Bad Feelings While Pregnant

Well, sweetie, I don't condone the lying part, but I also don't feel he's necessarily under any obligation to to share about his personal life quite yet. I can't imagine what job could reasonably dictate how many children you have, such that you would actually agree it's a good reason, but I would also encourage your husband to begin seeking a new job and once a promising prospect appears on the horizon, to give his current job reasonable notice. If you think the reason is a good one, then it would be respectful to honor their position, especially since they've been up front about it.

In any case, we know that mom's emotions have a big role to play in baby's neurological development, so do your best not to stress out and to be happy during your pregnancy! :)

Not criticizing, but I'm curious to know what job dictates how many children an employee can have.

I just think that you are trying to deal with living a lie. Not to be harsh but your husband has not been honest with the people he works with. You know that soon there will be baby #3 and then what?? Husband will have to tell the truth and then then he might have to look for a new job?? Lies are not a good thing dear. You have a lot of good postings here. I think you are so stressed out from the miscarriage and then knowing that your husband is hiding the truth. Just remember the saying "What comes around goes around" I am a firm believer in this saying. Not trying to "criticize" your husbands job, but what job has the right to tell a family how many children they may have. Is it really worth living a lie and taking on all the stress?? Have you talked with your husband about how you feel? How does he feel?

I would say just be honest because it is the best way to go in life! Easier also! a lot less stressful! a lot more happiness!

Being pregnant can be a very stressful thing on a woman. You don't need extra stress added to this time period.

congrates on baby #3!! hope you have a happy healthy nine months!!

D.,

I wonder if some of the bad feelings are related to the miscarriage. When I got pregnant-finally- after 2 mc and 1 lost baby I was admittedly a bit psycho. I was hypersensitive, my 3 year daughter probably thought I was wacko thanks to the baby and I had lots of wierd feelings about the pregnancy. I'm sure the stress of your hubby's job is adding to it..but I think it is normal! The baby has no idea you have crazy thoughts, it has no effect. And once peanut arrives..you will be back to whatever your normal is...and you will have a baby you love!

I don't think that your 'bad' feelings are out of the ordinary. I wonder whether it's really the fact that your husband is lying about your pregnancy at work for fear of losing his job? I don't know whether you believe in God or in the bible. I do. I would look at it this way: when we sow bad seeds, we will reap a bad harvest. Sounds kinda harsh but it's really normal. When we do something bad, there will be bad consequences. Likewise, when we do something good, there will be good consequences. Maybe you just feel convicted about your husband's action? There is always a right time to come clean - which would be now or very soon. I would say that if you do believe, ask God for peace and joy. And ask your husband to come clean at work. If you honor God, He will honor you and he will provide for all 5 of you. I was working at the time of my pregnancy, my husband was out of a job. I started my 3 months unpaid maternity leave always praying that I could stay at home and that my husband would find a job. My reasoning was, that God gave me this baby and I hoped that He would provide for us. 4 weeks before my maternity leave ended, my husband got a new job that allowed me to stay home. I know, it can be more complicated than this so this is just the simple answer. This really should be a time of joy for all of you. Talk it over with your hubby and see what he says.

Well, sooner or later, he's going to have to tell the people he works for that you're expecting. I mean, it's not really something you can hide forever. As far as your feelings go, you're just living that paranoia, kinda like when you call into work sick, only to stay home and have a breather, and you worry about being caught, so you answer the phone with a groggy voice all day. I wouldn't worry about the feelings you're having, and instead just chalk it up to being worried you and your husband will suffer negative consequences with his job when they find out.

Hi, D. --

I'm a spiritual person, and I always say that it's important to respect your intuition. It may not be an "omen" but more of a subconscious message that's trying to break through.

Since your husband is going to have to fess up at some point about baby #3, it seems that he may as well go ahead and do that, shouldn't he? I think it will do none of you any good to live under the cloud of the future trying to hide the inevitable. Right?

You can't live your life in the shaddows - it's not honorable and it's obviously not comfortable. If this job is restricted to parents with less than 3 kids, then he's going to either need to respect that and go elsewhere or he's going to need to address it with them to tell them why they should make the exception for him. In either case, I think you're deeply feeling the weight of the dishonesty that's part of your child's life from the very start.

If pressed, your husband could always tell his employers that, due to your recent miscarriage, he didn't want to be hasty in making his decision to tell them of your 3rd child's upcoming birth. I think they should respect that there is some element of privacy that is owed to each employee, and he should state that as such.

I have the feeling that once you can put everything back on an honest and open playing field, you will be relieved of this feeling of impending doom. Personally, I'd think you're having these feelings because you're having to invalidate your child's existence in order for your husband to have this job... and those 2 things can't be reconciled.

Take care, and I wish you luck!
H.

I just wanted to let you know that feelings like that are normal during pregnancy. If you are overwhelmed by them then talk to your doctor.