Bugging Out

Of course you're not obligated. Just tell them the truth. Your uncle doesn't have much time left and you're not up to hosting Thanksgiving this year. And stick to your guns if they try to guilt you. Just keep repeating "I'm sorry, we're just not up to it this year."

cancel, asap. they will get over it.

you will be teaching your children a great lesson by treating this time with the respect it deserves.

PLEASE call or send out an email telling your family that due to the grieving going on in your family at this time, none of you feels up to hosting Thanksgiving dinner. Don't accept ANY retorts back - don't even read the responses if you see that they are fussing in any way, shape or form. You are not obligated to "feed" people. That's all this crew even wants, from your description - to be fed. Please don't do that.

This is what I think. Don't be pushed into this dinner, really and truly.

I'm so sorry about your impending loss.

Dawn

my parents host and they just canceled thanksgiving because my sister is in the hospital likely to deliver a premature baby and they are taking care of the other two kids age 6 and 18 months. Eminent death, injury, and premature births are reasons enough to cancel. but do it soon so they can still shop and cook on their own.
Yes its okay to cancel if your circumstances are different than they were a week or two ago.

You should definitely cancel the Thanksgiving plans. It is definitely right to do so. You and your family' needs come first. Going camping is teaching your children how to take care of themselves. And, it's essential for your well being to take the time to mourn.

I also suggest that canceling is doing them a favor. Your heart won't be in providing dinner. It would be a sad occasion for everyone.

I would stop hosting dinner all together. Life is too short to spend time with people that we don't enjoy. You can have Thanksgiving dinner next year with just your kids and anyone else that you want to have there. Don't invite those who don't appreciate your efforts. Teach your children that Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for those we love and with whom we are able to share joy.

Of course you are not obligated to these people! A dying relative trumps a free meal to ungrateful relatives any day. Contact them now to tell them that you don't have much time left with your husband's uncle. They will have to find other meal plans. They can still buy their own turkey, find another family to eat with, or go to a restaurant.

I'm so sorry about your uncle.

I think this falls into the bounds of an "emergency" situation...you have a family member who is dying. Serious illness or death in the family certainly trump a holiday meal (regardless of how much or little you like your family). Tell everyone that a close relative is dying, and that you are going to have to change plans as you are unable to host due to this personal emergency. Thank them for their understanding during this time of immense grief and that you appreciate their kind thoughts as you mourn. Then focus on your husband and family.

Sorry to hear about your uncle.

I think you guys should do what you need to do for yourselves. It's something I have to argue with my extended family every Thanksgiving. Sometimes we just want to be by ourselves, or take a break from the routine (and that's without having a crisis happening at the same time). Everyone needs to understand that sometimes things happen and things change. It's called life! If you and your husband would feel better taking a family vacation to help process what's happening with his uncle, then you absolutely should! You have been very gracious in hosting it all these years, but shouldn't feel obligated.

And like you said, they don't really have to travel. It's not like people have sunk hundreds of dollars in plane tickets and hotels. They can figure out something else to do this year, and then next year you can pick up where you left off (if you so choose). Give yourself a break and put yourselves first this year. Maybe the rest of them can get together at somebody else's house so they're not alone.

Whatever you choose, I hope you enjoy yourself and find some peace in this difficult time.

You can find a place to mourn and they can can find a place to eat.

I am sorry for your impending loss,too. It's a part of life. Take time feel it and make this Thanksgiving different than any other, because it is. Take some old photos and tell stories. Life will get better but you have to go through this valley. Don't worry about the others.

Good for you. Cancel and go spend the weekend being thankful for the beautiful family you have and the wonderful memories you have with your uncle.

Thanksgiving isn't really about the turkey... it's about expressing gratitude and celebrating bounty with family and friends. They have plenty of time to buy a turkey and fixings themselves.

i would say you arent, you need to be there its just a dinner

I'm so sorry to hear about your dear uncle.

Cancelling is the right thing to do. Stay with him and love on him as much as you can. Thanksgiving isn't about the meal, it's about being thankful. And you are thankful for the time your family had with this wonderful man.

♥
C. Lee

I know I'm late on this, but just wanted to offer hugs, support and prayers for your family. Glad you cancelled Thanksgiving - do what you need to do for your family. Everyone else will figure it out all on their own!