Bed Time - Batavia,OH

Updated on September 22, 2007
R.B. asks from Batavia, OH
4 answers

My son will be two in march and still will not go to sleep by himself we have to calm him down and hold him to get him to go to sleep still and then lay him down in his bed, even then when he wakes up at night he will come climb in our bed. How do i get him to sleep on his own?

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H.M.

answers from Cincinnati on

Sounds like it's time for some tough love. You just have to do it. If there's nothing else major going on right now, it's a good time. Maintain or develop a bedtime routine, start by holding him while you sing him a special song or two but then lay him down - the important thing to do is not pick him back up - sit with him maybe rub his back until he falls asleep for the first few nights, then stop and back away before he falls asleep, each night or two moving closer and closer to the door. You may want to start a little earlier than you normally would because it will take him longer to fall asleep. The end goal is for him to fall asleep without you in the room. You can also try the cold turkey approach but that might be hard on him since you've helped him so far. Do the same thing (minus the going to bed routine) when he gets up in the middle of the night. Be strong! I always recommend having a calming CD or white noise machine. My kids love Jim Brickman (quiet piano music with little to no lyrics). Be strong - this will take time - just remember that every time you relapse and rock him to sleep you're undoing all the work you have done up to that point and it will be even harder to get back to it. I strongly recommend doing this soon - the longer you wait and the older he is the harder this will be and you don't want a 5 year old climbing in bed or needing to be rocked to sleep! Good luck - I hope it goes smoothly! I also agree with Kathy B's suggestion - it sometimes depends on the temperament of your child too -how stubborn is he, is he a sleepy kid or wired and looking for excitement - these types of things will help you determine the approach that will work best

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S.F.

answers from Columbus on

Does he have a favorite blanket or stuffed animal that you make sure he has? Or have you tried a night light in his room? I know that this might even sound bad, but have you tried bribing him? Giving him something small if he stays there one night then if he does it 3 nights in a row kinda of give him a bigger prize. Then give him more time and see how that goes. Those were somethings I've had to try. Good Luck!!

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S.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

Well, there are different takes on this. There's the Supernanny approach, which basically entails telling them goodnight and putting them in bed. When they get out, you put them back without discussion.

I am personally more of an attachment parenting style mom. I don't believe that people ever want to sleep alone, but especially not a 2 year old. You might want to check out Dr. Sears books like "Nightime parenting" or the Tine Thevin book, "The Family Bed."

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K.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

I started with a routine. Get pj's on, say goodnight, brush our teeth, read a book, say our prayers and go to sleep. I did the cry it out thing around the age of two. He was in a big boy bed, and I would walk him back to his bed without talking over and over again. Eviedentually I stopped going too far, I would wait at the door, so when he opened the door I was there to put him back to bed without words. HORRIBLE the first night. The second night was better but still bad with him walking over to check if I was there. The third night no tears, I would make kissing sounds through the door every few minutes...one so he would know I was there without getting up, and two so I would know if he was awake or asleep. By the fourth and fifth night I was able to walk away between kissing sounds. Sixth and seventh nights got even better with fewer kissing sounds, and by the start of the second week he was doing great. One kissy sound. Once you get them going to sleep on their own you have to stick to it because relapses are SO easy and equally as hard to break.
As for the climbing in bed, once he was able to calm himself to sleep, he was able to go back to sleep on his own in the middle of the night. So it broke on it's own for the most part. While I was breaking the holding him til he sleeps thing, I was carring him back to his room in the middle of the night and sitting bedside until he fell back asleep. No talking, no touching, just there.
I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy on me to do, but we both LOVE bedtime now. It's a bounding time. Read a story, talk about the day and say our prayers and get to think about others that have made our day better (or sometimes harder). And the back aches and bruises from being beaten alive in my own bed my a sleeping child has ended!

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