Buy the Teacher a Gift? I Don't like Her.

Don't buy a gift out of obligation. You should feel happy when you give someone a gift. If I were you, I'd skip it without a second thought. Good luck with everything!

I NEVER buy gifts for teachers. They don't buy me one and without my child they would not have a job, so I see no need to give them a gift for being employed.

I would skip it if you don't like her. There's nothing worse than being phony!

Get something small...hint: Dollar tree has Christmas mugs...put a packet of hot chocolate or a bunch of christmas mints in it. The mugs at dollar tree come in a holiday box.

You can't even get a greeting card for that price...I always say, you'll get more with sugar.....

This is an observation.

From this post, I am going to guess you are a pretty vocal , emotional person. Just reading this stressed me out. It may explain your child's anxiety.

My father was a person that made everyone around him feel like they had to walk on egg shells. He was a very emotional person and spoke a lot about what HE needed, and needed other people to do to make HIM happy. We witnessed this all of the time. Even with our beloved neighbors, Priest, Teachers, It was humiliating, He thought he was holding it together, but it was still obvious.

He felt like he could punish others by denying them his approval and his acceptance. We lived in fear we would be one of these people.

I know that you are suffering with your health conditions. When we feel like our bodies are denying us our freedoms and our well being, there is a lot of frustration. This causes depression. It is like a loss to us.You need to see a therapist to work through your own grief with all of your health issues. I have been through this and did not even realize how my health was upsetting me and causing me to be aggressive.

I first suggest you take a breath. Understand, an ill parent is very stressful for children (especially a strong mom). Your son is probably distracted by things other children will never have to worry about.

You are not yourself until you are healthy. I suggest you give your son, teacher, and your husband a break. They are trying to help your son in these unusual situations.

You expect things to go on as usual under unusual situations but people are not all as strong as you.

Only give a gift when you want to give a gift. I made sure that our child wanted the teacher to have a gift. If you decide not to, at least see if your child would like to make her a card.

A Christmas gift is a special gift. No one wants a gift from someone that does not like them or respect them. I do not care how much it costs.

Mom, please, you were gone sick for 4 months, and you thought your 1st grader would just sail right on through???

Your son is reacting to his mommy being gone and sick, and in the midst of that fear, he didn't learn to read and stopped advancing in reading, again while you were away. Dad's ability to pick up on this was not there. The teacher was probably trying different strategies in the classroom to engage him, to help him figure out what the block is/was, etc. She's doing her job. She's telling you the status, and you think something better should have happened. It takes time for teachers to assess the problem based upon recurring problems, because all kids have bad days or off days, and then they recover. Your son did not recover from your absence and this is NOT the teachers fault.

It's her job to inform you of his abilities, and this year, reading is not one of them. You can't change that, you live with it, you adapt to the news and you make a strategy to improve it.

Christmas gift or not, will not change the reading score - ever.

He has plenty of time to catch up, and now that you're safely home and where he can keep an eye on you, he will undoubtedly improve.

Gifts are just that.

A reflection of generosity in your heart. Not an obligation.

If you have no generosity in your heart, give no gift.

What a teacher does for your child everyday is not a gift. It's her job, an obligation.

I feel you might be somewhat projecting your frustration at being away for those months on to this teacher.

I'm glad you're feeling better. And I'm glad your son's reading is improving.

:)

Oh my this sounds very immature.
Make an appointment to sit down and speak with her, face to face, to discuss your concerns like an adult.
All the emailing and ranting and "I'm not buying you a present because I don't like you" is hardly the kind of example you want to set for your son, is it?
My goodness, you need to learn how to work WITH people, especially the people your son spends the majority of his day with.
Getting furious accomplishes nothing.

Isn't this a bit passive aggressive? If you have a problem with the teacher, you need to make an appointment and go talk with her. Take your husband and ask her why she didn't call your husband while you were away to tell him that your son was behind in reading and needed help.

You need to figure out specifically where the hiccup was here. Not going to the teacher directly is going to cause MORE problems, not fewer.

As to whether you choose to get a gift? Heck, I think you should still do it. Perhaps presenting a united front WITH the teacher instead of being passive aggressive will help her to be more vested in your son's situation.

Spend that money on getting your son caught up and the attention he needs academically.

Spend that money on continuing to get/be healthy.

Spend your time and money focusing on your home, son and family.

Spend your time rebuilding a relationship with this teacher, especially if your son is behind in any way this relationship is important.

I haven't looked at all the other responses, but I've looked at enough to know that I'm probably swimming upstream here.

Get the teacher a little something - a gift card for coffee, maybe. She is teaching your child, and that's hard work. I'm sorry you're angry at her, but that's sort of beside the point.

You might look at it this way: in the military you sometimes salute to show respect for the uniform even if you don't have respect for the wearer of that uniform.

By giving his teacher a small gift, you're teaching your son to show grace to others, even when the relationship isn't what it might have been.

Then focus on your son's catching up with his reading. No one can catch up with a big subject in a short time. He's important enough for you to take the time with.

The old saying, "Little pitchers have big ears," applies here. You don't want your boy to believe that the animosity you feel toward his teacher is his fault for not reading well enough - and it's possible he might think that.

I'm a teacher. You do not need to give a gift. If you feel that you have to, give a $5 gift card. Teachers don't keep track of which students give them gifts and which do.

That said, if I were given a $50-75 personal gift I would feel very uncomfortable. If it were books for my classroom that would be one thing, but if it was a personal gift for me I would not be comfortable with that. Outside of close family members, I just don't spend that much on anyone's gifts.

I appreciate that you want to show your appreciation, but what is most valuable to me are the notes that I get from kids and parents that express their appreciation. Taking the time to write a note shows your appreciation for me more than an expensive gift. I have written in other posts about gifts for teachers that I have kept very few of the gifts that students have given me. Not because I don't appreciate them, but because I simply don't have the space for lots of things. (And I can be a little particular about what I have.). But I have literally hundreds of letters, cards, drawings, and notes that students and parents have given me. And many of those, even years later, can still choke me up. I remember students more by the written things they have given me than by the material things.

Don't stress out about giving this teacher a gift. Buy a nice card, throw in a $5 gift card, and enjoy your holiday!

It isn't so much about the gift but the way you were informed of your son being behind in reading.

I will say, welcome home. You being away for the four months has been a change for everyone in your home. Things that had routines were not followed through. Your son felt lost and didn't know how to express it and therefore regressed in his reading.

Returning home from an illness is daunting as you are not completely physically and emotionally up to the everyday life routines that were established before you went away. You are now home and you can help him get caught up. It is not like tomorrow is the end of the school year. Over the holiday you can help your son learn to read and write and catch up. I did not have an illness but my son's school had the teachers go out on strike. The teachers sent home a packet and all the books and we parents had to do the schooling to keep the kids current. So I understand the challenge(s). You can do it. Just do a little each day.

You are under no obligation to buy a gift for the teacher. The amount you mention is rather large for one teacher. Do make an appointment and visit with her and calmly express your concerns about the year. Have your husband accompany you when you visit. Make a list of the things you would like to discuss and bring it with you.

There are going to be many bumps in the road in your son's education. So do pick your battles with the school systems.

Have a good holiday season and rest when you can.

the other S.

I'm a teacher and there is nothing written that you have to give a gift to a teacher. Teachers do not keep track on who does and doesn't give them a gift. I stopped giving teacher gifts years ago. My gift is my paycheck! Only if you feel you want to give, then should you give. It really doesn't matter the reason.

Please pay no mind to the nay sayers...some people just have to be haters :(

out of curiosity, when did you get home from treatment? was it at the time that she would normally be informing parents about academic struggles with their children? do you have a history with her or a reason to believe she would intentionally neglect your child's education by not communicating with a parent? as for the gift, no, a gift should be given because the giver WANTS to give it, and you clearly don't want to.

I'm just going to throw this out-- the gift, at this point, is superfluous.
Not getting her a gift is really not going to solve the problem.

So, don't get her a gift, but if you feel like she wasn't good at communicating about this issue, see that you do more to amend the situation. You are angry-- but some teachers don't check in with families until around Thanksgiving for progress reports if the parents are not asking "how's Kiddo doing" on their own. I've found that most teachers are bombarded with parents asking to communicate with them, and those conversations are largely focused on behavioral issues. First grade grades are not a huge deal in the big picture-- what matters is that you do get him caught up, they can see progress. So, please keep that in mind-- this may feel bigger to you than it might to her. I'm not saying that's right-- just another perspective. She may have seen quite a few kids get caught up after January or so, which is very often the case. Her level of worry is not the same as yours.

Here's one other thing to consider-- if your SON wants to give the teacher a gift, something he made for her, I WOULD allow it. Don't let your anger affect HIS relationship with the teacher, for his sake.

ETA: I realize that what I typed above may come across as dismissive-- it occurred to me that there should be some follow-through to figure out where the communication gap happened. Did the teacher have conferences in Oct/November? Was your husband able to attend? If he wasn't, was he at least able to schedule a phone conference with her?

My open-ended question to the teacher would be "You know, I was really frustrated to find out so late in the game how behind my son was with reading. I was wondering how/why this came about, and what your process is when you see kids are really falling behind?" I would want to know this for the future, in case you have to go away for treatment again. She may be overwhelmed, she may be a lousy teacher, she may feel that if there was no effort at making a conference meeting or call that your family simply didn't care. I don't know-- but I would insist that she give you monthly check-ins/updates on his progress for the rest of the year and that she provide you with resources for helping your son at home. If that's not happening, then do contact the principal with your concerns. I agree that it's a bit late to be hearing that he's so far behind, but I also wonder if there's a piece missing to the communication puzzle-- I would want to look into that.

Did you ever pick up the phone to call her and ask how your son was doing? You were leaving him for four months. In a child's life that is like four years. Let it go. He will catch up. She probably did not want to bother you since you needed to be away. She probably realized your husband had a lot on his plate for such a long time. Cut the poor woman some slack. I am sure once you join the family again things will improve greatly.
He has the rest of the year to catch up. God he is only in first grade. His life was turned upside down. Cut him some slack to. Your anger is misplaced.

I don't know how to put this that doesn't sound, well, critical, and I don't mean to be; I just want you to try to calm down enough to look at yourself a bit objectively since the post is (as others have pointed out) very stressed and emotional:

Is it possible that some of your intense anger over this situation comes somewhat out of feelings of guilt that you were gone for four months and unable to be in the loop fully on school issues? I am not saying you should have been home; of course you needed to be treated so that you can be healthier for yourself and your family too. But it would be pretty normal for any parent who was away for an extended period, even for very good reasons, to deal with some guilt about not being around to monitor just these sorts of things. That does not mean you're actually guilty of anything - I'm saying that guilty feelings would be normal here. And those feelings can manifest themselves in anger. Someone else very astutely posted that your anger is also "splashing over" onto your husband and son, who may be feeling -- whether you meant this or not -- that they have screwed up while you were away. Can you see how that might be happening, or is your anger preventing you from seeing yourself?

Can you step back from the emotions and just say, this is water under the bridge now, and we are working here and now on son's reading, and we're going to just reboot and start over with the teacher? Yes, she should have told your husband -- but do you know positively for sure that she felt Son was behind in reading from the get-go and just was waiting to tell you ( you seem to feel she was somehow ignoring dad and waiting to dump onto you)? Or is it possible that your son's reading issue didn't really come to her full attention until just before she informed you? He's not her only student. I'm not defending lack of communication but trying to say -- she might not actually have seen that he was struggling until around the time she told you; that might be the case, rather than intentionally waiting to let you know (which would indicate some agenda on her part--why would she do that?).

You've got a tough disease that takes a very long time to treat and it's got to be wearing on your nerves and your temper as well. Are there other things you came home to that are making you angry like this? If so -- think about talking it out with your husband and doctor. It sounds as if frustration and anger over your (very necessary) absence is getting in your way right now. That's the issue-- not the gift.

Added after the SWH: Sorry you seem to continue to be so angry and defensive. This and other posts weren't trying to make you out to be bad and wrong and guilty -- just pointing out that this may be about more than just the teacher and just the reading issue. Re-read the post from the person who pointed out, too, that the teacher might still have been assessing your son through the fall and was not holding out on telling your husband but was trying to figure out what was up with your son. I said much the same above.

First priority is to get your son caught up. Reading & comprehension can be one of the most difficult things when your mind is elsewhere. So for everyone's sake, it is good that you are back.

I suggest that you contact the school and get him in their reading program. They must have one. Request a conference with the principal. Don't focus on the negative behavior of the teacher or he will think that is what this whole thing is about, focus on your son and his needs. Her lack of interest will show through your responses to him when he asks questions. He may not and likely will not respond to tell you what she should or shouldn't have done and in the professional world, that is how it should be.

As well, I suggest you buy him a K and or first grade work book, depending on his level. Start him where he needs to start and every day work on 1 to 2 pages. He will begin to improve, but be sure to do it every day including the weekends.

The teacher's a jerk...no need to buy people you don't like a gift. It is not necessary. Glad you are on your way to good health.

I personally would only give a gift if I can do it without resentment and anger.

I am sorry you are dealing with health problems and now hit with this.

Are you sure the teacher didn't talk to your husband or other family who were in charge of your kids?? Sometimes when there are a lot of childcare givers helping out then the messages get lost in the shuffle. A comment here or there to grandma, auntie, dad, neighbor friend etc. all add up to alot of red flags. But only one to each person only seems like a mere suggestion. Know what I mean? This actually happens often with kids who bounce back and forth between mom and dad's house or other living situations. Communication gets lost amid the shuffles.

Take the clue from your husband. He is keeping cool through this. Work at home with him reading and making learning fun. Play some computer games each week. He still has many months to catch up. Don't worry. It is first grade.

If it were me I would meet with the teacher WITH my husband and put forth a little game plan. That way you can tell her your frustrations and tell her that you guys are on board to working as a team to help your little guy get back on track. I am SURE your son is not the only one struggling. There is such a wide spectrum of academic leveling in each class.

You do NOT want to cause problems for your son in the class this year...or his future years. Teachers talk to each other and it could follow your son throughout his years at the school. Kids get reputations not only due to their behavior...but most often due to their parents'. I was a teacher...I know. I have seen it WAY too many times.

Being a united front with the teacher will help you more than by going to the principal. Yellow1, a teacher would really appreciate you going to her first and calmly discussing the issue and trying to work out a plan to get things on track.

As for the gift, I would most definitely get a little something for my son to hand her. I have loved our kids' teachers but NEVER have spent the kind of money you are talking about forking over.

Don't waste that kind of money...teachers get sooooo much stuff every holiday. Use the money instead to maybe buy some learning books or fun learning game for your son :)

Teachers get paid a salary just like any other profession. If you don't feel she deserves a gift, then don't give her one. However, if your son wants to give his teacher something, I would let him.

She was clearly insensitive to you. We have been well into the school year to let any of your sons caregivers know that he is needing help in reading, so no excuse on her end to notify you so late. For your sons obvious signs of anxiety, this teacher is not doing your son any justice by making him flip cards to get in trouble. I would see about getting him into another class, this teacher is not a good fit.

Sorry about your illness and walking into a nightmare when you come home from your treatment.

Three things:
1. Give to people you want to give to. Stressful obligatory gift-giving is plain silly to me.

2. Did your return coincide with report time?

3. Once you're back, you're back, right? I mean, you were gone F-O-U-R months. Maybe she expected you to have gotten what you needed in that time and returned ready to hit the ground running. Obviously, she had reason to want to speak to you directly. How long should she have waited?

This feels like a temper tantrum, and I'm gonna chalk it up to the fact that you might feel a little overwhelmed with having to get right back on duty--and even put out this big fire--immediately upon your return.

I doubt she meant her assessment as a personal attack to you or your family. So,why do you want to take it there? I think Florida is in the same boat as NC. Teachers are overworked and disgustingly underpaid. Cut her some slack.
I think you can chalk all of this up to unusual circumstances. It's not been a normal year so far, but now that you're back, hopefully things will get back on track.
Honestly, I would have been pretty miffed at my husband first, not the teacher, for not noticing a problem. Surely, your son has to read supervised at home??
As for the gift, do what you want. But try to establish a good relationship with the teacher. It really is crucial in the overall success of your son's education.

WOW! I am so sorry for some of the responses people left for you! I have been there. I would chalk it up to people venting because they have issues of their own!

Anyway, I personally would not give a gift to someone who is not doing their job for my child. Teachers are supposed to come alongside the parent and your husband should have been contacted. Good Luck!

I know you are focused about the would've, could've, should've nature of this but your anger is splashing on your H and your child.

Right now they are thinking, oh man, I really screwed up. I know that's not what you mean, but if you ask them, that's what they would say. I bet you are feeling some guilt, too about being away. But this could have happened anyway. There are many contributing factors but striking out in this kind of anger won't accomplish what you want. You want your son to succeed in reading well. This kind of stress on top of the stress of you being gone, will not help the situation. Take a step back and allow everybody to breathe.

It's okay. He's catching up. You have had time away. Focus on the good things. This is one small piece of the puzzle.

Wow. People got flowers numbered into the teens for being biotches?

You asked about the gift, so I'll answer about the gift instead of going off on flower-earning tangents. You don't have to get her a gift, even though I see you decided to $25, which is still a lot in my book. That was nice of you.

I hope you are healing. My friend's husband is in the same situation as you are and I feel your pain. It is an awful thing to be going through. Hugs to you.

First, you should never buy a gift unless you want to. And 50-75, dollars??? Is that a typo? That's HUGE. I live in a wealthy area and our parents contribute 5-10 dollars each for one gift card from the class.
But I digress.
Did you ask the teacher if she called, emailed or sent notes home while you were away? What about parent teacher conferences in the fall, did your husband not attend? What about all the homework, reading logs and other information that comes home with your son every week? I know moms are best at this stuff but I have a hard time believing your son was so far behind and your husband and family had no idea. Didn't they ever look at his work and grades?
Really, I'd be more pissed at my husband than the teacher over this :-(

Why are you all jumping on her? She's not ranting.

Anyway, to answer your post and not judge:

That's even more reason to buy her a gift. Teachers sense when patents don't like them and guess who suffers (as in ignored)? Your baby.

Ms. Sunshine, I'm not saying that the child suffers, literally. I'm saying that her child will not be chosen to run office errands, make speeches at programs, be selected to pas put papers. Those are little jobs that kids love. Your child will not be chosen for those.

I'm a teacher and I do keep track of who gives me gifts. So, some teachers keep track and others don't. I keep track because as a Dance teacher who has more times than not, drove kids to a recital and then waited up to an hour for a parent to meet me at the school and honk for the kid to get in the car, no thanks to me.... Heck yes, that parent is compared to the same parent who met me late full of apologies and then a gift at holiday time.

However, a $50 gift card would make me feel odd. $5 at Starbucks, Target or Mc Donalds is more acceptable.

Giving a teacher a gift for Christmas is a nice gesture to show to them how much you value them and to recognize that they are important in your child's education. I think in this case if you are really upset about this and don't think she deserves a gift you don't have to get her anything. I wouldn't!

Hi,

After reading the answers you have received, I'm sure you have a lot to consider. Just take what applies and try to move on.

I'd just like to add that if I remember correctly, your son has experienced fluid in his ears off and on. Please share his difficulty reading with his ENT, as this may effect your son's medical treatment. Fluctuating ear fluid and pressure can be a significant factor in hearing and learning the variations in vowel and some consonant sounds. Take care.

Sending you a hug! I can't imagine what you are going through! Having a chronic illness is hard enough without other stuff, plus people's harsh opinions to top it off!
I know about chronic illness, and the stress that it causes. I also know the HURT that comes out of people's judgement and lack of compassion.

You are so sweet to give her $25 for a gift. I was deeply saddened by one response that said that teachers make kids suffer if they know the parents don't like them. How sad is that? What kind of person takes something like that out on a child? If they do, they shouldn't be teachers!

Rhonda, your response didn't help my opinion of those petty types of teachers. They take their insecurities out on the kids and that's SAD. They are in the wrong profession!!! Vindictively passing up kids for special treatment because of poor parent/teacher relationship is pathetic and shouldn't have a place in the classroom.

I would still give a gift. More so because your son is probably used to doing that and might feel akward not to give atleast something.

Forgive me if I have the time period wrong but I m wondering if u would feel differently about the situation if perhaps you considered that she didn't notify your husband of his reading difficulties because she needed to assess and document first. If your school started in late august and this happened prior to mid dec it may have been prompted by ending of 2nd semester grades, or some sort of evaluation from title one/ what ever your states program for atrisk (of not progressing) students is. And not that she was waiting for specifically for your return home. How would she have even know u were home? U did say you emailed her while away, right? Maybe ds talked about it? I tend to think it was more her following. A set standard of assessment than witholding info.
While first grade can quite a jump from kinder, usually there are indications in kinder that a child doesn't know letter sounds etc. And sometimes they flag that but still the first grade teacher has to give the child a chance to show any maturity or to make up from any summer loss. I'm not sure why her focus was on holding him back instead of catching him up though, . I hope his anxiety is less now that u are home and I hope u are mamaging your symptoms well.

First, I'm a big fan of giving teachers Christmas gifts, as the are often underpaid and under appreciated. However, it is very important to know that you don't owe her anything! A Christmas gift, to me, is a way of saying, "I know you work very hard, and I appreciate all you've done for my child." Personally, if I didn't feel I could say that, I would give a very small token in the spirit of good wishes and Happy Holidays.

Second, this does sound ridiculous. She should have contacted your husband (Um, Dad's are parents, too, duh!). Second, she really should not have made this into such an emergency. Telling you after the first quarter that if he doesn't improve he won't be promoted to 2nd grade? Ridiculous! For one thing, most schools don't hold kids back without talking to the parents, considering other options, etc. And even then, children who are held back are usually held back because they are the youngest in their class and will do better with a younger peer group. Holding kids back for being behind in reading or math just isn't done anymore (whether that's good or bad). And even if the school did hold kids back, he still had 3/4 of the year to improve. That is lots of time. This should not have been presented to you as being that urgent. Ok, rant over.

Personally, I would want to give a small token as a way to say "Merry Christmas," because I would genuinely want her to have a nice holiday with her family. But I would not feel obligated to give her a huge gift. I would consider a $5 gift card to a local coffee shop or maybe a holiday gift box from Walmart - assorted teas or brownie mix. Something whimsical.

But if you did nothing, I would totally understand.

I love Kristina M's answer.

Signed,
A Teacher

Well, that would be frustrating, but you also seem to have a lot of anger of this. Maybe she just realized how behind your son is in reading. Ask her to email both you and your husband each time....not to just send an email to you since you are sick. Ask your husband to communicate with the teacher...that it is not just your job. Don't worry - your son will catch up. As for a gift...you don't ever have to give a gift. Have your child make a card for her. That is what my kids do. And when you do give a gift...just a small thing like a $5 or $10 gift card is fine. Spending $50-$75 on a teacher is an awful lot.

Wow, how frustrating . I would be upset and annoyed too . Sorry you have been ill and now have to deal with this . I would just continue what you are doing to help your son read. They say if you read to him every night (or try to ) that will help him read on his own. For boys reading can be difficult , my son hated to read in first grade . There are few books to read on their own geared towards boys . Now my son likes to read(2nd grade) because he likes the chapter books (Ready Freddy,Stink,Magic Tree House) . Get some of those and read to your son , it will get him interested in reading . Don't worry he will get there!
As for the teacher , I would get her a small token gift . A $15 toTarget , Starbucks ,or Barnes and Noble gift card . Something but not $50 or more. She doesn't deserve it . If you give a little something maybe she will be kinder to your son . Hang in there and Merry Christmas !

And ignore the rude posts , really . Who kicks someone when they are down ? Some people are unbelievable !

I can't say she deserves anything or not, but will suggest that 50 to 75 is way tooooooo much for a gift card... WOW.... I've stuck to 20 and under... however, it that amount fits your budget, then ok.. so be it..
My son has one teacher for whom I think is VERY moody and his mood swings play out in the classroom.. Additionally. whenever a child is out sick, he discusses it with the other children and suggests that the kid is faking it...
I definitely have a problem with the teacher's attitude and immaturity level.. However, I am still giving him a gift... simply because I am also giving ones to my child's other teachers.. I will admit though, I have cut back over the years and spend much less than I once did... The reason for that is less about the teacher and more about my budget...

I'm just going to throw out there that hubby may have been anxious for you too, and things fall through the cracks when we're stressed.

I think it's OK to go to the school with this, BUT, try to calm down first, and even if you feel like she sucks, make it about "how do WE take care of this". She may have NO experience with major health issues and just not have a clue. People who don't deal with anxiety don't understand that your son's behaviours were anxiety (I know this - I have a kid on the autism spectrum and just because I know, doesn't mean THEY know, and this INCLUDES professionals - because they don't KNOW my kid).

Deep breath. There is time to catch up. Get your son FUN things to read - comic books, whatever makes it happen. Have a TEAM meeting attitude with the teacher. Get a little something to smooth the way. You've had a super hard time and this just sucked on top of it.

Skip it. I don't know why people feel obligated to buy everyone something all the time. Don't worry about it.

You have no obligation to give her any gift let alone one that is so generous! You may want to buy some kind of token gift (candy) or your son can make a gift so your son can give her something since most of the class will probably give a gift. The few kids that don't give anything always look so sad they don't have something to give. (I have been a homeroom parent for the last 11 years and gifts are often given during the party)

Skip it. FWIW, I'm spending about $10 per teacher and I don't feel like a Scrooge.

I would, frankly, have a meeting with her and if you don't get results, then have a meeting with the administration. Your child was in danger of failing and she couldn't be bothered to speak to the boy's father, as if the mother is the only one possibly able to talk to a teacher? I shudder to think what she would do in a blended family situation. If there is an opportunity to move him to another classroom, I would ask. She is annoyed by him and doesn't seem to care. He's become a bother to her vs a student she wants to help. If NOTHING was said in the logs or at any other time about that he was behind, then why? If you have copies of this correspondence, you can then show the administration that you have been in touch with the teacher, but she has not communicated with you. I would not go in firing both barrels but I would want answers.

We only ever get gifts for teachers that we've really got along well with.
And then we spent no more than $10 tops.
A 50-75 Dollar gift card is beyond over the top.
I'd have to say that this teacher has not been effectively communicating with you and/or your husband.
I'd try to meet with her weekly and try to get a better communication going with her and skip a gift altogether.
It's not mean at all.
Our son's 1st grade teacher was a disaster - we made it through the year but it was a struggle the whole way - she'd never taught 1st grade before and she totally had no idea what she was doing.
But if that was he worst teacher he ever had then at least he got it over with early.
His 2nd grade teacher was absolutely WONDERFUL - a true kindred spirit - we so loved her!

skip it-she is not doing her job. She first failed your son by not finding the proper method by which he learns, then she further failed by not contacting you and your husband. Welcome to the rhetoric industry-where no one does anything or makes anything.

This may sound odd-but my best friend's son, years ago, pulled out all his eyelashes and eyebrows, and when he was treated for strep (was in his brain) he returned to normal. Just throwing that out there.

All the best to you-my daughter's dear Auntie has been through a course of treatment for well over a year for Lyme disease and my other daughter's future Mother-in-law feels her stroke, years ago, was caused by Lyme disease.

Take care, be well, Merry Christmas and when you/or your son's educators discover the "key" to what unlocks your son's love for reading-there will be no stopping him!

Never do anything you feel obligated to or don't want to do. So no, don't give her a gift card. A card made by your son would be nice though.

As far as the failing issue, I would take it up with the principal. There is NO reason why this should have happened while you were sick. She should have better communication with your husband and it looks like she had your email also. Every year that my kids have a new teacher, on the "meet the teacher night" I tell them flat out I better not get any surprises on their report card. That happened to my daughter in first grade and I was livid. It hasn't happened since. So address it with the principal so they are aware of it, work to get your son caught up and move on. Holding resentment doesn't do anyone any good. Good luck.

You didn't ask if she's a horrible teacher and should be fired. You asked under the circumstances if you should get her a gift. With older children now, I see better that some teachers are total gems, some are good and some are mediocre. I don't condemn the ones who are mediocre necessarily but do they deserve a big Xmas present?... No. Pick and choose bc $50-75 is a lot vs what many parents give. I actually spent about $100 per teacher the past couple of years and in a way think now it was silly except for the total gems. One teacher I'd give $1000 to she is so incredibly special. Another, also a 1st grade teacher, did her job but not more and also kind of sprung on me my daughter's reading was behind. Why did I give her a big gift?? I know how you feel. It's a bit panic inducing and there wasn't even a threat of holding my daughter back. 1st grade is very difficult to know where they should be reading. For us it went from a couple of sight words in K to chapter books 2-3 months into 1st grade. I was shocked. With my younger I was better prepared. So maybe she is so used to this she assumes parents know but it'd be nice to give a heads up. But either way, she doesn't sound great and you don't like her so why get her much of a gift? In order to prevent bad feelings though, I'd get her a $20 gift card. Go through the motions so she's not resentful if it's expected each parent gives something but definitely don't give much. Honestly it sounds like she doesn't "love" your son so I wouldn't want to try to make a point with no gift bc she may take it out on him. Sucks but not worth the risk imo.

So many teachers are so stressed out over testing and having to get their kids to make that required score in math and reading they don't have time for much of anything else.

Our boy is in 1st grade and in September the teacher told us at is 504 plan meeting he'd be flunking 1st grade because she couldn't teach him the stuff he didn't learn in kindergarten....he passed kindergarten ahead of quite a few of his classmates.

So I don't particularly care for kiddo's teacher either. I don't do gifts for the teachers. I just never have. End of year? Maybe.

As involved as you were last year, I would actually lay fault with your husband for not being as involved as he should have been. He should have been on top of your son and had more direct communication on the phone and in person rather than just e-mail since he was the present parent. You didn't really have a choice. Plus, your husband is the parent who could have actually done something at the time that it was an issue.

I would think about making sure to mention it when you rate the teachers at the end of the year, but for now I would leave it alone, but there is no rule that says you have to buy her a gift.

Since you aren't in the spirit of giving, skip it.