Baby Wont Go to Sleep?

I have wrote pretty much the same thing!haha I have a 19 month old who still refuses to sleep through the night. Its a battle to get her to bed and when she finally does, she wakes up through the night. I have tried to the cry out method, but then she vomits from crying so much. I have pretty much tried everything you have tried. We are in the same boat. If you discover any new ideas let me know. :)

Rachenbaby,

At eight months old she should be able to start learning how to soothe herself. If she's fussing give her 5-10 minutes to try and calm herself down. If during that time her cry changes to a demanding one, go in at once and comfort her. If she's not able to soothe herself go in and either rock with her in a rocking chair, or gently sway with her in your arms right at her crib side.

I've done this with my 15 month old daughter and it works well. We also have soothing music playing all night and a dimmer switch on her light so it isn't totally dark in her room. A night light would work too, but the outlets in her room are in the wrong places for us.

Before bed time my daughter gets to cuddle in my lap while we watch the last of the evening news. It's usually 15-20 minutes, but the cuddling in my lap with no toys is her cue that it's time to calm down for the day and get ready for sleep. Sometimes it's longer, sometimes shorter depending on how wound up she was and how tired she is. About half the time she falls asleep on me and we watch half of Wheel of Fortune before I'm able to talk myself into putting her in bed.

Another thought is that she's fussing because she's over tired. Have you thought of moving bed time earlier? That might help too.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

By the way, good for you for being a single mom. My dad was a single dad raising me.

I'd set up an appointment with your pediatrician to rule out any medical causes.

It could be that she's got a mild ear infection or a raging sinus infection...so that when she lays down the fluid/mucus drains into her eustachian tubes causing pressure & pain. Or also possibly acid reflux, especially if she has recently switched to/from formula or has been introduced to new foods. Ditto with gas. After a few consistent experiences with pain laying down, most infants start getting fussy at the beginning of the bedtime routine. Essentially, it could be a number of things, and your Ped. should be able to help sort out what if any there are.

If you've already done that, or if medical problems get ruled out (like they did with us!) I can tell you what my Mum had me do:

After bathtime/snuggling/bedtime routine I'd lay my son down in his crib, back up, and shut the door. Then I'd wait five minutes. (The first several times my Mum actually had me go sit on the porch, with the door shut, biting my nails to ribbons.) Then after five minutes I'd go in, pick him up and rock him and murmur to him until he'd been quiet for a few minutes. That could take anywhere from a couple minutes to a half an hour. Then I would lay him down, & back out the door. Repeated as necessary until he fell asleep.

It took a couple of weeks, and I did it, the same routine with nap & bedtime. If he cried for x number of minutes I would go in, soothe him and put him back to bed. (The 5 minute rule with my Mum I shortened or lengthened as I felt was appropriate, over time. I tried to wait for that "lull" of quiet crying in between 2 great screaming bouts.) Gradually it changed from holding and rocking to merely standing there with my hand on him. The times gradually shortened and decreased in frequency, until eventually, he would actually arch his back in my arms as we headed to the crib, to get there faster.

With fondest wishes for laying in the arms of Morpheus,
Z. :)

My 9m old daughter had a couple of weeks of rough bedtimes around when she was in the middle of learning to stand up/crawl. It's normal when they reach a cognative milestone like this. It can really throw you off if you are used to them going to sleep easily and they suddenly don't seem to want to go to bed. Does she know how to soothe herself to sleep or back to sleep if she wakes up? My daughter knew how to do this since I would hear her wake up at night, but with a few minutes of mild fussing she would usually get quiet again without my intervention. She had also woken up a few times when I put her down for the night, but again after a few minutes of whining or "talking" to her lovey bear she would fall asleep.

During the rough bedtime period this all changed and she would start crying when I put her down (even if she was asleep on my lap beforehand) and it would take a long time to get her to settle down. She would stop crying and want to play when I would go back in the room. The method we decided on was this:

Bedtime routine then in her crib after bottle. If she played quietly with her lovey bear I would stay out of the room. If she went to sleep on her own, great. If she ramped up and started really crying ( not just whining, but really screaming/crying) I would go back in after 5 minutes and pick her up, calm her down and hold her on my lap w/ her lovey bear but would NOT talk to or interact with her in any other way than just lay her on my lap. I even avoided direct eye contact. THe basic rule was that if she was quiet on my lap just sucking her thumb or "talking" to her bear I would hold her until she fell asleep. But, if she started playing with me, trying to sit up etc. I would immediately kiss her goodnight and put her back in her crib. I would repeat this process until she either fell asleep in my lap, or in her crib. I only went back into her room if she was really crying/screaming. I stayed out if she was just whining or talking/playing with her bear. Some nights it took several trips back in before she either fell asleep on my lap or got quiet and fell asleep on her own in her crib. A few nights it was 2 hour before she finally fell asleep, but some of those nights I only went in 2-3 times in that 2 hours. She spent most of the time whining or playing with her bear. After about a week of this she got the message that Mom or Dad coming in the room didn't mean she got a playmate. We handled the occasional 3am wake up wanting to play issue the same way, but she almost always fell back asleep after one round. On the 2 hour nights I would sometimes give her a second 4oz bottle and a diaper change to finally settle her down and help her sleep but those nights were rare.

Consistancy is the key, once you decide on a plan you need to stick with it for at least a week. Ours worked well and now even if she is wired and having a hard time going to sleep I know that she WILL eventually crash out either in my lap or in her crib. We have taken the power struggle out of it since she doesn't get a payoff if we go in the room. Sitting quietly on my lap isn't really any more fun than sitting in her crib because I won't play with her or talk to her or interact with her in any way other than to let her lay on my lap.

One other thing that I've found helps (not sure why...) is to let her cry/fuss for 5-7 minutes before going back in. I have noticed that if I go back in while she is just whining or talking to herself she wants to play with me, but if I let her get the crying out of the way it makes her more willing to just sit quietly on my lap and go to sleep. She often whines for 5-10 minutes before finally falling asleep on her own in her crib which is why I only go in if she is really crying in earnest, not just whining. If she gets to crying letting her keep going just makes it worse. "Cry it out" wouldn't work for us but "Whine it out" does...lol. :-)

My son has always been a good sleeper at night, but there where a few occasions when he would start to scream and cry when I went to put him down. For several days straight. I know it's really hard to hear your baby cry, and I struggled with it, but as much as it seems like torture at the moment, with in three days, he was back to his normal happy self when I put him down. From what I read, this happens when your baby is going through some sort of change, like a growth spurt, or they've reached a new milestone. So I suggest consitency with what you've always done, and each day the crying will be less, and she'll learn what bed time is all about.

Good luck! I know it's frustrating!

None of my kids went to bed well, but my oldest was by far the worst. My husband found out that if he lightly rubbed her tummy, she would fuss and cry for a bit, but she fell asleep faster than any other way we tried. My 2nd child was comforted by being patted on her back (usually) in the rythem of a heartbeat, and my 3rd child would calm down if we rubbed the back of his hand. I have also heard of ears and foreheads being zones of comfort and tried them, they did work but not as well as the individual things we discovered for each of our kids. You might also try some quiet soothing music. My oldest liked Enya and Kitaro but classical would also probably work as long as it was not the up beat type. Hope this helps!

I'm amazed how many people tell you to let her cry. My advice is the opposite - sleep with her and nurse or snuggle her to sleep! Especially at 8 months she is probably experiencing separation anxiety, which is an important developmental period when she needs to be close to you, to know that you are there and will be there when she wakes up, so that she can really learn to trust. It's wonderful that you have cut back your work time and working from home, you are giving her the wonderful gift of your presence. I think it's great too that you love to be outdoors in nature, that is also a precious gift you can share with her!

Sounds normal to me! Unfortunately, she is probably just protesting, because she doesn't want to be put down! You will get many different opinions on this one, but in my experience with my two girls, the best thing to do is to create a loving bedtime routine, then put her down and shut the door behind you, and yes, you have to let her cry. But I swear it doesn't last very long. She will fall into the routine that you set, and eventually enjoy it. There is no need to turn on the monitor to listen to her cry. It may break your heart at first, but I believe it is in the best interest of your daughter to establish a good bedtime routine where you can put her to bed and have some you time....especially a single mom! Be strong, you can do this!

The best advice I ever got and it really worked for me was to let them cry for 3 to 5 minutes. ( less if the baby is younger) then go in and (don't turn on the light or anything) gently calm them with our picking them up get them back down and walk out. they will probably cry the second you turn your back but walk out anyway. this time stretch the crying time to 5 to 7 minutes. then go back and again gentley calm them with out picking them up. and then go back out. increase the interval again to 10 to 15 minutes. by this point they are usually asleep pretty quickly. Of course you should make sure before trying this method that it is not a medical reason. make sure she isn't sick that she isn't hungry that she does not need a diaper change. I have 3 girls and have used this for my oldest two. the great thing is that once you have gone through it. (usually takes two or three nights for them to really get it.) when they try it again later in life. it only takes one night for them to remeber the routine. my oldest is 4 and I have used it for her about three times now. she goes to bed great and the first time I used this method was when she was about 9 or 10 months old. I used to pat her back to put her to sleep but it would take longer and longer and she would wake up every half hour so i decided she would need to put herself to bed and after three nights of this ( don't get me wrong it is very hard. ) she is a dream at bed time. but consistency is the key. one time of picking them up sets you all the way back and sometimes makes it worse then before you started. make sure you are ready then give it a try. good luck

Hi!--I feel for you. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 7 months. It was a long process for us, but the book that helped me most was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I joked that it should be called "Happy Sleep Habits, Happy Mommy!" It's by Marc Weissbluth. He talks about several options for getting the baby to sleep, and the pros and cons of each. By the time I was crazy exhausted, I chose to use the "extinction" method--basically letting my son cry through the night to learn to go to sleep. It was not a pleasant experience for us, and I questioned myself every time, but ultimately, I knew that it would work (and it did!). I chose this method over others because I knew that I didn't have the energy anymore to be consistent with the other methods. Also, I knew my son would get more upset and worked up if he saw me midway through the crying it out process. If you don't want to let your daughter cry-it-out, another good book is the "No Cry Sleep Solution."

Both of them stress consistency. From the Healthy Sleep book, one of the most helpful pieces of advice that I got was making an early bedtime (like 7pm). Most babies get over tired if we push their bedtime too late, and then have a harder time falling asleep. Try making her bedtime early, and then keeping the bedtime and the routine consistent. For me, that meant 6:30 was bath time, then pjs, reading books, and rocking while nursing, then to the crib. I patted his back a few times and then walked out. It took my son a month to get to where he'd sleep straight from 7 until 5:00am. Some would say that since it took him so long that he wasn't "ready" to learn to sleep, but I knew I was at the point where I needed him to sleep, so that's the way we went. As a single mom, you need to take care of yourself as well as your baby, and that means that most times you give in to your baby's needs, but sometimes your needs come first, and your baby will learn to adjust as well.

There were also good tips for making a consistent nap schedule during the day which helps with the overall sleep patterns too. My son is now 17 months, and has been getting a solid 10 hours sleep nearly every night for the last 10 months. And I'm getting sleep now too, which makes all the difference for our days!

Good luck! Try those books, and hang in there!

Is your baby teething? My little guy always seemed to have much worse teething pain at night. We went through a period of time where we gave him Motrin almost every night before bed. I know that probably sounds extreme to some of you... but it allowed him to get some rest. He had 8 teeth by the time he was 8 months, and consistently got one or two more every month after that.

Other than that, I think most babies, if not all, go through periods of stressful times regarding sleep. My personal philosophy is to be with them and help them through the difficulties, and not letting them cry it out. However, even I realize that it just doesn't work for everyone to do that and, frankly, I will let my son cry now (he's 21 months), because the crying is almost always a manipulation at this point. Good luck to you. Have you ever co-slept with your daughter? That might help her- although it might not be the best for you at this point.

I just read another response... I would not try classical music for sleep. There is some research out that talks about the fact that this music is actually stimulating to the brain of a baby because the music itself can be quite complicated. I'd stick to the Enya, etc., realm if you use music. My son can't listen to music at night- period, becuase it is too stimulating to him.

Put her down to sleep EARLIER!!!!
It sounds counter intuitive, but try it. Put her down 30-45 min earlier tonight-same routine, just start it earlier!
good luck,

We're experiencing the same thing with our 11 month old. I believe it's because he doesn't want to sleep - he wants to play instead. Actually, we have just moved his bedtime EARLIER, because we were given that advice by many parents and read it too. Check out the Babywise II book. It talks about why an earlier bedtime is needed.

Our son was getting too tired with an 8:00 or 8:30 bedtime. So he was on adrenaline high by then and "wired but tired" and couldn't sleep.

Also, make sure you have a good, clear routine for her before bedtime.

Good luck!

I think you should let her cry it out. Train her now to go to sleep on her own. You will eventually have to (take it from another single mom who just very recently get her 3 year old out of her bed) and it will be easier on her now I think. Especially as a single mom, you need your time to yourself at the end of the day. My daughter was very hard to get to bed so I just let her sleep with me, which meant I had to lay down when she did, or I would spend 2 hours getting her to sleep after which I would have no energy left to do anything. Choose a routine and stick to it so your daughter will know when it is bedtime. The first few nights will be the worst, honestly take a shower or sit outside for awhile so you don't have to hear. But it will get better quickly after that and you won't believe how much difference an hour of peace and quiet at the end of the day will make for your sanity.
Good luck!

I would suggest you change the bathtime, if it is close to bedtime. For me, when I was younger, and many other children, having a bath so close to bedtime actually stimulated and woke me up so try bath time a couple of hours before going to bed.....that might just work!