Behavior Problems with My 3 Year Old.

When my children were that age, I used to have them carry around a toddler sized backpack (the kind with the handle and wheels) filled with their favorite toys, crayons and coloring books. I found that, they couldn't run very far or very fast when they were loaded down like that. You will also find that the backpack will come in very handy when you go out to eat because it contains all that your child needs to keep them entertained until the food arrives. I also made sure that I had the latest Oriental Trading company catalog in there as well. The pictures are very fun for kids to look at and there are great labeling opportunities for you to share with your child.

Also, make a game of your outings with him. When you are at the store, make it a mission to try to locate as many things as possible that are a particular shape (circle, square), number (3, 7) or color (orange, blue). Not only is this educational, it is very fun for your child to learn new things on in a adventurer/explorer type of game. Also, it keeps your child occupied and he'll have less time or opportunity to think about waundering off from you.

The last thing I would suggest is setting up something that is like a positive behavior plan for your child. When your child does something that you don't like, it is not enough to tell him what he is doing wrong or punish him for it, it really helps if you do what I call "do-overs," which is basically recreating the situation right away and modeling for him initially the appropriate way that he should have acted or responded and having him "do it over". He should pick this up fairly quickly so he should know what a "do over" and do it automatically when you tell him to. You will probably have a lot of doing it over before he begins to automatically do it right the first time without the need for a do over but be patient-- it takes a lot of work to civilize children.

You may also want to set up a reward system for him when you see him engage is in a desired behavior spontaneously at random times throughout the day. Pick one or two behaviors that you would like to see from him like "saying please and thank you" or "using his indoor voice" and, throughout the day, if you catch him doing just that without having to be told to do so or without him doing it and expecting a reward, give him a small reward like a sticker or whatever to encourage him to keep doing what he just did.

Now, when you are on the phone or talking to someone else, you are going to be interrupted because that's what kids do and that's what they do best. But, if you keep a basket of toys, books, whatever on hand that you can pull out for your kid to play with for just those particular occassions, it may give him something to do while you have your conversation. The key to this working is that the toys and items that are in this basket have to be unlike anything that he has available for him to play with on a regular basis. These have to be special toys that he will really, really want to play with so that it will keep him entertained while you talk for a bit.

And the last thing that I wanted to mention to you is that he's not too young for time out in the naughty corner if he keeps on being a repeat offender or if he is acting too wild and out of control. Find a special spot that is quiet and not where the tv is, and that can be your naughty corner. If he gets put there, have him stay a full 3 minutes (a minute for each year of his life), and each time he tries to leave before the time is over, the timer gets set back again so that he spends the full 3 minutes in the corner. When the time is up, explain to him why he was put in the naughty corner, have him repeat what you just told him and have him apologize to you and then hug him and tell him that you love him.

I hope this gives you some inspiration on how to help your son learn and behave when you are with him. Wishing you all the best.

I don't have all the answers for this situation, but I want to encourage you to stop being embarrassed about the behavior. Don't let what other people think of you or your child fog your perspective about how to handle your child in the moment. Your child will pick up on this "weakness" of yours and act up more as a way to control you.

My son get the same way some times in the sotre- I think he gets overwhelmed with the outside world and just wants to do everything he pulls clothes off the racks as we pass, he yells out if he sees a toy, he makes a scene throwing himself. It's a typical toddler meltdown, don't feel so bad.
Is he like this ALL the time in any type of social situation? I would bring a toy or something to occupy him while shopping. I used to get my son a little toy and I would let him choose one if he wanted too many or rent a movie that he picked at the redbox ourside of Walmart. It gives him a sense of control and satisfaction I noticed.

Right now I am reading a book called "It's a Boy: Understanding Your son's development from Birth to Age 18" by Michael Thompson ph.D, (3 boy pictures in the front cover), it's sold at stores online. I just bought one for my sister and shipped to her.
Here is a line from page76: "Boys have higher level of activity than girls, they lag behind language development, they become more easily frustrated (largely because of lack of language), and because they are so focused on their play they often don't check with adults as often as girls..." the author also says boys look for a parents reaction. "Boys in groups have more quarrels, they have more difficulty adjusting to situations, they express more tension..."

Hopefully that makes you realize that you are not the only mother who is in this situation. His father is likely an authoritive figure and you are with him more so you will be his punching bag for lack of a better word. The technique I used is just hug my son tight as he is trying to hit me and screams in my face and whisper to him that it's ok and I love him. His breathing calms down, then I give him something to occupy him. I hope this helps you. The book has helped me understand him and not be so angry with him when he is having a fit.

When mine would do that, I would escort him to the car pronto. End of shopping trip. I would tell him that since he could not act right in the store, I could not do our shoppping. Then when he wanted something we were out of, he would have to understand it was because I could not do the shopping when he could not act right. This is generally attention-getting behavior. He is jealous of the time you spend trying to have an adult conversation. I would have a list of things he could do instead of interrupting. Color, play with his toys, etc. If he chooses to act up, time out in another room.

Loving Logic is excellent and has a book for this age along with older kids.

I just wanted to say that I completely agree with Laurie D, walking out of the store never seemed like a good idea to me. Aftre all, you are the one who needs the shopping done not the child.

DON'T BE EMBARRASSED. When you do, you change the focus from the child's behavior to your feelings, which will not improve their behavior at all. Children are wired to test boundaries. Show him where they are when cross the line. That may mean a time out right there in the store, or leaving your shopping cart half full right there and marching out to the car to go home when he's behaving badly and won't improve with reminders/warnings. Also, check in with your husband about enforcing *your* authority. We've talked about that issue too, and now before leaving for work, my husband will say "I hope I get a good report from Mommy, that you listened to her and followed all of her directions. If she says you've been good, we'll play Legos when I get home" -- that kind of thing.

I also love what people have said to me in the past: Good moms have a bag of tricks, no matter what. Things I do in the grocery store: sing songs (sometimes making mistakes on purpose so my 2 yo will pay close attention and correct me), play "I spy", give my son something to hold for me while we walk around, etc.

Good luck! Remember: You're the mom!

Someone once gave me this good advice: be sure to tell him what the rules/expectations are, and the consequences for breaking them, BEFORE you go into the store. Of course you have to make them age-appropriate. (Maybe he just needs to sit in the cart and use an inside voice.)

My daughter has just started doing the same thing. What I have done is if she gets out of hand I strap her back in the cart. I tell her she needs to calm down. No matter how much she throws a fit, I just let her do it and ignore her. Of course I get the staires, but I just try to ignore them. It may take 2 minutes or it maybe 10 minutes before she calms down. But once she relizes that she is not getting my attention she calms right down. Don't know if that will work for your son, but it works for my daughter :). Also I through a coloring book in my bag with of course crayons to keep her entertained.