Best advice and recommendation on tubal ligation?

Hi R., there are several - albeit cost invasive - ways around a tubal ligation. You could have it reversed, or art. insemination. You can talk to an OB specialist for all your options (I've even heard of stories where couples went to India, where both parties gave their seed/egg to be inserted into a surrogate there - the cost is a fraction of what it is in the states). I had the same considerations with new fiance. I have 2 wonderful girls from a prior marriage and a tubal, but he had a vasectomy during a prior marriage and has never had children. We were discussing reversals for the both of us when I was dx'ed with breast cancer, so we decided our 2 were enough and he loves the girls as his own. I hope this helps :}

Hello,
What about getting it reversed? Your Dr. should have told you that this is possible. I had a tubal for 11 years now I just had a hysterectomy 3 weeks ago. I also have 3 kids, but I wanted you to know when I was 21 my first husband passed away and I had a son that was 3 yrs old. The man I am married to now really loved my son and I was very worried about having other children and he would treat my son different. But my son was 3 1/2 when we got married and my son didn't remember his father growing up so all he knew was a man, that he knows only as dad loves him, My husband loves all 3 kids the same and never tells anyone my oldest is a step son. My husband states He has 3 kids. 23 years old, 16 yrs and 12.. Life is great. Your youngest will look up to him as dad for sure and this is a void filled. So trust God and I promise it will work out.
I am 40 years old and a grandmother of a lovely 2 1/2 boy. So I believe
God First...then everything falls into place!!! Be Blessed

No at least not just yet.....
I would wait to talk about a reversal for the TL until the two of you have really talked. and i would go to counseling to figure this all out when the time comes as his grief is just to fresh. and then when you want... if you ever do.. you could reverse the TL or even adopt... there are many needy children waiting for forever homes and a child is your no matter how they came to be. but if he wants a genetic child and if you are willing to go through it all then so be it.... you sound like a giver and a wonderful self sacrificier.... which i am sure comes in handy with your 3 children. It might not hurt to discuss any family additions with the oldest child and then to even worst case scenario it and think if you could handle single parenting 4 children. but i truly wish you the best and hope your family grows by adding the new guy and maybe some more of God's little blessings.
-God Bless,
mb

Well, some decisions are pointless to rework in your mind. You probably made the choice that made the most sense at the time, based on how you could see your life progressing. If having your own children at this point is impossible, don't give up on adoption. My mother-in-law was a foster child with a wonderful family that improved her life and future in so many ways, and now she has seven children that are moving out into the world. You may or may not be able to reverse your surgery, but you and your husband could adopt or foster children. The love and care you give them will make them yours, and they will bless you for it.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! I'm glad you've found someone so wonderful!

Why ask the question? It's done! I'm sure that you put into it all the thought that the decision required at the time, and made the best decision possible for you with the information you had....Don't second guess yourself now and feel guilty about it just because your circumstances have changed. If we could predict the future it wouldn't be much worth waiting around for it to get here. Accept rather than judge your choice, and instead of wondering whether you might have done something differently, spend your energy thinking on what your options are now that it's done.
Does your next child necessarily have to be biological? There are a lot of children already here desperately in need of a home and parents who love them. Have you looked into reversing the procedure or considered whether IVF is still an option? Most of all, ask yourself what you mean by "a child would fill that emptiness for us." I've never thought about my children that way...and wonder whether there might be something else in your life that you're missing/could improve on rather than that another baby will fix something. Best of luck, whatever you do, don't beat yourself up over your decision of 3 years.

That's really only something you could know. People that think more than 2 kids is enough and people shouldn't have more than that, would say definitely not. People that think we should accept what God give us no matter how many children we end up with will say you definitely made a mistake, and some people just don't believe in tubals because of this exact reason (we never know what the future holds for us), and a lot of them will say you made a mistake, and some people believe that a tubal after 3 is definitely not a mistake.
But, either way, what's done is done. You can't dwell on whether what happened in the past was right or not or you'll go crazy. Now, you just need to set your priorities, pray, and really search within yourself to find out if this is really what will fill the void in your life and is what you and your fiance really want and need. Then, the next step is to figure out your options and decide what you can and want to do about it.
I've known 2 people to have reversals that have turned out really well with good results and babies after, but I've know people that it didn't work for, also. It's more surgery and a lot of stress, but it's definitely something to think about if that's the route you want to go.

If you're going to try a reversal, I'd say do it right away. The longer you go with the tubal, the lower the chances that a reversal will take.

Another option is surrogacy. I personally don't believe in it, but it's another option for you to think about.

Your other option would be, of course, adoption as you mentioned. Another long and stressful process, but still something to think on.

And, your last option is to do nothing and try to find something else to fill that void.

I wish the best for you and pray everything works out for the best.

Good Luck with everything.

K.
SAHM of 4 (6,5,3,&1)

Not a childs job to replace or fill a void. Be sure this is something that the child will not have to fulfill. I wish you the best in this descion.

C.

It seems like you already know the answer!! Have the tubal reversed and have another baby. Good luck and god bless!!

You did the Tubal for reasons that were probably quite legitimate at the time. That does not change today. That is not a issue for you to suffer guilt or question faith over, just because you are entering a new relationship.

Don't rush into anything. You are starting to build a relationship with a new husband. He is recovering from a painful loss. Don't heap burdens on your relationship by dwelling on doubt and guilt. A baby does not fix the pain you or your intended are feeling - it just opens other doors. Let the pain you are both dealing with be healed by strengthening your relationship and focusing on the children you already have. If down the road you both feel a child is right and a natural extention of your loving family - then investigate the possabilities as a couple & as a family. There are plenty of options for having children and sometimes we get them in the most unexpected ways.

I know a few ladies who felt a desire to have more children, but who couldn't for some reason, who now have their grandchildren or a surprise baby late in their lives. Just as you couldn't know you would meet your new husband... you can't know how God intends to fulfil this special place in your heart.

Hi R.,

The tubal ligation can be reversed. You may want to check into this.

K.
http://health4URFamily.com

You did what you thought was best. Go back over the reasons you had when you made that decision. Now turn to the God you trust and tell Him about your feelings and ask for help. Read the Bible and talk to wise Christians. That is how he will send you the answers.

You can't base a decision you made before your fiance on what he is lacking. If you did this 1 1/2 prior to dating him, there's no way you made a mistake when it comes to filling his emptiness. You have to find a way to deal with it according to both of your situations. Where there's a will, there's a way. You two need to discuss how you want to go about getting a child. See if your procedure can be reversed, I'm not too familiar with the procedure. Whatever you do, don't have a pity party. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! I'm not sure how religious you are, but Pray to God for guidance and most of all strength...

Dear R.:

God is the best advisor!!! Try Him first!
and God does make miracles by Jesus power even today! I'll tell you a little of miracles later...

Dear, you already have 3 children, one is still a baby, only 3! Keep that in mind... When we establish a new relationship, it is healthy if we accept each other as we are, you, divorce, 3 kids; him, faced death, no child. Whatever is in the package that is what we get. If the foundation of your relationship is love, then having a child or not should not be an issue, loving, accepting, respecting your children, however, is an important issue.
Like someone else mentioned we can't substitude a child with another, the pain, the sadness of that moment will always be in our memory and only God can ease those hurts.

(you already got info on reverse tubal ligation, other alternatives, now my story...)
I was divorce with 2 teen daughters when I met my now, dear husband. I didn't want to deal with the pressure of having a child because I had many painful memories when trying to have another child after my daughters in the past. My husband had no children, and informed me he couldn't have children. So we openly knew our relationship goal was to love each other, care for each other and work together to help my daughters adjust to the new situation with love and patience, lots of patience! We got married and after celebrating our first anniversary, I got pregnant! It was such a surprise! We lost that baby, I miscarried but we knew then there was a posibility... God's miracles! We have 2 children now, a girl and a boy and we don't know whatever happened with the guy that couldn't have children! I believed God healed my husband because He wanted to show His mercy and love toward us by giving us those precious children.
If you want to read more details my page is:
www.geocities.com/oceanrain.geo
Ours is a story of God's mercy at work. I hope for your story together with your fiance to be one where the love of God will prove once again that God heals our hearts after a loss and brings new starts to our lives when we trust Him!

hugs, God bless you, R.