Baby Naps During the Day in Crib but Will Only Sleep at Night in Carseat

Hi L.,

Just wanted to share with you that I saw a story on like 20/20 of a couple who had the same problem...their son would only sleep in a car seat. They would put him in there at night in their bedroom. They didn't strap him in, and he ended up suffocating because his head slumped into his shoulder. I'm only telling you this out of concern...who would have thought, right? So -- now that I've shared that, I want to offer maybe a few suggestions...

1. What about swaddling? She clearly likes the tight feeling of the car seat. My daughters would only sleep swaddled for months and months! Arms in and everything.

2. What about a sound machine for calming? Brookstone makes ones for babies..has heartbeat, car ride, white noise, prental sounds, etc.

3. Do you use a pacifier? That may help.

4. The CIO method is so so difficult...but is what worked for both my kids.

5. Also, I recommend the book On Becoming Babywise...it helps get kids to sleep well at naps and at night.

I wish you all the luck. It is such an exhausting time for you! Hang in there!

Hi L.,

Just letting you know you are asking a controversial question! I about lost my mind when my daughter was 4 weeks old because she wanted to held while sleeping! You can only do that for about a day, maybe two before you want to go to bed too! I was recommended a book called Babywise, which explains CIO and how to READ what is wrong with your baby. You are developing bad habits by allowing your child to tell you where she wants to sleep. ALSO, I recently read that babies that sleep for too long in swings, car seats, etc are at higher rish for SIDS because of the way the baby is sleeping. My daighter has been a great sleeper since I started the sleep pattern that babywise recommends. She is 17 months now and all my friends and family are amazed at how I can put my daughter down ANYWHERE and she goes to sleep without crying! She loves bed time and yesterday ran over to her crib when she was ready for her nap! I thought that was so cute. Anyhow, the book is cheap, EASY to read (took less than a day since some parts explain how to burp a baby, etc.) Also, your husband may be less irritated when he starts to get more sleep. The first 6 months are rough, but you'll get through it!

I have four children, ages 8, 5, 3, and 5 months. It seems like you are putting way too much pressure on yourself as a parent. Who says babies have to sleep in cribs. If she sleeps best in a car seat, then do it. I say do whatever works. My kids all slept with me right from the beginning, but my baby this time seems to really like to sleep in the amby baby hammock (www.ambybaby.com). We have it hanging from the ceiling in our room.

I am more into attachment parenting (Dr. Sears method) and do not let my babies cry it out. If I had to lay down with my babies or nurse them to get them to sleep, I did it. I got lucky with my 4th, and he will lay in the hammock and "sing" himself to sleep. If he doesn't, it's because he's not tired enough. Though, he hates the carseat and often screams everywhere we go. He also won't go to sleep as easily as my other kids when we are out somewhere, like with me holding and nursing him at a friend's house.

Hi L.,

I definitely feel your pain! My son is 4 months and still will not nap or start out his night in his crib - he sleeps in his car seat/graco swing. Otherwise he will nap only 30-40 min. and will never fall asleep at night. I think it is ok that he sleeps in the car seat, I've heard of lots of kiddos needing to sit or be in motion and then they just grow out of it. I would keep trying it once or twice a week to keep her familiar with the crib and lying down to sleep at night.

As far as CIO, my pediatrician said you don't have to allow hours of crying until about 6 months. But the 10-15 min. is ok. I guess thats up to you, but sounds like not necessary to let her cry that long. Like I said, just keep trying.

This week, I'm going to start trying lying my son down in the crib at bedtime, we'll see. Please let me know how things develop with your daughter. And Kuddos to you for keeping such a regular bedtime schedule. I struggle with that.

As far as your husband helping, I've learned to be patient with them. Their helpfullness I think depends on what they were used to at home. My Mother-in-law did everything for my husband when he was growing up, so he doesn't have the insight to help out always. so I just started gently asking him to do things and teaching as we go along. He can't read my mind - yet!!! He's getting better. Talk about roles in the house, what you think might be helpful to you, starting to do the bathe, cleaning up dishes after supper so you can tend to your daughter, teaching him what he can do at night to soothe her, maybe get out alone on the weekend so he's forced to be alone with your daughter.

Good luck! Again, let me know how things turn out, I'm curious since my son is in a similar situation!

A. V.

I would swaddle her and see if that works... my son was swaddled until 5 months old and loved it. It makes them feel cuddled and confined (like the womb, or in your case the carseat).
I don't believe in CIO at that early age... my son is 11 mo old and I am just now starting to let him CIO on rare occasions, and only for a few minutes at a time. I definitely think (and the books I have read state this too) that babies less than 5-6 months old should not CIO since they are not old enough to manipulate, etc. and understand the purpose of CIO. I waited til 11 mo and glad I did. I still don't like it, but it does the trick when needed if he is overtired at bedtime, etc. Best of Luck!

CIO works. When done correctly, CIO can help your child tremendously. I'm a huge advocate for teaching children to self-soothe.

That being said, in my opinion, 11 weeks is too early for CIO. 4 months is the earliest that you should give that a shot. You may wish to reference "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth - I'm sure you'll love it!

If it's working in the carseat, keep her there. She probably loves that bundled, snuggly feeling of the womb. For the first 12 weeks, we swaddled our son and strapped him in his vibrating bouncy seat. He slept fantastically! When we transitioned him to the crib, we continued to swaddle him but let him sleep on a 'sleep positioner' which looked like a foam wedge ramp with two bumpers on the side. The transition worked nicely for him.

I loved your 'a little about me' part where you talk about having patience and not running in at every tiny fuss. It will serve you and your child well :) Good luck to you!

By no means am I an expert, but as I read your posting it made me think maybe your child likes the convined feeling of the carseat and when she is just in the crib she is too free to move around. My two kids never slept in their carseats, but I did swaddle them with blankets until they were able to roll over. My son slept through the night from 3 weeks on. My daughter on the other hand was a little rougher, but we got through it. She is just a big mommy's girl and doesn't ever want to miss a moment.

One of my twins had a little reflux, so we had him sleeping in his car seat to keep him propped up. When he was a couple of weeks old, we put him in a baby papizan seat - it was bigger and not so confining (so he would get used to not being so "cozy" like in the car seat... it also plays music and vibrates. He slept in that for a couple of weeks - and we put it in the crib too so he could get used to the surroundings. Then we started putting him in a Boppy that has the straps to keep him in it. We watched really close during the Boppy phase, (to make sure he was safe) and it only took a couple of nights before we could finally just lay him in his bed and he would sleep. We had dim lamps on in their bedroom, and it seemed like they would not go back to sleep if they woke up at night. Then we turned the lights off and they would SCREAM when they woke up. Then we finally found some different types of lights that worked - we used the rotating light with the color disks on it - it would spin and it project the colors onto the walls and ceiling - giving them something to watch. We have gone through 3 other types, and we are now on one of those aquarium lights that the fish "swim" around in. These kinds of lights give off enough light to keep them from being scared when waking up in a dark room, but dim enough that it is easy for them to go back to sleep after watching the light (or fish) move around for a while. We did find out that our Rainforest mobile over the beds REALLY helped the boys - they could kick any of the bottons on the part attached to the bed and the mobile would play music and start moving. They also have a setting where a light will come on in the crib, but we didn't use that because of the other lights in the room (and it helped save battery life). They would almost always go back to sleep. Before they were three months old, they were both sleeping through the night in their beds. Even now, if you ask them if they want to take a nap or go nite-nite, they both take off for their beds and very rarely cry when put in bed -they are almost 19 months old. Good luck - hope some of this helps!

My son was the same way. He wouldn't sleep in the crib and I also had him sleeping in his carseat in the crib. He enjoyed that for atleast the first 5 months. He would wake up time and time again unless he was in the carseat. Eventually I just started putting him in the crib with his pacifier in the dark or with the ocean wonders crib mate to see if it would last and he got used to it. It took me a few different times and I did revert back to the carseat a couple times but just give it time. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. As much as it may not seem comfortable obviously it has to be to them or they wouldn't sleep so well in it. Good luck!

11 weeks is TOO YOUNG for the CIO method (which i don't use at any age). i am wondering if your baby feels more secure in the carseat because it is more snug and confined. are you swaddling your little one? if not, maybe you should. that is the only thing i can think of.

I was just recently reading an article that might help u w/ this issue. Check out Dr Greene's website.... http://www.drgreene.com/21_655.html ....... This should take you straight to what you're looking for. Hope this helps!! :)

That used to happen to us with our first baby!! Fortunately I found a book that said that babies like confinement, kind of like what they had inside the womb, so at least we were able to discard any other reasons. The car seat provides this feeling of safety and confinement. We solved the problem with my grandfather's help. He found a tiny sleeping bag that had a top that would zip making a little hood. We would put him to bed with the hood zipped and later on would unzip it when he was in deep sleep. I'm sure that if you find something that can give that similar feeling you will be able to get her to sleep in her crib at night :)

First, I think making a baby scream until they pass out is abusive. They need us, we should go to them. I have never made my sons CIO and they learned to sleep just fine.
Second, let her sleep in the car seat! My first son slept in it for 6 months and our pedi said that his kids both did almost as long:) It's totally safe and good for reflux if she's got it.
When he was almost six months old, he started sleeping longer, then one night he kept trying to climb out. We took the car seat out of the crib and laid him down thinking "this is going to be the longest night we've ever had" but it took him less than 10 minutes to fall asleep and he slept all night. She'll let you know when she's ready to not sleep in it. Just try every once in a while and if she cries for more than 5 minutes, put her back in the seat and try again in a couple weeks:)

On another note...DO NOT use Babywise. The author is a self-proclaimed baby expert, however no one else in the field agrees and he's not a doctor so he really doesn't have much experience other than with his own kids. His views on feeding are not only against AAP standards but have been known to cause failure to thrive (in so many babies at his own church he was kicked out!!). He is a shady man with questionable advice based on little experience that is geared to bottle feeders, not nursers.

Here's info from ezzo.info - a site built to get the word out about how detrimental his parenting philosophies can be.

* Infant Feeding Concerns
The American Academy of Pediatrics and breastfeeding professionals have raised many concerns about the Ezzos' infant feeding advice as presented in Babywise and Preparation for Parenting.

* Child Development Issues
It is generally recognized that parents should balance requirements for obedience with age-appropriate expectations. Experienced parents as well as experts in child development find GFI's programs fall short in this area.

*Lack of expertise and credentials. The primary
authors of the material, Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, are
self-proclaimed experts. Gary Ezzo has no background or
expertise in child development, psychology,
breastfeeding, or pediatric medicine, and holds neither
an associate's nor a bachelor's degree from any college;
his master of arts degree in Christian ministry was
granted through a program that awarded credit for life
experience in lieu of an undergraduate degree. Anne
Marie Ezzo worked only briefly as an R.N. decades ago.
It is unclear what, if anything, Babywise co-author Dr.
Robert Bucknam contributed to that book, since the
earlier religious versions are essentially the same with
additional material and do not have his name on the
cover.

*Risks for breastfeeding mothers and babies.
Breastfeeding on a parent-determined schedule (including
a "flexible routine" as it is called in Babywise) may
reduce a mother's milk supply and contradicts the
recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics
(AAP), which has stated, "The best feeding schedules are
the ones babies design themselves. Scheduled feedings
designed by parents may put babies at risk for poor
weight gain and dehydration."

*Poor breastfeeding information. Although it is presented
as authoritative, the breastfeeding information
presented in Babywise is inaccurate and substandard
(compare with the AAP Breastfeeding recommendations from
the 2005 AAP Policy Statement on Breastfeeding and the
Use of Human Milk).

*One Size Doesn't Fit All. All babies and mothers are
treated alike without any respect given for individual
differences in breastmilk storage capacity, rate of milk
synthesis, rate of infant metabolism or stomach
capacity. In actuality, the number of feedings one
mother's body requires in order to supply her baby with
plenty of milk each day will be quite different from
other mothers around her. Similarly, breastfed babies
need varying amounts milk in varying numbers and sizes
of feedings, and they do not feed exactly the same way
from one feeding to the next in any case. Ezzo seemingly
expects all babies to respond in an identical manner.
This is no more realistic than expecting adults to
consume the same amounts of food on the same schedule
and grow (or lose weight!) at the same rate.

* Voices of Experience
The authors claim millions of success stories and
have many supporters, but many families who initially
considered their experience a success have reconsidered
the value of what they learned when problems developed
or as they became more experienced parents.

My oldest child would only sleep in her carseat for quite a long time. I worried at first and then decided that it didn't matter as long as all of us were getting our sleep. Just make sure you strap the baby in. I foolishly thought my infant couldn't get out but she had wiggled one night and ended up sliding down onto the floor. Hard lesson learned. As long as you strap your baby in it is no big deal. Your baby will grow up to be a normal child. She did eventually learn to sleep in her crib and loved it. She also took a pacifier and was able to get off of it in time too. So relax and get some sleep!

I don't believe in the CIO method either. And I think that if she sleeps in her car seat fine, then leave her in the car seat for now. I would highly recommend the book to you: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. I know you will find some great tips to help her sleep in the crib.
You might want to try putting her car seat in the crib when she falls asleep so that she gets used to being in the crib but she is still comfortable. Also, I know the car seat is small but try to put something in there with her, maybe a small receiving blanket that will 'absorb' the smell of her and the car seat. Leave it with her for a few days. Then try to put her in the crib for her nap time and put the receiving blanket right next to her so she can feel it and/or smell it. It might help.
Any time that you adjust a baby to new surroundings, especially sleep surroundings, it will take a few days to get the baby used to it. Believe me, babies adapt easily and it won't take long before she sleeps in her crib (out of the car seat). With my son, I did the adjustment slow. He was used to sleeping with me up until he was 11 weeks old. Then I transitioned him to the pack'n play for his naps while being right next to him (the pack'n play was next to my bed so it was easy). This took a couple of days but he got used to it. Then I put him in the pack'n play at night. When he was used to that, I put him in his crib for his naps and then finally also at night. The whole process took about 6 or 7 days. I was amazed how fast he adapted to the crib after being in the pack'n play. I also ended up giving him a stuffed animal in his crib that he loved and that also helped tremendously.

IMO, it is WAY too early for CIO. Infants cry for a reason. They are too young to manipulate and crying is the only way they have of expressing their feelings. Imagine if you were new to this world and sad, hurt, hungry or uncomfortable and all you could do was cry. When you cried nobody came to your aid. Isn't that kind of scary? Also, I want to caution you against putting her carseat in the crib. The mattress isn't a solid surface and the carseat can tip over. I had a friend who's 2 month old flipped his infant seat off of a footstool. Thankfully he was strapped in and was just fine, but it scared the crud out of all of us! Goes to show that babies are stronger than we give them credit for.
Some infants like confinement. They like the closeness of the carseat or swaddling. You can swaddle with just about any blanket or you can get an actual swaddling blanket. I think they sell them at BabiesRUs.
I'm a first time mom too and I remember the need to do everything "right." There is so much information out there in books, on the net and through friends and family. It's so overwhelming. What worked best for me was putting down the book, abandoning any type of schedule and following my gut.
Good luck! :)

L.: First of all, I am going to tell you that I am not a fan of CIO and also, I am probably much more laid back than most Moms, so take my advice for what it is worth.

My son slept in his car seat in his crib until he grew out of it. He slept great (10-12 hours) and I had the exact same problem as you did. I was really freaked out about it and was stressing big time, but I also really felt strongly that if he was sleeping then what did it matter. He is now 4 years old and he sleeps fine in his own bed and doesn't have any issues that I can see from it. He also still naps 2-4 hours a day. He goes to daycare and had the same routine at home on the weekends. At around 5 months, I was able to get him to sleep over 9 hours in his crib. The first three months, most babies like the confinement, so I wouldn't worry so much about it. I also have a 1 year old girl who was very different. She fell asleep on her own right away after coming home, so I didn't have the same issue with her. I would really stop stressing and just enjoy the sleep that you are getting. The little guy or girl will grow out of their carseat soon enough:-) Hang in there!!

A couple of things came to mind when I read your post.

First, try swaddling her up in a blanket, and laying her down in the crib. Our first daughter HAD to be swaddled in the evenings.

Second, it could be something like gas and being "upright" in the carseat is helping that - so you might try something like Mylicon in her evening bottles.

Third - and I'm probably going to get ripped for this - but how are you laying her down? On her back or on the tummy? Our first daughter would NOT sleep on her back AT ALL. We'd lay her down in a VERY sound sleep, and wouldn't even have straightened up before she was screaming. BUT, we'd lay her down on her tummy, and she'd actually sleep. Now, the pediatrician's office seriously wagged fingers at us and gave us a lot of lip service about how awful it was to have babies sleep on their tummies, but our thought was that if that's the only way she can sleep and the only way we can save our sanity, then so be it! We don't smoke or drink, and checked in on her VERY often, and had a monitor that was cranked up to high so we could hear anything that happened when we weren't in there checking on her. She's 5 now.

Just a few thoughts for what it's worth....and good luck!

hi L.,
first off, 11 weeks is way too young to be leaving your baby to cry. even those that recommend doing so would say to wait until at least 4 months but preferrably 6 months (i personally don't believe in it). that being said i wouldn't worry that your baby is sleeping in her carseat. as long as her head is not slumped forward and she's securely fastened i would just enjoy the sleep you could be getting! you could try swaddling her in her crib just to see if it works, but i'm sure she will eventually grow out of wanting to be in her carseat.

also wanted to add that "babywise" is a terrible, TERRIBLE book that in no way takes the child's best interest into consideration and i would never recommend it to anyone.