Thank you for asking this question. I am pregnant with my 2nd and really didn't know what to expect. My mom and sister threw my first in my home state with just a few old friends. I didn't have anyone where I live that threw me a shower, although I did have one at my office. This time, my mom is coming for the the birth to help out with our first, and I can't afford to fly down, and she can't come up again, so they are out, and my MIL isn't the type to do that.
I was feeling a little sad for this little surprise, as I think that s/he is just as special as the first, but everything is definitely downplayed. We only received one congrats card this time when we announced, compared to about 25 last time.
For me, it isn't about the gifts - we actually need more big boy stuff for my 2 year old son, as all the baby stuff will get passed on down, including the room, and unisex clothes from last time. And last time we didn't get a lot, but it was nice to have him acknowledged. I just want this little life celebrated and appreciated.
My office is still throwing me one, and I feel weird about the gifts, but I like the social time, and I really like the idea that people had about the meet the baby bbq. That way nobody feels like they need to bring a gift, but they can if they want to, and we can plan it at our house, and decide on the timing, due to my c-section.
If your friend wants to throw you one, let her. You can ask her to do it at your house after the baby is born, and then you don't have to worry about coordinating it, or even hosting. Have fun.