Boyfriend Is a photographer..and I Hate It!

I don't think s. It's his JOB. Sounds like this man has given you no TANGIBLE reasons for feeling they way you do. If you cannot come to terms with his job, you might want to move on...seriously. It's just not fair to him.

I wouldn't be bothered by it. It's his job.

I think you need to find a counselor if you want to stay in the relationship...otherwise, break up with the poor guy. He has a good job and in this economy that's a great thing.

Again, I wouldn't be bothered by his job because he's paying the bills and making a living.

This is his job and until he proves otherwise you do need to learn to let it go. He's with you and loves you so give him the benefit of the doubt.

I don't mean to sound harsh. Really, I don't. I sympathize with your feelings. However, it sounds like you have some pretty big insecurities. The better solution would be to address your own insecurities and find the root of the reason as to why you feel this way. Uncovering that might help with this whole situation. If you don't, it could eventually be the end of the relationship. And the insecurities will still exist for the next guy.

Sweetie, I think you need to talk to a professional.

You're making this about YOU. Enough so that it is eroding your confidence and self esteem (if you actually had any to begin with). Why on earth you'd be so insecure about his job is beyond me, but you have to know that it really has nothing to do with HIM and his behavior, and everything to do with you and your insecurity. Go talk to someone and figure out what the problem is, or it will destroy your relationship.

As someone else has mentioned - you really need to look deep into your own insecurities and not his job. If he were a teacher - would you be worried about him constantly being around young women? Or working in an office with attractive women as co-workers? It sounds like you would be and therefore the problem is not his job but you. The job isn't tearing you apart - it's you. You are straining him and your relationship with him. I'm not saying this to be mean but you have to love yourself before you can accept love from others.

I was married when I got my job with General Motors. I worked with other professional men and women. Some of the women were very sharp mentally and physically. I never thought twice about it. My wife never brought it up.

I was assigned a field position where I had to work with dealership personnel. I had to deal with female clerks that had warranty claims they wanted me to pay. Their pay was often tied to how many dollars were paid on the warranty claims. Some of them were very good looking and physically attractive.

I was not interested and playing the field and my wife knew that. She never once complained or acted jealous over the 23 years I did the job.

If your boyfriend wants to cheat, he doesn't need a camera as a prop. Get over the jealousy and insecurity or move on to another guy.

Good luck to you and yours

I agree you need to see a therapist and figure out where this insecurity is coming from.. You will need to know this is any relationship, you are worth the time and effort to get help.

To the women suggesting you tag along... This is a job... Would you go to your husbands office and sit in on his meetings if he was surrounded by attractive women? If his clients were beautiful? It is not professional. He is working, he is doing his job and unless he invites you to join him, let him do his job.

My husband is also a photographer, videographer, Producer and Director and he takes the jobs he is offered.. It is varied.. I trust him to be professional. He is just trying to do his job, which he loves. To continue to get these gigs he needs to take what is offered, I would never make him feel defensive or guilty about what he does. I am my husbands biggest Cheerleader and assistant. I want him to be as successful as possible. I cannot imagine being with anyone I could not trust 100%. Life is too short to be worried about how much he loves me or if he was going to be tempted.

No, I wouldn't be. Perhaps some counseling for you would be in order? Maybe talking to someone would help you get to the root of your angst. You are being irrational and you know it, but that doesn't mean you can control how you feel about it. That to me signifies that maybe there is some underlying issue that you can address and then you might feel better about this.

If I were you, I'd seek some help and see if you can resolve the issue - and it is *your* issue, not his - before you end up torpedoing an otherwise good relationship.

If he is just doing his JOB, and not flirting or making advances to these women, you need to get a grip and find your self esteem and stop feeling this way or you'll run the risk of losing him. It seems like deep down you don't trust this guy. Sorry to be blunt, but if he's a good man, treats you nice and with respect, why are you worried? I'd be more concerned if he was not a homebody and was out in the bars - he doesn't do that. He is giving you no reason to be jealous. He still comes home to YOU - not these random photo shoot girls. It's your own insecurities that are driving you to feel this way. Talk to him about it, but don't expect him to change careers over your jealousy. Work on your own self-esteem and tell him you need his reminders that he loves you and wants to be with you. Good luck!

No. I wouldn't be bothered by this...this is his JOB.

it sounds like even though you say in your mind you trust him - in your heart you do not...

If you can't handle it - you need to find a man who has a job that you can "tolerate"...you need to find out why you are soooo darned insecure about this...sorry - not trying to be harsh or mean - but you really do sound insecure about this...it's not his problem - it's his job...it's YOUR problem and your insecurity...figure out WHY this bothers you so much.

No, it wouldn't bother me. It doesn't sound like he's going to any raunchy places either. If you were a receptionist, you would be talking to men on a daily basis. If you were a nurse, you would be escorting these men to rooms, taking their blood pressure, height, weight, asking them questions, If you were a hairstylist, you would be giving men head massaging shampoos and getting to know all their intimate details. It's a small part of the job.

What would bother me, is if he was doing one on one private, sexy boudoir shoots. Is there any type of counselor you can talk to for your issues? It's really sad this this is tearing you apart and creating such stress. If you trust him, it shouldn't be. Maybe, you don't trust him, you are just in some sort of denial. Is he usually flirtatious and that is why it hurts you, you thinking he's also flirting these women, even though it's innocent? That's one thing my husband is not, flirtatious and he refuses to be alone with another women, even a coworker. Maybe you feel jealous that he is talking to beautiful women. Try and dissect what the root feelings are here and deal with those.

You don't have to be "cool" with your boyfriend going to bars. He's not going to socialize - he's going to work.

What you do need to do is be "cool" with his job.

You need some couseling for your trust issues. It IS a matter of trust and your self worth and sense of security. What you are doing is sabotaging your relationship. If you break up with this so called great guy who won't cheat on you, you will find another great guy and find reasons to drive him away, too.

A little counseling/therapy can go a LONG way. Try is before you lose him. All of this doubt will eventually beat him down and ruin what you have. Good luck.

It's his job, so no, it wouldn't bother me. If he had to go sleep with ten women a month for his job, then yes, that would bother me. But take pictures of women? No.

You need to get over this if you want the relationship to continue. Meditate, do yoga, go to counselling - whatever it takes. But if you keep harping on him and tearing yourself up inside, there's no future for you two. Basically you're telling him to choose between you and the job.

It is his job. If you can't accept his job and not feel threatened by it then maybe this is the wake up call that you are not right for each other. What do you expect him to do? Constantly reassure you?

For me, no it does not bother me. I've been married almsot 23 yrs and we have a very secure relationship. Communication is wide open. My hubby and myself are often at places where the opposite sex is around and sometimes not with each other at the time. I've had my picture snapped at events like you talk about and I was even in a local magazine pictured with a male who is not my hubby. Long story short.... even if we are around the opposite sex, we are still at our home in our bed at night, together.

If you love this man, please try to figure out exactly what bothers you about this, communicate with him so he maybe will understand that it is not necessarily thinking about him cheating but maybe thinking about other women flirting with him, etc? I hope you can work things out if you are both truly right for each other.
Good luck

So how did you meet him? was he hitting on you while he was working & that's how you guys hooked up? if yes maybe that's why you have a problem.

If not, then you really need to look at your own insecurities.........this isn't fair to your or him.....no significant other should be made to feel bad about going to work, so figure it out soon

I can understand some frustration/concern, but this sounds like it's creating an untenable situation for both of you. So you have to change your situation or your response. If you love the guy, therapy for you/both would be in order.

Or you could break up. Or he could get a new job. Since those are less favorable to you both, I'd work on your reaction. Good luck!!!

BTW, could you join him on any of these outings as his assistant? While it's not necessarily how you want to spend your time, it would give you an idea about how he handles things, and how people react to him. Frankly, if I were approached by a photographer, I'd be more suspicious than flattered, lol.

This is a tough situation, this is his job. It is hard for us to say if his work is truely being so specific about who he approaches and what the magazine/paper/company wants. I work in the entertainment industry, have friends who are photographers and to be honest photos of pretty women sells (companies ask for this all the time!). Seems like some are "outfits" of women so of course he has to approach women. He has to do what his job requires.

Options: Can he ask for certian assignments (in paper/magazine field you just do what you can because you can not be picky otherwise you are out and someone else will be hired). He looks for a new job (kind of hard in the photography field, but he can keep his eyes open for something else)... If he really does like his job and does not want to change it then stop pushing it otherwise you will ruin your relationship and push him away. If he does change but regrets it he will resent you and that will not be good for the relationship.

No I would not be bothered by it if he is getting paid, it is his job. If I could not handle what his job entails I would move on and stop dating him. You need to feel secure... honestly I would not consider asking my boyfriend/hubby to change his job just because I am insecure, I would move on and no longer contuine that relationship. You need to work on your insecurities otherwise this will just be an issue in every relationship.

I wouldn't be, but that's just me (hubby's a graphic designer and amateur photographer). So you hate his job, how much does he love it? Is he willing to find a new one to keep you? Is his job really a deal breaker for the two of you? He is afterall a boyfriend (are you living with him?) - how far of a future do you want with him, and vice versa?

Honestly it sounds as though his job could literally be the deal breaker for you. And you need to tell him.
You need to find out where he stands with this job - does he love it, or can he leave it and find something else, is there something else within the profession he'd rather do, are there other opportunities that pays as well that he would love?
You need to know where you stand with him - does he want to eventually marry you, what kinda of future does he see with you?

Once you have all those answers you have to decide how truly his job is a factor. You wouldn't be the first "significant other" to demand that certain jobs not be worked by a loved one, but remember if he truly loves his job and doesn't want to change, it might be the end of your love life with him if you can't get over that.

I am very familiar with the media business and the need to get a variety of people for a cross section of gender, ethnicity, and opinions, but it sounds a little weird to me that the magazine specifies his subjects always be groups of women. Is this a gentleman's magazine, or a gender specific magazine? With exception of there being a target market of readership the magazine is going for, I think I'm going to side with you and say something's up. Trust your instincts.

It's unfortunate when people jump to the conclusion you need counseling or are insecure when you sense something is up. 99.5%, if you think something is amiss, you are correct. People know when their partner isn't on the up and up. He may be a homebody, but he must be radiating something to make you feel he's untrustworthy.

Not wanting to fan the smoke and start a fire, and since you didn't specify what type of magazine he's working for, but based on the info you share, I'd start thinking he's using his work as an excuse to pick up women and yeah, he needs to get confronted.

Any chance you have a mutual friend that is not male, who works at the magazine? If you don't understand or know the ins and outs of this place he works at, you might benefit from a little investigative work and ask a fellow employee of his, if the job truly requires him to focus only on getting photos of women at the bar scene.

If this is truly a magazine that covers a variety of topics, sounds to me he's banking on the fact you don't really know what his job entails and he's pulling something right under your nose.

Next time, ask to tag along or meet up at one of the locations and see what his reaction is. This shouldn't be a problem in the line of work he does. If he's totally against it, be rightfully concerned.

Just sayin.

Did he have this job when you started dating? Or is this a new thing?

Why don't you go with him and be his assistant? Help with his notes, bags, etc.

What if it was your job and you had to approach guys all the time? Would you want him to be jealous?

If it bothers you, it bothers you. I can certainly understand that, and as you said, yes it's his job, but it still puts him in places and situations that you don't like. You like that he is a homebody, and this is in direct opposition to that.

If it's a serious trust/jealousy issue across more than just this, you may want to read a book about this topic or see someone. But if it's just this, then work on just this.

It's hard to keep complaining to him because he can't change it, this is probably what wears on him. If you do trust him, then just tell him in a non-angry voice "I trust you, I just miss you when you're out and don't like the bar scene. I know you have to go, and I don't need you to change anything, I just need you to know that it's hard for me". Men are problem solvers, we complain about something, they want to fix it. He can't fix this. Letting him know you don't expect anything from him will help him a lot. Backing off this way should help. You might find him finding ways to reassure you because the strain is gone. When he is out, keep yourself busy- exercise class or a walk, cooking or baking, go out with a friend (not to where he is with binoculars!), whatever.

I guess what I'm saying is acknowledge your feelings, they are reasonable and normal. But then move past them to see what happens. You want out of this cycle.

I think the issue is that you are not separating work from play. He is not there to play, he is not "in the scene". He is WORKING. He is looking for a particular look, etc. and not looking to pick up women. He's not going to bars to hook up, he's doing a job. He is not "going to bars", "going to clubs", etc. He is going to a location so shoot pictures of the people there.

Where are these feelings coming from? If he has never given you a reason to feel this way, what is causing this? Did you date a cheater in the past? Do some digging personally and figure out where this insecurity is coming from, because if you really care about him and he's really that great, and he loves his job and does it well and professionally, you need to let it go. Otherwise, you're going to push him away.

Yes, it's his job, but I understand where you're coming from. I think I would be a bit bothered by it too. It's hard to compare with other jobs because unlike just chatting with general public members of the opposite sex, he's in a way choosing who he interacts with, which happens to be beautiful women.

I think that if it's straining your relationship, you need to have a talk with him and decide what you two can work out. But, while I'm sure he's a great guy and doesn't give you reason to think he's doing anything but his job, don't believe that YOU have to be the ONE to change your mind about everything. Work together as a couple, and really try to compromise, but if not, you're not stuck where you are....there's plenty of fish in the sea. I hope you can work it out.

I think it is time to have an honest talk with him. After two and half years you should be able to ask where you are headed. Long term goals both in relantionship and professionally. Don't be accussatory but be honest. It is not fair to either one of you for you to feel this way. And you can let him go, learn how to live with it. But there are also other options, His options,, does he plan on staying on this specific work,d oes he want to go further, like porfessional model photography, is he willing to find a new type of work?

You both have options, it is whether or not you make plans for you to grow together or not. But now is the time to start thinking about it and talking about it.