Behavior Problems After Playing Video Games

Definitely take it away for a month. See what happens. Then if need be take it away for sevral months. Then all together if it's still a problem.

I think that maybe you should explain to him how long he is allowed to play each day. If he continues to throw fits take it away a few days and explain to him why.

I know it is a hard thing to do, maybe its time to take the Wii away for a week or even a month. Seriously, the weather is beautiful so do stuff outside. Maybe don't tell him you are taking it away but make different suggestions for activities such as a bike ride, a trip to the zoo, aquarium or bontanical gardens. Just pack a lunch or a snack and hang out at the playground instead of sitting at home playing video games.

Hope this helps.

L. S.

Hi S.,
I think you should take the game away completely. Replace this game with regular games that children use to play before all the video games took over. Explain to him that his behavior is unacceptable and until he gets old enough to understand that this is just a game, he will not be allowed to play anymore. Unfortunately this kind of behavior can lead to more agressive behavior. It's best to get a handle on it while he is young. I was bothered by the part where he threatens to hurt you. That is a bold statement for a six year old. You and your husband should talk to him concerning the statements that he made and find out where he is getting these ideas. If in fact these ideas are coming from him playing the games, then he definitely should not be playing. Be blessed!!!

Have you read the Baltimore's Child Magazine this April? There's an article and referral to a book that targets this subject, which I have been also dealing with. I found it to be most helpful in understanding how my son feels. First, I do agree to take the WII away, 6 is young for this. We sometimes go to CyberDen in Columbia, a cyber cafe with all the games for 5 dollars an hour, and some days free. Its a treat on rainy days and I can limit his time. And he pays for it with his allowance. I like it there too. And there's no fighting in the house. My son has a DS and it is rather helpful in traffic, rainy days and times we spent at the hospital waiting, waiting. He exibits some behavior like your son's but I don't feel its an addiction. My mother disagrees. My son loves to talk to his friends at school about the games and how to play them to get to the next level. Face it, computers are part of our children's life. My mother's brain surgeon said he was so good at his job because he played nintendo when he was a child for hours. Some recommendations would be to limit times to weekends only, or after homework, sports, etc. My son loves the outdoors and sports and his scooter, etc. So I believe he has a balance in his life. He also likes board games, etc, although he does not play them as much as I did as a child. We try to choose educational, or at least games with reading involved. I like to give my son options and if he reacts in a bad way, I remind him that that was not a good idea. So then we change the way things are done. And he helps in the decision making, he knows that bedtime is a time for quiet, so he usually chooses himself to avoid tv and games at that time. All days are not perfect. But I can't tolerate being a control mom. He likes his ds after school to wind down then a snack, homework. Just as often as he asks for ds days after school, he also asks to go to the park, or to ride his scooter with friends. I have seen my friends suffer with similar problems with their older children, and yes they are in boy scouts, active physically, have their time limited, all of the above. I have even babysat them in the summer and observed first hand their desire to play wii. They are better at turning it off when asked and it is limited by time, but again my friend is dreading summer vacation. Another friend has solved the problem by purchasing Bob, on amazon.com, its a device that you atttach to your tv that gives everyone a password and time on the tv for wii or shows. I still see some arguing over it, but it has helped her tremendously as she has three and they all want to watch tv at the same time, but different shows, games,etc. Best of luck.

We have the same problem with our six year old. We use a timer to let him see how much time he has left (that way the timer is the bad guy, not us and he can judge what level he has enough time for!). When the timer goes off, time is up...no discussion (and it keeps beeping until the Wii is off and I shut the timer off, so he can't say he didn't hear it). Any time that he goes over is also captured by the timer, so that comes off the next day. We keep it all written down in the kitchen so he can see where he stands for the day.
Best of luck.

Hi S., this is N.. My boys have done the same thing. What I have learned (the hard way) is that my husband and I are the parents and we set the rules. If our children want to play (with anything) they MUST follow the rules. No exceptions. So if your rules are 1 hour a day and you must stop when told without getting upset and he doesn't obey the rules he doesn't play. Our oldest son, now 12, has a hard time with this still. He also has trouble with turning off the t.v. He acts like he can't live without it. So when it becomes a problem, we take it away for days and/or weeks and what a difference! He is so much happier and creative when he's not "hooked" on those games or t.v. What I have learned with mine is that it is my job to help him with this until he can self-control/regulate. Maybe your little man just doesn't know how to step away from that kind of stimulation or adrenaline rush yet?
Please let me know how things turn out! ____@____.com Blessings, N. =) SAHM 3 boys 12,7 & 2 yrs old & wife to the best husband!

Hi S.~

If your son does not show any other behavior problems (as you said) until after the video games are played, I would take them away. Period. It concerns me that he is saying he is going to hurt himself or you because he is so angry, and if it is the games that are provoking that kind of behavoir, take them away. Then this will not be an issue for either of you anymore. Kids do not need to play video games of any sort to survive.

Sounds like he's had his first taste of addiction. Not everyone has one of those addiction-prone personalities, but it sounds like he does! If you're seeing a side to him you've never seen, that could be why. The answer, I believe, is to treat it like any addiction. Master it by purging it from his home. Replace it with something that uplifts and makes him feel good inside, and when, instead of anger there's glow of happiness and satisfaction in his eyes when he's finished, you'll know he's found a hobby worth keeping!

This is too much unnecessary and avoidable stress S.. Ditch the Wii altogether. It is not bringing about anything but negativity & conflict. He isn't ready for that type of interaction apparently. My son was on a "pirate" kick. (he's 8) & I have to constantly remind him that "swashbuckling" his little sister isn't cool. We now have much less "Pirates of the Carribean" time. He's a little older so he can contribute in the decision & the outcome by modifying his behavior to some degree but at 5, you have to take the reins and just pull rank. As for the countdown, it's been my experience that they never work to solve the disagreement, only postpone the inevitable disagreement. Kids can be master negotiators and some times parenting isn't a democracy. The old "because I said so" takes a beating in modern parental thought but it has held water for centuries for a reason. Aren't little boys after all, just tiny men? Too much stimulation & they get all out of whack. Good luck. I've learned more about men from raising one than I ever did from boyfriends & 4 brothers. Let us know how it goes.

Hi,
Not sure I have any advice for you, but do know that we have had a similar experience with our 6 year old boy as well. He has not asked to play video games in some time though, but when he does play he gets very upset when his time is up. Even when we warn him how much time he has left. Often ends up in tears and many times a very unhappy household.
So, I don't have any advice, but read your post and wanted you to know that we have experienced a similar situation. We also have a 1 1/2 year old girl as well :-)

I think you should ask him how much time he thinks he should have playing his game then I would agree on a set time limit and make a contract with him and both sign it. Also I would include a reward or punishment if not follwed in the contract.
Hold him responsible for his actions. He made the contract with you and he agreed to the terms of it. Maybe if he follows the contract during the week without any fits he can have extra time on the game or he can choose the amount of time he will be able to play the game (for 1 day only)on the weekend or some other special day. I am not a big fan of children playing video games but with some kids they can really learn alot from them. Also if he has more control then maybe he will not think it is such a big deal to play them. It's like when you can't do something or something is taken away that is all you can think about. Maybe he is dwelling on the time limit and not really getting the release or the fun out of the game time. I would try it and maybe it won't be a big deal if he is relaxed about the game time.
I hope this helps. L.

You may be able to work on both the behavior and giving him a little more play time together. One thing you could try to do is let him know before he starts playing that if he throws a fit when it's time to shut it off, then for every minute he is nasty, that is one less minute the next day (or even playing at all the next day). Or, in going another route, you could encourage him to be nice about his TV time and if he will shut down tonight without incident, then the next night he gets 5 more minutes of "air-time".

If he sees how his actions and reactions can benefit him, then it may encourage him to be nicer about the time he has and also give him a little control as well. Plus, you can also have something else planned right behind his TV time that he is interested in (or quality time with you) that he has to look forward to and want to do instead of focusing on his gaming (playing catch, going to park or for a walk, riding his bike, helping fix dinner, etc).

I read other comments which said to take it away, but I feel that will just lead to him acting up in other ways. He is at the age where they need to know they have a little control, so by helping him find something else he is interested in and having that to do once the TV time is over, then he is learning that all things have a time and place, and he will be able to gain new interests and hobbies from other places. (Might want to take an afternoon to go to a hobby shop and find something he can spend some time on building or learning about).

My grandsons do have TV time, but it too is limited and they love to have physical activity outdoors, plus build bird houses, draw, read and play board games with their parents. Gives everyone some quality time! Good luck!

Well, since you mentioned it, I would take the games away indefinitely. Perhaps just get rid of the Wii altogether so when he gets upset it will not be an option for you to give in and pull it back out. Be strong. These issues could only get worse for you and him.

I would take the system away for a very long time..like unplug it and put it away.
The girl child is too young for this to be punishment to her..so this would only punish him.
He may protest and be angry/nasty etc..but after a few says he'll know you all mean business.

S.,

Many of us have the answers to our own dilemmas; I believe you stated the solution in your last question. In difficult situation like this one ask yourself, "Is this game (it can be a person, place or thing) bringing you the peace you want in your life"? If not you have 3 choices:
1. Do it
2. Dump it
3. Delegate it

The only one that fits this case would be to dump it. It may hurt for awhile, but in the long run you'll be creating the environment you desire in your home.

I'm a career and life coach and I work with people to create the lives they truly want. And you sounds as if you know what you want.

Mel

Children your son's age learn from patterns, so the idea of taking away the game for a certain period of time as a negative consequnce to this behavior is a good one. It's important to be consistent with this consequence. No video game for the next day. Perhaps the day he gets it back he needs to earn his time and should only get it for 1/2 of the usual time. If he can stop playing without a fit, then the following day he gets it back for the whole time. This way he gets both negative and positive reinforcement. Giving him a ten minute warning is a great idea because it will give him time to find a good stopping point and perhaps to save his place in the game.

On a side note, as others have mentioned, video games are addictive similar to TV, although they have a "high" associated with them because of the interaction and the winning motivation. It's more difficult to put a time limit on a game. With TV, the show is over and the TV is turned off. With the game, there is always more to play. It's hard for a 6 year old to develop this restraint unless you provide a consistent and long term practice for him.

As a parent and a therapist I feel your concern. I don't think I would consult a professional unless you see other behavioral problems. Personally, I am the mean mom who doesn't allow a game system in the home. If you continue to see this problem only with the games and he can't get a handle on his behavior, then you may want to consider eliminating the problem completely by replacing the game system with some other activity.

We've all given our opinions. It's important that you pick what works best for you and your family.

Good luck!
S.

I say cut the vidoe games out completely for now. Every kid develops at a different rate and within every child, different parts of the physche develop at different rates. This is a maturity issue which isn't really something that can be learned through discipline, he just needs to develop a little more to be able to handle giving up something he wants. This could also be a sign of a predisposition to addictive behavior (which is more common than people think), maybe a talk with his doctor would be in order. Good Luck!

Hi S.,

My suggestion is to stop letting him play the Wii until he can learn to control hisself. When you give him the option to have his screen time, tell him that he cannot play the Wii until he learns that he cannot act like that afterwards. He will be upset, but he will learn to live with it. Keep him off of that game for a week or so, then try again one day. If he acts like that again, then take it away for longer. He has to understand that you mean business, and he cannot act like that. Good luck & God bless!

this reminds me of the cell phone issue with older kids. if they don't get the video games, or they don't get to text message whenever they want, they get hysterical and even violate.
i find this trend beyond alarming.
honestly, S., with a kid getting this angry and even threatening you, i'd take a hard line. no video games period. he'll be wacked out at first, but he will not die and he will adjust and he will find other things to do. promise.
good luck.
khairete
S.

Do you know that research shows that these games rewire the kids' brains so they thrive on an elevated level of stimulation requirement? Have you tried simple sports games?

You have gotten a lot of great advice from been there done that Moms. Please consider this perspective and perhaps it will help you decide which advice to take.
There is a theory that the reason video games provide such a powerful draw to some of us is that they provide an effort and reward system that stimulates our desire to acheive. Think about it. In a game, you work to master a skill, solve a puzzle, develop a strategy and when you succeed, you are rewarded with more of the story and another chance to succeed.
Consider the way gamers discuss their games with each other. Most of the conversation surrounds levels acheived, puzzles solved and secrets earned.
Video games offer this effort/reward pattern with excitement, stimulation and immediacy. No wonder it is hard to turn them off.
So what do you do with this information? Perhaps a time limit isn't working because it fights the essential level based structure of the games. Would saying "you may play to level II" work better than "15 minutes"? Maybe. You would have to know more about the game, monitor it more closely and expect a higher level of responsiblity from your child. But the pay off might be that he appreciates your attempt to problem solve.
Perhaps this information also suggests ways to provide acheivement/reward structured activites in the real world. With creativity, we have turned many of our life jobs into games in our house. We have a chore jar that we use. If you complete five tasks, there is a pay off. If you do it in a defined period of time, the pay off is bigger (I love my timer). Sometimes I make up a jar with tasks for a particular project (cleaning a room, doing a school project that doesn't have a specific sequence). Sometimes I just keep one with the one shot or infrequent jobs that aren't part of his daily routine. I even use the jar for myself sometimes to keep things interesting (I'm a game junkie, too) My son is now learning Tae Qwon Do. It is a great real world way to let him explore the earned level concept while exercising and developing his ability to focus. And sometimes he's too tired to ask to play games. LOL.
There are some good things about video games, I believe. But there are challenges, too, in keeping the games part of a healthy, balanced life. Ultimately, if compromise cannot be reached, it may be healthier to postpone gaming until your son is older and more mature.

You are so smart for limiting his play time and monitoring the games. I would suggest first a 5 minute warning using a timer, so that it would be a challenge to finish up before the timer goes off. You could take him to the store to purchase this timer. I would inform him ahead of time that any inappropriate actions or words will result in a certain consequence. If you chose no gaming for awhile, make it more than one day, maybe three. Show him on the calendar what day it is and what day he can return to his games. He can mark them off. During this time off, review your rules for play.

How about writing out on a piece of posterboard the rules for his gaming and placing it where he can see it. If a rule is broken, you don't have to say anything, simply shut off the game and invoke the consequence.

On the positive side, plan a fun outdoor event once gaming is finished, i.e, bike riding with Dad, basketball game, nature walk, whatever it is he might enjoy doing. Make sure it is quality time with you or Dad. At his young age, he might even enjoy washing dishes with Mom, making the salad for dinner, baking cookies, helping Mom with sweeping. You may be surprised that he comes to look forward to this more than the games. Don't make the loss of your time with him a consequence of inappropriate behavior.

Whatever consequences he has to suffer, make sure you talk with him once he is calm. Ask him why he thinks he has such a hard time ending his gaming. He probably won't be able to put it into words, but you can help him with the words, offering different reasons. In this way, you are helping him to learn to verbalize his feelings in an appropriate way. Never belittle him for what he is feeling, only teach him how to express it in an appropriate way and DO NOT tolerate disrespect or verbal . In my home, I have never allowed screaming or threats. If this were to begin, I immediately subdued my child. I feel that children who are allowed to behave in this way grow up very sad, with lots of guilt. I have found that when I've had to subdue, they are grateful that I care enough to be the stronger and prevent them from getting out of control, which is a very scary thing for a child.

If the negative behaviors continue,(which I don't think it will) I would get rid of all gaming until he is older, nine or ten, perhaps. Best of luck and thanks for being the kind of parent who is raising a future good citizen.

I would make sure to see what type of games they are. Sometimes, the cover looks fine, but they are too violent for a 6 yr old. Then my next advice? Take them AWAY! I went through a similar situation w/my 7 yr old. It's like they go through withdrawls or something? I've noticed that the studies are correct-too much video games & TV is BAD for kids. Is your husband away? Your son may be using the games as an escape. Mine did, I think, when his dad & I got divorced. I'm sure you're exhausted between the 2 kids & it seems like the easy answer is to let him plop in front of the games so that you can have a rest. Trust me, it's not as hard as it seems once they know you are serious & consistant. I allow 1 hour of games before bed if he's been good all day, & that's it. He hated it at 1st, threw fits, crabbed & whined. If he's extra good, he can earn bonus minutes for the weekends. This system has worked for us. Now that I know better, his little bro will never have unlimited TV or a game system at age 3. Should be interesting to see if there's a difference between the 2. It will only get worse unless you fix it now. Horrible at first, but it doesn't last long.
Good luck.

Steph,
Wow it sounds like you are trying to deal with a lot. First of all YOU are the parent and you need to make your son aware of that. This Wii is a priviledge not something he HAS to have and play with. So my suggestion to you is to take it away indefinately until he learns to behave and follow rules and directions. He doesn't get to tell you what to do or demand that you let him play longer. Please don't allow your child to run your household, because I have worked with families in the past where they tried to be their kids friends and didn't want to seem like the 'bad parents'. We are their parents to teach them not allow them to run over people and expect to get their way all the time. I hope you are able to rectify this situation sooner rather than later.
Best of luck
Dani

If there are no other behavior problems, then I would look at taking them away for a period of time. I would sit down with him and explain the situation to him. Praise him for all of the good behavior he shows and point that out to him. Express your concern about not stopping and then becoming angry and that hurting others or ourselves is not ok. Also that he can have one more chance and if it happens again (that next time or anytime after), he will lose the privilege to play the video games for maybe two weeks and then try again and if the same maybe a month and if again get rid of the video games period. Also sit down with him and come up with other activities he can do other than video games. Again make sure you point out to him all the good behavior and respect for himself and others he shows at other times and see if there is a a reason he doesn't after the games. Ask him to carry those same great skills to playing video games and if not- get rid of the games. Good luck!

Hey S., Some children have a difficult time with video games. They can cause disruptions to the virtago and cause seisures. One of mine had issues too! very similar to what you are discribing. Start with a heart to heart conversation about it with him. Educate him on the dangers/negative side effects and ask him questions and let him come up with solutions for himself (with your gentle guidance of course!). Suggest other things to DO and maybe come up with something that you could do together to take the edge off of sitting in front of the TV. Ask him to be aware of his attitude/mindset/physical and mental feelings before and after he plays video games so he will learn what effects him.

Blessings, T.

Hi S.,

I was surprised at how similar your rules are for the screen. I was offered a suggestion that has really helped in my house so I will pass it on to you. It was suggest that I break the time down into half hour or 15 minute segments depending on whether it was TV or screen games.

I was told that this would allow the child to process what is happening better and keep them from becoming so absorbed that they become addicted. It has worked for my children. They don't love the concept but it works. I allow half an hour for TV and 15 minutes for screen games. I will allow longer if the screen game causes them to jump around and be active (some games have a camera and they see themselves in the game and have to actively participate).

I only allow an hour or two per day depending on their age.

Let me know if this helps.

T.

I would take them away for a longer period of time. Perhaps he'll learn to cherish the time he gets.
M.

Hi S., my son is 8, and we have recently been through a similar situation... in the past couple of years. I was very distraught in the beginning. I was raised in a house full of girls and have struggled with what is appropriate in disciplining my son.
First, I would encourage you to stand firm with him. I believe that boys need to know for sure where boundaries are, they WILL push and push as far as they can go with you.(THis is also my experience as a 6th grade teacher talking). You need to let him know NOW that you are the boss or he will continue to try to be in charge.
I have found that my son's love for the games is a great tool to keep his behavior in check. He knows that when time is up I WILL walk over and push the power button. There are no compromises. And if he has a fit, especially if he attacks me verbally, there will be NO computer or games tomorrow.
You can definitely use it to your advantage; I have also taken away weekend computer for poor behavior in school, but first you have to let him know that YOU are in control of the machine in your house. I believe with boys you really have to demand respect.

I hope this is helpful. We have really been able to turn it around in our house! Good Luck!

T.

I have seen this, too, to a greater or lesser extent. I would not hesitate to take them completely away indefinitely. You can tell him that you're all taking a vacation from them and you don't know how long it'll last and leave it at that. Just go around the house when he's in bed one night and pack them all away in a box. Video games are extraneous and he won't suffer from not having them. I wouldn't warn him ahead of time or anything - there's no need, because he's already shown you that his behavior is not going to change easily, and of course he'll promise you that it will and you're setting yourself up for an ugly scene that could make it hard for you to stick to your guns. He'll throw a fit when he finds out the next day, but if he's anything like my kids he'll very quickly adapt and find other, more productive, things to occupy his time. And trust me as a mother of older kids: it's better to do it now than when he's older and more "set in his ways". Good luck! It'll be easier than you think. Jenny

Hi S.,

Yes, S., you've got it. Your son is addicted already to video's, etc.

Get him involved in the Boy Scouts of America. He already learning to be self centered.

There is also a 24 hour information and referral service for parents who are in the military.

Take some parenting classes to learn some discipline techniques.

A resource is: www.ffscnorva.navy.mil

They can help you find classes. Good luck. D.

This sounds so familiar. My son, now 10 1/2, also ADHD, had a difficult time with time limits and re-enacted fight scenes after watching Power Rangers. We, too, did the countdown thing. This did help with time and maturity. I would take the "electronic privileges" away for awhile and use it as a reward not as a given activity every day. This has helped through the years with my son. Good Luck.

I had the same problem with my boys; the solution was to unplug the game system and it lived in my closet for 2 weeks. Then when it came back, if they had the same behavior, it went away for at least 3 days(after the first time they got the message really quickly). Boys especially seem to live the games and leaving it is like cutting off their arm. They're much older now, and if I ask them to interrupt or end a game they'll roll their eyeballs and groan, but they'll do it.

Hi S. -

While my gut instinct is to just take it away, one quick question. Do you set a timer of some sort where he can see it and tell him this is your time? Some people I lived with years ago did that with their kids. They had a kitchen timer right there by tv and they set it when the kids started playing. The kids could look at it and know exactly how much time they still had so there weren't any surprises. On the other hand I would definitely take the Wii away especially if he's threatening you.
R. A

Take the Wii away, period.

With my guys, we always had something "scheduled" to do after Video games - like eating dinner, going to the playground, riding bikes, playing games at the table, visiting the neighbors, taking a bath, raking leaves, playing in the snow. Doing homework and daily chores always came before playing games. Playing Video games was part of our routine, and they knew something else fun was coming next.