D.,
I had a 4th degree tear also. I disagree with the woman who said that you only get that with an episiotomy...I disagree, I've watched my video, no episiotomy, 4th degree tear! I tore so bad, I was in surgery for 1 hour for them to sew me up. And that was 2 surgeons sewing at the same time.
I am 14 weeks and at my last appt talked to my OB about this same issue. She stated it was my choice she would support either way.
One thing that complicated my 1st delivery is that I had 2 injured ribs that literally did not allow me to push. I was hoping that they would be healed enough for this birth but I am already starting to feel some pain with the added weight in front. I guess that's probably because my son is only 11 months old!
I will not tell you what to do, but I will tell you what I am going to do. I am going to make a birth plan that states I want a vaginal delivery but if at any time I change my mind (unless it would be a danger to me and my baby) I will switch to a C-Section. I know what I can and I can't handle now, and my last birth I can't handle again.
Good luck, let me know what you decide and how the 2nd birth goes, I would be very interested to know. God bless and take care.