I have a 2.5 week old new baby and a busy 21 month old little girl. My toddler has recently become very needy and mischievous every time I go to breast feed her sister. She either is getting into anything she shouldn't or is wanting to sit on my lap which isn't feasible while I'm nursing the baby. I don't want to put her in front of the tv every time her sister is hungry and I also haven't found it feasible to set her up with a new activity each and every time. We haven't done bottles yet for the baby but when we do I will have her try and help. Yet that will only be occasionally. Any ideas?
Maybe buy her a doll with a baby bottle and ONLY let her play with it when you are feeding the baby. Otherwise, the novelty will wear off.
it's very normal and predictable for toddlers to become a little needy and naughty when mommy's attention is so totally devoted to the new little stranger. but that doesn't mean it's okay. and yes, you don't want to set a precedent by creating 'activities' every single time your focus comes off your little girl. it's time for her to learn that sometimes she needs to play quietly, and mommy is right there and will return her attention soon.
but she IS very young, so your expectations need to be in line with what she can realistically accomplish.
and one thing that 2 year olds are very good at is play. with no anger in your voice, but a note of no-nonsense firmness that will serve you well for the next 20 years or so, tell her 'mommy is feeding the baby right now. you need to find a toy and play right over there on the floor until i'm finished. no, not in the kitchen. right there. what is pookie the teddy going to do today? build a fort? no, you may not climb in my lap. i'm feeding the baby. right over there. thank you. pookie is very happy that you're there with him. see him smile?'
firm, kind and consistent.
repeat as necessary for the next decade or three.
:) khairete
S.
ha my son decided that he wanted to be potty trained when my daughter was born and he conviently had to go to the potty when I would sit down to nurse. It was beyond frusterating. But he did get potty trained early :)
I feel for you. My first two were 21 months part. My oldest turned very mischievous for a while, especially when I feed the baby.
I had a collection of activities in the living room. When I needed to feed baby, I would put the toddler down with an activity. You really need activity bags...I had a lot of stickers. She would spend hours trying to get the stickers off their pad. She made lots of cards for people.
We also read a lot of books....
I would do special activities with my oldest while nursing the new baby. She was 3.5, so I could do things like I Spy or Simon Says. Since yours is a toddler, you might have to focus more things that she can do while sitting next to you on the couch: Books, Melissa and Doug toys (the magnetic dress up doll was my daughter's favorite), Colorforms, sticker books etc...
To create a calm atmosphere for all 3 of you while you are nursing, set up a childproof room to be in where your toddler can be free and there is nothing for her to get into. That way all of you can relax. You can give her verbal attention while you are busy nursing, talk and sing together, have her favorite toys and a baby doll for her to play with. One of my fondest memories of childhood is my mom reading to us while nursing a baby. All the older kids would gather around when my mom sat down to nurse and she would read to us. Also find time in each day to just be with your toddler giving her undivided attention then.
This is all very typical... after all, she was the center of attention before the baby came along.....
Several things you can do.....
Have a special toy that only comes out when mommy is feeding the baby..... you get her settled with that toy then pick up the baby to tend to her...
As someone else suggested, a baby doll that the toddler only gets to play with or feed while you are feeding the baby.
Special books that you read to the toddler when you are feeding the baby...
a special movie that you both watch together while you are feeding the baby..... ( a little bit of tv time isn't going to hurt... make it educational...)
Have her sit next to you with a book(s) of her choice, have her turn the pages while you read and nurse the baby. Have her sit next to you and have her tell the baby stories. Have her dance for you and the baby. Have her do show and tell with her favorite toys.
Have books and quiet toys available for your toddler while you nurse the baby. Spread a blanket on the floor for her, make it her spot while you nurse, you can keep her books, toys and blanket in a tote where you nurse so she can set things up. (I just found a cool idea for making blocks from $1 pool noodles and made some, I love them, no noise!) Have her turn the pages while you read. Do something with her once you're finished with feeding, play a simple game, hug her and love on her and thank her for being such a great daughter/sister. Have her help as much as possible with getting diapers, blankets, whatever, throughout the day, praise her for helping care for her baby sister.
It takes about 6 months for a child to adjust to a new sibling. She needs to learn her new role, she's no longer the baby or only child, but now the big sister. Work with her to help her accept her new role. Have fun with your girls, congrats!
I agree with the others ... have several activities (books, puzzles, etc.) that she can get by herself and bring to wherever you are nursing the baby. Them, while you are nursing, you can still interact with your older one, even if just verbally (e.g "you found the right puzzle piece, good job!"). Your new baby is very, very new, so its normal that your older girl is jealous. It will get better!
When my daughter was 2 and her brother was born, we would read books, color or watch cartoons during feeding time. Sometimes I"d try to get her to feed her babies, but that ended up having her lift her shirt to feed them, which I didn't mind and was comical!!! You'll only be feeding every few hours for a few months...so no worries if you feel the need to do something temporary (like watch a few minutes of a cartoon) even 2 hours.
