Bedroom Cleaning

There is a difference between having control over her personal space and safety and cleanliness...

YOU are the mom - YOU are in control - NOT her. Yes, it's HER room, however, she lives under your roof so she has rules to follow and obey.

Explain to her what YOU want her to have in her room...if she can't follow those rules, then YOU will clean it to YOUR standards and if she doesn't like it - she needs to do it herself.

I wouldn't worry about her losing trust in you - you are the mom - not her friend - that will come when she's an adult...you are not throwing her stuff out you are organizing it...

GOOD LUCK!

Teach her she needs to pick the toys/books she doesn't play with and put them in a box so she can donate them to other little boys and girls who don't have any toys.

Also, this just isn't a toy issue, it's a tantrum/behavioral issue. So, she needs to have a time-out or whatever works for her when she freaks out and refuses to help. Let her know if she can't help put her toys away, then she cannot keep them all. This will help her as she gets older to learn to prioritize and organize, a valuable skill. I probably bagged up about 4 bags of toys and we are garaging saling them and donating the rest in a few weeks. My kids are fine with it, but I had to talk to them about it. We do this yearly.

you cleaning her room because she doesnt isnt going to damage her trust in you....YOU are the MOM, not friend. you are letting her be the boss, she is a child, you need to take control!!! you "tried to clean it"....okay, sorry, but that is ridiculous. this is a simple issue, dont let her make the mess, easy. playroom is for toys and playing and bedroom is for sleeping and rest. punish her, discipline her, make rules for her!!!!! take away her toys and make her earn them back one by one. stop this behavior now before you have an out of control child on your hands.

Yes, you're the mom so you can go in & dump, hide, trade out, move
everything.
But my worry here is, what if she has OCD as part of her personality
makeup and moving EVERYTHING really "freaks" her out?
If so, this is something that is out HER control.
Kind of like if we have a nervous habit.
We don't really know we're doing it but you just do it.
Or if you have a nervous tick like scratching your face. You do it for no
reason but don't really know you're doing it ALL the time.
So just wanted to throw that out there.
I agree that something might need to be done.
First how about trying to change, move, organize WITH her.
Starting small.
Little changes.
Move what you can.
Teach her the "whys" of organizing: you can find things easier, they will
be right where you put them/never lost, each item has it's place etc.
See if she would be interested in donating a few things that she no longer
loves or "has a place" in her busy life.
Good luck. I hope it goes well!