Surprisingly, unlike my previous two pregnancies, I am totally okay with not having a name picked out until this little guy makes his grand entrance. Albeit, I'm sure most of the reason why I am okay with it it is simply because there is only a few names my husband & I can agree on, and to be frank, they're names most are either going to LOVE or HATE. There really isn't really one that'll grown on most people, and we are totally okay with that--we LOVE the names, but don't want to deal with others' opinions on the name.
So here's the thing, I can't believe how many people seemed to be so invested in helping us 'choose' our baby's name. Maybe they aren't choosing, but as my Dad said 'he's putting his 2 cents in'. I get why the discussion comes up with strangers, really once we've hit the 'do you know what your having question', the next question naturally tends to lean towards names. Once we tell them we're just going to wait and see, it all depends what he looks like, etc etc.. ( my two other boys are drastically different looking. Ones brown hair, brown eyes dark skin--my youngest is blonde hair, fair skin and blue/hazel eyes) For the most part they are satisfied with that answer.
Our family on the other hand, are persistent on knowing what we are going to name him. My answer of we're going to wait and see isn't working....They're throwing names out left and right, so I eventually broke down and said we already have our few picked out, even told them the 3 names, and they still ask are there any changes to the names you picked out. have you named him yet yady yada ya....Every time, we see my MIL she continues to ask about the names we've chosen. I know she remembers because they are names we have friends or family with. You think she'd get the hint I'm not choosing until he's here, and all the 'suggestions' she's thrown out we're not interested. .Its driving me mad!!! Am I alone with this?
So for the infamous questions, are you this invested in the names of others' children? Or is it really just we're trying to strike a conversation thing (with family I really don't get this if it is)? If you waited until your little one made his grand entrance did you 'just know' what his/her name was? And if you have chosen a unique/different/ like it or hate it name, for your child are there any regrets?
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I like all the names you are considering. This is my 3rd and I am 8 months pregnant. We are also not set in a name. People want to get involved because they are excited and want to have something to talk about. Or they want to customize a baby gift. It can be annoying so I just downplay the conversation and take the focus off of my baby's name, and just chat name trends, family names , how did the devise their kids names... It helps!
I can't say I am that invested in others name choice but I will say my mil insists on calling my son by a "nickname" to the point where I basically have limited my contact with her... you would assume he must have a long or unusual name right? Nope, his name is Jack?! People are just strange lol.
I LOVE Thaddeus!! That's my Great Grandfather's name. We consider it for Nicky. When we saw him - he looked like a Nicholas.
We didn't have the problem you are having. People wanted to know but only because my grandmother was making a blanket for him and wanted it done by the time he was born. Is it possible that they are trying to put something like this together for you?
No. I have no regrets with the names I have given my children. They "fit" them!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
First of all - this is YOUR baby!!! It is totally acceptable to want to wait to meet him before you name him. I am one of 7 and none of us were named until after we were born.
My husband and I could only agree on one name for our first and we made the mistake of starting to tell people. We got the whole. "Huh? Really? You're naming her THAT?" No one will have any judgments about the name after the baby is born and if they do they are extremely rude. We're not going to tell anyone what name we choose for #2 who's in the oven right now. My response is always "We have a few names picked out but we haven't made a decision yet."
I think it's just one of those questions that people ask whether they are looking to put their 2 cents in or not. Good luck standing your ground and congrats!!
Christian can be Chris, as a nickname.
I think that parents and family and to a lesser extent friends, just want to feel invested in the baby... which is a good thing. It's like all the advice they want to give you, it's just because they care. I know it's annoying and sometimes it feels like they are questioning your parenting but its not always intended that way. They just can't wait for your baby's arrival. Just smile and nod and say you will take it into consideration. (Whenever anyone offered a name to me I used to compliment the name so that they at least felt heard... then we named the kid what we wanted to, the fact is once the kid is named, that is his name and there's nothing anyone can do about it). All the names you have chosen are lovely.
We didn't tell anyone what we were naming our son until after he was born and it was done. After hearing opinions, I just didn't want to hear anyone ruin the name for me. We tried to do that with my daughter but my husband and kids told everyone. I felt like she was already named before I had a chance to really name her. And I had all the pros and cons told to me and my mother told me how much she hated each of my 3 names and that I really needed to pick Mary. Here is how it is for me, if someone asks my opinion of a name, I will give it, if they tell me what it is and don't ask for an opinion, I hold it in. Like my SIL, she asked me the other day what I thought of the name Ford. Well, I told her it sounded like she was naming her baby after a car. Had she not asked an opinion I wouldn't have given her one. A lot of people just like to refer to the baby by a name, and they can't seem to wait until the delivery.
We didn't tell anyone, but in our case, the truth was we couldn't decide. He was 3 days old before we named him. The nurses were coming in and out, asking his name, and we'd just look at each other. Just tell them you haven't decided. If people want to give you suggestions, say "thanks" and leave it at that.
I would start throwing out ridiculous answers. "We thought we'd go the rock star route and name him Kal'el (or whatever Nick Cage stuck on his poor son)." Or "We've decided to let him name himself. It worked for Pickaboo Street." Or "We're going to name him after the first thing we see. I'm thinking "Blood Pressure Cuff".
We had a name. We didn't tell anyone til she was born what it was. Especially with an unusual name, you need to own it. It is easy to make fun of a fictitious child with that name, but harder to look into that child's face and make fun of it.
There's a boy in my SD's school named Tad. He's "the most gorgeous boy in the entire building" per her and her friends. I don't think Tad will hold him back. I am all for names that lend themselves to nicknames, that the child can grow with or create.
Christian can be Chris for short.
We only have one child and from the beginning we knew we would not be telling anyone what the name was until the child was born.
We were Pretty much set on the girls name. If it was a boy.. it was up in the air. The middle name for the girl we thought we were sure, but as it got closer to the due date.. A new name popped up. We decided to first see our child and then decide what name matched best.
I think it drove some family members a little crazy, but we were very matter of fact, we just did not want debates and anyone to feel like we did not take their advice.
And so The moment she was born and the nurse asked "So what is her name" We looked at her and knew exactly the names that were perfect for her.
With my first born, I didn't really have any naming issues. My mom had died 5 years before she was born and I wanted to name my daughter after her. I thought it might be too painful to call my daughter my mother's name so I combined my mom's name and my maternal grandma's name together. I had this name picked out long before I met my husband. So, when I got pregnant I found out the sex of the baby. I was excited to know that I was having a girl. My husband and I couldn't agree on a middle name though and it wasn't until I was 12 hours into labor that he came up with a name I liked. As we were filling out the paperwork, I had to ask him, so is this officially what we're going with? How do you want to spell that? I think because everyone knew I was naming my daughter something very special to me, they were all very kind about it.
Fast forward to baby #2. Since I already had my girl to name after my mom, I didn't care what gender baby #2 was. We decided not to find out. This drove everyone crazy. Even strangers couldn't handle my decision. We also couldn't come up with names, so like you we had a few different combos picked out and decided to wait and see what he looked like. We did catch a lot of grief. People were so upset that not only did we not know what we were having, but we also weren't sure what we would name our child. Well, my husband was pretty convinced that I would go with the names I liked since I had to suffer through the pregnancy and labor. I'll be honest, we looked at my son after he was born and were just as clueless about what to name him. I swear, I heard my deceased mother-in-law say to me "You got to pick your daughter's name, please let my son pick his son's name." I turned to my husband and said, ok, we'll go with the name you picked. He almost fell out of the chair. So, my point in this I guess is that even though after looking at my child, it wasn't obvious what to name him, somehow, we were able to agree on a name afterall. 4 years later, I cannot imagine my son with any other name.
Congrats to you, don't let anyone get to you. This is your moment, not theirs. Oh, btw, love the names you have picked. :)
some things about which you just have to develop a thick skin and a good sense of humor.
:)
it made people nuts that i wouldn't find out the babies' sex before they were born.
i suggest you stop 'hinting.' if this is really making you nut up, be courteous and clear. 'we have some ideas, but my husband and i are going to name this baby without any help or input from anyone else. so thanks, but we really don't need any ideas.'
to answer your question, no, i will truthfully tell someone if i like the name they've picked out, say something honest but polite and noncommittal if i don't, and i never ask.
it's very possible it's simply a conversational opening gambit. and if it's not, you can treat it as if it is and cheerfully change the subject right out of the gate.
we had girl names picked out, but the boy names were up in the air until the last minute. i wouldn't say we just 'knew' when we saw their faces, but we did at that point make the decision.
dylan was completely unusual when we picked it. less than a week later a soap opera picked it up, and it went viral. i was so pissed off!
:D
khairete
S.
I did the same thing you did with one of mine. We said if dark then one name and if lighter another name. I knew it would be the light as we are both fair but the name sounded more like a 'darker' name if you know what I mean. Now I sort of wish we'd gone with it but I thought it was too unusual. Now like those kind of names. I like Thaddaeus too, Thad or Tad I love. I also like the Nate and Alex you have. We have a middle names Nathaniel and one Zachary so I like the Zachariah too. Christian I guess would be Chris. When you see the baby you will know. I had some names I loved so much but when I saw the baby it just didn't fit so went to other names that we also loved that fit better. Ignore the family helpers and you may have to put up with some not liking the name later but it's your choice and it will be the 'right' name for the baby.
I had a name picked out for my son before he was born. In fact, I had three names picked out - I used all three, one for the first and two middle names. :)
I have a girlfriend, they have 4 children, they do not find out the gender of their babies until the babies are born, and while they consider a few names beforehand, they do not name their children until a few days after birth so they can see what name best fits the child.
It makes perfect sense to me.
Maybe they're just really curious? Or maybe that's the personality type of many in your family (likes to give opinions?) Either way, unless you want to say something like "stop talking about baby names, we already have our choices and will tell you when the baby is here!" I would just let them talk and say lots of "mmm hmmmm"s and nod a lot. Just don't respond too much and maybe it will fizzle out. I think saying something about butting out may be a bit rude since it seems they are discussing it in good nature and not being critical of your choices, etc. Sounds annoying, though!
I am not "invested" in the names of others' children, no. But I will admit I am usually very curious about what close friends or family members will name them! It's fun and shows a lot of their personalities. We basically had Henry's name picked out beforehand, but not entirely. We were about 90% sure that was the name, but had our backup names in mind in case he didn't "look like" a Henry. I had to have us settled on a name before because I couldn't stand the thought of arguing over baby names at the hospital (I'm sure we would have! :p ) I wouldn't be worried about picking a unique name - it's your baby! I always wanted to pick names that were "normal" as in people would know what it is, but not know many of them. Guess I didn't predict the Henry pattern very well, because it looks like that name has become quite popular!
I think when people find out someone is pregnant, two questions come to mind:
1. Do you want to know if it's a boy or girl?
2. Do you have any names picked out?
(Not necessarily in that order).
I know that I had plenty of family members offering suggestions for both my babies and I would just say, "Hmmm, maybe I'll think about it. I don't think I'll truly make up my mind until the baby comes".
You can't let it get to you. It may be annoying, but it's not exactly abnormal for people to be excited about the baby and the name.
Unless you throw a fit and tell people the subject is off limits, they will continue to ask. However, then there could be hurt feelings when no offense was ever intended.
Just hang in there.
The baby will be here and named and all will be right with the world before you know it.
Best wishes.
We knew the name we had picked and our families, etc. pretty much knew his name all along.
Definition of STONEWALL
intransitive verb
1
chiefly British : to engage in obstructive parliamentary debate or delaying tactics
2
: to be uncooperative, obstructive, or evasive
transitive verb
: to refuse to comply or cooperate with
Normally I don't chime in on names because it's so personal and people get all upset over it. I just wanted to say that I have and Alex and a Nate at home. ;-) And Christian would probably end up being shortened to Chris at some point.
We didn't tell anyone our names...we also didn't find out what we were having. We had our girl name picked out early in the pregnancy...the boy name was much harder...we went to the hospital with 4 names/2 middle names. We have a BOY! He didn't have a name for the first couple of hours...it was fun to finally call everyone and tell them the surprise! I always tell people...keep it a secret...it's your decision and you don't need anyone's opinion.
How funny - my oldest is a Christian. My youngest is a Zachary - I preferred Zachariah but my husband (the Jew) thought is was "too Hebrew" so I deferred to him on that. Honestly none of them strike me as the "hate it" kind but I guess that's because we're of similar tastes.
I think family are invested because of the "anticipation" that not picking ahead of time creates. To them, it's like having something dangled in front of them that they can't have. Oh well too bad...just ignore them.
i totally get what youre saying.. im 21 weeks right now and since the freaking day i told family we were expecting (i was like 10weeks) all everyone wants to know is so are u thinking of names.. and for a while all i had to say was well we have a few but im not really going to worry about it and narrow down the list until after we find out what were having... well 2 weeks ago we found out its a girl and now its the question on everyones mind.. i find that my frends just want to know they dont really have opinions they will just say well out of those names i like this one the bestbut theyre all nice ... but our close family members are a whole different story .... at first the list was longer and believe me everyone put their 2 cents in.. now we both know that our favorite on the list is brianna but were still keeping 3 other names in the back of our minds because ive been told by ALOT of people "well you wont know until you see the baby" .. however it seems like when we tell the family that now they are convinced the babies name will be brianna and they all want to let us know what the middle name should be.. we like leigh (its my middle name) my mom is dead set on rose fiances parents say lynn .. my dads opinion changes all the time one day he likes leigh then its rose then its lynn, the other day he was like i duno why everyones even bothering to say anything cuz its your kid its your decision noone elses.. after hearing that from my dad now honestly i just ignore it .. its not like we have to listen to anyone
..about the unique names.. theres one on our list and we both like it but not sure if we love it, im kind of hesitant because im scared that eventually we will regret it .. its a big decision its not something that after 3 weeks u can be like ya know what lets just change it .. i grew up with a few kids that had unique names and the parents loved them.. they however were not very fond of them especially wen they got older and always went by nicknames
We're Italian and I named my son Kyle Alexander. I still have relatives that seem unable to say the name "Kyle" - never mind spell it - and he's 19 years old already!! Why did I pick it with so much opposition? I honestly "felt" that I was carrying a boy named Kyle (even though we had no proof of sex prior to the birth) and could no more change his name than I could change mine! "Alexander" is the English version of my hubby's name (Alessandro).
Strangely enough, I'd always said that I'd call any daughter of mine Megan (after a little girl I taught in kindergarten whom I really loved). However, after the third month of my second pregnancy, I woke up one morning and announced to my husband "This isn't Megan, her name is Victoria"! Again, it was "what happened to Megan" and "why don't u spell it the Italian way (Vittoria). Again, I held firm and when I look at my daughter, "Megan" just doesn't suit her! In the spirit of "full disclosure" I admit that I added the names Luciana & Maria (in honour of the respective great-grandmas) as a token to make them happy!
I totally respect your decision to wait until your baby is born. Good luck with it all!
I love Thaddaeus and calling him Thad...I personally didn't see dark hair when I read it but then you wrote it and you're so right!
Zachariah I like too. I knew a Kristian who went by Kris! Very great guy talk blonde hair so totally see what you're saying there.
I always ask out of curiosity but I don't really "care" what other people are naming their kid. Even those with super way out there names... I may have an opinion but it's only stated if someone asks.
I completely understand your frustration! I am pregnant and due in 2 weeks. I decided after the name issue we had with my first(everyone gave their opinion) that any pregnancy after would not tell ANYONE what we were going to name our children. I know it bothers people, makes them mad and makes them stew, but I don't care. I have to do what is best for us and so what we say is " Yes, we have picked out our baby's name and we will be sharing it after she is born. We want to make sure it fits her before we reveal it. It makes people mad, but so what? They have stopped giving name suggestions and just try to get me to tell them but I say...my lips are sealed, not telling anyone. Anyone who has had bad experiences with people's harsh judgements/imputs etc will understand why you don't say. Those who don't, haven't been through it. Hang in there!!! Best wishes!
All of our kids names are unique and they completely suit their personalities. So, no regrets!
M
Oh...I just saw your update....LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your names. All of them!
LOL with my daughter we had a couple picked out that we liked but didn't have one picked out positively until we saw her.
My son didn't have a name until he was 3 days old. Didn't even have a list. lol
I really wish I knew the names.
I've got it! Just say: "We will be naming him ______." and THEN you just name him whatever you want to when he's born. Just say you simply changed your mind and now he is named _______.
:)
I'm not the kind of person to say "Oh I hate that name." When someone tells me their child's name choice, and I don't like it, I say "Oh that's interesting." or "Hmm. Neat." I had a few people tell me they didn't like a name I was toying with and so I started keeping my mouth shut. Mostly, when people tell me the names they're toying around with, I will write it, say it aloud, remark about initials, perhaps say "I had a cousin named that." or whatever.
I think i'm not necessarily INVESTED in naming other's children. It's just one of those things that I know the pregnant mom is thinking about, so why not talk about it. I'd rather talk about names than about her mucus plug or her sex life!
I'm not even pregnant and my mom tells me "You need to have a little girl so you can name her Poppie." SAY WHA?? Poppie would not be a name I would pick ever, Mom, so no thanks!
Sometimes, you need to tell people names so you can see what they'll come up with as a nickname. I liked the name Evelyn when I was pregnant. Mom said "EVIL-lynn" and I hated that nickname. I was pronouncing it with a soft E and Mom did it with the long E and I did not want my child being called EVIL! So good thing I had a boy. HA.
Husband and I couldn't agree until baby finally arrived. It was the only name that didn't get vetoed by either one of us. I don't regret it. It fits my son. It's still not my favorite name ever, but the name belongs to my son and my son belongs to me, so I love it.
ps - are you going to tell us the name?? Please??? PM me and I promise not to tell you "UGGH I hate it". :)
ADDED: LOVE Thaddeaus (however you choose to spell it). It's unique and 'cool' too. "Thad" would be awesome. Emerick sounds great tooo. Thank you for telling me you're not naming your child Aden, Caden, or Jaden.
We knew what we would be naming our two, but we just didn't tell anyone for the most part until after they arrived. We figured that it was up to us to make the decision and we could do it just fine without everyone feeling the need to "put their 2 cents in". This drove my MIL crazy, but she would have been one of the main ones to be judgemental about the names we picked.
maybe your MIL just doesn't have much else to talk to you about?
It's so fun to know what they are and to feel like you helped! I grew up with a unique name and still hate it to this day. Hate spelling it, hearing it mispronounced. And now that my last name isn't Johnson, both of my names are mispronounced. Didn't do that to my kids and am so happy about that decision! I like unique names if they are cool or pretty sounding and if you've heard them at least once before. I'm now curious what your names are and I don't even know you, so I understand how your family must feel!
ETA:I was thinking it was like when someone tells you "I have something to tell you but I'll tell you later..who doesn't hate that? I love Thad by the way! And Christian too. Zachariah is my least favorite too, but I like Zachary and Zach. Emerick is kinda cool! Congrats!
I think a lot of people just like to toy with names and sounds and hear other's choices. But I also know there are a lot of parents naming their babies some really odd, weird, strange sounds,,not even what most consider a name. I think somewhere deep inside some of us, we want to have the chance to steer the M. or dad clear of what we perceive to be a big mistake. If a friend told you they were thinking of getting a tattoo of a badger on their face, you might try to stop them and convince them it wont go well for their future. Some people feel this way about some of those odd names out there. Believe me, I have friends, and family who have named their children such unusual names, and as much as we have become used to it and it starts to grow on us, it is always a shock to strangers. I tell them my grand daughters name and everyone always says, "What? Say that again? Where did they get THAT name?" But then like I said, we are used to it now and think its kinda neat. But it still is something I shake my head about and wonder what they were thinking. lol.. Just dont tell anyone what you are planning to name the baby. Just smile and say its a surprise!
I haven't read your answers but here's my take on it. As soon as you tell people that you have it narrowed down to 2,3,4 names - whatever - they feel as if they have the right to "weigh in" on what they like/don't like about the names. AFTER a baby is born and named and you tell people - as in - this is little James - they are obligated to keep their mouth shut as to whether they like the name or not.
I personally, don't remember discussing names with anyone before DD was born. As a matter of fact, we didn't have a boy's name picked out until I was in labor. Stop looking for people to approve the name you pick - it doesn't matter if they like it or not. Find something else to talk about & best of luck to you.
I think its great that you chose when the baby is here, but my kids were the opposite when they were born then they are now. My daughter was dark and got darker for the next three days and is now medium skin, nothing like when she was born. My boy, was light and did not get dark for weeks, but is the dark one of our family now. (They are both only 1/4 hispanic, but he becaume darker and she lighter)... Also, my nephew was named after he was born, they had a few options and said he didn't look like two of the names, chose one of them anyway (almost changed it his first year) but now he fits into it fine.
I think its your choice, wait until you little man is here and you can hold him and one of the names should fit him. Good Luck.
