Becoming a First Time Mother.

* Always go with your gut! With all the advice you will get on here from different mommies - stick with what works for you.
* Remember that not only is every person or mom different, so is each baby. You are not "wrong" if you do something different than another mom. Just stick to what your instincts tell you, and research from a reputital source what you don't know.
* Attend a mom's group to get some other mommy input, and take what works & leave the rest.
* And if something isn't working for you - change it!

Your 1st is scary (at any age). Just try to surround yourself with like-minded moms. Be your babies advocate, your babies voice. And don't stress, you'll do fine. I know it must seem like such a huge responsibility (and it is) but you will love your baby so much that "MOMMY" will kick in so fast.

Just relax.
You truly are in for the ride of your life, so try to enjoy it as it is happening. Stay in the moment.
That being said, a few pieces of advice...

1. Try to enjoy your pregnancy, its not always gonna be awesome, but (ideally) its only gonna happen a handful of times, so go with it. Reading was the best therapy for me. Someone mentioned Jenny McCarthy's books. "Belly Laughs" is the one about pregnancy and I thought it was hilarious. "Baby Laughs" goes through the first year - it was funny, but not as funny. As far as reading goes, I teetered between learning enough, and learning too much - so don't go too crazy - knowing too much has a tendency to make people paranoid.

2. So wow... pregnancy... you are in for certain things now. You are 17 weeks along now, so no doubt people are asking you if you are getting morning sickness. If you are not tiered of this question yet, you will be soon.

3. As you really start to show, people will ask if you have or plan to find out the sex... and then of course which you prefer. Unfortunately I really wanted a boy (grew up w/ no brothers and 3 sisters) and told people my preference right off the bat. So when I found out I was having a girl (and that upon finding out I cried for 3 hours,) people acted really uncomfortable around that subject for a while. My advice is to tell everyone you don't care what the sex is, regardless of your true feelings... because let's face it, you can't change it now, so your preference doesn't matter anyway.

4. So then after you find out the sex, the rest of your pregnancy will be plagued by "What names have you picked?" I also suggest keeping this to yourself. People get really weird about names and will feel compelled to tell you their crappy opinion on it. What worked best for me was making a joke. Whoever was asking me, I would say I was thinking about naming it that. That always makes people laugh. Towards the end I told people I would let them know when I introduce the baby to them. Of course I only learned this after I told my mother my name choice (Sophia) and then she badgered me my whole pregnancy about not naming her that. Its no one's business but you and your husband's.

5. Then as you really get close to delivering people will ask you if you plan to breastfeed. Most people will tell you breastfeeding is best, and of course it is, but don't feel bad if it doesn't work out - that's why bottles and formula were created in the first place.
If you do plan to breastfeed, or are on the fence, take a class while you are pregnant to help you decide. They offer them at the hospital for a small fee and go into detail about what to expect. Even if you take a class, get as much help as you can at the hospital. A lactation consultant should visit everyday, so batter them with your questions and have them watch you to make sure you're doing it right. I know this sounds weird, but breastfeeding is way harder than you think it is (not the act of it, but everything that goes along with it.) Also, I suggest keeping an bit of formula and a few bottles on hand just in case.

6. Then they will ask you about the epidural. The epidural is a HUGE debate and people ALWAYS have a strong opinion about this too. My advice is to also skirt this topic - don't tell people you are committed either way. Its your first delivery, so claim stupidity, and say "I'll get one if I need one," because the truth is - you will. If you really feel you need one, or if you end up w/ a c-section, they will give you one regardless, so don't spend too much energy thinking about it.

7. The one thing I hated when I was pregnant was... older women LOVED to share their terrible stories (usually labor stories.) Especially as you get closer, tell people you only want to hear GOOD stories. There's no sense in scaring yourself now - you have very little control about your labor and delivery anyway, so fill your head with pretty thoughts. Pregnancy hormones make you paranoid enough as it is, you don't need people's stupid stories making it any worse.

8. You are young, so (as long of the rest of your life is fine/normal) the hardest thing will probably be adjusting to life as a married woman and then... life with a baby. BIG ADJUSTMENTS! I personally found getting a therapist to be very helpful.

9. I suggest only venting about married life/baby life to people that are married and/or have babies. Your single friends will try to understand, but let's face it... they won't. It will be very hard for them not to judge you/pity you /whatever, so save yourself and find people that are in your situation to talk to. My friends are all in their late 20s/ early 30's w/out babies. I only have one friend that is married. Needless to say I've found it hard share my life with them. They are busy talking about partying (which I couldn't care less about) and all I have to talk about is the color of my 6 month old daughter's last dirty diaper (which they pretend to care about, but really that just sounds gross to someone that doesn't have kids.) So get some friends that are in the same situation as you - it will make life way easier.

Good Luck honey :)

Congratulations and good luck to you. I was just as scared, but had my 1st one at 34. The best thing I did to prepare myself was to take the Birthing Classes. I had a wonderful instructor at Sutter Memorial Hospital (you don't have to have Sutter to go to the classes). I would recommend taking that class. The instructor is Alice Price, she is witty and entertaining as well as very knowledgeable. My husband even enjoyed her classes.

The other thing is that if you plan on breastfeeding, take advantage of the classes. If you don't have time or it is too much money, the request a lactation consultant in the hospital. I almost didn't see one because I was so anxious to get out of the hospital. She came early and I am so glad that she did. It was a very helpful experience.

If you don't plan on breastfeeding, There is a website called Very Best Baby, this is a great website to sign up for because each month you get coupons for formula and you get week to week updates on how your baby is doing, even after he/she is born. The link is
www.verybestbaby.com.

Just educate yourself as much as you can. Nothing can take away the anxiety of giving birth, but I really didn't think about that until my water broke. It is the most rewarding thing I have ever done and the thought of labor completely escapes me now and he is only 4 months old.

Best of luck to you!!!

Hi K.,
Congratulations!

I recommend the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Check the library or bookstore. It helped ease my fears.

Hi K.,

Becoming a mother is by far the most amazing, scary, life changing rollercoaster you will ever experience. No matter how much experience one has it is still hard. You can not prepare enough for something like this. The fact that you are on here asking advice is awesome. You care and are interested in being the best you can be which is admirable.

One thing i can say is your baby will tell you what it needs. You will be surprised at your natural instinct to know what your baby needs and want. I was amazed at how much came to me once i was a mom.

Having a good support system is key too. I would suggest going to a birthing class and joining a play group. It feels really good to be around other moms-to-be and once the babe is born you have automatic friends for you and the babe. that will be a huge help...it is so important to have other moms to talk with and share this experience. your friends that don't have kids don't want to talk about poop and breastfeeding :)

You will be fine, take care of yourself and that precious baby.
E.

It's a very overwhelming process, but the best thing you will ever do in your life!

I loved the book "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" by Vicki Iovine. It is hilariously funny and full of great advice. All the Girlfriend's Guide books are fantastic. Also my own mother bought me "The Mother's Almanac." She used it when I was a baby, and I have found it invaluable myself. It has practical advice on a little of everything and can be used up until your children are school-aged. And finally, before baby arrives, I would HIGHLY recommend the book "BabyWise." It gives some good advice on feeding, sleep schedules, etc for your new baby, that I promise will save your sanity.

The only other thing I would tell you is that babies can be expensive, BUT you can also get by with very little and do just fine. There are lots of great deals to be had out there at children's consignment stores, on eBay, Craigslist, from your friends, etc. No reason to pay full price on any of the baby gear and clothes unless you want to. =)

Don't worry too much about the labor and delivery part. I remember really stressing out about that with baby #1 and in retrospect, it was not that big a deal. Ultimately anything unknown is scary at first but you don't need to worry. That's how we all felt at one time!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! You are a great mom-in-the-making, I can tell! Please keep us updated and let us know how it goes.

I would try to find a mom's group in your area, so you have other mom's you can contact.

I know this may sound so unlike you, but I was 37, with my first baby on the way, and had NEVER been around another baby before. I was terrified! Finally my best friend, at about 36 weeks, told me to "shut up and do what you do best: study!" At that point I decided to go on disability (you can get a dr.'s note that will allow you to get some income from the state from the date of the approval until 4 weeks after the normal birth or 6 weeks after a cesaerean) and I bought a bunch of books about pregnancy and I started reading. My panic subsided when I knew what to expect under different scenarios and I felt more in control of the birth. I drew up a birth plan and made sure everyone had copies. Now looking back on it, it was all so much easier than I expected. I have to say that there was a shift, immediately after the baby was born, to panicking about "what if he gets collicky? what if I get so tired I don't like my baby?" None of that ever happened. I did rely on my husband a lot whenever the babies got sick, but one thing is for sure: you never imagined how much love you can feel until you're a mom. All will be well. Read as much as you can about pregnancy and child birth and trust in yourself. And if it helps any, I will think about you K. from time to time and send you good energy.

It's okay to be scared. What I am SO impressed with is that you are reaching out and asking for advice and support. That is the best thing you can do for yourself and your child. The best way to get through challenges and rough times is to reach out to people. Your family, friends, colleagues, professionals, agencies can be great resources to help. Learning to ask is a big first step. Remember to take care of yourself.

J. ( an old veteran mom )

I am a mother of two. When I became pregnant with my first I bought the 'What to expect when you are expecting" book. Then someone gave me the "what to expect in the first year" book as a shower gift. I say go to Barnes and Noble or even Walmart carries them I belive. They are great! They even give you advice on questions to ask your doctor on your visits which helped me because I would get in there and go blank! I actually went and bought a 2nd copy of the "what to expect in the first year" book for my in-laws because they were driving me crazy with their old southern ideas!

Hi K.!
First of all congrats on your pregnancy! This is a really exciting time for you!--- and yes, of course, scary too! First time moms are always a little scared, and it's o.k to be. I was barely 20 years old when I found out I was pregnant with my son who is now almost 11. Like you, I was scared too. The pregnancy was a total unexpected surprise. I didn't have a clue how to do this whole pregnancy thing, then the mother thing and so on and so on! I shared the news with my sister and she bought me a terrific pregnancy journal at a book store and I still have it to this day. It is fun to go back and read everything I wrote in it, and I wrote a lot! It helped with my fears to write everything down, like questions I had, which some I would ask my doctor at my regular visits. It also had advice and information about what to expect during your pregnancy. A very good book to have also is What to Expect When You're Expecting. Maybe you already have it, but if not you should get it because it is wonderful!! Remember that your body knows what it's doing also. You can always find strength and comfort in that! I developed a whole new respect of my body during my first pregnancy and after my son was born. It truly amazed me that as women, our bodies are capable of such a miraculous thing!
My other advice is to talk to friends or women you know who have had babies, seek advice, ask questions, learn about what you are going through, read books, reach out, like you are doing here. But be prepared to hear alot of unwanted advice and/or tales of bad experiences some women have had too. You will find many women love to emphasize all of the negative things that happened to them during their pregnancy and/or delivery. Just take positive advice and happy stories and try not to let things you hear worry you so much! Be confident and know you can do this. Keep a journal, read lots of books about pregnancy, seek helpful and encouraging advice from women, get a good doctor for all your pre-natal care, trust that your body is perfectly capable of this, and give it the respect it deserves! It's the most blessed and exciting time in your life, enjoy it because it goes by fast and then you will have a whole new bunch of questions and concerns when your little baby arrives! God Bless!

Congratulations -- and you know, I was 36 when I had my first at I was pretty scared too!

Do you live in an area where you can find a doula? They can be very supportive and helpful during your pregnancy, and at the labor as well. They in no way replace your partner, but offer support and are an advocate for the needs of both you and the father.

There are some great books out there to help calm you, and inform you in a non-threatening way (I personally would never have a mama to be read _What to Expect When You Are Expecting_ yikes!)The Dr Sears books are wonderful, they have ones for pregnancy, breastfeeding, child discipline, etc. They also have a great baby reference book that we used throughout the first year or two.

_Blissful, Beautiful, Bountiful_ or something like that is also great, if you like meditation -- or think you might -- I found this book to be great. And even if you aren't into the exercises for calming in her book, she offers some wonderful, calming advice.

_Birthing From Within_ is a classic, that prepares you for the realistic challenge that birthing is. It's hard work, no doubt -- but women have been doing it for thousands of years.

_The Birth Partner_ is also a great book for preparing, especially for the father if he intends on assisting you during labor.

Hypnobirthing is something to look into -- a great program to calm you and a very supportive yahoo list. There are different versions, this program has the specific name of Hypnobirthing.

There are many ways to approach birthing -- in the water (my second was born this way, at the hospital, and it was fantastic!), at home, in the hospital, at a birth center, etc etc. Educate yourself so that you can choose the best birth for YOU and your baby. This goes for all the concepts on how to raise kids, as well.

There's more, I just woke up and thats all I can think of right now.

Know that your body will know what to do when the time comes -- I used to hate hearing that, but it is so true. You can do this!

I hope this helps, feel free to email me if you like.

Just take it one day at a time. I just had my first. I'm 25 and engaged. It was really scary for me during pregnancy as well. But once I held that sweet baby in my arms all that went away. You just figure it out as you go along.
Good luck!

I am sure everyone will e-mail you the same message: none of us knew what we were doing the first time around! Make sure you read "What to expect what you're expecting" from cover to cover, it'll tell you what's going on with your body at all times. They also have "What to eat when you're expecting", a great guide for making the best choices when it comes to food.
Enjoy the pregnancy! I loved it when Henry started kicking, it made him so real and alive.
If you like books and want to read more, the library usually has a good selection, also for the expectant father.
Good luck and don't be afraid, you'll find that once the baby is here, you will learn very fast what to do.
Take care,
C.

K.,

I would suggest a couple of things for you.. One get the book what to expect when you are expecting It was invaluable to me when I was pregnant Also find a Moms group in your area and see if you can join in with them and start talking to them Do you not have any family support? Your doctors office will be a huge resource as well for you and if they are not find another doctor This is a very important time in your life and all your answers should be taken care of You should be enjoying all the changes and feelings you are going to go through

Don't be scared, educate yourself as much as you can. Be sure to pick up a book that explains to you what's happening with your body and how your baby is developing week by week. That way when your ankles swell, or you start eating more food than you have in the past year in one week you will know it is normal and part of the process. I recommend "What to Expect When You're Expecting". Also, sign up through iVillage for all the pregnancy and having a baby info that they offer.

The only other advise I can add is be sure to get all the prenatal care - your young and may think oh I'm healthy I'll be fine --- they will know what's happening with the baby and that's the most important thing you can do for the little one. Second, go tour the place where you will deliver and choose a pediatrician in your final trimester.

Hope this helps.

N.

Mother of two -- 19 month old boy and 7 month old girl.

Congratulations! Don't worry - we're all scared the first time. I think I was more scared the third time! It's the fear of the unknown. And no matter how prepared you are, or how much advice you receive or experience you have, every pregnancy and birth experience is unique and special. My first child was born 6 weeks early - talk about clueless! My husband and I had been to one birthing class and barely had any baby "stuff". I had planned on doing all the book-reading once I went on maternity leave, which didn't happen until after the baby was born! We couldn't believe that the hospital let us take him home and we had no idea what to do! Needless to say, it was a bonding experience for us all and I wouldn't change a thing. God knows what you can handle and will give you the strength to get through whatever happens. We were blessed to have friends and family help out as well. Don't be afraid to ask for help or "look dumb". There is a learning curve for us all! You will learn quickly what works or does not work for you particular child - and they are all different! Good luck!

I just wanted you to know that I was 30 when I had my first baby, and just as scared as you are. It all comes naturally, and what ever doesn't comes with time. And you have all the time in the world to get it right. Remember your child loves you no matter what. And if your stuck, other mothers are always ready and willing to give advice, tell stories etc... It all comes in handy at some point. Good luck, and enjoy it all.

A little about me: I'm a working mother of a 4 yr old boy, and 2 yr old girl. Happily married for 6 years.

They have books of parenting available. Always stock up things that a baby needs. Most women have baby showers towards the end of their pregnancy. Changing things in your house, childproofing plugs and dangerous objects is the most important thing to do. They have WIC for mothers in some areas. Buying strollers, baby carriers, crib, and planning on breastfeeding or bottle feeding, is the biggest thing any mother worries about. Its never to early to plan ahead for what your going to pack for the trip to the hospital.
Avoid junk food, and eat healthy. They have a vitamin pill to have a healthy baby. Stay away from cigarettes and anything that can harm you. Avoid stress and being upset as much as possible. Whatever you eat, so does your baby. If its a boy, you can decide whether to have him circumsized, or teach them how to clean it properly. I don't have girls, but I can tell you boys can be a handful. Get much rest as possible, you will be tired once your baby is here.

Hi K., Congratulations on your baby!! That is so exciting!! Pregnancy, birth and motherhood are the greatest things that will ever happen to you, trust me!! There is nothing wrong with being scared, my baby is now 7 months old...and it was scary at first, and it still can be overwhelming a bit now...but it gets better each day. The best piece of advice I can give for pregnancy/childbirth is WALK, WALK, WALK!!! I'm a midwife apprentice, and I can vouch for walking...mom's who walk throughout the pregnancy have a much easier birth!!
I agree with some of the other mothers...a lot comes naturally, but EDUCATE YOURSELF. There are so many amazing sources out there, dive into reading. But beware of books like "What to Expect when you're Expecting" they scare you more than encourage. Read books by Ina May Gaskins...a great one is "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth." She not only explains the process of pregnancy and childbirth...but gives great inspirational birth stories. Surround yourself with people who are parents and learn from them...join mommy groups, church groups or la leche league, there are always other women whom you can learn from in these types of groups. Please feel free to ask questions.
Also, I'd like to make a comment on the mother's statement on taking the drugs...I beg to differ. I had my baby at home, naturally, no drugs...just my family, midwife and the comfort of my home. Yes, it was super painful...it took me to a place I've never been before...but being able to feel when my little angel came into this world, and being able to say "I DID IT, I GAVE LIFE TO MY CHILD (she wasn't "delivered") is the most rewarding thing ever...as well as being sober for the first time I laid eyes on my baby, it's unexplainable! Not to say that moms who use drugs can't experience a good birth...but why alter any of your senses for what is one of the most amazing moments in your and your baby's life? Please feel free to contact me if you have any other questions...I'd love to help out if you have any other doubts! Once again Congratulations!!

Hi K.,
I think we're all scared when we go through pregnancy for the first time - its like a whole other language isn't it? Congrats on reaching out to this great site - the best thing you can get now is support. That, and lots of rest and good nutrition. I wish I had taken better care of myself when I was pregnant because after the baby comes it seems like, as moms, our bodies get lost amongst the diapers, sleeplessness, feedings, poop, etc.

Keeping hydrated and healthy was one of my biggest troubles in pregnancy - thats why I invented Glow Mama - especially for moms-to-be and moms. Its full of the nutrients you need now (fiber, folic acid, calcium, vit c, etc) and isn't full of chemicals and sweeteners.

Check out the website www.drinktoglow.com and see what you think. If you like the sound of it, send me an email or message and I'll get some to you for free.
Good luck and enjoy the ride.
L.

I was freaking out too and I'm a nurse. It's weird, but you just figure it out as you go along. It's a normal instinct I guess. I remember being so scared thinking about my daughter crawling all over. Then when it happened it wasn't a big deal.

You should ask your pediatrician for mom groups. That will help and good luck!

Seek the support of your friends, mother, sisters, aunts. the best thing i had was a great network of friends who had all gone through or were going through this with me. If you don't have that you might consider going to a prenatal yoga class or birthing class not only because it's good for you but because you'll meet other moms there. Moms love sharing their adice and stories.

Don't stress out about the pregnancy or labor too much! I stressed out WAY too much and everything turned out fine. I hope that I can go into my next one a little more relaxed. It's going to be painful (I had a c-section) either way you go but it doesn't matter in the long run.

For books I recommend the No-Cry Sleep Solution which will help you learn to teach your baby to sleep well right from the beginning. I wish I had that book in the beginning. Also, Touchpoints is a good book for learning about the first year of the baby's life.

If you're planning to breastfeed seek the help of a lactation consultant right away. It may go well but it may not and even if it goes well in the beginning you will want to have someone to check in with and answer questions as they come up.

Most important - LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT!!!! You know what to do you just don't know it yet. You'll do great! LOL

You'll be fine, but ask for drugs as soon as you get into the hospital and keep asking until you get them! The best 2 books I can recommend are the Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and Belly Laughs (both at Babie R Us)! These will tell you everything you need to know! Good luck! Eat everything and sleep aas much as you can!

Congratulations!! I know how you're feeling. My daughter is now 5 months and I still get scared sometimes, we all do. The best advice I can give you is to believe in yourself and trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right (weather its something with the pregnancy, with day care or with your child's development) don't write it off as being over protective. You may be using your new mommy powers to pick up on something that others don't.

Good books are the "pregnancy bible" (it has lots of great pictures) and "healthy sleep habits, happy child". You can get great deals on car seats by buying one from last year's model line in a fabric that's being discontinued (I got a 2007 Britax Boulevard for about 20% off by going through a discount where house on e-bay, and the shipping was free.)

If you ever have to go to babiesrus during the week go to one with a photo studio and dress your baby up real cute for the outing. Some times if the studio is slow (Tuesdays seem to be best) they will troll the isles for cute babies and offer a free picture. I got a beautiful free portrait of my daughter this way.

Last thing, and this really is the most important. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like a bad mother. There are a million different opinions on how to do this parenting thing and not all of them will be right for you and your family. If someone on this website ever reacts to one of your questions like you're the worst mother on the planet (and it will happen, some people here are a little over the top) either ignore it or tell them to back off. When the criticism comes from your family you will have to use a little more diplomacy in your reaction but it's even more important that you stand your ground with them because if you don't it really can create problems.

Ok that's probably more than you were looking for. Congratulations again.

A.

Oh and one last thing. Whenever tissues go on sale buy them. You will be stunned at how often you're going to cry (happy tears, sad tears, hormonal tears oh so many tears.)

The best advice I could give you is to get the drugs. I have had two babies one with out and the other with and let me tell you the drugs are good.

Hi K.,
First of all, congratulations! I am 22 with two healthy boys, one and a half and three and a half. I was engaged and 18 when I had my first son. We were not prepared financially, and We were scared to death. I am not going to lie to you, it's tough. We struggled for years, and we worked hard to get where were at today. My advise for you is to remember how important your relationship with your fiance is. We got through it with alot of prayer. Take it one day at a time, but look ahead to plan for what can come.
If you ever have any questions, feel free to email or message me. I had two collicky babies 7months long and 3months long. When you feel overwhelmed, ask for help. Even the littlest bit of help is big.
Good Luck!
K.

Hello Kasandra,

The very best thing I did after having my son was attending a weekly free support class for moms. I was reluctant to go. My husband encouraged me to go and the first time, he drove me there and walked me in with all my stuff and said he would be back in an hour. He was right! Two and a half years later, I am still benefitting from all of the friends I made there and all of the advice that I still remember our teacher giving us. I beleive that I would have had a miserable experince if it were not for that group, especially because my son had colic. It was literally a life saver. Good luck!

I became a first time mom right before I turned 30 and it's still scary, but knowledge is power! Get a good prenatal book like "What to Expect" or Great Expectations. I personally found Great Expectations to be an easier read and very informational. If you read along and ask your doctor questions as you go, it's a lot easier. I also recommend attending birthing classes from your local hospital. I thought they would freak me out more, but they help you to understand everything so you know what is coming. It's a lot less scary that way!

My dear, I don't know where to begin. That is a life question. First of all is the matter of food, clothing, and shelter. Do you two plan on getting married and committing yourself to each other and your child? Do you work, does your boyfriend work? That much aside, go to a parenting group, get envolved - the both of you. Read, go to the library and read up on what education you are lacking in this area. Take a deep breathe. It is quit an adventure and even though you get angry and frustrated at times it's an adventure of a lifetime. Instincts will help as well. Bond with other mothers. They will be a wealth of information and of course, keep in touch with us. Good luck. You'll do just fine.

Dr B.

CONGRATULATIONS on both your wedding and your baby! What exciting times await you! I've never responded to one of these postings before, but something in yours just touched my heart. I remember feeling just like you do right now, and had to let you know that everything is going to be just fine! I would be more worried about you if you weren't scared! That is perfectly normal! The fact that you are reaching out for information and support before your baby is even here shows me that you're already acting like a great mom who wants the best for her baby! If I had any advice it would be to go to the classes and read as much as you can to prepare. Jenny McCarthy had a great one that I can't remember the name of exactly, but I think it was the Girlfriend's Guide... The first 3 weeks will be the hardest because you're learning all of the ins and outs of this new little person! Once you figure out what all of the different cries sound like and you're comfortable carrying him/her around, you're going to feel so much better. Just go into it without expectations of being "perfect" right away, and know that you will learn - faster than you ever thought you would. Oh... and a sense of humor never hurts! (You'll remember that one when you get pooped on in the middle of the night...:-))

Enjoy! You're going to love it!!

Congratulations! I admit that it's been a while since I was pregnant, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! The secret...eat healthy meals and snacks, get plenty of rest, and try to exercise regularly (they have special exercise classes for moms-to-be at the Rec Centers, Mills-Peninsula Hospital, etc.). Exercising is key as it will give you stamina during the delivery. A book that I found easy to read and gave very practical advice was "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

Also take time to bond with your unborn baby by singing or reading to him/her and share this special time with your fiance.

I'm sure the scariest part is going into labor. If you don't have any medical complications, I would strongly suggest to opt for an epidural. Take it from someone who's done it naturally and with an epidural...there was no comparison. Enjoy this special time of your life.

Hey K.,

It very normal to feel scared. I was a first time mom a while ago, my son is now 11 and about to be 12 in May, but I had no idea on who to be a mom, but you learn as you go. Is your mom around or do you have friends that are moms? my best friend and next door neighbor at the time was a mom, so she helped me so much with everything. But as I stated before you will also learn as you go....I'm still learning. Good luck and I bet you'll be a great mom.

Hi K. - you've gotten a lot of great advice so far! Yes I agree that new moms groups are key!!!! and a good baby and pregnancy book! Let me just add a little of my own experience. I was 33 when I had my first and let me tell you it was the most surreal experience of my life!! Where I imagined this great emotional high and explosion of overwhelming love for my newborn at birth I think I was just numb. I expected to cry with motherly love but was just more glad the birth was over! And then my husband and I, after a night in the hospital under the guidence of a group of very effiecient nurses, were sent home with this fragile tiny crying little creature - oh so tiny and awkward in her car seat! I will never forget our looking at eachother with 'what do we do next?' In our hands was the most beautiful thing! completely vulnerable and dependent on me! US!!! I kept thinking 'look at what we've created! thinking gosh that's all it took?! - one fun wonderful new years eve?!!? and then I realized the depth of responsibility that lie ahead of us. Needless to say we got her home and in less than 24 hours I was hopelessly devoted and IN LOVE with this beautiful girl! Finally those emotions I had been waiting for came pouring in! It was scarey and changed our lives dramatically but we figured it out as will you. Let me just remind you that even though care for a new born is a never ending round the clock job...remember they sleep practically all the time for the first three months giving you time to rest yourself and gradually get acclimated. After my long spiel (atrocious spelling and all) I will also repeat what many other great moms have said. Rely on family, moms groups, books, doctors office and advice nurses and the internet...and Above All Your Partner...there is a lot of support out there! you'll be fine! M.

WOW! I remember when I found out that I was pregnant! I was shocks! But a quick advice is to get rest as much as you can. Also, eat lots of fruit and veggies. Drink plenty of water. If you are not a big fan of water (I was NOT a big fan of water!), try to get flavor water that is really healthy! Take good care of yourself! Also, exercise! Take vitamins! Prenatal vitamin is a must! Any questions that you may have, ALWAYS ask your doctor! Don't be afraid to ask!

Congratulations K. :)

It is natural to be scared because it is the unknown you have never gone through this experience before so the way you are feeling is NORMAL! I had my baby at 33 and didn't know what to expect either I mean you can read and read but truly until you go through it you can't even imagine. Believe it or not it does come pretty natural and you learn along the way! It is the most amazing life experience moment when you see that little baby for the first time, words can't even describe it! You think you know what Love is but wait until you have that little baby. Enjoy every minute because it goes by too fast!! You have to remind yourself when you feel sick or as time goes by and you get a little bigger it is only for 9 months and the reward at the end is so worth it :) Search around on line there are Wonderful baby sites babyzone.com and so many more.
Where are you located? Hang in there you will do great!!! my e-mail is ____@____.com

Dearest K.,

I know you have probably heard this before but its true. Your natural instincts kick in the moment your precious one comes out. Your having the baby young enough so your body should go back to normal quick.I remember my first when I was 23yrs old and it was so very scary but beautiful all at the same time. Just stay healthy and eat right so the delivery is an easy one. Read lots of books my favorite was"what to expect when your expecting" It helped me alot.Then after the baby is born they have another one "what to expect in the first year".Motherly insticts is all you need and don't feel that any question is a stupid one. We all have questions.I am the mother of three and my oldest is now a teenager. My youngest is 6.You will love your baby more than life itself.Good luck and hope your wedding is stress free! Enjoy the months ahead. Get plenty of sleep( you'll need it)

Hi K.,
I didn't know what I was doing either...I would read some books now...see if there is a mommy and me class that you can
go to after you have had your baby (highly recommend this).
When you are closer to you due date...you can probably go on a hospital tour...and take childbirth labor classes. If you have family or supportive friends nearby...maybe ask them if when the baby comes...if they could help you out a bit...by
watching the baby for an hour while you take a nap. The first
few months after the baby is born...is pretty intense...but
hey your young you'll have more energy then I had...(I was 39 when I had my daughter...last year). My husband was extremely helpful...if you decide to breastfeed...get a pump as well so that you can express milk for him to feed your baby at least once during the night. A good idea...is you have your partner do the first feedings of the night ...for eg. your baby goes down to sleep at 6 pm...then you go to sleep...your partner
then feeds the baby at 8 pm and 10:30 pm ...then you wake up at 1 AM and 3:30 to feed the baby and husband feeds her at 6 AM. A great investment is bouncer chair and / a swing for the baby. Good luck gotta go baby crying...bye K.

Congratulations! You must not stress over this experience but enjoy every part of it. Everything will naturally come into place. Enjoy your pregnancy. I am a mother of two beautiful teenagers now and I miss my babies.

Let me also start by saying congratulations. I just wanted to let you know (as others already have) that it is normal to be scared. I just had my third child a month ago so it's all still fresh in my mind. I also agree with reading as much as you can about child birth and pregnancy, but I felt that What To Expect... was an excelent source of information. The book lays out a slew of options, explaining the positive and negatives of each. Also, yes going through birth without drugs is a wonderful thing to do, but if you should feel the need, don't allow anyone to make you feel bad for chosing drugs. If you would still like to feel the contractions and be able to birth your baby without feeling drugged, think about a walking epidural. It just relieves the pressure without numbing your body.

As for pregnancy, I do hope you are able to enjoy it. Walking is one of the best exercises. It's not too strenuous, but does keep your body moving.

Well, I've gotta end as my little girl just woke for her feeding. Don't be afraid to ask questions, or to ask for help. Rely on those closest to you for love and support, relax and enjoy all of the new changes you're undergoing.

A lot of the hospitals have support groups for first time moms. Mercy Hospital of Folsom has a great one. You may want to consider attending before the baby is born to get an idea of what to expect.

It's the most tiring, frustrating and wonderful job you will ever have. It will hurt ( they don't call it labor for nothing ! ) but you also get this wonderful prize at the end. Make sure you rest. Tired mommies are not good mommies. I hope you have the support from your parents because you will need it too. Good luck and hope your baby is healthy.

K.,

Congratulations! This is a very exciting time. You have been getting great advice about reading books, getting involved in exercising, eating healthy and joining moms groups. If you have close relatives/friends, solicit their advice along the way and make sure they are available to help out after the birth. The baby you carry is so precious - I wish the best for you and your fiance through these beautiful beginnings - thank you for choosing life!

HI Kasandra,

I had my first child at 16 and I will tell you it is so much easier on your body than in your late 20's or 30's.

Good luck to you...if you have specific questions feel free to email me.

W. Olmstead
____@____.com

Hi K.,

Congratulations!!! How exciting!!!

It is perfectly normal to be scared. I think every first-time mom went through that. The very best book out there is Girfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, and I would highly recommend it. It tells you EXACTLY what to expect, and it's written in a fun-loving way, not all technical talk.

Other than that, just follow your instinct. When it comes to baby, suddenly everyone who's had one becomes an expert. You will be bombarded with advice. I say just follow your instinct. You will be amazed at how quickly everything falls into place. Every child and every mother is different, and you will be just fine. But look around for a mom's support group in your area. They are great for info and also a great place to make friends with people going through the same thing. I don't know where you're located, but there is a great one in Walnut Creek through John Muir.

Oh, and as far as the delivery goes, I would not recommend drugs but I highly recommend the epidural. The hospital where I delivered had it set up so the epidural only put out minimal amounts of whatever it is it puts out and then I was given a little switch that I could push if I felt too much pain and wanted more. It was great because I was still in control and was able to still feel my water break and the pushing and everything but not the pain. Highly recommend it.

Oh, almost forgot to mention, when the baby comes home try to sleep whenever the baby does. You will be up at night and will need your rest. Trust me. Leave the housework, cooking, etc., to someone else and go sleep!!!

Congratulations, and try not to worry. Just enjoy this special time of your life.

I had my first baby at 17. I had graduated high School and was going to go to college. Back then (40 years ago) it was what was called a shot gun wedding. So all of my plans at fashion design were immediately taken from me. I was so scared. But there was in me this deep desire for a baby. I had a major surgery 4 months along and still the baby made it. I had a very hard labor but still the baby made it. I had a rough time being a first time Momie........but one thing, and one thing only made this the best time in my life. I adorded my boy. Think of it he was only 17 years younger than me. I just took one day at a time and stuck close to my goal of being a good mother. It was hard. It was really hard. But after him I had another boy 2 1/2 years later. I call that my first litter. We did everything together and one thing I can say is I always stayed close to them and loved them. Then when I was 36 I had another son. Oh what a joy! Almost by accident.....or devine providence I had a fourth son 2 years later. Was it ever easy? No. But my goal was always to be a good Mom. You will do well if that is your goal no matter what. My 4 sons are a constant joy to me still. They are grown and gone thier own ways, but I still hear from tem all of the time. One has been a missionary for 14 years for the Burmese refugees. The other 3 are kindly and love many people. I think all of the mothering advise in the world will just be that, advise. BUT once that darling little one is placed in your arms you will know. Just know you can handle it all........ Do everything in your power to protect and educate them. Watch out for the wrong people in thier lives and yours. watch for times when things are not right, use your natural built in intelligence as a female. God will guide you best. Motherhood is sacred.

The Pregnancy Book and The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears and Martha Sears (RN) are wonderful books. It's human, informative, easy to read, extremely developmentally appropriate and very reassuring to first-time parents. Also, Becoming The Parent You Want To Be, A Sourcebook of Strategies for the first five years. I love that book, too. Both are books that don't tell you what to do but rather give you information and help you think about what is real and authentic for you.

Congratulations!
My first advice is to ask for help. It was hard for me when I had my first, but well worth it.
My second advice is to try not worry/stress. I know, we all do it, but somehow everything works out. It may be hard to believe now, but it will.

Congrats. Dont worry, once you get to see your baby for the first time, its like motherhood just kicks in. It's the best feeling in the world. :)

K. - don't worry about it. Seriously, everything falls into place once you see and hear your baby for the first time - when that happens, you're a mom and that's it! You'll be very surprised at how natural it comes. Congratulations!

It is very scary and intimidating. I remember wondering what they were thinking at the hospital letting ME walk out with a baby! And I was 30 when I had my daughter. Just love your baby and do the best you can. There's never too much love & attention. And reading a few books about it while you're pregnant might make you feel more confident.

The good news about being only 19 is you have a lot more energy than I had at 30. I was happy I waited because I had a lot more patience at 30 than I did in my 20s. So you might think about patience. : )

Good luck, I'm sure you'll be a great mother.