My 13-year-old is at the age where she is being invited to Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, and I am wondering what an appropriate gift is. I understand money is appreciated, but how much is appropriate for one child to give? Thank you!
Thanks to everyone who offered input, my daughter thoroughly enjoyed the experiences at both celebrations she attended for her friends! Since she was attending by herself, we made a homemade card and put in $36 as multiples of 18 are considered good luck.
Hi C.,
Money is usually the "preferred" gift for teens. Since the number 18 signifies life, then giving a gift of money in multiples of 18 is perfectly acceptable. Even though it may look weird to give a gift of 18 or $36, it is quite common.
Hi. The advice I was going to give was already given by someone else so I will just agree. The number 18 is symbolic in judaism meaning life and giving money in a multiple of 18 is very thoughtful. For girls, jewelry is very nice as well. I still have a couple of pieces from my own Bat Mitzvah. They do not have to be 14 karat gold either. I still treasure an incredibly unique and beautiful silver ring that I received.
I have found that Bar/Bat Mitzvahs are similar to Conformations (we have family on "both sides") - and it seems that unless you are the Rich Uncle trying to show off, about $25 seems to be about the average.
You can give money in the form of a gift card to a mall, or you can give a check. Any amount is fine, but $18 is a traditional number in Judaism. It sounds like a funny amount, but it comes from the fact that every letter in the Hebrew Alphabet has a numerical equivalent. The letters that make up the word "life" are 8 and 10, which total 18. If you know a particular child extremely well, you can consider doubling it to $36, but that's a lot of money to give every time your child goes to a bat mitzvah. $18 is perfectly appropriate and will show the girl and the family that you have done a little research. (The 18 also works for boys and bar mitzvahs!) A lot of girls like jewelry - it can be Jewish in nature such as a star of David necklace, or just anything you think she would like. Many synagogues have gift shops run by volunteers who are happy to help advise. You can start with the synagogue where the bat mitzvah service will be held. I would make sure it is a shop that does a lot of business so there will be many contemporary choices.
Some people just give gifts like they would at a birthday - CDs, etc. Do not feel obligated to give money - it's not your job to pay for the party! But a lot of kids enjoy it, and we also insisted that our child put money away for college or a trip to Israel the summer after 10th grade. Other gifts to consider are picture frames (for the photos!), a photo album or a scrapbook. It also depends on whether the kid is really into the experience (ideal), or just doing it for the parents or to have a big party (hopefully, not to often!). If there are a lot that your child will be going to and you don't know the kids that well, just stick with $18 for everyone. It's appropriate, and you don't have to think too much. Buy or make a nice card, and have your child leave it in a basket provided for that purpose at the luncheon or reception, whatever they have. Or mail it. Let me know if you need any more ideas!!
I am not Jewish myself, but know many. And from what I remember, the monetary gift should be in multiples of 18. 18 is a lucky number.
In theory, a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is about entering adulthood. It is a big deal, not just another birthday. I remember Bar/Bat Mitzvah year (usually 8th grade)pretty well. For me, it was in the framework of the excess of the 1980's. Some weeks, we had two or three to attend. One was a black-tie event on a yacht, several were at Tavern On The Green, one involved circus tents and toy money with the Bat Mitzvah girl's photo on it! At the other end of the spectrum, some were beautiful intimate gatherings of a religious and spiritual nature.
As far as gifts and attire are concerned, think of it like a wedding. Let your knowledge of the honoree's interests, closeness of your relationship, and the tone of the invitation be your etiquite guide. Is the invitation to a service and luncheon? If so, dress modestly and consider a gift of a thoughtful/studious nature (Some "serious" gifts I apreciated were: An enormous dictionary, a gorgeous book about photography (a hobby), and a groovy cousin gave me a huge stack of books about feminism, ecology, and self defence for girls.) Is the invite to a party at night with a DJ? If so, wear whatever the kids are wearing these days (I shudder to think of it), and give a gift certificate in a multiple of 18, pronounced "Chai" (with phlegm), meaning "life". Some fun gifts I remember-- A giant kite from a trendy kite boutique, a silver "Fatima's hand" pendant (wards off the evil eye!), and my Swiss Army knife (MacGuyver!).
Anyway, decades later, I still remember and value the gifts I recieved from people who put love and thought into honoring the girl I was and helping shape the woman I have become.
Bar/Bat Mitzvah's are VERY BIG EVENTS!!!
If the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not a family member, and is a friend from school consider a $50 gift card with a $50 check.
This isn't on the birthday party scale for gifts, it's more like on the wedding gift scale. Gifts are traditionally monetary and are invested for the child after the event. We have family members who used their Bar/Bat Mitzvah funds to pay for a good chunk of college. I hope your girls have a good time, it's a very festive happy occasion!!!!
I know that money is appreciated but also gifts that you would bring to a birthday are appropriate as well. Of course, you should never feel obligated to bring a gift anywhere!
Cash is definitely appreciated. Multiples of $18 are traditional. Two years ago my husband and I gave a young man (we are well acquainted with his father via work) $108 rather than $100 to keep the tradition, and for fun we found small soccer items - i.e. chocolates wrapped as soccer balls, key chain, etc. - and put everything in a gift bag. Obviously he is a soccer player. When my now 16 year old daughter was invited, we gave $54 in a gift bag with candy or some other trinkets depending on how well we knew the individual.
Hi C.,
As a Jewish mother who has had 3 Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, there is a trend to make it less materialistic and more about healing the world. A religious event rather than an acquisition event. For a school friend/aquaintance, I would suggest a small personal gift, a cd, book, gift card for itunes, and make a donation to a charity in the child's name. You can ask the family what organization is important to them or the child. Give what you feel comfortable giving. Don't get caught up in the hooplah that sometimes surrounds these events, where people are worried about how they will be perceived. If someone is going to judge you, based on the gift you give their child, they aren't worth knowing. And certainly not worth spending money trying to impress.
Have fun,
J.
Actually 18 means High, and high means life.. That is the importance of 18.. as a gift from My Jewish friend my children got 18 nickels for Hanukkah. As they are quite young. for a Bat/BarMitzbah I would give 18 dollars all in ones.. It will mean more that way. Did you know a girl is 12 at her Bat Mitzbah and a boy is 13 at his Bar Mitzbah?
$25 if it is not a good friend. $50 if they have been friends for a long time.
