I have a 6 1/2 month old with an easy going, fun personality. Starting at Easter, he has cried (a HARD tears cry) whenever he gets around, sees or is in the same room with, my mother-in-law. I don't know how this behavior came about. He used to be fine with her when he was little. She has stayed with him and babysat before and loves being around her grandchildren. She's a wonderful woman and it breaks my heart when he responds to her this way. I try to leave the room to give them time together to get to know each other, but after 10 minutes or so when he is still crying hard I feel like I should intervene just to calm him down. Any suggestions on what to do? Is this stranger anxiety or could it be something else? She's not a smoker, doesn't wear any perfume that may bother him, I just can't figure it out!
Thanks for your help.
My youngest daughter did this around my husbands sister and we finally figured out it was her glasses! Even though I wear glasses, there was something about hers that freaked my daughter out. Once my SIL started taking them off to talk to the baby, everything was fine.
Sometimes kids react so strangely to things! I have and aunt that my dd was petrified of until about a month ago. There was really no reason for it either. If your son only acts that way around your MIL when you're not there, it's probably a little seperation anxiety. I don't think that leaving them alone is the best solution though. If he cries when he's with her, leaving him alone only makes the problem worse. Both of you should spend time with him together. Play with him together. Make sure he knows you are there, then gradually move away. Hopefully if he sees you interacting with her then he'll slowly grow to understand that she poses no threat to him. Make sure she speaks in soft tones and in a quiet voice. He'll come around eventually.
My two year old was this way with . . . well. . . just about everyone that breathed except the people in our house (mom, dad, brothers and sister). All they had to do was walk in a room and he was fired up. It got worse around the same time as your daughter started. What helped was to be in the room holding him and have the other person at a distance. No one talked directly to him, but just to me. He was looking to me for cues about whether or not he was safe and it was OK. As we progressed and talked I would ease him from my hip to a sitting position in my lap. Then I would ease myself and him to the floor and sit him in front of me. All the while talking to whoever was in the room. Then they would start to move a little closer. If he started to get upset I would put him back in my lap. It had to be gradual and I could never leave the room. But eventually he got over the anxiety. Well, mostly . . . sort of. We still can't take him to church nursery.
It's funny, because my oldest use to be the same way with one of our family members. Today she loves him more than anyone in the family. I'm not sure if it is because they don't understand the emotion or what it is. You may not have to be worried they could be the best of friends and she could be the "favorite" relative.
My baby is very uncomfortable with people that wear perfumes! Also, try to look at her from his point of view. Maybe she holds him in a way that is uncomfortable for him or maybe her voice is too high-pitched or too loud. At 6 months old, babies start to have preferences for people they love. Leaving him with her to see if he gets used to her is probably not a good idea. Maybe the two of you (you and grandma) can figure out together what it is that doesn't sit right with him. And maybe it's just a phase he'll outgrow.
I guess my question would be does he do this even if you are holding him and grandma is near? If so than I doubt that it is separation anxiety, since he's not separated from you at all. I had the same problem with both of my girls. My oldes did not like to be around my cousin (whom she grew to adore by the way), and my youngest was the worst. She would absolutely freak out everytime my brother even entered the room. This went on with her for several months, and it started at a very young age, I think like 2 months or so. We did finally figure out that she was scared of my brother because of his anger management issues. He would yell very loud and bang on tables/walls and sometimes even throw things (never at a person) when he was mad. If he would lay on the floor and just let her come over and climb on him (kind of on her own terms) then she was fine. I just think he was very intimidating. You may want to investigate and see if there has been something traumatic that your son has witnessed while with grandma. It could be absolutely nothing other than the way that she wears her make up that freaks him out, you never know. I'm sure he will get over it, just keep trying.
My daughter was that way with my FIL. She would see strangers in the store and wave and say hi. But as soon as he would walk in the room she would scream and cry. He couldn't hold her, be near her, or even talk around her. Finally when she was around three she grew out of it and now runs up and gives him hugs and kisses. The only difference is that she has done this with him since the day she was born. We didn't notice it at first, just thought she was fussy. Didn't take long to figure it out though. We still don't know why she didn't like him. We tried the glasses, wispering, everything we could think of. No clue. Hopefully your son will grow out of it faster than my daughter did.
HI K.,
Sounds like separation anxiety to me.
Both of my children went through phases where they ONLy wanted MOM. My daughter was great with my MIL, my son on the other hand cries if its anyone but mommy, including daddy.
He's 8 months and I believe this is the reason why.
I am sure it will pass, maybe as you mentioned, leave them alone more so they develop a closer relationship.
Now, my daughter who is 20 months sees grandma and mommy becomes invisible, sometimes it actually make sme jelouse hehehe ;) In a good way, I am so glad they have that closeness for my daughter needs to have that bond with grandma and my mom lives too fat ;(
Amy
