Breasts/sex During Pregnancy

I haven't read the responses yet, but my concern for you is inducing labor. Nipple stimulation releases oxytocin which causes uterine contractions. You'll mostly read that it won't do anything you're body wasn't all ready to do - but why risk it? Besides, it's a good enough reason to tell him "hands off"!.

K.:

I am a bit jealous... I think it is great that your husband is that into you... and your beautiful pregnant body.

Have you tried to make a chores chart? I know it sounds very silly, but maybe if he pitched in more or gave you time to relax than you could find more time to be "intimate" --notice I didn't say sex. I think some heavy petting or massage may work for you and him too.... perhaps he can utilize your breasts in other ways than suckling on them.... especially if they are larger (his parts can go other places you know)...

You could bring up the chores chart like SuperNanny does and explain it'll be good for the kids as they get older to take on responsibilities and help out around the house.

Can you do one thing for me, though, could you give him a big smooch and tell him he's great after you read your posts.. he sounds like a good man afterall.

Best of luck..

I am going to sound harsh, but that is not what I intend. First of all, your body belongs to you. You do not have to let him touch your in a manner that is uncomfortable to you. You do not have to engage in sexual intercourse or any other sexual experience unless you desire it too. His desires are his desires. If he is unsure what to do, I would hand him a small bottle of lube and tell him to take a shower or go in the bathroom and take care of his need, alone. Your breasts are not decorations placed there for your husbands pleasure. They are used to nourish your comming baby. If you desire his touch, well then good. But it sounds like he is acting like your are a belonging instead of a person. It is his job to feel happy with life and not your job to make his entire life happy. You help as his mate, but ultimalty He is responsible for his own behavior.

You have some strong opinions here. I am 36 weeks pg right now and in a similar boat, thankfully though, I am not lactating yet. I would say if you are not in the mood, don't let him do it. If you need an excuse tell him that he is taking vital nutrients from the baby whether it is 100% true or not. I do believe your body will make more, but it may also mean that your milk will come in that much sooner and the baby will get less colustrum. There may not be an official study and just opinions on this one even from a lactation consultant. I've been 'assisting' my husband in other ways with little to no touching of me and definately not sex (although now that I am 36+ weeks I want to get things moving a little, so I need to get myself in the mood). Good luck, but let him know you need some boundaries right now, it's hard enough sharing our bodies with these little people inside us, let alone sharing it with them, too.

Watch with him sucking or pinching your breasts. It can put you into pre term labor.

This could cause you to go into premature labor. Stimulation of the breasts is used to speed up labor.
Seriously, they use this technique at Women's and Babies in Lancaster.

K.,
First of all, I commend you for seeking out advice with such a sensitive subject. I know it's difficult to share such personal things and really put you and your husband out there.
My understanding of nipple stimulation and/or sexual stimulation, both of which can ENCOURAGE labor (notice I did not use the word "induce"), can only encourage labor if you are READY for labor. They are natural ways to help something that is just about ready to happen anyway. My understanding is that nipple/sexual stimulation will NOT encourage a baby to come who is not yet ready to come.
As far as the nipple thing & the sex thing -- you need to stay in your comfort zone -- but it sounds like you may need to ask yourself WHY you are not interested in any sexual encounters right now. Some women find themselves much more sexually aroused during pregnancy, some less. You may want to ask yourself if this is truly a hormonal issue, or just a convenient way for you to be able to say no thanks. Is there something going on between you and your husband that needs to be discussed? Sometimes just the issue of sex itself -- "is this all he wants from me?" -- can be the issue. Is there a way he needs to be fulfilling you -- non-sexually -- that would put you more in the mood to be sexual with him? I think as women, our emotions are the most common culprit for lack of sexual desire. So think it through... be honest with yourself... set your limits... and have a heart to heart with your hubby.
Best of luck to you!
S. :)

don't worry about your depriving your child, your body will make more it's what it's supposed to do. I know that it can be difficult to feel in the mood when you are totally pregnant and hormonal. Try to get some extra rest and have him help with the kids and chores and perhaps you can use it as a reward system with him lol
V.

K.,

I cannot speak to the boob thing. I do not believe you'd be depriving your child of any nutrients, however, but I'm not a medical professional, so I don't actually know.

I want to speak to the sex issue. I am divorced now (after 21 years of marriage), and the sex during pregnancy stuff happened a long time before the divorce, but it was only during the separation and during the divorce that I found out exactly how my husband was feeling during that time in our lives together. He didn't tell me at the time, but he resented me and even the baby because I wasn't willing to fulfill that very important area of need for him.

As you know, men are sexual beings. They have so much of their emotional and physical self tied up in the sexual act, much more than we do as women. When a woman is not interested in having sex with her husband, it really doesn't matter what the real reason is. The real reason may be that you're not interested or that it is uncomfortable, but no matter what, your husband will take it as an insult and it will hurt him inside. He will wonder WHY he can't make you comfortable or interested, and if he can't, he will doubt your love for him and may come to resent you. For my husband and myself at least, it was a poison that seeped into other areas of our lives and eventually destroyed our relationship.

I'm not accusing your husband of anything or even suggesting that he will do this, but as a result, my husband sought out other lovers who were interested. I'm not saying it was my fault that he did what he did. He had no excuse, however, I did leave him in need, and instead of him attempting to fulfill his need with me, he chose an easier path.

So, I'm asking you to find a way to be interested. Maybe it isn't about the actual act of sex, or maybe if you start with other things, it might get you more interested. Here are my suggestions.

Valentines day is coming up, and as a result, there are a lot of little hokie valentines things in Rite Aid, for example. Such as dice or lottery tickets or love coupons, etc. One set of dice has "rub my" or "touch my" on the faces and the other has a body part. So, you roll the dice and it might come out "rub my" and "arm". Another set has "Lets kiss" or "lets hug" on the faces, and the other has a location, so when you roll them, they might say, "Lets kiss in the closet. If you put a little fun, laughter and anticipation into the it, it just might spark something.

Another suggestion is to get a book from the library or somewhere that might suggest alternate positions that might make it more comfortable for you. If he sees you interested and trying to meet this need for him, it should score lots of points for you, even if you try something you ultimately don't like and don't want to repeat.

Finally, I think it is more about trying to meet his emotional needs of wanting to be intimate with you, wanting to be connected with you, and wanting you all to himself. He wants to be the focus of your attention. He wants to be the object of your affection. Even though you have children together, it isn't enough. He hardly ever gets you all to himself, and he wants to show you how much he loves you, is thankful for you, admires you, and finds you beautiful and sexy.

Don't take his interest for granted and don't push him away. You have promised to love him for better and for worse, and in sickness and health...so do it. Even though you are tired and worn out and your SAHM and pregnancy is physically exhausting for you, find a way to cherish him and what he means to you, and what he will always mean to you.

And no matter what, do not go down to once or twice a month after the baby is born! Keep your relationship special and vital, and you will still have each other long after the children are grown.

If anyone had been this frank with me when I was a young wife and mother, it might have saved my marriage.

I hope it helps,
L.

I am a bit envious, as my hubby is the exact opposite...my last pregnancy he MAYBE initiated about 3 times...that was it!! My boyfriend before him I actually had to buy him something to keep him "occupied" to get him away from me..men are so bizarre...lol
I agree with the pre-term labor comments. Ejaculate also contains prostoglanins, which help labor along when your body is ready. These are old fashioned, tried and true methods to start labor.
I laughed to the point of tears when I read the suggestions about using a rewards chart". I think it's a great idea!! Your hubby sounds like a demanding toddler when it comes to this area (aren't they all?) so I think it is perfectly appropriate. I also like the idea of getting a little "pocket rocket" or something to get yourself started. Seriously, we sometimes need some help...we aren't visually stimulated like they are and ready to go at the drop of the hat. He could help you with that...maybe that would turn hinm on and give him a new "activity" to keep him away from your breasts!

Hi K. - I think a combo of your feelings and Chrisann's reply might be the best. You are SO tired that you need all the rest you can get, but he needs love and affection too. I think if you asked him to help with the stuff around the house because it'll give you more energy to dedicate to him, he'll be happy to pitch in. As for the breastmilk question - not sure about that, but you could call a lactation consultant in your area and hopefully they can help answer that for you. The hospital should have one on staff or be able to refer you to someone. Enjoy!

I kind of like Jamie's response. You are not there to just make babies and please your man at all times. You need time for yourself and it is not selfish to want to be left alone sometimes. Don't let him make you feel bad. He should be the one catering to you and giving you everything you want right now.

You've really gotten a range of advice here, which I guess shows how different everyone's marriages are. From my perspective, I would never allow my body to be used in a way that made me physically or emotionally uncomfortable, nor would my husband want me to do so. There is no question that many men have greater and steadier sex drives than many women, and I think it is the loving thing to do to satisfy those needs WITHIN your comfort zone and abilities. Which, fortunately, does not necessarily involve you needing to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. I felt totally the way you did during pregnancy (the thought of sexual activity for me was pretty repugnant, which was good since I was on pelvic rest almost the whole pregnancy), and with two kids at home I am sure you are "touched out."

At the end of the day, they are your boobs. Keep a bra on during sexual activity (I always had to because mine hurt so badly, lol). Make it clear that touching them makes you uncomfortable. Also make it clear that this is just a phase in your lives, this pregnancy/young kid time. It will pass, and you will be on to a new phase then.

Wow, I'm amazed!
My husband was so not into my pregnant body in any way. We both did some courtesy initiations during, but no one really knew who was trying to please who and thankfully he really wasn't in the mood because neither was I. However, I would from time to time make sure to do him some "favors" especially if it kept his hands off me! (which he didn't mind :) I would catch him off guard when I was fully dressed and keep the emphasis off me-I just didnt' feel good being touched! Sometimes the extra hormones etc is enhanced and pleasurable, but I mean SOMETIMES, I would have gone nuts if it was frequent. I feel for you!

It's really all about you! Figure out exactly how much you would like to do. Then, get generous and figure out how much you are willing to compromise and give above your ideal, since it's not really going to work to say no to him ALL the time. Then keep it SIMPLE and tell him the rules:

1)Tell him it hurts. Any pleas for understanding your perspective and or to be charitable may be lost on him. Just say it hurts.

2) Then say, you want him to be satisfied, and you feel so bad that it hurts, but since you care about him, you are willing to let him have his way with you _____amount of times per week or month. To keep things clear, tell him you'll let him know when, and the hold up your end of the bargain.

This way, you'll get away form him trying ALL THE TIME randomly. If you give him his way sometimes, and do some stuff which doesn't include boobs sometimes, and give in to his random begging once in a while-that's a lot of action for him while you're pregnant and he really can't complain!

By the way, it's not harmful at all to the baby or going into labor etc. Just keep your sanity and try to be good to your man, but put yourself first!!!!

I agree that if there are extenuating circumstances, then maybe they should dealt with first. However, if you really just aren't feeling UP to sex (which I had also for a little while, when I was pregnant)...I would suggest showing him you care about him in other ways...whether it is petting or oral or just doing something extra special for him (like fix his favorite meal, etc.). I know this can be a sensitive issue, but that is what I would do, and did, under the circumstances. I understand not liking or wanting to do oral, but the occasional petting till his pent up sexual frustration is gone, may do him and his constant sucking wonders; as well as your sanity, due to the constant sucking, etc. I hope this helps.

Question for you: Is it that sex really isn't of any interest due to fatigue, or is it that it is becoming a "chore" cuz you don't really want him playing with your breasts?

I think you should let him know that you're kind of frustrated right now. You're tired, you are raising two children and building a 3rd. It's sometimes all you can do to get through the day.

On the other side, whether we're pregnant or not, I think we go through periods when we are more and then periods when we are less interested in sex. And when we're hormonally not all that excited, it's hard to "get it up" for our partner. I would suggest you check out your own nutrition, (which would help with tiredness -- are you getting enough iron?) and also let him know that you feel very uncomfortable, and that his playing with your breasts is turning you off, rather than turning you on. You want him to be satisfied and to have a happy sex life, (and to have one yourself) but you're not comfortable with the breast play right now, and it's making you not want to have sex at all. I had 4 children, and we made love right up until close to term. It was never an issue, but as the baby grows, Mom needs to be on top, cuz only you know when you're getting crushed by the watermelon inside you. We also didn't hug front to front in bed as much as we got closer to term, cuz we didn't fit. But I always enjoyed the fact that my husband still wanted to snuggle up and hold both me and the baby. I really enjoyed it when he'd "hold the baby" and get kicked on our way to sleep.

Men get fragile, too, and they get hurt when they are being neglected. So be as positive as you can be. Be sure he knows you love him. And make sure he knows you are bringing up the subject because you want to improve your relationship.

Good luck ! (And, the really GOOD news, is that pregnancy does end -- and then those early infant months end fairly quickly, too, in retrospect, and your lives go back to a more normal rest and activity level pattern.)

barb

just be careful b/c nipple and breast arousal during pregnancy can release the chemicals that can both start and speed up labor - at 32weeks you'd better ask your doctor. I am a trained birth doula and actually from my studies i have learned that you use nipple arrousal during labor to sort of speed the process along - so therefore since you are at 32 weeks this could possibly put you into labor.

S. w.

Your body, your choice! He needs to learn to deal. I would not be cool with my husband treating me that way. Pregnancy is uncomfortable enough with out his added activities. You may find that you are more open to sex when you have control of your own body (ie he is not treating you like a milk jug).
If you want to have more sex with him (sometimes my brain wants it but my body doesn't seem to want to respond) then I would suggest watching a movie that turns you on, or trying a vibrater. They work for me.

Hi, K.!
I'm afraid that I do not have a whole lot of advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know that as long as you are having a normal, healthy pregnancy, which it sounds like you are, that you do NOT have to worry about going into pre-term labor with your husband playing with your breasts. That is somewhat of a myth.--It can help to keep labor going when you're already in labor, but unless you are at very high risk for pre-term labor, will NOT induce labor.
Also, this will NOT in ANY way deprive your fetus of any nutrients now OR after your child is born. Now, I wouldn't start pumping now, of course, but the occasional "play" time w/ your husband will not do a single thing. Your body is much smarter than that & knows that it needs to provide your baby with nutrients after he/she is born. Remember--women have gone through this since the dawn of time & our bodies are extremely intelligent. They know exactly what to do!

Hang in there!
A.