even trot/run around in the cafeteria, while holding their plate.... and then their whole plate falls to the ground. Because, they are not following proper cafeteria rules of behavior.

The time and place to run around and make noise, is NOT in the cafeteria during lunch.
That is what recess, is for.

You don't really specify a lot about his behavior in the lunchroom. It kind of sounds like typical boy behavior, and letting off some steam. It doesn't really sound too bad. What is really the problem with switching seats and talking loudly at lunch? It's supposed to be a bit of a break from the classroom. I would make sure that the school isn't setting unreasonable expectations. A lot of schools are not boy friendly, in that they regard normal boy behavior as bad behavior. Is the school giving them adequate time to move, stretch, talk, and generally enough physical activity? Or are they requiring them to be quiet little church mice all the time? That is not natural behavior for boys.

Good for you for recognizing that it could be your son that is the problem!! Many schools now allow parents to come to lunch. For him either a threat - if I get one more call about your lunch behavior I will come sit with you OR a treat - if you go a month with no calls about your bad behavior I'll come have lunch with you. The threat/treat is tied DIRECTLY to the setting you're trying to attend to.

Having said that, you might want to go quietly so you can observe for yourself. Go fact finding with lunchroom staff. Does he start it? Is he a ringleader? Check food issues does he get too excited when he is hungry or is he reactive to any foods? Does he need more run around time at that point in the day? I had to teach DD1 to think through when she was going to get to run (right after lunch) so that it was very clear in her head that her release time was coming soon. Good luck!

Hi, LF:

Encourage the school to look at the "Whole School Change Program" that is offered by the International Institute for Restorative Practices in
Bethlehem, PA. Check the web at www.iirp.edu

The restorative process is this:

Sit down with your son and ask him these questions, do no respond to his answers:

1. What happened?
2. What were you thinking of at the time?
3. What have you thought about since?
4. Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
5. What do you think you need to do to make things right?

After he has responded to your questions, you answer these questions in
response to what he has told you:

1. What you thought when you realized what had happened.
2. What impact this incident has had on you and others.
3. What has been the hardest thing for you.
4. What you think needs to happen to make things right.

Good luck.
D.

What are the cafeteria supervisors doing about it. Everyone says typical boy behavior. Yes true, but they cannot let this happen or their would be chaos in the cafeteria.

I am appalled that a 7-year-old boy would want to talk and switch seats during school lunch! ;-) (just kidding!)

I'm sorry the school is giving you grief about this!! They should handle it. This is nothing you should be worrying about at home.