Baby Won't Entertain Himself or Nap

I have 3 kids, 5, 4 and 2. I am do not like letting my kids cry it out, at least not that young. Having them sleep in a swing really helped me. I'd keep it wherever I was. They'd sleep in it and I could get things done. While they were awake I used an ExerSaucer. My kids always wanted to be vertical. They'd "sit" in the saucer at the lowest level until they could hold themselves up better. It's a matter of finding what it is they need or want.

Hi G.,

I had the same problem when my little girl was 2 months and she did not take to the snugli (when I tried she screamed her head off). So I started making a little celebration out of her getting sleep. I know it sounds funny. I would lean over her bassinet (especially at night) and clap my hands lightly and and whisper "yeah! You get to go to sleep. Yeah!" I know you are thinking what a kook. Sleep is so important for her and for you and it deserves a celebration.

To this day, know my daughter is 2 and she just moved to her big girl bed...she just loves to sleep. Once I can get her winded down we do happy snugly time. I still rock her and she loves the warm feeling she is left with.

Hope you soon find what is right for you.

J.

G.,

I know my advice won't be popular with most moms but I firmly believe in attachment parenting and I say hold him! He is so young and he will only be this affectionate for a little while. Before you know, he will be running away from you. Enjoy this time while you can because it won't last long. I agree with getting a swing for naptimes, it worked great for me. Another idea would be to get a sling. You can put Oliver in the sling and go about doing most of your houswork with him sleeping or being close to you. (Just don't cook with it on) He just wants to feel close to you for now. Four months is far too young to consider letting your baby "cry it out". I don't agree with it any age, but even most sleep trainers do not suggest that approach until at least 6 months.

Check out Dr. Sears advice too on ways to calm a fussy baby and also ways to help your little one sleep. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp.
Good Luck!
J.

Dear G.,
I have a 4.5 year and 2 year old boy (funny enough the younger boy's name is Oliver as well!) and they were very clingy up to about 6-8 months old. It's their survival instinct to hold on to their food supply (heehee) because they are totally dependent on you.

He has to learn and trust that you will come back and that the separation is only temporary. At that age he has little or no short-term memory so that when you leave his sight you you might as well be gone...

What I did was get a baby carrier (I used a BabyBjorn) and snapped him on while doing housework, computer work, etc. He would watch for a while and take his naps. Once he was used to the noise of the vacuum cleaner he even slept through that! By about 6 month he started to get a bit heavy for me and I put him in a raised baby bouncer so that he could see me while I was, for example, cooking in the kitchen.

But yes, it will take more time to get things done and therefore you will need to prioritize what needs to get done first and postpone the other things to the next day, etc.

I hope that you will find some helpful ideas here.

All the best,
D.

I don't know what your views are on the whole cry it out approach. I have a hard time with that so, with both my kids I used the baby sling. My son (almost 3) was/is a HORRIBLE sleeper, turns out he has a neurological disorder but we didn't know that. My daughter, six months, is a MUCH better sleeper but still is going through separation anxiety and cries if I walk away sometimes. The baby sling has been a God send! I can wear her while doing housework, works great while vacuuming, that was the only way I could get my son to sleep years ago, the noise and the motion of me wearing him put him right to sleep. I could then put them down in the sling in their crib for a nap. I was not a fan of the sleep systems out there so this worked great for us. Good luck, I know how frustrating it can be.

T.

G.,

I had the same problem with my son when he was 6 months old. I tried a wrap carrier and it was the best thing I ever did for me and my son!! I could put him on my back and then I had my hands free to do whatever I wanted. Plus, by carring him against my body he slept a lot more often and for longer periods. I would put him down once he fell alseep and he gradually slept for longer periods until he now takes two hour naps. I think all the close contact was reassuring to him because now he is content to play by himself in his playpen even when I am in the other room. www.babywearing.com is completely dedicated to baby carriers and they even have instructions on how to make a "no sewing" sling wrap. That is what I have and I LOVE it.

I hope that this info helped alittle : )
Devony

Here is something you can try. Get one of those Heartbeat Bears. They have a thing inside them that plays a recording of what a baby hears in utero. They hear "mom's" heartbeat. The bears I bought for both of my kids have velcro straps at the back so you can attach them to the crib and not worry about baby.
Also, I know everyone says don't do this, but some babies just sleep better on their tummies. Think about it. Before they are born, they curl up onto themselves. They can't do that if they are on their backs or on their sides. When I did this with my oldest, I didn't get any sleep for a few days because Hubby was jumping up all night to make sure she hadn't died! I started putting her on her tummy for naps and watched her. I did this for about a week before I put her down for the night on her tummy. I know people tell you that SIDS occurrs more often from this position, but, honestly that has been the thinking for only maybe the last 15 - 20 years. Before that, all doctors insisted that babies be on their tummies so if they urped, they wouldn't asphyxiate.
You know your son best, if you think he will be ok, try it at nap times - with the bear. I got a Dex bear at Target - it was like $20. It plays the heartbeat sound and goes off after about 45 minutes. My oldest (she'll be 6 this weekend) still uses her bear and still turns the heartbeat on if she is scared at night.

Try a baby walker or activity center. It worked for my son at that age. It also helped with his naps. He was so busy playing he zonked out when it was time for naps. We also put a leash on the walker because his feet wouldn't reach. Then I could just pull him into whatever room I was in without hurting my back.

Hi G.,
You have so much on your plate right now and as a student and as a single mom. Don't be hard on yourself or on Oliver because you are both doing the very best that you can. It is completely normal for a 4 month old to want his mommy all of the time. If you can not get any extra hands to help you out so you can study (a neighbor, friend, family, etc) then see if you can get a few baby things like a swing, bouncy seat, play mat (lots are available at 2nd hand stores) that can entertain him while you get other things accomplished. You can rotate him through those. I also highly recomend using a sling or baby-bjorn where he can be close to you but your hands are free. He may just fall asleep righ on you but you can get a lot done wearing those things. Finally, to set up regular nap times, choose a regular soft music, dim lights and do a little gentle massaging every day which may allow him to relax. Do this every day before you want him to go down for a nap and maybe he will get used to the routine and feel safe and comfortable. I believe in the "No-Cry Sleep Solution" written by Elizabeth Pantley. It is available in the library or bookstores and worked for my kids. Best of luck,
D., mom of 2 ages 3 and 5
www.CelebrateFamilyTucson.com

Hi my name is K.. I have 3 girls 7, 3, 9 months. My best suggestion on this is what I have done and that is to just let them cry they will fall asleep.

Hi G.! My heart goes out to you! Our oldest who is now 6, was exactly the same way. Have you tried a swing during the day? That was the only thing he would sleep in and he would take long naps. Otherwise I had to hold him. I also tried a front baby pack while I was doing some housework. Remember, this too shall pass. Once he turned about 6 months old and could begin to get around on his own, he became a totally different child! Enjoy the time he wants to be close, because they grow up way too fast! Believe me, one day you will miss him wanting to be attached to you! God Bless! ~L.

Hi G.

My son is almost 8 months old and he wasnt the best napper at that age. When it was nap time I would start off by turning everything in the house off, change him, feed him and then I would sit and hold him for 10 - 15 minutes..just snuggling, not really talking and then I would put him in his bed...I put an air purifier in his room, when I put him in his crib I turned it on HIGH to start. He would cry ot fuss for about 5 minutes but he would always fall asleep shortly after. I hated listening to him fuss but it really only lasted a few days. I can now put him down wide awake and he just goes to sleep. The purifier is on low now, he doesnt need that high white noise like he did when we started. Try it...I really didnt think the "white noise" thing would work, but it did. If you dont have a purifier try a radio on low or a humidifer. Good Luck! Its get better, it really does.

Hi I am a mother of 2 boys and my youngest did the same thing. He is now 8 months old. But what I had to do was just let him cry. My son started that at around 4-5 months and after about 3-4 days of letting him cry to sleep at nap time he just stopped needing to be held when he went to bed and would sleep on his own for his naps.. he is still pretty clingy but he does sleep by himself during naps and at night.good luck
E.

Hi G.,
You need to train your baby to take naps. He doesn't really know how to sleep and nap on a schedule unless you teach him. You also need to put him to bed at the same time everyday so he knows whats coming. He will cry in the beginning however that will stop in a few days to a week. He's probably over tired since he's not napping. Start when you put him to bed and sit by his bed and hold his hand, don't look at him. Then slowly every time you move further away from the bed and the room, and soon he's napping great. I went thru the same with my son and after we trained him, he never had any problems sleeping on his owen. Eventually he would tell us he wanted to sleep. A good book to get is Baby Wise (paperback and cheap), it talks about how important it is to train your baby to be on a schedule. This book is great and I'm so glad that I read it when my son was a baby. Good Luck!!

Hi G.,

The best think I can advise you is to get the following book asap "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" by Marc Weissbluth, MD. (he is also the author of "your fussy baby").

This book REALLY helped me a lot (I wish I knew about it earlier for my own baby who managed to get healthy sleep only at 8 months!!). THere is a section age by age (in babies each stage is different) I still refer to it (my baby is now 13 months and sleeps well, Thank God). Go to the book store and get all the information (if you do not want to buy it, but it is easier to have it at home at your disposal) you need for your baby to sleep better. It is good that you do NOT let your baby cry it out (that is important).
Get help (friends/ family) for the chores, grocery shopping, laundry.
You need to keep your courage and strength.

YOU AND YOUR BABY WILL BE FINE. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES

GOOD LUCK and ALL THE BEST

Yes! I have experienced a child like you describe. My son, who is now 19 months old still has some of these behaviors. He is stuck to me like glue. Due to his age, however, he does entertain himself now more then ever before. Even though I've raised 2 other children..he has been extremely different and difficult compared with my daughters, now 13 and 15.

I never have been a believer in the "cry it out" method and therefore, I had a really hard time doing this to him. To add to the problem...I started letting sleep with me because he wouldn't sleep otherwise. Well, I think in hindsight that made matters even worse. Bottomline, I think if I could go back now with the knowledge I have now, as much as it would drive me insane and make me cry as well...I would put him in his crib and let him work it out. The alternative, for me at least, is to deal with it later...19 months later when you still can't get anything done.

I'm studying for the LSAT and know how important it is to get some time to get things done.

Good Luck!

I must second The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley. And getting a sling to let you get things done while he is happy or even napping. I was not one to let my kids scream it out and these two things will go far in keeping you both happy. He is very young and naturally wants to be with you! I really think if you read that book and make sure he is getting enough sleep, you both will do well. I do know kids who just don't nap (I birthed one). THis book helped us immensely!

You are not alone. My 5-month old just started the same, he wants to be played with ALL day, I cant get anything done. When I put him down for a nap in his crib he cries himself to sleep and naps for maybe 30 minutes but when I lay down with him and nurse him to sleep, he will sleep for two hours- so I know he needs the sleep but he's just so attached to me. He plays with his toys for short periods of time, not long enough to get anything done, I either have to do everything onehanded or play with him and jsut forget about doing chores until its finally bedtime. I am trying to get out of the house everyday cause it seems like he is bored at home and he is a very good baby while we are out and about. INstead of stressing about not getting anything done I try to go somewhere fun and not worry, just enjoying my baby and the progress he makes every day. I try and do most of the housework at night after I put him down...I hope this is just a phase. I am pretty sure it is. Hang in there

Hi G.,
My baby Girl Finnie who is now 14 months old was like this for a long time. She has never been a consistent napper so we have had to just work that out. I nap with her and then stay up later after she goes to bed to get some stuff done. As for being clingy, Finnie NEVER wanted anyone to hold her or even look at her. My hubby and I didn't even get a real date night until JULY!
Since you are a student, that can be tough! Do you wear your baby? In a sling or snuggli or anything? That was about the only way I could et ANYTHING done for a few months.
As for not getting enough sleep, babies tend to get sleep when they need it-even though its crazy and sporadic for some. They aren't built to sleep on a schedule or for long stretches. He'll get the sleep he needs, tho I can't say the same for you! ;)
I know none of this helps-just keep in mind that things change fast and time flies. In a few months when he is off and running you will miss the time when you were the center of his universe!
take care, C. H Mom and Doula

oh yes I was there with my son and daughter, but worse with my son because he was our first! Now I would let my son cry for short periods of time when I knew he was fed, changed, and burped. Do you have a swing? At this age most babies love them!! Its a bad habit to start when you hold them all the time and it makes transitions later so hard- believe me I have been there. If you can tolerate it try cry it out method to get him to sleep on his own. I personally did not do this with my first but my second I did and it worked out great. Now is he colicky? My second was so that can be one reason or he may just be spoiled:) Its your first and you want to never hear them cry. hang in there. What are you going to school for??
A.

Hi G.,

My name is A. and I now have a 2 year old boy; who has never been a "sleeper". He still gets up in the night, if that tells you anything. I have not had a good night's sleep in a long time. But, anyway...my doctor recommended that we try to read the book "Baby Wise". There is a lot of good advice in there; I took some of it; not all. But the book says that you need to let them learn to go to sleep on their own. It is very hard; my son cried for about 45 minutes the 1st night and it lessened from there. But maybe you should try to read the book, it helped us until my son figured out how to climb out of the crib. Now he is in a "big boy" bed....that is a whole other story!

Hope that this advice will help you. And I hope that he begins to sleep for you.

A. S.

Dear G.,

I am a health educator as well as a K-12 educator. Although my children are grown now, I did have problems with them taking naps. They wanted to be held all day long. Here's the reason why: We are social animals. It is in the best biological survival of our species to be held often. If you read all of the research on humans, their patterns, social structure, etc. , you will find that babies do better in the long run when they are held often. In addition, babies do not establish a sleep pattern until age 6 months and after that age. If you are nursing your baby, he needs to be fed every 2-3 hours which means he will wake up more often for feedings; this is a good thing. A baby who is breastfed and doesn't wake up often and is lethargic (too sleepy) is a baby who could be in danger. My own sons (when they were little) nursed every 1.5 hours. I wore them all day long in my snugli or I strolled them everywhere I went. I think the difference between us is that when I started my family, I was a married woman who had already finished college. Although I did work with my children, I had jobs where I could take my children with me to work or I worked hours where I knew my husband could be with my children while I was away at work. You are a single parent and a student; this is a bit more challenging. However, you can do it! Make certain that you establish a quality time with your child; it is obvious that he misses you! Just snuggle for a while, feed him, talk to him. Then, when his eyes indicate that he wants to focus on something other than you, get started on whatever you need to do, but have him close by. For example, if you are cooking, put him in a bouncy chair and talk to him while you are cooking. If you are studying, read to him about your studies. He doesn't know what you're saying, but if you say it in a nice, pleasant voice, he will be enchanted by your voice. Plus, he'll eventually be a great reader when he goes to school (studies show that parents who make learning or reading important in their households, have children who read well). Also, enlist friends or family during those times when you are really stressed. Join a single parents support group to get ideas on how to de-stress your life. I hope this helps!

A. D.

Babies need to learn to soothe themselves. This helps them later on when they wake up in the middle of the night and when they're older to be more independent. Even though it is hard you have to let them cry it out. It's the longest 5, 10 sometimes 15 minutes of your life but if you can do now you'll be thankful later. My son had the same problem around that time and he still crys whens its time for a nap but he crys a little and then goes to sleep, he is 6 mos old. Babies are very resilent and will adjust to there suroundings very quickly. Your not going to harm him if you let him cry a little to get to sleep. Just be sure that he is changed, and fed to rule out all other reasons for crying.