Bully Teacher?

Call and ask to set up a meeting with the principal. Stay calm and just explain what's going on. They'll most likely do an investigation, by interviewing other kids in the class to hear what they have witnessed this teacher say and do. It'll take a couple of days for them to do it but this is the best approach!

In this case, I would go to the principal and not the teacher as going to the teacher will most likely be a waste of time. You would also just be giving the teacher a heads up that you're upset, thus giving him time to formulate his own story for the principal.

March into the principal's office and talk to him/her first. Then, depending on what satisfaction you get from the principal, you can decide whether you want to show up in his classroom with the restraining order comment. Based on what you wrote, it's tempting.

Can you insist on having her switched into another class? That guy's way out of line.

There are two things going on here. One you have a less than mature teacher and you have a daughter that doesn't understand that speaking literally is actually quite abrasive.

A more mature teacher would see she is aspie and understand that is how they speak. He doesn't. The problem is this is not going to be the last time your daughter has to deal with someone who is unwilling or unable to understand her disorder.

I speak from the point of having a spectrum child, make this a learning experience. It is the perfect opportunity to teach her how to deal with these kind of people in a safe environment. She has friends there, support, so learn to deal.

Unless you plan on following her around for the rest of her life fighting these battles you need to back off and let her learn. I don't know what your daughter's dreams are but my son wants to go away to college, he wants to learn coding, video games, stuff like that. We don't have good colleges in that field here. So as painful as it is to send him back into the lions den I do. I arm him with any knowledge on the subject I can and we discuss how it worked when he gets home. I know in four years he will be as prepared as I can make him to be on his own.
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I wanted to add that JB brings up a good point, your daughter is most likely very smart and spectrum kids are so as a matter of fact about knowing stuff, well I am sure my son is worse but he answers just like Sheldon on Big Bang. I creates a spectrum of emotions in people. Some find it rude, others are jealous, others are just, huh?

That isn't your daughters fault but I think life is easier when it is accepted this is how people are. I know a lot more rolls off of Andy's back when he understood how his choice of words are seen by others and how different personalities react to that.

I had a teacher like this, what I did was document. Btw I was a sophmore in HS when this happened to me as a student and I stood up for myself.

Document EACH time he belittled me or a classmate. I also got other students to do the same in his other classes.

Once I had all the documentation together I got them signed by all of his students male and female. I think it took about 2 weeks to get all that we needed between a weeks worth of classes and the signatures. I found current and past students of his and by the end of it he was removed from our school. They told my mother that he was going to some seminars and such, basically sensitivity training is my understanding. However if they are tenured it is hard to get rid of a teacher.

To understand how hard watch "Waiting for Superman" a documentary on schools and teachers and "the system" as a whole.

egads.
even if it's all true (and so far it's all hearsay), showing up spitting and snarling and threatening is the bully behavior. if you want to model grown-up problem solving for your child, start off by taking a deep breath and cooling off.
how on earth do any public school teachers manage to go to work every day?
if indeed this happens, he's an asshat teacher (yes, they exist) and the behavior needs to be stopped.
but you by no means have an accurate picture of what happened. middle school girls running around tattling does not count as evidence.
for heaven's sake, talk to the man before you fly off half-cocked. your screen name here already indicates a willingness to shoot first and ask questions later. TALK to him. without accusation or threats or assumptions.
if you can't do that (and i suspect you can't), get your husband to do it, or do go to the principal but explain to him that you've had to bypass the teacher, not because he's been tried and convicted but because you are honest about your own inability to cope in a mature, thoughtful manner.
khairete
S.

I wonder if the other kids could get a recording of him acting like this to her. That way she would have proof of his actions. They would have to do something if he was proven to be unfit. They couldn't justify this teacher being there.

I would schedule a conference, but I would also make sure than at least one other teacher that had my daughter in class was present. It is just always a good idea to have a third, informed party present in situations like this.

I think that Laurie A has the best answer here. I also understand Jo W.'s point of view and think that there is a lot to what she is saying. I think you can do both - one, it's a great idea to use this as a teaching experience with your daughter. Luckily she's old enough to understand things a bit. When my oldest son had an awful teacher he was in 1st grade and too young to tell me what was really going on or to know that it wasn't normal and certainly wasn't his fault. But...this teacher either needs to learn how to teach or be let go or there will be other students like your daugther who have to suffer through this fool year after year after year while he collects a nice salary and benefits that you pay for. The administration can't just continue to ignore a situation when there are written complaints in a teacher's file from multiple parents.

Honestly it sounds like the teacher knows that your daughter is much smarter than he will ever be and is reacting to that because at the end of the day, he's just the grown up version of the dumb jock who never really matured past high school. It's fine for him to be a pea-brain, it's not fine for the school administration to continue to put him in a position of teaching students without the proper discipline and training. If they want to keep him on as a coach it is their responsibility to mold him into at least and adequate teacher. If they can't do that, they can't continue to allow him to teach!

You have gotten some good, solid advice (and Laurie A. clearly has experience here). Note the importance of your staying calm, calm, calm whatever you do; documenting things; and involving those over his head. Are you friendly with parents of other kids in the class? If so, I would talk to them and find out if they too feel this teacher shows other examples of a problem with singling out girls, being mouthy about his students, etc.

I would add that it is good that you have other kids besides your own coming to you about this. If it were just your own child, you would have to take her statements with more than a grain of salt, as you already know (we all have to get both sides, even if our child is one "side" of a story). But the fact that other students are telling you your child is singled out is important here.

I do have a question, though: You say at the start that this "fluff" class is required, then at the end you say, "She doesn't need it" and you'd be glad to pull her out. If it's required you can't pull her out, but -- she doesn't need it? I'm not clear on whether she must have this or not; also it's late in the school year; would she have to repeat this class if she's pulled out now? If she truly can be pulled out without consequences like having to repeat with another teacher later, you can consider that, but if it's required, can she tough out the remaining few months?

And I agree, he's a jerk who should not be teaching; a teacher who badmouths students in other students' hearing is utterly unfit for the job.

FIRST, DO NOT RECORD ANYTHING, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO READ SCHOOL VIDEOTAPING POLICY FIRST OR YOU COULD BE LIABLE. HOWEVER, YOU CAN VOICE RECORD, if you ask for an immediate IEP change, for improvement in your daughter's comprehension skills. Unfortunately, you need to teach your daughter to stand up to this teacher with a student teacher conference, where you, CASE MANAGER are present, AND SHE SPEAKS UP FOR HERSELF, NOT YOU, UNLESS ALL FAILS. I am a ASPIE mom, and if you do all the fighting, she will succumb time after time... This is a life skill, she can write her statement, by which she can read from. But, be aware, you need to know her academic and behavioral standing in advance, ask for a written progress record, before the meeting, so he cannot change later. Since, you are having issues with this teacher, have the case manager take a more active review and visits to this and the other classes, by sitting in classes (allowed) and get daily review of her progress all around, and other students who have him, under her control. You do not feed your child to the bully, when you use the case manager! She is an academic assessor. Next, have the school psychologist notified via written letter to assess his treatment, teaching skills, and demeanor towards her and other students, he or she can determine the psyche issues of having interaction with these students, especially those with special needs. Fortunately, many schools no longer allowed bully anywhere, including misogynistic, chauvinistic, macho, sport-brained jerks. Contact the NJ Anti-Bullying Department, because many schools have failed to enact the McGreevey Anti-Bullying Law, where staff, teachers, employees, students had to undergo MANDATORY TRAINING AND OTHER CHANGES TO BULLY POLICIES, INCLUDING religious, gender, disability, ethnic SENSITIVITY TRAINING. AND IF THEY HAVE NOT, THEY CAN BE FINED LARGE BUCKS, AND TEACHERS FIRED! Since he was removed once, he has little to stand on, sport coaches can be removed, even with tenure, they just do not have student contact, at all! All of this is on the NJ State website. You need to write down, including daughter, all that transpires with and against her, and call him on it, with the knowledge of the school administrators, I would contact the VP, and explain your concern, ask for viable remedies, including your daughter addressing to him directly, and if he fails to stop the demeaning, chastising in public, and in and with other classes and students. I would send an info copy to the principal, dean of students, psychological, case team and her manager, his class dept head (oh, include this person, before VP contact. Follow their chain of command, so they cannot use against you, later... Yes, takes time, but, if you do not want her or others tormented, then, the bullies, including teachers, and inept staff, need to go! My DD had a student bully, including a gay coach, a gender biased STATE FOOTBALL COACH, AN INEPT vice principal, a scared case manager, An archaic ENGLISH TEACHER, and a new law that no one followed... We found that the school failed to enact the law, the state fined the school 50k, made them stop all classes and have an immediate standdown for anyone interacting with students, the staff ALL COULD FORMAL WRITTEN REPRIMANDS IN FILES; SCHOOL POLICY WAS REVISED IMMEDIATELY, training is an annual requirement, and the student bully and her cohorts were suspended for a week. THE NEXT YEAR, THE ENGLISH TEACHER, VP WERE RELIEVED OF JOB. Coach was reprimanded for failure to act; case manager retaught (was new to school); male coach was retired and removed from sports program and student direct teaching (they got a new coach from the other coaches in the same coach team), oh, they won STATE every year, but, one, since 2005. The school has changed, and you should check out the state report for your schools violence record. At the time, our school record was the second violent. Did you know Governor Awards, are a fallacy, because schools do NOT report crimes, in order to qualify in the most effluent regions? How is this excellent? Also, if you write a letter to the school and they fail to act, did you know that you can report them to child protection for neglect? I know this is a lot, but, if you want change, you need to put in the effort, because the end reward is greater... Our children are NOT BULLIED, by ANYONE... STANDING UP FOR THEMSELVES IS A LIFE SKILL, WE CANNOT DO FOR THEM, BUT, TEACH THEM, INSTEAD! DOOR BELL RINGING is not an option, just another form of bullying and harrassment!

I agree with what Laurie said.

Make a complaint directly to him, in front of the principal AND the Dean of Students.

Your daughter should be there as well.

He needs to understand that you will not allow him to call your daughter out for stupid nonsense or behave unprofessionally. He's not a student, he's an instructor and should be held to a higher standard.

First of all... slow down and take a deep breath. I am a middle school teacher and if I had a nickel for every time a parent came to me or another teacher/principal saying, "Well, all the other students in the class say...." I'm not saying what you say is true or untrue, but with this age group, the old adage, "Trust but verify" is so important. If she has Asbergers, does she have a case manager at school? Is she on an IEP? If so, my first step would be to have a meeting with the case manager (sans daughter) to talk about what you've been hearing. The two of you can develop an action plan from there.

I read all the time on this blog about parents' problems with teachers. Some are legitimate, most are parents who can't understand how their kids' teachers don't worship their kids like they do. Please, please, please stop immediately demonizing teachers. It makes our work ten times harder. Get the whole story first and don't believe every rumor you hear about this teacher's credentials. It makes you have less credibility with the principal and other teachers should you have to involve them.

I would go up the chain. Start with him. I would start with a conference face to face. I'd start with asking him to explain your daughter's proformance in class. Then explain what you have been told and how you REALLY don't appreciate his inappropriate gossip and unprofessional manor in other classes. One more slip will be the straw that breaks the camel's back and you will be meeting him in the principal's office next time.

If you choose to go straight to the principal, I don't blame you. What a jerk.

You can youtube SO many inappropriate teacher reactions on the computer. Hissy fits, bawling kids out, etc. It's to the point now that teachers actually need to think twice about how they talk to the kids because they don't know if they might get videotaped.

I'd get the other parents in the class who are all upset with this man to have their kids record what goes on. Then get someone good with a computer to put get it sent to the principal and tell him that if something isn't done about this man, it will go public on the internet. If THAT doesn't work, I don't know what will.

I am with Laurie A. But one thing I would add is get written statements if you can from the other students before sending in the letting for his file. That is so not ok!!! I feel coaches can sometimes be the worst teachers. I said sometimes. I had one that was GREAT. But I have had issues with my son in PE with coaches for not being athletic because's he's a band kid. There are too many teachers that think they are gods and they can do what ever. Good luck!!!!

Forget threatenina a restraining order - you don't have enough for a restraining order. BUT do talk about discrimination and the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) and tell him you are going to seek a lawyer to file a lawsuit against him under the ADA for his remarks.

Perhaps you could enlist one of the other students to record his comments so they can be played for the Principal. He should not be disparaging any students at any time.

I would have already pulled my kid out of that classroom and had a letter from a lawyer sent to him, the Principal and the Superintendent of the School District.