Hi Ladies! So here is a little background to the problem...I work days right now (only shift my job allows)and my husband works nights. So, there is always one of us home with our 8mth old son which I love but my poor husband does not get enough sleep with this schedule. My son takes 2 naps a day (1-2 hrs)and is asleep around 8ish when I am home on the weekends. Here's the problem..he does none of this for my husband. If and when he sleeps it is 10-30min once or twice a day. Sometimes nothing. So my husband only gets sleep when the baby does and when I get home from work for a few hrs. I have given him all the advice I can and shown him or told him what works for me but he's exausted. It's the life we chose so that our baby will not be in childcare and truthfully we wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. We have no family support either. My family is out of state and his mother lost her fight against breast cancer 2 yrs ago. No one else to lean on. Any suggestions are very appreiciated.
Just checking...I think I must misunderstand...your husband only get 20 minutes to an hour of sleep each "night"????
A.,
Your husband needs to get some sleep. Find another stay-at-home mom locally to watch your son for a half-day or something. I found one on Craigslist. She's great & my son loves the interaction with the other babies she cares for. If the situation were reversed & you weren't getting any sleep, you'd be miserable. This is not only unhealthy, but dangerous for your husband & possibly your son. When your husband is well-rested, he'll be able to spend better quality time with your son and be happier overall.
I don't know your exact hours but could you maybe get someone to come in for a few hours before you get home so he can sleep? It could always be a trusted teen neighbor to take your baby for a walk, play quietly... this was your hubby could get some continuous sleep.
You can get a part-time Nanny, in your home, just for those hours at home that your Hubby NEEDS to sleep and rest.
Poor Hubby... that is not good he is so lacking sleep.
And yes it is a safety issue too, and a health issue, for him and baby.
All the best,
Susan
Something has to change. Your husband obviously needs his sleep. You really need to have someone else watch your child for at least 4-5 hours a day. I understand that prices of daycare are extreamly expensive. Why not put an add in the paper? If you don't do something soon, your husband going to go crazy. And thats a fact.
Hope you get great suggestions from the other mommies.
Good luck!
This is an untenable and dangerous situation. Your husband is exhausted. Working nights is hard on the body even if you get optimal day sleep. You must get help somehow, some way. Do you know any of your neighbors? Is there an elderly woman or a stay-at-home mom who could take in your little one for low cost or returned favors? It's normal that your son sleeps better for you -- it's just a mommy thing. Saying a little prayer that you will find the right person or persons to help you. Best of luck!
Find a home day care close to your house that is clean & you feel is safe or get friendly with a neighboring SAHM who could use a little extra $$ & when you go to work in the am, drop you son off!! My husband's sister is a OB-GYN Labor & Delivery RN & she always worked nights & my brother is a city bus mechanic who works nights & they NEED that sleep to be safe at work!! Paying the $$ is a bummer, but your husband's sleep is WAY more important. I am all for never putting a kid in daycare, but Safety 1st!! Your husband could sleep for 7 hours, then go get your boy & have some time with him before he goes to work & you get home. Also, your son is 8 months old...& getting older...pretty soon he will be crawling, walking, climbing, talking toddler...all with a sleep deprived father who WILL NOT have any patience with him!!
Also, take a look at the "costs" of working. If you figure out how much you or your husband make, minus all the costs of your job (car payment-gas-upkeep-insurance-parking, clothes, eating out, child care) you might find that it isn't really worth it right now & one of you could take a break from full time employment now & go back to full time later. If you are getting Health Insurance from your employer, find out how much that would cost you out of pocket & include that benefit to your salary when you are figuring this out. Good Luck..remember they are only kids once...give them happy memories of their time with you!
I think you need to find some type of daycare or program or something. My SIL came home one evening and her baby had a big handprint across his face. While trying to get the baby to sleep, her husband fell asleep next to him from exhaustion, and he said he had a dream that an alarm was going off and he was trying to turn it off and he was actually smacking the crying baby. He would never have hit him while awake, but when you are that exhausted and frustrated, somethings happen. He could have given his baby brain damage, or killed him, all because they thought this was "best to keep him out of daycare." I truly think one of you either need to change schedules, quit, take a leave of absence, find a sitter for a few hours, or a nearby daycare program, either in some ladies home or in a trained facility. Your baby deserves ALERT and AWARE care and your poor husband deserves some decent rest. I know this sounds difficult, but please consider it. Good luck!
you can also try "quiet play time" in his crib (this is in ADDITION to any little sleep he gets). i started my kids at a very young age (once they were able to crawl) to have quiet time to play by themselves, so they can learn to be a little independent.
put your son in the crib in a SITTING position (so he doesn't confuse this with sleep) and say, "it's quiet play time; sit and play"). Of course, make sure to have age appropriate things in the crib. He may cry at first, but be consistent, give him time..and he'll adjust. Initially, my kids cried for maybe 5-10mins., then would play for about 30mins. i would do this ONCE in the morning and ONCE in the afternoon. It usually works best with my kids when I spent quality time playing/reading with them right before i put them in the crib.
this way, your husband can at least get mini-naps here and there. i would also suggest that you guys get an air-purifier in your son's room (one that you can opt to set on HIGH). it will muffle out any noise and may help your son sleep longer.
best of luck.
