Best Parenting Tip?

Stock up on decent wine, get some earplugs, and tell them the chocolate you are trying to eat secretly is a vegetable.

This made me think of my brother. This weekend, he let his 7 month old take sips from his water bottle. I told him that was probably the biggest mistake he's made so far and that he can say goodbye to water without floaties in it from now on! hahaha!! Had to share.

Consistency, consistency, consistency! Follow through, follow through, follow through! Once you say something or set a guideline, you have to stick to it every time. They need to know what to expect. Sometimes my almost 4 year old will actually put himself in time out because he knows that is the consequence.

boundaries are not mean. loving, consistent boundaries give children security and allow them far more freedom than a no-limit policy.
:) khairete
S.

Advice: They are "ready" when they're ready.

This is true for everything. Unfortunately. Toilet learning, talking, walking, taking turns, separating, anything you can think of. Understanding that your child is a completely different person and is immune to the demands of your adult agenda goes a long way.

Also: my second favorite piece of advice: Don't Ask, Guide.
We often fall into the "polite adult" trap of asking "Are you ready to .....(go shopping, go to bed, wash your hands.... anything)" and "Do you want/need to....(go potty, have a snack...anything). I believe that if we want our child to do something, we need to take charge and OWN IT. No to "Do you need to go potty?", but yes to "Time to go potty now", "Let's go wash hands now", "It's time to get in the car, please". "It's time to...." is a great positive statement that tells our child exactly what's going on. Chances are, too, if we ask a rhetorical (to us) question, our child says "no" and then where are we? Either we honor the "no", or we override them. We must be the adult and lovingly tell them what's what. :)

Fallback moves:
1. Deciding my own actions will be all I can control. Whining child: brief empathy: "Yes, I know you don't want to wash your hands, and I need you to do it before I can give you lunch." (They decide when they get lunch.) another example: nagging "I've given you my answer and I'm all done talking about it. If you want to talk about it some more, I'm not going to be answering, because I'm all done." Let your actions speak for you, no correction when they keep asking... just as silent as S..

2. Really taking a look at what's going on. So often, kids act out because they want our attention. What if we give them five minutes right now, instead of watching their undesired behaviors ratchet up? This works really well with my son; when I see the misbehaving happen, I sometimes see that it's directed my way, and can click into what he's needing. Me.

3. Using a chair as an option. This isn't time out, but it's similar to taking a break. I use this for non-compliance. "It's time to wash your hands, please.
says mom. "I don't want to" says son. "I need you to wash hands before lunch. You may sit in this chair until you are ready to go wash hands." This is different from a time out, because the child is actually in control of when they get up from the chair. Very occasionally, I have my son return to the chair, but only if he decided not to do what was asked. Very calmly "I see you are still not ready to wash your hands. You may sit here until you are ready to do as I've asked." (My son is four, by the way.) We have fewer upsets, because he's in control of when he washes up.

Lastly: my advice to all parents: read a lot and decide for yourself what's going to work for you and your child. I'm all about the self-education. People seem to feel that somehow being pregnant and birthing will prepare you to work with kids. Sorry, but other than growing a human being, nothing magical happens when we're pregnant, other than maybe feeling a bit dumber than before. (Know lots of women who can attest to this, I know I did. ) If you think of it this way, it makes complete sense: if someone is going to work at a child development center and teach (not assist), it's likely they have prior experience or an ECE degree before they are hired on. I know I have spent hundreds of hours reading thousands of pages of information on raising children, and I still don't get it right 24/7. Educating yourself on what you want to do as a parent (and even figuring out what you don't want to do) is helpful. You are your child's first teacher. And not a popular opinion, but there are "better" and "worse" ways of raising children. Just food for thought from someone whose worked with kids for almost 20 years!

Don't let kids be in the driver's seat - they make lousy drivers.

Maybe it sounds idealistic & have not always been able to keep perfect practice, but I've always tried to be mindful that my son is a person who deserves respect. He's only 4 & drives me crazy often but I try to keep my cool & NEVER scare or demean him with my discipline. I try to remember how hard it must be for these wild spirits to fit into this CRAZY world; its hard enough for us & we've been trying a lot longer! Discipline, yes.... but with love & respect. Thats my fall-back mentality/ reality check.

Trust your gut.

&

It's all over in a blink.

Always listen to your gut!

If you think something isn't right, then it probably isn't. It doesnt' matter if a doctor/your mother/doting neighbor says everything is fine... if you think deep down that there's just something that isn't sitting right, something doesn't add up just quite right, does make sense for the situation.... then keep pushing. Keep asking questions,seek out another opinion.

Go ahead and look like the neurotic first time mom.

I have three
1) Listen to others opinions, they are always helpful even if you dont agree with them, but don't ever let others tell you what to do. You are the mom, and fight for that if you have to. (I really hope you don't)
2) If its too quiet, your kids are doing something!!! (jajaja) check on them ;) this is true at least 75% of the time with my 4yo. jejeje
3) Enjoy it all, the good the not so good, the fun, and the troubling, the tantrums and the smiles.

Just one?! Umm...I completely agree with following your gut. I believe there is a mother's instinct we are given when we give birth to a child. Don't let anyone sway you from listening to that...and sometimes it surprises me how many people try to sway that!

And, this kind of goes along with the following your gut...look into positive discipline types of parenting (Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen is a good one). It helps build your child up instead of destroy him/her in teaching your child proper behavior. It works with consistency, respect, love, and teaching instead of punishments and tearing them down. It goes along with listening to your gut because most mommies that I know feel like something is wrong when they punish in the common way, but they aren't sure what is wrong (of course, this suggestion is according to how you feel about it...hehe). Positive discipline really settles that part inside of me. I feel like it's really what I'm looking for in raising my children the best I can.

Enjoy them, in the end, it's a flash of light. Sigh.

:(

I have three.
1- Be Involved - Attend school events (concerts, parent teacher meetings, help out in the classroom or at a event), attend your child's games and practices, know their friends and their friends parents - It's not easier, but there are major benefits
2 - Unplug - turn off the tv, limit video games and computer time, either no texting or limited - pick up the phone and talk.
3 - Lots of family time - have a family game night, take a family vacation even if it's just a weekend, eat meals together at the table with no distractions

Don't do whatever everyone else is doing. You will drive yourself crazy if you do what you think, others think is right.

Just breathe! Not every choice or decision is earth-shattering. Cut yourself some slack. As long as you love your children and do your best, then you're doing a great job!!

Be flexible - you are not raising a child, you are raising an adult. If I say something, think about it and it is wrong - I do not have to stick with it just because I said so. Let my son have some control and say. He will learn to be flexible if I am flexible.

Oh, and 'never wake the baby'.Our version of the hospital's mantra ' never shake the baby'

Best tip I ever got - Don't worry about what other people do, do what is best for you and your family.

A friend with older teenagers told me to fill the refrigerator with food my children loved to eat so they would come home with friends to eat and I'd get to see who they were spending their time with.
It was the best tip for weathering the teen years.

The worst parenting tip - in many parenting books - to let your baby 'cry it out' when you put them in the crib ! A baby's only means of communication is to cry, and they are upset, and should not be ignored -- to all the 'Dr.' idiots who wrote this in their parenting books, your license should be revoked ! Don't leave your baby to cry it out, tend to her needs so she/he can build trust and a bond that they know you are there for them.

Remember that the ultimate goal is not obedience, but cooperation.

Don't think about the child you want to raise, but the adult you want to raise.
Remember that you only have so much time to teach them to make the same choices whether you are there or not. Don't be afraid to explain your reasons, don't be afraid to work together to come to a mutually agreeable solution. This is the best way to teach them to respect not just your authority, but your advice.

Remember that everybody gets to have a bad day. Remember that for your kids the world can be big and scary and overwhelming. Sometimes when they are acting the worst, they need the most. Don't be afraid to reach out first.

By the way, great question and great answers. I don't think I've sent so many flowers at one time!

Trust yourself. Listen to your gut and your motherly instincts, you know your family and child best of all. Take the research, the book advice and everything the other people tell you to heart, consider it and then let the MOM in you make the best decision for YOUR child.

Nothing works for everyone, to each their own.

Pick your battles and when you do make sure you win!!!! And everything in moderation!!

EVERYTHING is a phase. The good and the bad. It will pass.

Children need your presence more than your presents.

Offer age appropriate, personal choices and teach them to negotiate at home. This one has come back to haunt me b/c my 22 year old daughter has learned this this one well...well that's another topic....but it has been a wonderful life skill for her.

oh, off to put the babes to bed..more later...this is a phenomenal post!! Thx.

let the baby learn to fall asleep on his own --- ie: Put him to bed while awake, but drowsy.

Some people say count to 10 when you are thinking about hitting your child or yelling at him or doing something else you may regret. That's a good start to calming yourself down! When at the end of your rope, count to 10.

I once saw a mom shopping with a child who was having a meltdown and clearly the mom was at the end of her rope, perhaps it had been a long day with many tantrums, who knows, but she looked out of patience and my friend put her hand on that mom's shoulder and said, "count to a million, mama."

Don't ever expect one day to be just like the next.

If your baby wants to be held, hold them.

Let your baby tell you what s/he needs, they know better than anyone else!

Take time to pee...
Seriously, when you go pee, sit down, relax, breathe, feel the release of all things toxic.
Then take time to wash your hands. Feel the warmth of the water running through your fingers. Soap it up. Enjoy the bubbles.
Dry your hands with a fluffy towel.
And if you really want to treat yourself...rub an organic hand cream all over your hands...between your fingers, rub it into your cuticles enjoy the scent, the texture and feel it penetrate your skin.
So yes, please take the time to pee.

B.
Family Success Coach

watching the "1-2-3 Magic" video to learn a better way to discipline.

best tip when I was pregnant: Always remember to dance crazy with your kids, sing silly, and just be goofy and play with them... you'll blink and they'll be adults. Don't be too serious, but don't be blind to what's going on either.

Positive discipline made my life easier. Reading loving without spoiling made my life easier :) Reading in general has made my life easier... I love to read and reading parenting books just because helps when the situation comes up in real life.

Any child can do anything longer than any parent can stand it.

That sounds up front terrible but it helped me remember that I shouldn't sweat the small stuff and I should choose my battles carefully, because the battles I choose I had to be prepared to settle down and win. Not in a "I'm bigger or better than you" type of win. But these are the limits in this family type of win.

Best parenting tip: treat your child like s/he can understand everything you say.
I am breastfeeding and if nothing else will settle my little one, I just pop a boob in his mouth. he's only 3 months old so probably won't work for a year but hey, do what works now! :)

Nothing is perfect.
You try your best.
As Riley said: Trust your gut... and it is over in a blink.

Have faith in your kids.
Nurture their own self.
Foster a 'relationship' with them... not it only being based on discipline or punishments. KNOW them for who they are.
Teach them to express themselves and know their feelings. It is something that is taught. By the parent.
Advocate for them.
Keep "expectations" upon them, age appropriate.
Know that stages per ages, occurs.
All kids, tantrum.

Be compassionate. It isn't the same as being a pushover... but never do something to another person that you would not tolerate have done to yourself. Who cares if your children grow to be fast, smart, beautiful, etc if they have no compassion? Compassion is the only trait that can ONLY be taught by example.

Just one is hard :-)

1. It's OK to let others help when offered.
2. Be consistent in whatever it is you are doing/saying (follow through).
3. Trust your instincts.

And just enjoy the time because it truly flies by.

Breastfeeding. No doubt about it.

"You are your kid's parent not her friend"
"Believe in your kids..you are raising them, right?"
Consistency, repetition and good discipline always work.
Hug your kids, kiss them and have ALWAYS time for them, the rest can wait (cooking, cleaning,talking on the phone..)
Listen to your kids..It's so much in there.........!
Smile to them often, celebrate their success and hug them tight when they feel sad or frustrated.
"No, means NO", do not negotiate with children.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8.....do not work all the time, children need to learn that when it is time to do something is just TIME!
Enjoy your kids!!!!!!

Don't yell. Actions speak louder than words. Nipping wrong behaviors firmly and early (even before age 2) prevents tons of nightmares later and the anger that escalates to yelling. I have three fantastic well behaved kids under 5 and that advice to thank. No coddling, no yelling.
My favorite fun tip is to always greet your child in the morning with happy loving excitement. Even if you feel exhausted and crappy. It's starts the day off right and I love the spark of happiness I see in my kids when they see me see them. It's also good to brighten when you see them during the day. Entering a room, etc. My kids always know I'm happy to see them.

i once read that with children, anything that is no nurturing is abusive. At first I thought this was extreme, but then I realized it was true. Why not? Why do anything that is not nurturing? So I test myself when I need to, "How am I nurturing right now?" When my son is frantic or losing it, or steadfastly refusing something, it helps if I just ask him why, and help him explain it to me.

Also, to appreciate every moment because they grow so fast. People make fun of that, but we are so glad we listened.

I also agree that one decision is not life-shattering. We are all taught that things need to be the same and if they are not then something is terribly wrong. You are the parent and you have the final say but life will be so much easier if you let your kids have a little control in the matter. Love and listen!! Sometimes we learn as we go and that is alright.

I don't listen to others tell me what is right or wrong for my kids...husband and I have a united front. Even if we don't agree...we discuss everything when the kids are not in the room but during the event (good and bad) we stand together.

I am ok with the kids having chocolate milk once in a while...he would prefer never. He is okay with dangly earrings for our 6 yr old...I am not. So they get chocolate milk once a week and she gets to wear dangly earrings....

Picking the battles and not listening to what others say is right or wrong...I listen to my gut!

1. Don't sweat the small stuff!!!

2. Take pictures and write things down. It goes by so fast.

3. Ask for help when you need it!

4. ALWAYS stick to your word!!!

Give lots of hugs and kisses.
Always say "I LOVE YOU."
Be the parent not their friend.
Read to your children.

Try to always be a happy person.

Before I had my first baby I was told to NEVER rock the baby to sleep and to put them down awake in their own crib/bed so they learn to sleep on their own. Best advice I ever got! My first slept 12 hours straight after about the 3rd night and my second after about a week. They are 11 and 8 and still put themselves to sleep and have always been great sleepers. And most importantly, I have always gotten enough sleep!!

When I was pregnant the best advice was to stock up on all sizes of diapers. That way if you run out or if they outgrow you always have them on hand. And it helped in the middle of the night or when it was rainy outside or I didn't want to go to the store just for diapers LOL.

This is my sons parenting tip to everyone:

I am never becoming a parent as I worked at "Chucky Cheese"

One of my favorite things my parents always taught us (my sister and I) was - Whatever you do, do it well. It does not matter if someone does 'it' better than you. What matters is, that you give it your best.
I'll definitely teach this to my kid as well...