Being an Only Child

I understand you & your husband's dilema. My daughter is 12 and an only child. Not by choice. I am one of 5 kids and never wanted an only, but divorce...anyway. I'm happily remarried now and while we would still like another, I can tell you that my daughter is growing up just fine as an only. They do tend to grow up and mature much faster, being that they are around adults most of the time, but that is not such a bad thing. Only children tend to be leaders and owners of businesses. Their are positives. There are 2 books - the Birth Order and the Birth Order Connection. It helps to read and understand how a first-born or only child works and interacts with others. I hope this helps!

What they say about only children is true, but I don't think you are being selfish for just wanting one. Your son will likely develop friendships that will be almost as close as siblings.
I have two kids...and I love both very much...but I think there is too much craziness that revolves around having two. Whatever decision you make I am sure you will be happy with in the long run. Personally I would just enjoy the one you have... !?Selfish or not?! I hope you find peace with your decision, whatever it is. ~K.

Hi K.,

I don't think it matters at all how many children you have - it's the job you do parenting that makes all of the difference.

If you are happy and feel settled with the decision to have your one son, then I say more power to you. He is one very blessed little boy. It's not selfish at all to want to give one child all of the love you and your husband have.

Good luck!
C.

Studies have shown that only children are well adjusted and not necessarily self-centered, spoiled brats. Research in China (where they have had a one child only policy) has also shown that these children fared no worse as far as personality and success than counterparts with siblings. There have been some US studies that show onlies are smarter and better adjusted than kids with siblings. Also, they tend to be closer to their parents.

There are a lot of good books and research out there on this. People generally have assumptions regarding only children; however, these are often wrong. The assumptions are probably the biggest battle imo. Permissive parenting and not birth order make for spoiled, maladjusted children. I suggest you research this a bit further. There's a lot of good information out there these days.

Here's something to look at: http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=3488411&page=1

http://i.abcnews.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/story?id=2178396&...

Just some of many interesting articles and information you can find. I think you need to make the decision that is right for your family and knowing more about the facts of only children may help you in whatever you decide.

Good luck!

Although my husband has two kids from a previous marriage, they are 22 and 19 so my 4 year old is really an only child and I am not planning on having any more. We are "older parents" like you! I am not worried about "only child" syndrome and I think if you take the steps to prevent spoiling and making sure they have other kids in their lives (cousins, friends, etc.), your little one will be fine! I don't see it as selfish at all!

I coming in late on this one, but I wanted to add to it. I am not able to have anymore children due to complications at my son's birth. Having another one is just not in the cards for us.

There are many positives to having 1 child. My son is in all kinds of classes, & I wouldn't have been able to provide that if I had more kids. I also spend more money on his education, his clothes, & our vacations because I'm not spending money on several kids. I also get to spend more time with him than my friends get to do with their kids.

My son is an only child (at this moment) and at his age has complained that not having a sibiling has really bugged him. I believe now (in looking back the last 10 yrs) that a sibiling would have brought about some better situations for my son.

I regret not giving him a sibiling at an earlier age - but he understands that our situation was not where another sibiling would have been financially and emotionally solid at the time.

FYI - I do find that I am over protective and allow him to get away a little more than I probably should. Also - my husband came from a family where he had four sisters and two step-brothers - it's rather large. And every single one of those kids have been spoiled in their own way. One is even in her 30's and still gets what she wants when she cries. So - being a single child doesn't mean you get it all.

Good Luck.

I have a 6 year old gir that is an only child and will be since I am turning 50 this year. She is also well adjusted and doing well. I won't say that she isn't a little spoiled because she is. She has been asking for a sibling but I just explain to her that we won't be having any more precious little ones like her. I have her in many activities and she has lots of friends. One of her best friends she has adopted as her brother. I do feel guilty from time to time that she has no sibling but that passes quickly. As long as her friends are there, I think she will adjust to being an only child just fine.

Hope that helps!

My husband is an only child and never had any problems. He is very successful professionally, and is a great husband and father. He never regretted not having siblings. His parents just surrounded him with lots of friends (mainly from church) and of course school. The only issue now is that his elderly father is having health problems and there is no one else to "share the load" of caring for him. Also, just because a child has siblings does not guarantee they will always have a close relationship. Some siblings just have different personalities and interest as adults. Hope this helps.

My husband and I are 44 and 48 (me 44, him 48). We are finishing our classes this year and hope to bring another child into our home. Our son is four. We figure people FAR older than us have done it...

Regarding only children. I think the parents of the child make all the difference. I have friends who have only children who are HORRID... it's all about them, they don't share... it's "mine mine mine" the "typical" negatives - even OLDER ones. Then, I have friends who's ONLY child rocks. I think it is all how you raise them.

As long as you make sure and bring playdates to your home and teach sharing, etc... as long as you instill a sense of how blessed they are to "have" things that others may not in a HUMBLING way... it's ok I think.

My son is LONGING for a sibling as much as we long to give him one or two...

YOu have to do what is best for your home. I hope this helped a little.