Birthday Issue

I can understand your problem.If you want a big party,does your building have a party room or pool available? That would probably be easiest locale. I think a bunch of parties would be a scene,and way more stressful.Lots of people expect to be invited,want to come&say they will,but in reality about a third of those invited will show,and usually not all at once.If you have one big party&invite everyone,just make it an informal buffet type gathering that spans a few hours and then you can kind of have people show at different times.If you put on the invite that cake&presents will be halfway thru,everyone could be there if they wanted,but you could suggest 1 your parents come early,the other at cake time.That way you can kind of keep people who may not get along from clashing without excluding anyone.Good Luck.

It is a tough issue because you never want to exclude anyone. However, having gone through the same thing and having tried the invite 60+ to one party and doing the million small parties I can tell you what has finally worked the best for our family. We have 2 parties:1 kids party and 1 family party. My husband's parents are divorced as well, we just let them know that the parties are for the kids. If they are not comfortable around eachother they can skip the party and visit the kids on a different date. That being said, they have always come to the parties and the parties have always gone very well. The extended family was hard on us as well. Finally, after completely overwhelming our children with huge numbers we got smart and said only Grandmas/Grandpas, Aunts/Uncles (cousins if they had them). It makes it more enjoyable for everyone with the smaller numbers. Good luck! It is hard to know exactly what is appropriate for each family...go with your gut!

Personally, I'd keep the party to immediate family only...grandparents-step-grandparents/aunts/uncles and cousins. We just had our son's 2nd birthday and that's what we did...it's the same thing we did for his first. I just think that until they are older and able to enjoy the company more, the parties should be kept smaller. It's also less stressful for you.

But maybe there's a reason you feel the need to invite the extended family. If that's the way you go, how about looking for a place offsite to have the party. Then you only have to do one. You could do a chucky cheese or soemthing. You wouldn't have to pay for the rental...and the food would be taken care of for you.

Do what you want to do. Don't let other people run your life. Also, a child's birthday party is for the child, not for the attendees.

We always have 3 celebrations. One for friends, one for my side of the family, and one for hubby's side. It's just easier that way. I have a friend who does them all on one weekend so she doesn't have to clean the house inbetween.

I'm thinking about doing that next year. For instance:
Friday, out to supper with a family or a casual dinner in the evening.
Saturday, other family party, like in the early morning, or late again. Sunday, Pary for friends, which will trash the house.

A good rule of thumb for the friends party, you should invite the number of kids to the party for the number age your child will be. If they are 2, then you should have 2 friends for her birthday party. Which could be a very nice playdate, casual and low-key.

When they get to be 3 and 4, it gets a little more hectic. My daughter is 4, and this is my first experience for inviting many kids...there will be 7 total. The rule is nice because otherwise, the birthday girl/boy gets too overwhelmed and will have a breakdown...which does not make for a fun birthday.

Good luck. :)

Hi T.,

Turning two is a milestone, and birthdays should be fun for everyone. That said, what were your birthday parties like when you were a kid? I feel the same pressure to invite a ton of people for my kids birthdays, but when I think about it, when I was a kid it was really just my family (mom dad siblings) and maybe one set of grandparents if they were around to attend. It seems like birthday parties have gotten completely out of hand, and our children are still small! How do you keep making the birthdays special when you start so big? My sons are 2 1/2 and the baby turns one next week. I totally understand that you want to include everyone, but what works best for you and your child?

Really think about what is most important to you and what you think your child will like most. And, if the huge party is something you will do every year for your kids. Are you planning to host 60 guests for every child for every birthday?

Good luck!

J.