Breast Cancer

Be totally honest with her. Tell her it's extremely rare for a child to get breast cancer. If you don't tell her, she'll find out and you'll miss the moment to get that closeness. If you talk to her, she will be more likely to talk to you about it as the issues come up and other things going on in her life.

T.,

Breast Cancer is a hard thing to understand. It's painful and scary! This in my opinion should be an open topic with you and your daugther. Either take her for dinner, ice cream or lunch and have a girls day. Then, when it's comfy for both of you bring it up. Explain to her you'd like to help her understand what's going on and if she has any questions you'd be happy to help her find the answers. At this age, there is a lot happening with hormones and development that she's probably unsure of how and why this is going on. Can it happen to her? Does it mean her friend is going to die? Mortality is scary and when it's so close it can be even scarier.

Has she been to see an OB yet? Even if she hasn't had an examine you might want to suggest letting her talk to a professional and ask questions...no exam, just girl talk.

Personally, after my son was born I found a lump...freaked out and my Mom (I'm 30) did this for me. She sat me down and said, 'lets get the facts, so WE both know what's going on'. And, if helped SO much. My Mom was willing to admit, she had no clue and that she was scared to. We were close before, but NOW we're even closer.

Just be there. Be available and don't push her to understand or open up...she will if she knows your door is open.

Some links for info:

http://www.breastcancer.org/

http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/telling_family/ask_exper...

http://www.takingcareofyourgirls.com/main/parentscorner.html

My son is a cancer survivor, brain, not breast. I would be 100% honest. Answer questions as best you can, "I do not know" is a answer. I wouldn't go into the dying thing unless she asks. Please have her stay friends. The loss of friendship was much harder for me to deal w/ than it was/is for my son.

If you want to be helpful, offer specific tasks that you can complete. the vague, let me know what I can do, is not helpful.. It is 1 more thing for the parents to do. "I will bring dinner on Monday at 6, does that work for you?" Is helpful. If you have questions respond back.

My mother had (cervical) cancer when she was 21 and is a 33 year survivor. My grandma is also a 36 year (skin) cancer survivor. I also have four grandparents who have passed from various cancers (kidney, bone, breast and brain) around their 50-70 year marks. As you can imagine, I think about it a lot. The best medicine is accurate information. If your daughter wants to talk about it, get information to her. In the short term, I would research the web so you have some answers for her and bookmark some pages that you can read together or cut and paste some excerpts to read together. Make sure your sources are legitimate from hospitals or .gov sites. You can also schedule an appointment with her pediatrician so she can talk to a professional and if she is comfortable the Dr can show her how to do a self breast exam. Better yet, maybe the friend's doctor can come and talk to all of the girls on the team and families since this is such a rare cancer. Also, ask the friend's parents what they need. Maybe you and your daughter can make a meal for them, ask if they need anything from the grocery store while you're out, or just bake some cookies. They are going to be going through a lot and will be extremely busy with doctor visits and such. All my best wishes in this difficult time.

Hi T., Very tough situation any time someone is going through a serious illness and complicated therapy.
A child is more...
Your daughter will be upset and then will help her friend, the way you handle this will guide her. Calm and simple explanation, everyone can have tears, but a positive attitude is crucial. Educate yourself and then you will do better too. If you don't know the answer to her questions, then find out, and keep reminding her that you love her and that when tough things happen we depend on each other for understanding. Don't project any time frame, just take it day by day. good luck and her friend and family are in my prayers. Deb

Hi T.:
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughters little friend. I was surprised to hear this,as Breast cancer in young girls is extremely rare.This may be the first thing you want to relay to her.Easing her fears of having it herself. You don't have to give detailed information,however being honest with her builds a sense of trust and this will be helpful in facing not only this situation,but also other challenges that life inevitably brings. Children tend to associate sickness with colds,catching germs. Be sure to explain to her that no one can catch cancer,from someone else.Prepare her for the physical side effects her friend will experience,as a result of the treatments.such as hair loss,or feeling sick and tired.You might explain that medicines to fight the cancer are powerful and that side effects like these show the medicine is hard at work. Reassure your daughter that doctors are doing everything they can to make her friend better,and that even though she will seem very sick for a while,that chances are ,the doctors will make her better.Last but most certainly not least,continue to be a good friend. Be supportive,and just be there for her,when she needs someone to talk to. I heard about one book,for young girls.By Ann Speltz called (The year my Mother was bald)For 5 to 12 year old's,making it a little easier to understand.I wish you and your daughter the very best. Bless you both for your caring and compassionate ways and God bless that darlin girl.I will keep her in my prayers.Please keep us up to date on her progress,and inform us of any future fund raisers,so we may help in some way.J. M

Hi T., WOW that's rough, so a 10 year old has breast cancer? I would just be honest, and tell her this is not easy, but life goes on, and she just needs to love ans support her friend, and pray that she comes through this. I've always believed in being honest with children. I am also a Home Daycare Provider, I've been doin it for almost 12 years now. I went intro the hospital in december and one of my past daycare kids age 5 called on the phone in my hospital room, and asked me what happened, I was honest but I told him enough to curve his curiosity, but didn't want to scare him, and he was fine. J. L.

Hi T., just be honest. Cancer is just a disease that can affect everyone. Although predominant in adult women, Breast Cancer may be found in the young and men as well. Let her know there are different types of cancer and it can take a life, but when dealt with timely it can be under control as well.

Let her know her friend will need her support and understanding while she goes through this. If you are not familiar with it, research together.

My mother was recently diagnosed with Cancer of the colin and I worked hard on informing myself and preparing myself. I kept myself aware that I could lose my mother, but we would do everything possible to beat this. So far, we have beaten it.

Let your little one know, everyone is different. Her friend may choose to be private about her illness and may choose to not share her experiences, treatments, or feelings.

I will be thinking of your daughter and friend and say a special prayer as I photograph the many survivors here in Vegas on May 2 at the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure.

I think 10 and 11 year olds understand a lot more than we give them credit for. I think if you explain to your daughter and the other team members that their friend is sick, what she has is breast cancer with, with this type of illness, it takes a litte bit more effort to treat her and this is the time where she can really use their friendship and support because, with this type of illness and treatment, she's going to really feel very crappy for a while until she starts feeling better. If the girls ask for more detailed questions about the illness and treatment, be honest and give them the information that they are asking but, at all times, focus on the fact that recovery and leading a full life after a breast cancer diagnosis is possible. What's most important right now is that this little girl and her friends have it in their heads and she is going to recover and that there is no other scenario out there for her until her doctor's say otherwise. Even with all the advances that we have in modern medicine, I still belief that hope and a belief in the future is still the best medicine of all.

I'll keep your daughter and her friends in my prayers. Blessings.

Good Afternoon T.,

Breast Cancer is curable. First is allergies to be eliminated and deficiencies to be addressed. NAET.com is a group of allergists around the world who eliminate allergies. Then I recommend seeing a Naturopathic doctor who can direct the person to the amount of vitamins and minerals and amino enzymes and acids and proteins needed to create healthy cells. A good book for well being is Prescription for Nutritional Healing by Balch. Another book to purchase - Say Goodbye to Illness by Dr. Devi Nambudripad, the creator of NAET. Both books are needed for well being. Detoxing is great for eliminating toxins from the body, along with many glasses of water per day.

If you have a western medicine doctor, don't stop working with him/her, just incorporate the other with them. Remember to ask questions and get more than two or three theories and opinions. Also, Accupuncture I would highly recommend to add to the healing process.

Also, you may want to incorporate metaphysical energy healings. Reiki healers can be found online should you want to do that as well.

Be Well

N.