Bullying-How Do You Handle

Invite the bully over to play. What a bully does in a group he probably won't do one-on-one. Be present and make efforts to have it be a positive experience for all. Be warm towards the boy. One's buddy is not likely to be the target of one's bullying.

It worked for me.

C.

If you cant work it out there are other Scout groups. I pulled mine out of scouts for another reason and just never made the effort to take him somewhere else.
I Regret it now. :(

We are having trouble with a bully in the school setting. We got our son involved in the new wrestling program to help him gain some confidence. The situation really never became better until our son actually stood up to the bully. We still have some issues but it isn't as bad as it was last year or even earlier this year. My husband volunteers to be involved in all after school functions so that he is around to help our son if we know that the other child will be involved also. The other child isn't so eager to bully when my husband there. Being that they are the same age and its a small town, we need to teach them how to get along. They have many years to play sports together, and have classes together. I would suggest getting involved with Scouts if you feel uneasy talking with leaders. The other child might not be so willing to bully if you are present...then your son doesn't have to quit a function that he enjoys. We tried keeping our son away from the other child socially..but found that it hurt our son worse because "the bully" was doing all the fun things he wanted to do. We found that it gave even more power to the other child in question. This is why my husband started volunteering for the functions that our son wanted to participate in. So far it has worked out well.

I would agree that walking away isn't a good option...

There will always be bullys, no matter where you go. Always. Your son may as well learn to deal with them now, while you're waiting in the wings to pick him back up.

I only had to stand up to one kid and all the others left me alone... at the Boy's & Girls Club. He was pointing his finger at me and being really mean. I told him that if he didn't stop I would bend his finger backward. He didn't stop. I bent it backward 'till he hollered for mercy. It's a defining point in my childhood to this day. (not that I go bending people's fingers backward all the time) But there's something to be said for learning when to stand up for yourself and when it's not worth it. If he's not enjoying scouting, then it's not worth it - find a different interest and help him invest himself in that. Maybe it's not giving up, but changing? Re-evaluating.

If the boys are bigger than him, sure, get him karate classes - but he'll need to learn that it's for defense only. He can't be planning to bully them with his new skills.

Also, maybe he can get a couple friends together to stand up to the bully kid(s). A unified front can scare a bully into shape without any physical contact at all. They bully for the power - take the power away and they're usually done.

I hope all this helps you and that you find a happy solution!

T.

pick your own battles carefully. Is this something that your son needs to learn how to deal with on his own? By using resources such as Berestain Bears & scouting info, your son should be able to learn the life skills needed to deal with this issue.
How about doing a den meeting on bullying issues? Throw this right back into the boys' faces & see what happens. This will teach your son to confront bullying, instead of "Mom" addressing the issue. Another way to approach it would for you & the leaders to set up the presentation without even telling your son....it might work.

I think you have a few options. First, you could arrange a meeting with the den leader, Cubmaster and the other leaders of the pack. Let them know what is happening. If this child is bullying your son, he is certainly bullying others. It should not be tolerated. The leaders should be very concerned. If after talking to them and working with them it seems as though nothing is being done, it may be time to switch to another Cub Scout Pack. In the area in which you live, there are many Packs/Troops to choose from. Go to Scouting.org. From there you can look for Pack in your area under the local coucils link. You can also call the District office and talk to the staff there about finding a Pack that suits your needs. Don't give up, Scouting is a great thing. My 2 boys have been in Scouting since they were Tiger Cubs and now they are teens. Good luck.

try another scout troop? definately stick up for your child and talk to the scout leader. it is their responsibility to manage things when there are gatherings. its serious, especially in scouts, that's a national organization and i'm sure they wouldn't want to get in trouble.

You will find there is no ban on bullies attending scouts, church, and all those places you hope will be good for your child.
If bullying is occuring at cub scouts, then the leader isn't leading. My younger son has Aspergers, and is often an easy target for bullys. They know it doesn't take much to set him off. Their previous leader just didn't get what was going on as she was too busy focusing on "let's make a den flag," etc.
Luckily we got a new leader who is more attentive to what is going on with the kids.
If someone's concept of stopping a bully means punishing the bully, it will only backfire and get worse when no one is looking. Also will give your boy the reputation as a "rat" or a "mama's boy." Really tough to live down.
Not sure how your discussions go with the cub scout leader. This can make all the difference on how the situation is handled. Does your Den have co-leaders or parent assistants? A solo leader will need help, or no way will be able to keep kids under reasonable control. You may even see a need to help out. When discussing a problem you observe with the leader, emphasize that your not looking for punishment to occur, but for the bullying opportunities to cease. Answers to this may involved mixing the boys up for activities. ("randomly" rotate which scouts work together, separating the bully "gangs.") Many bullys operate in teams or gangs of two or more. Some can be good kids when not immediatly with peers who encourage their poor behavior. If at all possible, have a parent not related to the kids in the assigned group work with them. Another activity could include something where each scout has to say something nice about another scout.
While my son's relationship with some of these boys is still strained at times, these type of activities have helped.
If you still think you need to pull him from scouts, talk to him. Does he like scouts? Would he like scouts if it werent for the bullying? If he doesn't like scouts at all, pull him and find another activity. If he likes scouts, but can't solve the bullying issue, see if there's another den/pack from a nearby school or church he can try.
Hang in there

Our son recently was having problems with a bully in scouts also. Luckily, the leaders were supportive and put a stop to it. Don't pull him out of scouts. It's too beneficial to him. If you are not getting support from the leaders, go to the pack leader if he is in cubs, or the district leader if he is in boy scouts. They can get involved. You can find out the district leader by calling the Boy Scout office downtown. They will be happy to help. If none of this works and he truly enjoys scouting, see if he can join another pack/troop at another church or the Y. Good luck!

D., First of all your e-mail really saddens me, our family is very involved in Cub Scouts and it is a very positive experience for us. Have you tried talking to the Cub Master? I know that this is delicate, but perhaps addressing it will bring a positive solution. My other idea is to have a suggestion of a Den Meeting that addresses what to do in bullying situations. There are some Achievements that deal directly or indirectly with the subject. A last alternative would be to find another Pack. If your son enjoys the scouting experience I'd hate to have him leave scouts because of one other child!!

I wish you the best of luck. M.

My father had an experience where one boy was leading others in picking on another child. This boy didn't realize how serious it was to the kid being picked on. My father took him aside and told him (without scolding) that this kid needed a friend and it was now his job to make sure he was included and felt welcome in the troop. That's all it took for them to become good friends. Maybe you could have some other than yourself/spouse do the same for the bully in your son's troop.

If the den leader is not handling the situation because it's their child, then you need to go to your Pack's committe chair, and explain what is going on. Bullying is not tolerated by the Boy Scout Council; as a matter of fact, the National council just added training on how to deal with bullying for both adults and kids. Scouting is a wonderful program, and pulling your son out would be unfair to him.
Also if it is happening at school too, you need to let the staff at the school know, maybe if the parent gets a call from a principal, they will realize that this is not something to be ignored. If you don't have any luck on the pack level, please call your district office and let them know. I am involved very much in the Boy Scouts(son is in a troop, and I am a Tiger Den Coordinator for the pack he graduated from), and every boy should have the best experience he can in scouting.

Hi, I experienced almost the same thing. I started helping with things and sticking around and then I told the boy he in not to talk to my son because every time I see him around my son he is mean. And I stood by that. I stuck around and the first time he went to interact with my son I said NO! You don't get to talk to him ever again until I think you have learned to be nice to him. Stick to your guns. You cann't let bullies and others think they can treat your kid baddly with out consiquences.

Is your child being the one bullyed? How old is he?
C.

Hi D.,
I know it is difficult, it really deppends on how bad it is, Karate es good, my daughter is going there and she already earned her yellow belt, she loves it and I would have never imagine since she is such a girlie girl! ( I can recommend a great place, we are relaly happy with them) She is 8 years old and she has never really been bullied, but some of her best friends in kindergarten stopped saying hi to her even when she tried talking with them, this group is not being nice but the thing here is that it doesn't just happen to her, it happens to many other girls too.
So my suggestion is, try to talk with other parents that might have the same issue, specially if the child of the troop leader is involved (tipical and sad to say). Talking with other parents might help you find a solution, in our case, we told our girls that this child has many issues of his own and is not being a happy child like she used to be (100% truth) so just leave her alone and play with someone else, she wil eventually understand or become happy and friendly again. This way, our kids don't feel rejected by one of their "friends" and they are not getting hurt.
At least our kids are friends now and don't mind the "leader".
You can also bring it up to the attention of the school pricipal so she/he knows what's going on and may be she/he can help too.
After reading some of the other responses you got, I would like to say that is not your son the one that should be pulled out to a different group, it should be the bully the one that should leave or learn. And talking with the right person you can get that happen.
Hope it helps,
Mariana Abadie
www.MaiaCreations.ecrater.com

Are you telling us that the bullying happened in cub scouts?
I am a Girl Scout Leader and bullying in not acceptable in scouting. Scouting teaches values and if bullying is going on(no matter who it is) the leader should be told and if nothing happens, the Council should be told.

Wow D., I've been right where you are!! Yes my son went through the same thing with a bully boy at school and scouts. His dad was a cub scout leader too which did complicate thigns. I decided to join and become a scout leader too. It did help. I had to come right out and tell him how his son was and that other kids were dropping out of scouts because of him. I did have to go to the principle at school before also over this matter. Luckily it did improve for us. I would talk with the parents of the bully boy and tell them how things are. It's got to improve! If not, you could go as far as having the bully boy kicked out of the troop. I don't know how all that works, but i've heard about it in the past. Good luck!!

I would contact the cubmaster and if the cubmaster does not listen go to council. If you are in the ozark trails I have the info for them just let me know. I don't think it is right and the child shouldn't have to deal with this anywhere let alone cubscouts because it is suppose to be a team and have fun. If this doesn't work then the only other thing I can suggest is see if there is another pack that the child(ren) can go to and just move them. Obviously if they Den Leaders and Cubmaster don't want to take this seriously and resolve it then I wouldn't want my child in the pack as to me the leaders don't care about the children and what is happening. I was the Committee Chair member for our pack for 2 1/2 years until the parents started walking all over me and not wanting to participate but complain so I walked away after we fought with the families that someone needed to step up or the flag was going to fold.