Attn All Mothers Who Have Breastfed

I breast fed my daughter and when she was weening I found it was not the breast feeding she missed as much as the bonding. My daughter loves to have her back and, or her feet rubbed. So To replace the breast feeding bonding I would rub her feet or back and still share that closeness and touching time with her we just did another activity in place of the feeding. She is 4 and still asks me to rub her feet when she is tired. Good luck!

I nursed four children. Two of them went to 3 years, two stopped at around 2years. During the time that they transition to "comfort nursing" more so than for nutrition can be especially challenging for mom who often sees no end in sight. But it IS a relationship, which means that you have to take into account her feelings about it as well as your own.
Think about why you want to stop. Are you uncomfortable with it? Will she not sleep without it? What are you other feelings about it? What would happen if you set a 2 year mark to stop instead of trying to stop Right Now?
Now think about what SHE gets out of the relationship--comfort, tangible love, a way to calm down and get to sleep, and it continues to be great nutrition for her! The longer a child nurses, the longer the benefits last.
HOWEVER,
I am the last person to tell you that you HAVE to nurse for X number of years. But this is a a big change for her, she has been doing this for as long as she has been a separate entity from you. I suggest you find a copy of the book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and read the chapters that deal with weaning. This was my bible during the 10 years that I was breastfeeding, and it helped me to wean in a gentle and non-combative way (with one exception, I was ill when I got pg with one of my children and had to abruptly wean the older child. It was HELL, and I totally regret it).

I do understand your frustration, but remember that this will be such a huge adjustment for her, the more lovingly you do it, the better all around. You CAN talk to her about it, you CAN tell her that you want to move on and stop nursing her, but please understand she is attached to this activity because it's GOOD for her. And if she is throwing tantrums it's because she doesn't know HOW to adjust to the change, she is frustrated and angry because a need is not being filled. If you want to wean her, you need to find a new way to fill that need. Good luck, mama. And be patient with her. This age is full of growth and new beginnings, tantrums are common in children who have difficulty processing change, it's your job to help her do this.

i weaned my daughter wehn she was about 13-14months old. nighttime time was the hardest. she used to spend the first half of the night in her crib and after a few hours she would wake up and i would bring her into our bed to nurse and cuddle. when i decided that it was time to wean her, i let her father put her to bed at night with a bottle (i stayed out of sight) and he also get up with her when she woke up at night. there were some nights i slept on the couch so the two of them could have the bed. it is a good time for your daughter to bond a little more with her father, she will learn to seek comfort from him as well. it was not an easy process, but after about a month, my daughter didn't try to nurse any more.

Okay, I'm here to tell you my recent story - my son who will be one years old 12-22-06 had to be abruptly weaned on November 12 due to the fact I had to be given a shot called methotrexate because of an ectopic pregancy. Weaning him like that was one of the most horrible things i've ever had to go through, but we got through it - it took about 4 horrible nights, but finally the last night - I warmed up a bottle of milk and we slept - and he sleeps better now than he ever has...it's wonderful - I got my body and my life back...honestly it broke my heart to watch him go through that, he wasn't ready and neither was I. You just have to stick to your guns - see if I didn't have to wean him I probably would have been just like you with a 19 month old + kid that nursed himself to sleep....I had no desire to quit....but I had no choice. Good luck!

Hi Besty, while I breast fed, I only went ot about a year, so I didn't have the tantrum throwing or anything. What she is doing is getting used to something that she is comforted by. She has always known to suckle, so that is her familiar zone, she doesn't want to lose it. Sorta like your favorite store not carrying what you want and you get mad.

If you want to be the mean mommy like me, just see it as a power play and take a hard stand and say no. Once my kids were done breat feeding, they went right to cups.....sometimes sippy, sometimes not. And don't feel guilty if she is throwing a fit......it's her main way of communicating she doesn't like what's going on. This is where you teach her how to act and react.

Explain to her that it is time to stop. She's getting to be a big girl now, so there are certain things that big girls can and can't do. Get a special doll that can fill the void, or a special blanket to go to bed with her.

People don't think kids can understand as much as they do, but you'd be surprised at what they really know.
I hope this helped.

What I have heard alot of mothers do is maybe try pumping the breast milk and add it to regular milk,hold her and let her drink from the sippy cup.

AHHH those were some crazy days!! I have two boys, when I was pregnant with my first I gave myself one year for breastfeeding and though that meant after his birthday cake was cut so was the boob! as you can tell it's not always up to you. I went on to nurse one more year, then my second was born a few years later and this time had no goals or expectations he nursed 2 mos shy of his 3rd birthday! my suggestion, having been in your place, is start of really slow, obviously your daughter only really needs or wants the breast when she's tired or probably hurt or upset. If you refuse to give it she may find that very hurtfull. So i would tough it out a few more months and see how she reacts maybe let daddy put her down for bed a couple of times. change the routine around. when all else fails, you may need to leave her with a family member for a weekend. I did that as a last resort with my first, it didn't work at first but 2mos later he quit cold turkey!
hope that helps. good luck
F.

Hey! I'm with you on this one!!

this must be so hard for you! you will have to give up some gut and realize that its up to you and not your little to end the breast feeding. maybe you can introduce a security blanket or stuffed animal.

I breastfed my youngest son until just a few months short of his 2nd birthday. I didn't really "plan" to stop it just kind of naturally happened. His only time left for nursing was at naptime also, which was the easiest way to actually get the booger to take a nap.. he doesn't like to sleep lol I had a daycare at home at the time so I would usually put all the kids down and then lay next to him on the couch and nurse. Whenever I nursed him I would play with his hair. One day we layed down to take a nap and I don't remember if we were both distracted or what but he just cuddled up to me and I started playing with his hair and he fell asleep, then I realized, wow he didn't even nurse. So we just kept doing that and he was done with nursing. Like someone else said, they need us close more than to actually breastfeed. Do what you normally do with her at naptime and see if you can get away with cuddling without nursing... if not, give her some more time. My youngest is 7 now and I still miss breastfeeding, but we always have cuddle time.

Hi B.,
I have a 21 mo. old who only wants to nurse for naps and bedtime still but lately once in awhile she will just lay her head/side of her face to my breast and fall asleep like that and never nurse. It seems she may be at the beginning of weaning herself. On days that we have been out and she is in more need of comfort she definitely wants the comfort of it more so; I get so tired; she is not the best sleeper either but I think in time she will stop herself. She too, has a fit when I had tried to say no. I have found it to be not worth it; it has been so much easier to just let her do it! One day you will miss it. Maybe you can stick it out a little longer. I like to talk and listen too. You can e-mail me anytime at ____@____.com

Hi B.,
I went through the same thing with my 14-15m old at the time... but now at 16m she looks at my boob and says no and yukk if i ask if she wants to drink some milk... :)))
what i did was, i walked her to sleep for naps outside in her stroller, that way i had no crying and argue over it at least... and nights my husband helped me through it.... it was hard the first days to week, but then she calmed and was ok... i have a zippy cut of water for her instead... and she often sucks on that before going to sleep...
it did take her a while to get used to new bedtime routine, but all in all i think she did well...
you can also always try with putting some sort of yukky tastes on your nipples and say to her is yukky... and then let her taste... it still will not be too easy probably at first, but she will learn...
well i wish you good luck and if you want any further advice or just to talk about it, then email me ____@____.com

Do you need to wean? Sometimes you think weaning will make things a bit easier for you, but really it's more work. You have to work even harder to give a sense of comfort and bonding. It's really easier to just keep going, for everyone. Children will wean in their own time.

Womanly Art is a good book; I also recommend Mothering Your Nursing Toddler and How Weaning Happens. They're available through the LLL site. http://store.llli.org/