I was told about this book called The Care & Keeping of You. The body book for girls. I have all heard good things about this book. I just received it today and was wondering how old should your daughter be before you start talking to her about her body and the changes she is going to start going threw. I know it is getting younger but I don't want to scare her but I do want her to be aware of the change that are going to occur. I do want to point out that I do have a good relationship with my daughter and she knows that she can come talk to me about anything. Would you be the first one to approach your daughter on some of these changes and how far do you take the conversation?
I forgot to mention she is 6yrs old and has already asked me some questions.
Thank you all for the wonderful answers. I have decided that I am going to read the book first and see if there is anything particular that would help with some of the questions she is asking. I really didn't intend to have the major talk with her until she was at least 8 or 9 unless she came to me first. I never had an open conversation with my mom on this stuff and I just want my daughter to know that I am here if she needs anything. Thank you all again for the wonderful answers.
I approached my daughter about it. If you want to use the book right now, pick things that pertain to where she is right now, or where she will be shortly. Then pull it out as she goes from stage to stage.
I would start to talk to them about this stuff when they reach Middle School. I bet you that some of the kids at school are already talking about it! Better for them to hear it from you than to get their information from 12,13,14 year old peers.
She will only find it scary if you present it that way.
The younger you start talking about it, the more likely they are to take it all in stride (least that's my opinion).
And really, what's scary about it? Thank GOD our bodies do what they do, if they DIDN'T we wouldn't be MOMS!
:)
I started open communication with my daughter when she was a toddler.
Of course I kept things on her level at the time but she was well aware of body changes and as she got older I talked more. We have wide open communication to this day with no topic off limits. My daughter is now 16 and open communication lines are crucial for teens.
I recall when she was in 4th grade, the school nurse came in with a video and had a brief talk with the girls. I was teaching that day and I was shocked at how some girls were blindsided by this. I guess some parents don't communicate at all and if they don't, then the children need to get info from a reliable source vs friends who assume they know all the facts.
If you don't feel comfortable talking with her, just do it while you are driving, taking a walk, etc so you (or her) are not embarrassed and don't have eye contact.
You don't say how old your daughter is but believe me, kids are talking a lot in school (I teach as well) and she may already know more than you think. Stay positive, don't make her feel bad... empower her. The last thing you want is for her to have a self esteem issue about it.
It is an ongoing process... not just a once and done conversation.
I think 6 is too young for that book...we didn't show my daughter until she was probably 9, but would have at 8 if she started asking questions. I think 6 is too young to understand and could scare her to death!
Not sure what questions she's asking, but maybe you could just say that bodies change as you get older and it happens to everyone.
How old is she? My SD didn't come to live with us until she was 13. I got her the book when she moved in with us because it became very clear very quickly that her mom dropped the ball on a lot of this and it was painfully awkward to hear it coming from me LOL so I just gave her the book and assume that she's gotten herself up to speed.
Most of my friends with daughters gave this to them when they were 8 or 9 years old (end of 4th grade at the latest). In our schools, grades 3-5 are together and there are definitely 5th graders with periods so these parents were concerned about precocious development in their own daughters (some who had breast buds by 3rd/4th grade) as well as having them see or hear things from older girls at school.
She will be old enough for that book at about 9 or 10. I got it for my granddaughter when she was 7. after reading thru it my daughter decided there are some things in it she is just not ready for. (tampon application, etc) but she did use it for things like reading to my granddaughter about hair care, skin care etc. and read to her about the hair growing in various places etc. it is a great tool for discussion. but at this point your little one is to young for it.
My daughter was 8 when we started talking about body changes.
You have a great resource there. We have this book too and it is excellent at taking girls through what they need to know, not just about body development but also about skin changes, hair changes, mood changes, and so much more. You'll be glad you got it.
Since she's six, answer her questions in ways she will understand. You don't need to get too clinical but you do need to be sure you don't leave her more confused. Does she seem to be asking more about body changes? Menstruation? Or not those, but "how babies get here"? There are other books geared at even younger kids that deal with things like pregnancy and birth -- ask a children's librarian at your local library.
I read this book with my daughters at about age 10. At that age they were starting to go through puberty and could relate to the book.
I wouldn't sit down and have a "conversation" about it at her age, I would use the book to answer any questions she has, but go no further than that.
If she asks about a period, then use that part of the book that talks about it to explain.
I think between the ages of 8.5 and 10 are good for that book. Any younger and they could get scared or they just wouldn't understand. The parts about keeping the body clean are good for a conversation of why we shower/bathe and how to take care of your body.
I've always told my kids that this isn't about a one time conversation, this is an ongoing dialogue. There's a book series called "God's Design for Sex" and each is very age appropriate when talking about it. My daughter has come back to me time and again to ask questions about her body and I try to keep it simple and honest. She just turned 9 and had to get her first set of "bras"! I thought I was dying when my period came, so I wanted to start a dialogue early, so it wasn't as awkward with each conversation. I'd rather her come to me to ask, than go to her friends on the playground! What an honor.
My daughter is just NOW starting to be pre-developmental (if that is a word? She Might be starting to get buds, lol, it's hard to tell....). She turned 10 several months ago, and I gave her that entire set (with a journal and everything) on her birthday. Right along with other gifts. She ignored it for a week or two, then picked it up and started reading. She plopped into my bathroom one day and asked me what a period was. LOL We have had very open conversations. And she will go days on end where every night at bedtime when I tuck her in she has some items marked that she wants to ask me about and she'll pull out her book and go down her list. She finds it all rather amusing, actually. This will happen 2 or 3 days in a row, then she will ignore it for a bit and pick it up again as it suits her. No forced issues, no "it's time for THE talk" stuff... just whenever it occurs to her. And I don't feel in any rush, because I think she has a while yet before she will get her period. But we've already discussed tampons and pads. :)
It is a fantastic resource and letting my daughter go through it on her own at her own pace really seems to fit her. She is a very independent child and always has been.
The way I was taught, on the other hand, was pretty much one day mom called me to her room, sat me down on the bed and said: _______. Here's what you'll need. If you have any questions, let me know. It was VERY cut and dried and uncomfortable for me (probably her too). I didn't want that for my daughter, and we don't have that kind of relationship. She has always been very curious, and we are fairly open in our discussions. We don't run around naked at our house, and we all respect each other's privacy, etc. But when questions arise, they are answered very plainly and the kids are welcome to ask more or stop if they have what they wanted out of the conversation.
The Care and Keeping of You is a very good overall book, that gives a lot of good information and opens the door to discuss things with your daughter (unless you give it to her and say: here you go. And don't offer to talk to her about any of it).
If you give it at the right age kids are very open about their curiosity. If you wait too long, they will be embarrassed and not want to discuss it. At least, that's what I think.
I talked to my daughter last winter. She was 8.5 at the time. She was starting to get curves and I wanted her to be prepared so she wouldn't wonder why she was getting hair under her arms etc...I showed her some books, and did a quick overview of body changes including menstruation. I was going to leave it at that, but she asked a couple of questions about how women get pregnant so I referred to those pages in the book and tried to make the explanation as basic as possible. I left the book with her so she could read it over in private. I told her to come to me with any questions or concerns. The best of the two books I have is called "It's Not The Stork". It's been almost a year since that conversation, and she hasn't asked anything further. She's 9.5 now, and still does not have hair under her arms or budding breasts. When she starts with that, I'll review thing with her again.
Great book, I agree 6 is too young. I think my oldest was 10 or so when I gave it to her. We are a very open family but around that age she started being less "talkative" about that particular topic. There is a lot of great info but it is geared towards an older girl.
Just answer her questions honestly and openly, you'll find the book handy when you realize she may not ask you all the things she needs to know. You can also use it to "bring up" topics you think you should talk about without having to sound like your interogating her. You might find your little question asking clams up right a the time you think she needs the good stuff.
Girls start their period as young as 9 or 10. My niece started hers when she was 10 so I don't think there is anything wrong with starting to talk about your body changing as early as 7 or 8. You don't have to delve into sex and where babies come from at that time. What you should be talking about is hygiene (showering, washing hair) deodorant, noticing changes in your body (body hair, breasts) and what those changes mean.
