Baby Doesn't Sleep

WOW 10 kids! And you're asking for our advice? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Just kidding. I think you are really lucky that only 1 of the 10 has been a poor sleeper. I have 2 and the first was easy and my 5-month-old is more challenging. As to crying it out - check out Richard Ferber's book "Solve your Child's Sleep Problems." Like another person said, it doesn't mean you abandon your baby. It's not cruel, and it works pretty well. I'm just telling you about the book because many people just say they're going to let the baby cry it out and then report that it failed miserably. That's because there is a method to follow that involves reassuring your baby in different time increments, not just throwing up your arms and going to the other side of the house.
Good luck!
P.S. Our baby recently started to sleep 7-10 hours at night without needing either of us to go to him. He is 5 months old tomorrow. I read the aforementioned book to get tips.

Try the sleep lady shuffle. Its a non-cry it out method.
http://www.sleeplady.com/index.htm

10 children! Wow, congrats on still being sane. I can imagine you are wanting sleep badly! Our daughter was the same way, horrible sleeper. If it is an option for her not to sleep with you, I would do that. I would also totally recommend the cry it out method - once you do it though you can not back down. It honestly took us two nights. You can tell when it is a different type of cry... you will know if she actually needs you. I think that is what most moms worry about.

Have you tried seeing a cranial sacral therapist? If not, I highly suggest you seek one out and see one. If you are in need of one, please check out Angel Phillips of Riverside Alternative Therapies. She deals exclusively with moms and babies and has seen me and both of my kids! You can contact me off loop for her contact info.

M.

I'm no expert, but my son sounds like your daughter. He was in bed with us until he was about 6 months and then I moved him to his crib. He tossed and turned so much that it seemed none of us were getting sleep. It was like he didn't know what to do when he woke up.....I was always there the second he made a sound and I realized that as he got older and I wasn't as quick to get him, he honestly didn't know what to do to put himself back to sleep. We all wake up at different intervals throughout the night and often don't even realize it. My son didn't know how to go back to sleep on his own, and I never figured this was something I would have to teach him. I read several books on crying it out and took from them what I was comfortable with. I decided that the night time was no time to deal with "sleep training". I was too tired and didn't need any more stress. I started the sleep training with his naps during the day. I would put him in his crib when he was drowsy and give him hugs and kisses and set the mood for a nap. Then when I left he would start screaming. I checked on him after 5 minutes to let him know I was there, but it was time to sleep. Then I checked on him in 10 minutes, then 15 etc...The first day took about 45 minutes, the second 20 and the third 5. I couldn't believe how quickly he "got it". Once he figured it out, the night time sleeping greatly improved as well. As hard as it was to hear him cry, I felt I did the best thing I could for him by teaching him good sleep habits. Also, a couple days of crying was better for him then MONTHS of it. I started it when he was 9 months and wish I would have done it when he was closer to 7. Good luck.

You are a seasoned mother, and I'm sure you know that she needs to learn that she is safe by herself, though all moms know how sleep deprivation can help you forget everything you know. Maybe transitioning her by having your husband do the night routine on the nights he's home for a week or so would help. Did you keep her swaddled for the first few months? Even if you didn't, it may still work now. They make large swaddlers. Another thing to try is put something in her crib that smells like you, like a t-shirt or something silky. However, that being said, I would recommend talking to her pediatrician about possible chronic causes of pain or discomfort, that may also have been connected to her nursing problem.
The connection between sleep deprivation, PPD, and her inability to rest peacefully is probably not a coincidence -but an ugly cycle. I can tell by your tone you need lots of support right now, in addition to sleep! I wish you the best.

Hats Off to you Lady for a family of 10 children... of course you know 'this too will pass' - and then there is teething ... but hang in there... wondering how I can help from this distance.

Hmmm... I'm huge on cooking in quantities and food storage which might help you out some days. I usually go to my freezer for anything but fresh produce or smoothies - soups; sauces; meat, salmon, chicken loaves or quiche, quick breads/muffins, made in mini-muffin tins so easy to pull out a few as needed. I make my own yogurt and yogurt cheese ... fab for kids and both freeze wonderfully.

I'll be happy to speak with anyone about starting with small steps of prep to feed your families over time, quickly and without hassle. Just let me know.

Blessings, Margie

what a busy mom you are!!! :D i highly respect your breastfeeding story and im glad that though things were so hard, you still tried. :D

you could give her some tylenol, it might be teething or something. have you been to the doctor for an ear infection at any point? kids can have them recurring over and over, and though you dont NEED any medication for ear infections, it might be calming to just know whats up.

im glad you are cosleeping. this probably does help some, however, i have heard that some babies get to the point where they dont need to cosleep anymore, and they sleep better in a bed near moms bed. you might have tried this and found that it doesnt work, so dont feel in any way pressured to do this. i also am anti-cry it out, so this doesnt mean you have to put her in bed and ignore her, but put her in her bed just near you. you have probably tried this however.....

something you might know is that you have the instincts for your specific child. every child is different, and every new birth comes with a whole new set of instincts. :D
just trust yourself and do what you can to get some sleep. you of anyone knows that having kids is hard and sleep depriving just in general.... :D do what you can mom. :D good luck.

Hi R.! I am so sorry you are missing so much sleep! My daughter woke between 8-12 times per night for more than an entire year. I used to throw up from being so sleep deprived.
Please don't be offended by my words, but the so called "cry it out method" is unfairly branded as throwing the kid in the bed and letting them cry for hours. That's not reality. We let our daughter sleep in her own bed and soothe herself to sleep. She cried for a half hour the first night and less the second night. She did not sleep through the night by any means but would wake to nurse 3-4 times and then go back to sleep. That was do-able for me!
There are many solutions for this situation. "this too shall pass" just doesn't cut it. When you are sleep deprived to the point of snapping you need to try something else. Trust me, I have been there.
Please, please give yourself a break. I know that not letting her cry is important to you but if you TRY it, know you are not being a cruel, unfeeling mother. Not every method is right for every baby and don't be hard on yourself if you need to let her cry for a bit.
I have been in your situation and people made me feel like a monster for not co-sleeping but it did NOT work for us. I went weeks without sleep and had constant migraines until we let our baby girl soothe herself. My daughter loves her bed and sleeps like a dream! She also adores me, even though we didn't co-sleep :)
Blessings on you, R.! Whatever you decide know that people are supporting you.

Why don't you try babies magic tea. It will soothe your baby from any tummy issue and she'll sleep longer than before.

Consider lactose intolerance as a possible cause. Removing all dairy from her diet (and yours since you pump) for 2 weeks should tell you if that is a factor.

Removing dairy from my son's diet FINALLY got us all some sleep. (I nursed until 18 months, when we switched to soy until we could use lactose-free cow's milk. Those were probably the worst 18 months of my life.)

For a list of lactose content in dairy foods, check out this link:

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/stevecarper/perc...

For a crash course in lactose and lactose intolerance: see this link:

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/stevecarper/guid...

Steve Carper (author of both pages) is a great guy, he will answer your questions quickly through email.His site was the single best source of information I found on dealing with our son's lactose intolerance.

I sincerely hope you find the cause of your baby's rough sleeping, and whether or not it is Lactose intolerance, I hope you find a solution soon- I know how rough it can be to be sleep deprived. <<HUGS>>

If you need more information or just want to vent- please feel free to send me a private message.

Jennifer

I feel bad, but I read your post and had to respond, but I do not have time to read everyone elses responses, so I apologize if this is repetitive.

I have 4 children and my first two did not sleep through the night until they were 9 months old, and it was pure torture. My pediatrcian told me what to do and it worked within two days with my older two. I too like you could not do the cry it out thing, so what my ped suggested I was willing to do :) Let them cry for five minutes, go in their room, and stand at the door or by their crib, but the key is to not touch them or give them a pacifier or blanket, etc.., then you say "mommy is right here, you are okay, go back to sleep". You then leave the room, and wait as long as you feel comfortable and go back in and do the same thing. I waited five minutes the first time and then extended it to 10 minutes for the next three times and then to 15 minutes. The first night they both took an hour to go back to sleep the first time and a half hour the second time. The next night it only took half hour the first and 15 minutes the second. Then the 3rd night they whimpered, but went back to sleep, and slept through the night.

My ped explained it to me that at 8 or 9 months, they nutrtionally do not need to wake up and eat, that they will get enough during the day (I also had very small babies, and felt they needed to eat at night). He also said that when we cover them up or rock them or give them a pacifier, we are then replacing the feeding with those other things which does not allow them to figure out how to comfort themeselves and get back to sleep. I have to admit that I thought it would not work, but I was desperate for sleep and was willing to try it. My cousin did what I said and thought it wouldn't work either, and it did. She said it was worth two nights of not much sleep to have many nights of sleep ;)

Hope all goes well, I know how you are feeling right now.

S.
Mom to four beautiful girls 7, 6, 4, and 1 month.

R., I am so sorry to hear you are not getting enough sleep. Consistent sleep deprivation is pure torture and nobody can ever know how you feel until they've walked in your shoes.

Have you taken your baby to see a pediatric chiropractor? I am wondering if she needs an adjustment. My friend has 13 children and each one gets regular treatment since birth.

I think your little one is having teething + separation anxiety so you just can't stop now. Hang in there, this will pass soon. I would guess it is okay to give her Tylenol but just make sure you brush her teeth/gums after each dose. I think the sugars in the sweeteners can cause decay.

The good news is that you are responding to her needs, so she will leave this phase happy and fulfilled and ready to move onto the next phase in baby/toddlerhood!! What an Awesome Mom you are!!!

I'm currently going through the same thing and my son just turned a year old. He wakes up 6-10 times on an average night and 4-6 times on a good night. I have tried cry it out with checking on him and cry it out for slightly longer periods of time. I have also tried cereal before bed or no food an hour before bed and countless other things. I have been waiting a month for an appointment with a GI doctor. We are going in a few weeks to see if there is a stomach problem because my son seems very gassy at night.

i don't have much advice since i haven't gotten an answer yet to our sleep issue either but i know exactly what you are going through. My son wakes up screaming some nights and the second i go in there and pick him up he immediately falls right back to sleep. (even if its only for 15 minutes and then we do the same thing all over again!)

good luck and sorry i didn't have any good advice!

Good Morning, You might want to try chomomile tea, as her last feeding. It's called a sleepy time tea there is no caffine in it. And it not only helps them sleep but it also flushes out the system, to make the tummy feel alot better.Just warm the water add the tea stup about 2&1/2 minutes add a little surgar,1 or 2 teaspoons, and feed baby it worked for my children. And I larned it from my mother inlaw who was from the old country,in Europe,I really think you will love the results. My children slept 9 hours threw (all three) Use a full bottle. Take care and I hope this helps you,and your baby. Sincerly D.

R.-

Sorry you are having such a hard time with this baby. I can totally relate, my first and only child still wakes a number of times every night to nurse or be comforted back to sleep. We also co-sleep and the amount of wakings varies depending on what is going on with her (teething, tummy ache, etc.) On a good night she may only briefly wake once or twice, on a bad night it can be every hour! It has been like this since day one and she is now 23 months old. I know that she wont be like this forever, and your baby wont either, but I would bet it's harder for you to deal with the sleep deprivation with 9 other kids to care for!

I disagree with others who say CIO is not cruel, babies do not understand why their moms are no longer tending to their needs and letting them cry by themselves. It sounds like your instinct is telling you that it's not right, but you are desperate right now and sleep deprived. Here are some other ideas:

Have you looked into a food sensitivity or intollerance? Does she seem fussier than normal?
Do you wear her in a sling during the day?
Does she take decent naps?
Is she teething? I definitely would try some motrin or tylenol before bed and see if that helps. Personally, between 8-9 months was the worst time for my daughter when it came to sleep and I think it is because there are a lot of developmental things going on too, they are working on new physical and mental tasks as well as teething.
She sounds like a high needs baby, have you ever read about high needs babies on Dr. Sears website? He may have some more helpful tips for you as well.
www.askdrsears.com

Have you also thought about possible allergens in the room? Does she have comfy pajamas?

I'm sure most of this has crossed your mind, but I really think given your babies temperment from what you have said, that co-sleeping is the best thing for both of you. I think making her sleep by herself and trying CIO right now will only lead to more sleep deprivation and probably many tears from both of you. You may also notice more changes in her during the day if you stop meeting her night time needs (clinginess, withdrawing, anger, anxiety, etc.)

I really feel for you though and suggest that on the nights that your husband is home that he help with some of the night time feedings so you can get a little more sleep. Please check out any medical causes that might be related to the night waking. Good luck!

Hello- we had similar problems with our daughter- she was a tough sleeper and dealt with it for almost 9 months, then she only got up about 1 or 2 times. For her she just starting doing it on her own, but I tried everything!! I do not know if I have too much advice, but props to not letting her cry it out! That was the worst advice I got and we did try it and it made her sleep less- like seperation anxiety! Is it possible the baby has an acid reflux that acts up when she lies down? Hang it there!!