Birthday Dinner at a Restaurant - Ok to Split the Bill?

Why not compromise--have a dinner at home with the friends, and a nice dinner at the steakhouse for just the 2 of you later?

Tacky. Yes.
I would suggest inviting the couples for wine and appetizers. Then it wouldn't be expected for you to pay for their dinners and less tacky. And if they decide to eat dinner after wine they will know it is their responsibility.

Dinner party at the house with the couples-steak house for just the two of you.

When I go out with friends we always just tell the server it is on separate bills. I have never expected someone else to buy me dinner, nor has anyone expected me to buy them dinner.

i think it's EXTREMELY presumptive to invite other people out to dinner and expect them to pick up the check. and yes, just paying for some and telling the other couples at the restaurant that they're going to handle the rest of tab is really not okay.
if a dinner on your own is not what your husband would consider fun, you must must must run the plan by your friends first and make sure they're okay with it.
but i have to say, i'd think it was pretty weird if someone did this to us.
i think the dinner party at your house makes a lot more sense. save the steak house for a dinner for the two of you.
khairete
S.

Sorry, you need to pay, so go to a cheaper place.

I would talk about it ahead of time, so it's not awkward. Communication is important. Did you pick a restaurant that is affordable for the other couples?

If it is an expensive restaurant, is it too expensive for the other couples? Have you gone out to dinner before this and how was the bill handled? I'm usually prepared to pay if it is in celebration of my family member. However, in this economy, I would be surprised if the other couples don't offer. Are you close enough with the couples to just say, something like, we would really like for you to join us but unfortunately my budget is limited?
I like you back up plan - might be easier. Take your husband for the dinner at the steak house and have the dinner party later or maybe let your friends know you plan to take him to dinner and ask them to join you for birthday cake back at your house. If they are intersted, they can mention coming to dinner. Just suggestions.

No, sorry, if you invite people out for dinner, you should pay. If you can't afford it, it's not the correct way to celebrate.

But, of course, these are your friends and you know them best. If you always split the bill, maybe they'll offer to pay their share and that's fine. I just can't imagine ever ASKING them to pay, though, even if they were my closest friends. That's just too tacky for me.

I don't assume that anyone is paying for my meal unless that is stated up front. However, if you are accustomed to the host picking up the check for any birthday get together, then that is the norm for your social circle. In that case, I would probably go with the dinner party at your house...

Sorry but yes, if you invite people bc it's his bday, it's expected you will at least offer to pay the bill. And if that's the norm in your circle of friends, then likely they will let you. Since they would assume they're being treated, it'd be polite of them to bring a gift. Not all that different from a kid's bday party when you think about it. So either dinner at home or a casual restaurant you can afford to pay for all. Doesn't mean in a month you can't suggest all going out to dinner and if they can, suggest this place as one of the options. The more I think about it, the ruder it is really to invite for his bday to a restaurant that sounds expensive bc then they have no choice but to either decline or pay for an expensive meal. I'd be a little resentful if friends picked the restaurant yet I had to pay. If I have to pay, I should have input which restaurant.

Yes. It would be weird.
If you can't afford to treat for dinner, you don't ask people to join you.
(Unless it's like "hey--do you guys want to check out abc place O. of these days for dinner? Maybe we can split a sitter?"

But since it's his birthday? I think it would be tacky NOT to pick up the tab.

My friends and I have a thing where we pick a place, everyone pays their way, everyone chips in for the birthday person. Thing is that is our thing. It happens the same way every time, usually nowhere crazy expensive.

You don't have that thing with your friends nor would an expensive restaurant be on the list.

If you can't afford the venue of choice then you need to have your dinner party at home.

When you invite people to dinner, you are the host. Doesn't matter if it is at a restaurant or not. I think your husband is wrong in his assumption that it won't be expected. If I received an invitation to celebrate someone's birthday at a restaurant, I would be under the assumption that they are footing the bill.

Dinner party at the house would be best. Costs a lot less and it won't be as loud.

Find a place you can afford since it is your treat or have a party at home.

No.... You invite means you pay 100%

If you can't afford that, don't go. Figure something else out to do.

Very tacky if you invite people then drop the bomb that they pay their way.

Don't do it or you come across as cheap and tacky.

If you can't afford it DON'T GO.

Just because it's customary in your circle doesn't mean that you have to do it. If you can't afford it, you have to speak up!

If you can't ask the two couples and tell them that you'd like to split the check 3 ways or that you'd like the couples to go dutch, then go ahead and have the dinner party.

To be honest, all of our friends understand that we need to go dutch or split the checks. Some of the friends are "leaders" and are always looking to go out with someone. Some are "followers" and let others ask them. Is it fair for the "followers" to never have to pay? Of course not.

If you invite them to celebrate with you, you should pay. Otherwise, hold a dinner party at your house.

When we invite people out for dinner? WE PAY.

When you host. You pay. You've already stated your answer - "that's what typically done in our circle of friends."

If you can't afford to invite friends out. Don't do it. DO NOT nickel & dime your friends...either pay or pick a less expensive place. Your back up plan to have a dinner party at the house sounds GREAT!!!

Making your own steak is cheaper and no less delicious! Of course the thing is you have to spend time doing the cooking, washing and cleaning up, etc. Do you think you can ask your friends to help celebrate by bringing some side dishes to lessen your work and let you have more time to enjoy your party..? Would you have offered it to your friends in a similar situation ?

I always find it awkward. When we go out to dinner with friends or even family, we always put up money for our end of the bill. We always put well enough money in so that the bill is not short and sometimes it still is.

When we invite, we always pay and once in a while the other people will put up money for their share. With that said, I always make sure we are prepared to pay the entire bill.

I would just have the dinner party and save the restaurant for family time.

I would think it depends on what is customary in your circle of friends. As you can see from the responses here already, different people view this quite differently. I understand the basic rule of manners that if you invite, you pay. But I also know that in our circle of friends, we don't do that, generally. If anything... if we go with friends for an "occasion", the person that is being celebrated (the birthday person or whatever) usually doesn't pay their own bill. If it's a large group, somebody will say "put the birthday lady's dinner on my check." or something to that effect. If it is just 2 couples, then we pay our own.
That said, we also are mostly in the same financial camp, so it isn't a hardship on any of us to pay our own way. We order what we choose to pay for. We order appetizers if we want them, and offer to share with the others at the table. It's just a very natural thing, not awkward at all.

BUT, that is what our circle of friends customarily does. That may not be the case with your circle of friends. So, if you are not sure what they would presume is going to happen, then discuss it in advance or make alternate plans. It really is that simple.

If it was a "hey, let's meet for dinner and hang out", then the bill gets split. But, for your hubby's birthday, you should pick up the tab. I would choose a less expensive restaurant or just bite the bullet and treat everyone.

Updated

If it was a "hey, let's meet for dinner and hang out", then the bill gets split. But, for your hubby's birthday, you should pick up the tab. I would choose a less expensive restaurant or just bite the bullet and treat everyone.

Unless you have sent out an invite saying you are hosting a party then no it is not expected that you would pay the bill. I always say up front we are paying with a credit card so we need a separate check. But if you think it would be weird then do it at your house. that would probably be more fun anyway no waiter interrupting and no need to hurry.

another way we handle this type of thing is to say when calling people is "we were thinking about going to "x" for dinner on friday night what does your budget look like?" that way they know that if they join they are paying their own way.

We were invited out to dinner with another couple for their HS daughter's graduation. We brought a card w/ a cash gift. They paid the food bill because they invited us.

If you are inviting the couples to a B-day "Party", I would think that you would be paying.

If you go out with these couples a lot ---and you always split the bill-Then, I would assume they will pay.

I would probably do a dinner party and cake.

I think you should send them a text saying you guys will get the appetizers and wine. Then they will know their dinner is on them. Its really okay especially
if they are close friends.

In my family each couple pays for their own dinner. One cousin who is usually the one to organize it always asks for appetizers to be put on their tab. It's always been that way so it's not awkward. I think at first we just asked for separate checks when the waitress asked which it would be.

I remember wondering and feeling a bit anxious and decided to wait just a second to see what the cousin would say. if she hadn't immediately answered I'd have said separate checks. Now that I've said that, I've used that way of doing it for years.

If these are good friends and because usually one couple does pay I suggest you mention ahead of time that although you'd like to pay for all of them but aren't able to.

I suggest how you issued the invitation would indicate what you intend. If you say, let's get together for dinner. It's hubbies birthday. Sounds like you're suggesting dinner but not saying you're hosting. You could add something like let's go to this place if it's not too expensive.

if you say, we'd like you to join us for dinner at this place it sounds more like you're hosting.

Personally, if someone invites us out to dinner, I expect they are paying unless they specify. I have also had it happen during lunch, mostly with coworkers, that someone has the bright idea like you mentioned of "splitting the check". This ALWAYS makes me mad since I don't drink, even soda, and usually order something cheaper on the menu. Then I get stuck paying a much larger amount than I would have on my own.

With todays technology, it's simple to split checks by couple. We get there early and mention it to the server when we sit down. We say, we will be meeting friends and we will all need our own check.

If I were you, I would send out an invite with some kind of wording that says you will not be paying or they will be. I didn't read if others had any wording suggestion, but that's what I would do. Then if they don't want to do that, you will know it's a problem. Or simply say "wine and appetizers are on us". That would *imply* that they are responsible for the rest. Then get there early like I said and tell the server so you don't have to tell them in front of your friends. JMO. Good luck.

Wow i would NEVER expect anyone to pay for my dinner even if we were invited. We go out for birthdays all the time and we ALWAYS pay our own check. We usually split the birthday person's meal among all of us. I can't believe people would expect that! That seems crazy and completely RUDE to me. Unless I received and actual invitation in the mail or evite that specifies dinner will be provided I would go expecting to pay my own way.

Most people I know would expect to pay their own bill in a situation like that, but different folks (raised in different areas and at different income levels) may expect something different. I would only expect to have the meal covered if I was invited being told it was "their treat", otherwise I would plan to pay for myself, and to chip in with the others to cover the birthday boy as well.